AN: I've been waiting for someone to attempt this sort of story, but have grown tired of waiting and decided to do it myself. I've done something similar when I wrote Prisoner of Azkaban from Remus Lupin's PoV (which you can find here at f f. net). Now I'm going to try it again with Twilight and Edward Cullen.
Stephenie Meyer has a note on her website in the FAQ section that she wrote the first chapter of Twilight from Edward's perspective and plans on sharing it with us either at the end of the paperback in June or on her website. That being the case, when I set out to write a series of missing moments from Edward's perspective, I specifically avoided Bella's first day. There is no way I would be able to compare my work with hers. Thus, I begin my dive into Edward's view with his return to Forks and his first day back at school keeping in mind all that he has been through. I hope you enjoy my take on this amazing book.
Many thanks to Imogen for the beta. You're a life saver!
Nothing belongs to me. It's all Ms. Meyer's. And yes, I realize I'm using some exact lines from the book. That's what happens when you write from an alternate PoV.
This chapter has been tweaked every so slightly to include some new information I obtained from Ms. Meyer herself after she left me a very nice review. I will share all my information with you in the Twilight Lexicon, which will soon be available for public access.CHAPTER ONE
Do you suppose he'll actually go with us today?
Carlisle threatened him if he didn't. The humans will grow suspicious. Besides, if he misses too many days he could get expelled.
Then maybe he shouldn't go. I would think that not having to spend another day in a classroom would be worth risking expulsion.
Rosalie, you know that wouldn't help matters.
I don't think it would do Edward, or any of us, much harm never to have to sit through another dull lecture about the ramifications of World War II on international politics.
Remember about 20 years ago when I had to convince Jasper not to kill that ignorant teacher who went on about the lack of morals found in confederate soldiers?
Maybe we could convince Esme to say we are home schooled the next time we move.
I wish there wasn't a law requiring us to be in school. I hate pretending to be this young.
If Edward gets expelled then I'm dropping out. I've already got four diplomas.
I keep waiting for Alice to see something.
Maybe he shouldn't go back. I've never seen him so worked up over a human. What if he can't resist?
I've hunted with him every day this week. If he can't resist after that, then that's his problem.
You mean our problem. If he can't resist…then…
Similar conversations have been going on for nearly a week now, driving me to the brink of my own sanity. It's unfathomable to me that my family doubts my ability to resist the human girl's blood. I've always been one of the strongest in the family. It has been years since I drank from a human. And to think that I naively imagined I could ever be as competent as Carlisle is with his self-control, as if I could develop an immunity to the scent of human blood. That idea was soundly crushed with the arrival of Isabella Swan.
It's maddening, embarrassing even to consider how one insignificant little girl could alter my life by simply walking into a room and sitting next to me. It was as if the Devil himself had set a trap for me, and the dark haired child with the deliciously potent blood was the bait. I had called on every ounce of my strength to keep from taking what I so desperately desired from her right there in that classroom full of unsuspecting children. I'm lucky…she is lucky that I haven't tasted human blood in so long that I could only just manage to get away from her.
And yet the damage was done. My family now knows she affects me in ways no mortal ever has. They know I can break, that my self-control isn't as perfect as I profess it to be. Worst of all, they doubt my ability to protect this family from human suspicion by keeping my thirst for her blood in check. Their privacy and security are at risk by my very actions.
So, is he coming or not?
I haven't seen him this morning. I know he was out last night.
He's been out every night this week.
I can't take this anymore. I have to move on. I cannot allow such a common human to stand in the way of the existence we have built here in Forks. Nor can I continue to let my family believe that I would put them at risk by my behavior. I'm stronger than this. I can withstand temptation.
It wouldn't be so difficult if I could only hear her mind. If I had any idea what thoughts were going through that head, I might be able to better persuade the beast within me to let her go. If her thoughts were as sweet and innocent as I assumed them to be, it would be much easier to convince my own mind that she wasn't to be touched. As it is, I can't read her at all. She is like a blank to me, which is dangerous to consider. My eyes tell me she is human, but without the aid of her childlike mind, all I can focus on is the scent of her blood.
This is something my family doesn't know about. They know I crave her blood, for that was something I thought they needed to be aware of. But I haven't told anyone, not even Carlisle, that I can't hear the girl's mind. I can't explain why, which both worries and frightens me. It surprised me to no end when I looked at her and found a void. Until I can manage to get past whatever barrier blocks her mind from me, I don't intend for my family to know about the issue.
I took a deep breath and let it out very slowly in a rather mortal attempt to calm my troubled nerves. To have any hope of lasting through the day, I will have to stay focused and composed. This girl is not going to ruffle me. I won't let her.
We're going to be late. I say let's go.
Since when are you in such a hurry to get to school?
Since I have a test this morning and I really hate being rushed.
I rolled my eyes at their bickering and decided to put an end to the speculation of the morning. I took the steps two at a time, offering what I hoped was a bright and encumbered smile when I came to a stop next to them. "Yes, I'm going."
Rosalie smirked at me. "Chancing fate then, are you? Or are you just anxious to see if she really is as delicious as you had imagined?"
"I didn't imagine it," I bit out. "And I would appreciate it if you didn't goad me about the situation."
Her eyes went wide. "Pardon me." She turned to Emmett and said, "You know, I always thought that hunting made Edward less irritable to be around. Although, given the amount he's consumed this last week, maybe he is suffering from indigestion."
"Rosalie," Carlisle's voice sounded from the far side of the room. "That's enough."
With a loud thud, Jasper jumped to the foot of the stairs. He smiled eagerly around at all of us. "Alice says it's going to snow sometime today. We'd better bundle up."
Emmett's eyes darted to mine and we both broke out in an infectious chuckle. "Snow," he said slowly, his brows rising up.
"Are you challenging me?" I grinned.
"What's the current score?" he asked.
"I think Edward's up by three points," Alice answered for me, lightly making her way down the steps.
"I'll be up by four this afternoon," I said, slipping into my coat.
Emmett laughed. "You wish."
Snow fights, especially wet ones, were always looked forward to, and today was no exception. Emmett and I had been keeping a tally of our battles for years now. The actual score was outrageous, but we usually kept track of who was ahead and just went from there. Snow was a distraction we could easily afford. I loved messing in the cold, wet mush as it was one of the few things on this Earth that actually felt cold in my hands. We all did well in the winter and could tolerate it much better than any human. It was nice to have something else to expect other than the impending and possibly dangerous meeting with Miss Swan.
Feeling a bit lighter than I had just moment's ago, I climbed into my car, along with the other younger members of my family, and sped off towards the school. Jasper and Emmett were making plans for their attack while Rosalie listened on with a warning in her eyes, making it plainly clear she wanted no part of the sport, or more specifically, the possibility of getting wet. Alice only laughed at them all and refused to tell whom she suspected would win this particular challenge.
We arrived at school just before classes were to start, which meant we all had to hurry in order to not be counted tardy. It also meant that I wasn't given a chance to see Isabella. Instead, I was forced to resort to letting my mind drift over the meaningless teenage conversations until I could find her. Well, not her, but at least I could find who was talking to her…or focusing on her.
Mike's underdeveloped mind was easily found. A week ago I had scoffed at his lust for this girl whom he hardly knew. I remember laughing at lunch with my brothers and sisters about how all the teenage boys had all taken notice of the 'fresh meat' in the school. Looking back on the comment, I found it amazingly ironic that I had labeled her as such.
I spent the rest of the morning listening in on the mind of that tiny girl with all the fuzzy hair. Jessica. I'd never really noticed her before, but it seemed she had formed a friendship with Bella, and her mind was simple enough that I hardly even struggled to hear her. To my disappointment, I hadn't learned very much about Bella other than she hated the cold and preferred to be called Bella instead of her full name. Not much to go on, but at least it was a start.
On my way to the lunchroom, I was pummeled by half a dozen snowballs. As much as I wanted to have the chance to actually look at the girl who had set my existence upside down, my pride wouldn't allow me to retreat from my brothers without a fight. I picked up a chunk of wet snow with my bare hands and gave as good as I got. We had to be cautious, though, and not use our natural skill for fear of being observed by the passing humans. Even still, it didn't take long before our efforts left us all completely covered. Knowing it would cost me points, but not really caring, I let Emmett win this round and headed for indoors, brushing off some remnants of snow from my shoulders and shaking out my wet hair.
Alice and Rosalie were already sitting at our usual table with a few trays of food when I arrived in the cafeteria. I plopped down next to Rosalie who grimaced and leaned away from me. "Don't even think about getting me wet," she warned.
"How about me?" Emmett said from over her shoulder. Water fell from his body onto her hear.
"Emmett," she scolded as she tired to wipe it off. "Don't ruin my hair."
He leaned in close to her. A little too close for a normal teenage boy and his girlfriend. "Maybe tonight I can get more than just your hair wet." Their eyes met and I had to force myself away from the intimate thoughts that passed between them.
I turned my focus to Jasper, who was taking a seat next to Alice, only to find him giving her a similar look. It was a subtle reminder once more that I was the odd man out in our family.
"All right, cut it out. All of you," I said quietly. "You'll draw attention."
"Speaking of attention," Jasper said, "She's looking at you."
"Who?" But it was silly to ask because I knew exactly whom he meant.
My eyes flashed over to her table to find her staring directly at me. Immediately her eyes darted down to look at the table, a curtain of hair blocking me from seeing her face. The girl with her, Jessica, leaned in to tell her I was still watching. I could hear her plain and simple thoughts so clearly it was ridiculous. It's almost an insult to have to resort to such means, but I needed to know what Isabella was thinking.
Oh, his eyes. He's so cute. I wish he would look at me like that.
Angry? No, he looks…interested. Bella is so lucky!
Like you? I don't think he likes anyone outside of his family.
Okay. I'll stop looking. But, oh Bella, if he were looking at me like he's looking at you…oh wow.
It was like listening in to one side of an adolescent phone conversation. I have to remind myself from time to time that nearly everyone in the building is adolescent, but it doesn't mean I have to enjoy the low level of their thoughts. It frustrated me that the one mind I was desperate to read was the only one I couldn't access.
"What is she thinking?" Jasper asked.
"Why do you want to know?" I replied, not wanting to give away the fact that I haven't a clue what was going on in her mind.
"Morbid curiosity," he said with a grin. "After the way you described your last meeting, she's got to be confused."
Alice leaned forward. "Not to mention that you haven't been here for a week. She's probably scared of you."
I pulled my eyes away from the girl and frowned over at Alice. "She should be afraid of me, but I…don't want her to be."
"Why not?" Jasper asked.
"Because it isn't my intention to frighten her or anyone else in the town. If we're going to stay here for another few years, I don't want the humans to be afraid of us."
"Hey, I don't mind that they are afraid of me. If they fear me, then they wil leave me alone, and the less I have to deal with humans the better I feel," Jasper admitted.
Alice rolled her eyes at him. "But you're still going to class, aren't you Edward?" asked Alice.
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Well look at her." She pointed over to where Bella was still hiding behind her hair. "It looks to me like she wants to avoid you at all costs. What is she thinking about anyway?"
I glanced back over at her, knowing there would still be a blank but hoping beyond hope that I could pick up on one of the others' minds to find what she was thinking. To my disappointment, everyone was discussing the snow. Everyone except Bella. I called on the earlier conversation for my information.
"She thinks I'm angry at her. That I…don't like her."
Jasper laughed out loud at this. "Quite the contrary, huh?"
I ignored him. "And she doesn't want to be part of the snowball fight that they are planning for after school."
That bit of information did the trick, and the topic of Bella Swan's thoughts was instantly abandoned. "Who is planning a snowball fight?" Emmett asked.
"The blond. Mike. In the parking lot."
Emmett's smile was wicked as his thoughts of covering the human boy with snow filled his thoughts. "Are you up to showing them how it's done?" he asked.
"Anytime," I replied, grateful for the change in topic. "But, we will have to go easy on them."
I made sure the conversation stayed on the weather and avoided discussing the human any further, knowing it would be all too soon that I would be face to face with her. Side by side. Trapped once more in a tiny classroom.
I would get through it. I wasn't about to let her control my life. She was insignificant…and she was going to stay that way.