Hello to everyone at This is the first chapter to my first story. I hope you like it.


New Beginnings

Shuichi (POV)

Chapter One

What if I told you love doesn't exist. Would you believe me?

What if I told you a cold heart could never feel warmth. Would you believe me?

What if I told you beautiful golden eyes could never show love. Would you believe me?

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I look around the apartment I've been living in for the last four years. I look at each item, knowing nothing in this room belongs to me. I look at he plain décor, and the minimalist furniture. I wonder how I could have stayed here for so long, living in a place that looks dead, when inside, I'm more alive than I'll even know about until its too late.

I make my way into the kitchen, and once again observe that nothing is mine. Even my favourite mug isn't here anymore. I think he broke it on purpose. Leaving the cold kitchen behind, I walk into his bedroom. It looks the same, only all my stuff has been packed away. Everything I owned is now at the charity shop. It's not like I'll ever need it. Not where I'm going anyway.

My to last stop is his study. It's his sanctuary that is more lived in than any other room in the house. I'm more than a little surprised to see a picture of the two of us in a silver frame sitting on his desk.

In the picture, I'm smiling brightly like I've just won a prize. My big purple eyes shinning with so much love. The biggest surprise is seeing him smiling, his arm is around my shoulders. I don't know when this photo was taken. I'm not looking at the camera, but he is.

His eyes that has held nothing but hatred and disappointment for as long as I've known him, are shinning with an emotion that I have never seen before. I turn away. I can't look at his face anymore, that part of my life is over.

Well, actually my life is over. It was over that day in the park, when we first met. I was just too blind to see what was happening. I was like a kid in a candy store, always high on sugar. I never stopped to think what I was doing to the people around me.

I think I drove Hiro over the edge with all my never ending annoyance. The last time I saw him was in Kyoto when he got married to Ayaka two years ago. I know he's tried to see me since then, but I wasn't brave enough to look him in the eyes. I know he would have seen the change in me. I know he would have guessed what I've been planning for a while now.

I couldn't even talk to Fujisaki. I know we've never been close, but I still didn't have the guts to see him when he dropped by the other day. I don't know why he came by, maybe just to nag at me for some reason.

Even K 's changed. He's not as crazy as he was once. He's still obsessed with his precious guns, but he gave up threatening people a long time ago. I wonder if that was because of me. I know they all think it's my fault. I suppose it was. I broke the band apart. I think I finally had enough. The never ending insults, the death threats, the shouting, the dirty looks. And that was just from my so-called friends. Anyway, enough of my trip down memory lane.

I head back into the front room and sit on the couch that has been my bed since I moved in. I hold the gun in my hand, the cold shiny metal making my pale skin look even paler. I watch as the sun bounces off the gun when I tilt it from side to side.

I close my eyes and think over my last conversation with Yuki. It was only this morning but it feels like along time ago.

Flashback……………………………

"What the hell do you want?" Yuki barks at me.

I actually knocked on his door for once, instead of just barging my way in.

"Yuki, you promised to spend some time with me."

He sighs and finally turns to look at me, his golden eyes glinting with anger. I suppress the sigh I feel trying to escape. I was really hoping today would be different, but it's just the same. The plan I've been working on for the passed few weeks will happen just as I planned tonight. I think I wanted to try one last time, but he's jus the same as he always is.

"I haven't got time. I promised Tohma I would have dinner with him…"

I leave, shutting the door behind me. I don't want to hear anymore. It's always Tohma. he'll drop everything for his precious Tohma, but for me? He probably wouldn't even throw water on me if I was on fire.

I lie on the couch, and listen as he gets his stuff together.

"I'm meeting my editor."

I don't answer him. It's all over now. Today's the day for new beginnings. Well, it's the end for me. I hope I get a new beginning, wherever I end up.

End Flashback……………………………

When Yuki left this morning, I packed up all my stuff and took it to the charity shop. The only things I kept was the necklace my mother gave me for my last birthday, and the clothes on my back.

Placing the note on the table, I lean back on the couch. Is this really how its going to end? Is this what I've been reduced too? I don't know why I can't just leave Japan, start a new life somewhere. But the answer is simple. If I can't have Yuki, I don't want to be in this world anymore.

I don't think I'm even capable of living alone. I still suck at cooking. If I had to live on my own, I think I would have wasted away by now.

I look at the clock, and wonder how the hell I've wasted the day away. All this moping has given me a headache. Well, its now or never. Yuki will be home soon, and I want to be gone before he gets back.

Lifting the gun, I place it against my chest. For some reason I haven't got the guts to shoot myself in the head. All the movies I've seen where people get shot in the head, their brains making a nice pattern behind them… it just gives me the creeps.

I take a deep breath, with my finger on the trigger. I frown when I hear the front door open. He can't be home now. The door closes. Fuck it…I hold my breath and pull the trigger. The pain is so intense. The gun falls from my grasp, and crashes to the floor.

My body slumps against the couch. Why the fuck am I not dead? I had the gun pointed at my heart, it should have killed me immediately. I guess like everything else in my life, I've screwed it up.

I feel a hand pressed against my neck, and open my eyes to see Tatsuha looking at me. I think I would have laughed if my body hadn't gone numb. His mouth is moving, but I can't hear his words.

I watch as he runs to the phone. I want to tell him to stop, don't phone for help, but my words get stuck in my throat. But I don't think it's going to make a difference. I feel myself floating away. I close my eyes, hoping I'll never have to open them again.


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