Baby Pictures

By ramasterharper

Disclaimer: Don't own, but when I do get my Philosopher's Stone to transmute coal into gold, it is the first thing I'm buying.

"Welcome back Fullmetal, enjoy your last mission?"

"YOU KNOW DAMN WELL HOW IT WENT COLONEL! LOOK AT MY ARM! MY WIFE IS GOING TO KILL ME!" Ed raised the metal arm, two fingers missing along with several of the armor plates, giving it a skeletal look when one ignored the wires.

Roy gave his trademark roguish smirk, one of the few things that hadn't been affected by age. "It hasn't been Colonel for quite some times now Fullmetal, unless of course, you are referring to Hawkeye here." Riza Hawkeye, in her familiar spot to the right and slightly behind Mustang, stood straighter at the mention of her name.

Ed on the other hand, just made a dismissive gesture with his real hand. "I just call you by the rank you deserve." Riza sighed; the traditional taunting had begun. Part of her missed the traditional military debriefing; it involved a lot less shouting, resulted in a lot less damage to the office, and therefore, a lot less paperwork.

"Watch your tongue Fullmetal, it's disrespectful to talk to a superior officer that way, and disrespect landed more than one soldier in the brig."

"I can take you on Mustang, anytime. Only three people can scare me and you aren't even close to being one of them." Ed's confident grin matched Roy's. Riza rolled her eyes, the testosterone level was climbing.

Roy reclined in his chair, the confident smirk never disappearing. "I suppose so. I should know by now you wouldn't fear military discipline. We should forget the matter all together." Riza's eyes went wide, Ed was about to get slammed hard and he would never see it coming. Ed smiled at his perceived victory. Roy's tone went dangerously official. "But I do need the details of your mission for the reports and for when I call Mrs. Elric."

Edward was out of his chair and at the desk, within arm reach of Mustang, fast enough that Riza missed his movements, she had blinked. "YOU CAN'T TELL WINRY!"

Roy adopted a confused look, as Riza tried to stop herself from smiling, it was unprofessional. "Why not Fullmetal? Mrs. Elric has a right to know what her husband is doing."

Ed's eyes were wide in horror; obviously Winry was one of the three people that he feared. When he spoke again, his voice was raspy and low. "You've never told her before!"

Roy was clearly enjoying this, and Riza herself was trying not to burst out laughing. "New policy that is being implemented in the military, wives who ask will be told of their husbands work."


"As I said before, it's new."

"YOU JUST MADE IT UP!" Ed hit the desk with his natural hand, he would have hit with his metal one as well, but since the arm was bent at an odd angle it just swung at the air angrily.

"After all these years your temper I see is still…..short."


Roy held up a hand to calm him. "I didn't say that Fullmetal."

"YOU WERE THINKING THAT!" Ed hit the desk so hard this time that one of the few photographs on the desk fell off onto the floor. It snapped both of the men out of their heated exchange. Ed reached down, since it fell on the side of the desk he was standing on, and picked it up. It was a photo of a young Maes Hughes and a younger Roy Mustang, most likely taken when they were in Ishbal.

"Figures, even beyond the grave he still barges into conversations," Roy murmured, with a bittersweet grin. Ed stared at the photo with an identical bittersweet grin, then set the photo back on the desk.

"Yeah. One time when I was in the hospital and Winry was fixing my arm, he came barging in the room asking if I was getting it on with a woman. I yelled at him that she was only my automail mechanic. Then of course, Hughes being Hughes started going on about how I seduced a mechanic, the moron." Ed got a faraway look in his eyes. "He later said that she would make a good wife, at the time I wanted to kill him with my bare hands, but of course, he was right. Bet he's laughing at me right now." Ed and Roy shared a grin. Riza gave a small smile of her own, though she knew the two were in male bonding mode and wouldn't pay attention to her.

"Yes, Hughes had an infuriating talent for being right all the time. That and his need to show off his pictures of his daughter drove all of us insane." Roy gave a laugh. "Thank fate that we didn't turn into that when our kids were born." The two alchemists laughed hard at that one, their previous argument over. Riza rolled her eyes and smiled, knowing better than either one of them.

After they were finished reminiscing Ed looked at his watch. "Are we done here? I have a train to catch going home in a couple hours."

"Almost Fullmetal. I would be remiss in my duties if I let you go before…" Roy reached into his pocket. Riza turned her eyes toward heaven and asked God, who she alone in the room believed in, what made men do this. "….showing you the newest pictures of Maes!" Roy withdrew his hand from his pocket, and slammed half a dozen pictures of a little boy with black hair like his father and amber eyes like his mother, in front of Ed. "Look, here's one of my son trying on Daddy's gloves! Isn't he incredible!" Riza wanted to point out that it was her son too, but the Roy was doing the 'obsessive father' act again.

Ed grinned mischievously, reached into his own pocket and pulled out half a dozen pictures of his own, putting them down in front of Mustang. All featured a toddler with short golden hair and blue eyes. "Only if you look at these of Trisha! Here's one of her holding Mommy's wrench. Here's one of her sitting on Mommy's wrench. THIS ONE is the most adorable! She's CHEWING Mommy's wrench. CHEWING! DADDY'S PRECIOUS LITTLE GIRL IS CHEWING WITH HER PRECIOUS NEW TEETH!"

Riza once again looked toward God, this time asking him to take her now. God didn't answer, at least not the way she was hoping for. In the time that Riza had glanced up and said her prayer, Ed had moved to directly in front of her, uncomfortably close she might add, and was holding up six pictures for her to see. "Isn't she the most adorable thing ever?" Ed asked, beaming the entire time. A quick glance revealed Roy was still looking at the pictures of Ed's daughter on his desk, meaning that Ed had produced yet another set of pictures from his uniform. She couldn't help but notice that even though his arm was busted, leg was dented, uniform had mysterious holes, and there was a bandage around Ed's head, the pictures were in pristine condition.

"FULLMETAL! Look at this one! It's Maes playing with Black Hayate! SO ADORABLE!" Depositing the handful of pictures into Hawkeye's hands, Ed dashed to the desk to see and compare it to one of Trisha and Den.

Hawkeye looked at the pictures, six pairs of innocent blue eyes staring at her, and sighed. How was it, even with his body long gone, the curse of Hughes's managed to live on?

"HERE'S ONE WITH A BALL!" announced a proud father. Riza didn't bother identifying the voice.

A/N: I thought it was funny, Review if you thought it was too.