Icha Icha Takutikusu ("Make-out Tactics")

Summary: The guys come home after a long, difficult ANBU mission. How will their ladies welcome them home? Good advice comes from the 1 & only Ero-sennin. SasuSaku NejiTen NaruHina ShikaTem (Something for every one) Work in progress, Potential Lemon

Inspiration: I got T-pain's I'm N Luv (Wit A Stripper) stuck in my head one night. After reading so many lemon stories, I started to wonder "what if?" I couldn't fit Ino in this one. Why? Because I'm not that familiar with her character.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! If I did, I wouldn't put so many ridiculous looking people in the filler episodes. Everyone currently is 20-23 years of age.

Konohagakure. Our home, every step we take brings us closer.

He was home sick; they all were. Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Neji, & Nara Shikamaru; all grew into highly skilled shinobis. Their skills allowed them to climb the ranks steadily over the years, opening the opportunity of an ANBU position at the ages of 18 and 19. The boys have finally grown into men. Men of strength, experience, and a will of fire. Most of all, they were coming home to their lovers. All the motivation they need to leap through the forest quicker in the deep night.

'Whenever I close my eyes, I see her. Those white moonlight orbs gazing back at me. Her long dark indigo satin locks that frame her rosy cheeks. Cheeks that blush only for me whenever we're close. Her sweet kiss, that gentle touch. The way she softly sighs "Naruto-kun, aishiteru" after we make love. As those memories flooded my mind, I never wanted to come home to her so badly. Uzumaki Hinata.'

"Hinata-chan, I'm coming home just like I promised." He whispers to himself as a tear runs down his cheek behind the white and red fox mask.

Team Nara was away for almost a month. There was a mission gone wrong in the River country. A group of jounin were ambushed and kidnapped while escorting secret documents to the Kazekage in Sand Village. They were sent in as reinforcement for the Sand to meet half way. After all of the bloodshed, they were lucky; no fatalities this time but there were a few in critical condition. The injured are staying in the Suna Medical Center until the are in stable.

As for Sasuke, he suffered some nerve damage in his left shoulder. He'll be fine one moment and then he'll suffer excruciating pain the next. The Suna medic-nin were clueless on how to treat his injury, they never seen anything like it. The best that the could do was to provide him with a shot of morphine. But he refused, the drugs would just slow down the team. It was his decision to keep going; as long as he applied firm pressure to his wound, the pain would numb away temporarily.

As he pressed down on his injury with his right hand he thought 'I've been through worse, but being without Sakura would kill me.'

"If someone finds out we're a man down we're going to have some problems. Yachou (Night Bird), how are we looking?" inquired Kagemusha (Shadow Warrior).

"Right, BYAKUGAN!" Although his face hides behind a white and emerald bird mask, anyone can still feel the intensity of his eyes. Yachou searched the grounds for potential threats.

"We're in the clear, well be in Konohagakure in the next half hour Captain. How are you doing Okibi (Blazing Fire)?"

"Okibi! How's your shoulder?" Kitsune the noisy blonde (Fox) wondered.

He grunts with a smirk. "Uurrggghh, I'll feel better once we get home. Besides, I got a girl who knows how to take care every part of my body with special attention."

"How beneficial. Temari-chan would just call me a Crybaby and tell me to suck it up." The Captain sighed. "How troublesome."

"Speaking of women, how's Temari-san? Did you get to see her?" The Byakugan wielder questioned.

"Unfortunately, no. Gaara-sama sent her on another secret mission; by the time we got Suna she was already gone. Her brothers probably hate me." Kagemusha answered in disappointment.

"What? But you're a great guy! What makes you think they hate you?" Kitsune screamed.

"Gaara keeps sending her on missions or has Kankurō watch over her, we're never alone anymore. Kankurō, is working on my last nerve. He tested out his latest puppet on me when I leaned in to kiss Temari-chan during my last visit."

The others snickered.

"Wait, he sicked a puppet on you and you didn't do anything?" Chuckled the ebony haired Okibi.

"I was caught off guard. It's not just a puppet, it's a death trap on strings." The Shadow Warrior responded.

"Hahahaha, You got your ass kicked by a puppet!" The blonde Fox laughed.

"No it didn't! I don't want to discuss this anymore, it's too troublesome." Nara found the perfect opportunity to change the subject. "So Yachou, how are you and Tenten?"

"We're great, I can't wait to see her. She's been on missions ever since we've been away." He paused. "I got her a gift before we left Suna."

'I can hear a smile through your mask, what's really going on?' Uchiha wondered.

The others eye their comrade in curiosity as he reaches into his right cargo pocket. He pulls out a small black velvet box, they suddenly stop to get a better view of the present. Hyuuga slowly opens the box and turns it to display the contents within. There it is, a flawless 2 carat diamond engagement ring. The guys are in awe as it sparkles in the moonlight.

"WOW, you're getting married!" Uzumaki excitedly exclaimed.

"That is… if she'll say yes." He answered with a smile.

Kagemusha asked, "Yachou, are you sure? This is seriously a big step, even for you."

The night bird confidently nods. "She's the one. I feel free when she's beside me, I can't imagine my life without her."

The four of them grin behind their masks. Once again, they raced through the trees to return to their beloved village.

"Congratulations Yachou, when do you plan to tell her?" Uchiha asked.

"As soon as we get home; how about you Okibi? You've been hiding Sakura's ring for months."

All eyes zoom in on Sasuke.

"Inopportunity ruins my timing. We're always in two different places, but next week will be perfect."

"You too Okibi!" The confused Fox cocked his head to the side. "Why am I the last to know?"

"Loud-mouth! You're the only one here who knows how to ruin a surprise." The Captain implied.

"Baka. I mentioned it before but you fell asleep during watch. Again."

"Humph! Stop calling me idiot, but why wait until next week?"

"Think about it dobe."

'Next week, next week?' "That's right, it's Sakura-chan's birthday!"

His lips curls into the infamous Uchiha smirk. "Exactly." .

The village lights were coming closer into view, They were almost home.

Meanwhile in Konoha, Tsunade-sama is reviewing the missions that were to be sent out for tomorrow morning.

Knock. Knock. "Come in."

Shizune enters. "Tsunade-sama, I just been informed that Team Nara has crossed the border. They should be here any moment."

"Good. Before I debrief them, have them examined. I just read this Suna report stating one of the members has suffered a nerve damaging injury that might require surgery; but they did not mention who. Find out for me."

"Hai." Not a moment before Shizune had a chance to turn around, she is surrounded by the ANBU members. Each of them slowly removing their masks off of their face.

Tsunade smiles proudly. "Welcome home boys!"

"It's good to be home. Aaahhhh!" Sasuke grunted grasping his shoulder tightly.

"Sasuke-kun!" Shizune called out.

"So you're the wounded member? Have Shizune take a look at it. If need be I'll schedule you for surgery first thing tomorrow."

"Why not now?" Naruto wondered.

"Sakura is not here; she left on a medical research mission. Repairing the nervous system is her specialty. She will return first thing in the morning. The best that we could do now is relieve the pain until she returns."

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama." Sasuke replied as Shizune escorts him out.

"As for the rest of you, take the rest the month off. I've heard that your ladies missed you. They are overdue for some quality time." Tsunade glances at the clock. "It's only 11:00 PM; after his physical, take Sasuke out for some beer and sake. You boys look like you need it."

"Thank you Tsunade-sama." The remaining three smiled and delivered in unison.

"Wait before you go," the group paused and waited for Tsunade's last words; "Neji. Naruto. Hinata and Tenten have gone out on a one week training session with Jiraiya. They should be back in a few hours."

"Nani!" a shocked Naruto exclaimed with his jaw on the floor. Neji exposes his death glare.

"Don't look at me like that! Besides he doesn't have interest with involved women; you do trust your old sensei don't you?" Tsunade asked.


'Ero-sennin! I would trust him if he was a blind paraplegic.' Naruto thought as he crosses his arms.

"Well that's all. You boys have a good night."

The trio disappear in a puff of smoke. Their next destination is Sasuke's exam room.

The exam room is small and quaint with eggshell colored walls. The furniture within contains a twin sized bed for the patient and a desk and chair for the examiner. Shizune continues to work on Sasuke's shoulder while he was attempting to relax on the miniature bed. The green glow of chakra emits from her hands.

"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!" Sasuke screams as he involuntarily twitches his arm knocking over some medical supplies. "Damn it Shizune, are you out of your fucking mind!"

"Get a hold of yourself! Cursing at me won't make this any easier. I already gave you painkillers, this shouldn't be a problem." Her hands tremble as she spoke, pushing herself towards at her limit.

He grunted gritting his teeth.

"Sorry, Shizune-san. It still hurts but it's getting worse, this throbbing sting. Feels more agonizing than a stab wound; it feels like lighting bolts running past my collar bone and striking into my shoulder. Aaahhh….What's wrong with me?"

"Who ever this guy was did one hell of a job on you. How did you evade his attack?"

"He tried to attack me from behind but I already sensed him with my Sharingan. I turned around, grabbed him by the throat with my left hand and squeezed it until I heard his neck crack. He tried to pry my hand off but he was too slow. "

"I see." Shizune withdraws her hands as the glow of chakra slowly faded into her palms.

"Shizune-san, what's wrong with me?" Sasuke softly asked; the painkillers were finally kicking in allowing for him to speak in a civil tone.

"You have avoided a direct attack that would have resulted in instant death. Your opponent was aiming for your jugular, but you killed him before the attack was supposed to land."

"He was only grasping at my hands. How did this happen?" Sasuke asked in a confused manner.

Shizune explained. "Chakra can be emitted through any part of the body. His chakra managed to merge with yours, finding its way through your tenketsu (Chakra Holes). Sasuke-kun, wiggle your fingers, open then close your fist, then bend you elbow with out moving your shoulder."

Sasuke slowly moved these left parts of his body.

"Notice how there is a slight tingle at the tips of your fingers and the tingling becomes stronger towards the rest of your arm." Shizune directed. "His chakra gradually damaged your nervous system in your arm as it was heading towards your throat. When you killed him, his chakra exploded in your shoulder instead of your neck. This explains why you have a striking sensation around your collarbone. They are the aftershock of his internal chakra explosion."

Sasuke continues to listen attentively to Shizune's report, hoping to hear a solution.

"When the explosion occurred, it left lacerated gaps in between the nerves. If left unattended, your entire left arm would have been paralyzed by tomorrow. If the damage was clean cut I could heal you right here. The only thing I could do was use my own chakra to hold your nerves together until tomorrow when Sakura will be able to perform surgery. Tsunade-sama and I will assist."

"Tsunade-sama mentioned she was on a medical research mission. Are you allowed to tell me what is she researching about?"

"Yes I can. Sakura is researching a new medical technique that will allow faster healing and regeneration to cells that 'supposedly' don't grow back. She actually was not assigned a mission."

"What do you mean?" Sasuke stares at Shizune with eyes of curiosity and concern.

"She asked Tsunade-sama for a private study session while traveling to other countries. Since you've been on so many ANBU missions lately, Sakura became more worried that you are always in harms way that she decided to research and develop a better technique to care for you. She left the next morning the night you left for this mission."

Sasuke places a smile upon his lips. 'Sakura, I told you never to worry about me. I will always come home to you. You have my heart, you're the only reason that I have survived all these years.'

"Let's just hope that her new healing technique is ready. I'm very interested on how it works." Shizune stated.

Knock. Knock. "Come in." Shizune and Sasuke answered in unison.

The guys approach Sasuke with smiles on their faces to pick up their remaining comrade for a night out.

Shikamaru asks out of concern. "How are you feeling Sasuke? You had us worried."

"A lot better." Sasuke claimed as he gave Shizune a smile.

"Take it easy Sasuke-kun." Shizune commented.

"Alright! Let's get some sake!" Naruto yelled.

Everyone in the room sweat drops.

"How the hell you do have this much energy after missions?" Neji questioned.

"I'm just excited. Sasuke's feeling better and tonight will be my first drink in a month." Naruto exclaimed.

"That actually is something to get excited about." Shikamaru replied.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go." Sasuke stated.

The guys made their exit out of the Hokage's tower. Leaping from rooftop to roof top, Naruto leads the way to Club Go, the only club in Konoha that has a bar that is open until sunrise.