These Things I Know
A/N: I know, again, I should finish my other stories first but I just saw the end of Season Five and my mind will not stop thinking about Logan and Rory so I had to write this. Happy reading! Genevra.
Summary: You might finally have what you thought you always wanted but the truth is this- you don't know what you've got 'til its gone.
Disclaimer: I do not own nor am I affiliated with Gilmore Girls in anyway.
Chapter One: Unraveled
"You look sad," the woman said, eyeing off Rory.
"I am, a little," Rory replied, distracted. She toyed with the platinum and diamond wedding band and matching engagement ring that adorned her ring finger.
"You're married, honey?" the lady asked. "But you're so young. Why?"
"I was in love," Rory answered, looking up but not seeing anything.
"And now?" the woman prodded.
"I'm not in love anymore," she said. "With him."
"Marriage isn't always about love," the woman said, gently.
"I'm going home to tell my husband that I'm leaving him for another man," she said suddenly. She looked at the woman, her eyes blank and her face emotionless. "I want my marriage to be about love and it isn't anymore so I'm leaving. It's not what I wanted it to be, what I thought it was going to be and you don't know so you have no right to tell me what to do or what marriage is or isn't about."
The lady gazed at her, eyes widened in shock. She swallowed and nodded before turning back to face the front of the bus. Rory hit the buzzer and stood up, getting herself ready to disembark.
"Honey," the lady said, grabbing Rory's arm. "Think about this. Carefully. Once this is done, you can't go back."
"I thought about it," Rory said, as the bus pulled up in front of the Stanford Gazette building. "And I don't want to go back."
"Then you don't deserve him," the woman sighed. Rory ignored her and trod down the aisle but she knew the lady was right. She didn't deserve him and he didn't deserve what she was about to do to him.
A limo was waiting, just down the street. Rory walked towards it dejectedly but in relief. The constant bus and train-rides backwards and forwards to Stars Hollow were taking a toll on her normally limousine chauffeured body. Her whole body sank into the seat, exhausted, as the car began to drive off towards home. She was quiet. None of her usual music on the radio. No frenetic typing of the computer. Nothing. Just silence. Her and her thoughts.
She turned the music on suddenly, hoping for a reprieve. There was none. If she was so sure this was the right thing to do, why did it hurt so much?
She knew why. She had sworn to love this man through anything and everything. She had given him her life and become him. They had become one person, their souls had attached and now, she was going home to break that bond. To rip their souls apart.
She was mean, awful, a certified home-wrecker. She didn't deserve the limo she was in or the Diane von Furstenberg dress she wore. She didn't deserve him doting on her and loving her. She deserved nothing but two brown paper bags, one for her to wear, one for her head. She deserved a cardboard box on a New York sidewalk. She deserved to die in her own bile and vomit and yet, here she was, going to do it anyway. She had too. She knew it because if she didn't it would eat it at her and gouge at her and there would be nothing left and this would happen anyway.
It was inevitable and everybody knew, there was no use putting off the inevitable.
She let herself into the house. It was dark and cold. She felt her way around searching for the nearest light-switch. She wasn't used to this, sneaking around in the dead of the night. Normally there were maids everywhere and lights were on. The house looked different in this light. Ghostly and gothic and yet, Rory felt strangely calm and collected. She gave up trying to find a light switch and felt her way up the marble stairs, one at a time. She looked for a light under a doorway and headed for it. She knocked lightly. One time, two times, three times.
"Logan?" she called out, quietly. There was no answer so she slipped the door open and slid in. He sat on his red wing-backed chair, gazing at the fire. She closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of the smoke, hoping it would bring her some calm. She was rattled now and nauseous. The butterflies flew around and knots tied in her stomach. Her head pounded and she suddenly felt dizzy. She made her way over to him and knelt in front if his chair. "Logan, look at me."
He didn't move. She sighed and placed her hands on his thighs. A lump began to grow in her throat but she kept her resolve.
"You're leaving me, aren't you?" he asked, still staring at the fire. A sob rose in her throat and tears slipped down her face. He found her chin and took it between his fingers, brining her face up to look into his. "I knew it. You're going back to your carpenter."
"Logan, I'm so sorry," she started.
"Don't, Ace," he whispered, trying to smile. "I saw it coming a mile along. Don't worry about me. I've got a couple of girls lined up anyway."
Her stomach turned when she thought of Logan with another girl but she knew she had no right to feel that way. She had betrayed him.
"Logan," she tried again. He leant down and kissed her, licking some of her salty tears away.
"Just go, Ace," he said. "Pack an overnight bag and go. I'll have someone take the rest of your stuff over tomorrow."
She stood up and began to walk to the door, her knees buckling as she walked away from the chair. He reached out to stop her and she kissed his hand.
"Just go, Rory!" he snapped. "Go!"
She walked away quickly and into the bedroom where she furiously packed a bag. She pulled a letter of her handbag and placed it on the bureau. She knew he wouldn't read straight away but she hoped he wouldn't rip it up. It was important he knew, important he understood.
She walked down the hallway, a few lights had been lit now, and she passed Logan's study door. She knocked quietly and opened it before he had a chance to respond. He turned around, his eyes were teary but his position hadn't changed.
"I'm leaving now," she said, quietly. He didn't respond. "I just wanted to say goodbye."
"Well, now you have," he said, turning around.
"It doesn't have to be like this," she said.
"What do you expect it to be like? Did you want me to throw you a party? Surprise, I am. The initiation's the mail," he said. "Please come. I'd love you there."
"Fine," she said, moving away from the door. "I'll see you."
"Not if I see you first, Ace," he shot back as she closed the door.
She clutched her stomach as she walked down the stairs.
She knew he wasn't joking. He meant it.
She knew she should have gone straight to Dean's. She had promised him she would but as she walked towards the limo that waited for her, she knew she couldn't do it.
She hopped into the limo and stared blankly ahead.
"Where to Mrs. Huntzberger?" Frank asked.
"The Stamford Inn," she said, quietly, almost wanting him not to hear. He nodded and raised the partition before heading away. Rory looked up at the window of Logan's study and her breath caught in her throat as she saw his silhouette standing there, watching her leave.
She rode the rest of the way in silence. She wanted nothing but peace and nothing but quiet. The sound of the wheels against the road was too loud. The sound of the running motor was too much. Even the sound of her own breathing began to get to her. She needed the silence, craved the silence so she didn't have to think and didn't have to feel.
"It shouldn't hurt this much," she whispered, as she lay on the gold jacquard covered bed.
She had chosen to leave him. She had chosen to break their vows. She was the one who had chosen to tear their souls apart. She didn't deserve to miss him already, not when she was the one who had left. But she couldn't explain it. She did.
The reception desk rang and she organized an eight am wake-up call. She had a quick shower, changed into her pyjamas and crashed onto the bed. She was suddenly too exhausted. She hated to think about how Logan must feel.
Logan. The name brought up so many feelings in her. Some good, some bad, some just there. She had seen the look on his face and she knew she had broken him. The one boy who understood her and felt comfortable in her quasi-privileged life. The one who had helped her become the person she was supposed to be, the one who had taught her and loved her and lover her more. They had changed for each other and now, for Dean, her Dean, she was throwing it all away.
Tears sprang to her eyes and she knew it was finally time to cry. She started sobbing before she even had time to think. All coherent thought washed from her mind and she occupied herself with crying, crying so hard she wept, and then weeping so heard she began to retch. She staggered to the bathroom and threw up the entire contents of her stomach. She sunk to the floor and began to cry again, crying until she could cry no more.
She stood up and looked at her reflection in the mirror. He would hate seeing her like this. All red-eyes and runny nose. Hair all messed and creases and tear-tracks down her face.
She wondered how he was feeling and she almost, almost, called him but then she remembered.
She was the one who had left him. And she didn't love him anymore.
Alone in his study, in his house, Logan picked up the one photo he had in the room. A framed black and white of he and Rory on his wedding day that he had commissioned himself. Her veil framed her face perfectly as she gazed at him, her face full frontal to the camera, and he gazed back his own face only shown from the side. He marveled at her beauty then and he marveled at her beauty now but what really amazed him was her strong resolve. She barely broke when she told him. She barely even trembled until the end.
He gazed at the photo now, trying to remember the exact moment it had been taken, but he couldn't. All he knew was that they had been happy. And for eight months after, they had been happy too but then started the secret bus-rides and the frequent visit to her mother's. That was when she started to grow distant and it all began to unravel. And now, two months later when they had been married for all of ten months, she left.
He thought about work the next day and what the household staff would say when Rory stayed away for so long. She would not be at work the next day, that he knew. She would probably never be at work again. He would not wake up next to her or leave work with her. They were not together anymore.
A lone tear snaked its way down his cheek and furiously, Logan wiped it away. He was a man. He was a man and he was a Huntzberger and neither men nor Huntzberger's cried and he would not change that tonight.