A/N: It's been a while... I know. But since my other story receives more response, I give it more of my time.
ellzellz, Krazi Kelly, harrypotterislife, xOonethousandtearsshedxO: Thanks! This is for you!
Because some friends care...
"How dare you, you chauvinistic, insensitive, moronic, womanizer-" the loud sound of a slap followed. "If you dare say that to me again, I will make sure you make a pretty little eunuch!"
Three, two, one...
The dorm room burst open, letting in a flustered James. In his face one could easily distinguish the red outline of a hand imprinted. "Remus, can you tell me the meaning of..." he was cut by Remus before he could continue.
"Chauvinistic means you're a man who thinks that he is better than women," Remus simplified, for James better understanding. "Eunuch is a castrated man that were used by some kings for- err... I assume you can guess."
"Oh," James said, crestfallen.
Remus had been witnessing James and Lily sparring since... well, since the two set eyes on each other, really. But since he came back from the hospital wing a few days before (with strict orders for a three-day bed rest), it was becoming more and more exaggerated. The lycanthrope couldn't help but feel bad for his male friend: maybe, in the beginning, he was just trying to annoy the red-head, but now he genuinely liked — maybe loved — her. However James had the tact of a stomping elephant on a glass floor, and he couldn't help but ruin all the talks he had with the girl.
Since he couldn't get up, Remus beckoned James to sit beside him on his bed. The tawny-haired youth loved James very much, like a brother. The tall gryffindor was his first friend on Hogwarts (since Sirius was forced by his mother into a cabin with Narcissa in his first ride to the school), the first one to reassure him of his lycanthropy not being a problem. Sirius and James were probably closer, but James and Remus shared a silent pact to always be there for each other, sealed when, one night, the werewolf cried on the quidditch captain's shoulder about the rejection of his disease and his tall friend cried on his shoulder for the death of his cousin in the hands of the Death Eaters. It had been the night Remus was confronted about his condition, and the owl bearing the news to James had tapped the window after a pregnant silence between the two. Only he and James were in the dorm, the raven-haired boy not having told anybody about his discovery, but convincing Remus to share it with Sirius and Remus. So many years have passed since then...
When James finally sat down next to his friend, Remus immediately wrapped an arm around the other boy's shoulder, squeezing it lightly, while James buried his head in the crook of Remus's neck. "I'm sorry, James."
"Not your fault," was the muffled answer he received, followed by a sniff. Now, he wouldn't let James be that way. Remus had decided, when he finally made friends with Lily, that he would stay neutral in this little vendetta thing they had going. But he knew now that what James was feeling was real and he also knew that Lily did have a thing for James.
"Don't worry. I... I will help you." James looked at his friend, wide-eyed at the intervention. "Oh, don't you think that it'll be that easy," the werewolf warned, " 'cuz if you hurt Lily, I will have your balls served to a manticore as snack!"
Despite this warning James gave Remus a look full of affection and gratitude. "Noted. I am serious about her, Moony."
Remus tried to keep a solemn face, but it soon broke into a smile and squeezed James' shoulder with one arm, while ruffling the wild hair with the other. "I know that, you daft! Do you really think I would be helping you otherwise?"
It was a good talk, Remus concluded later. He found in James an eager listener, that hanged to every word he said. Some of his advice was on the obvious side: not to just go and steal kisses from her without permission, not to call her anything that she doesn't like (especially fire head, that she found particularly offensive), etc... Some other were on the fine points of Lily's likings, such as her favorite color, flower, food; all those things that being one of the most popular guys in Hogwarts James usually didn't have to know to get a date. Of course, as a good friend of the girl, Remus hid some things from the quidditch captain.
Now he was sitting in an armchair in the common room, watching the interaction between James and Lily. Remus' advice obviously paid off, since they were both smiling and talking and there was no screaming or slapping. Eventually, they both turned and walked up to Remus, the girl bearing a shy smile, James grinning like a madman.
"Got yourselves a hot date?" the werewolf asked, smiling himself.
"Yes, well..." the red-head started, but James cried a "Yes!" and gave the girl a peck on the cheek. However, remembering what Remus said earlier, he blushed and murmured, "Sorry."
Lily just smiled and gave the boy a kiss of her own. "I don't mind," she murmured as well.
Remus, watching their behavior, sighed and said loudly, "You are completely and utterly hopeless!"
Lily glared at him. "Oh, do shut up!"
The lycanthrope just smiled, jumped a little at a thought that crossed his mind and said, "I demand to be the ring-bearer!"
"The what?" Lily asked.
"The ring-bearer. On a wizard wedding, there's a person that is entrusted with the rings, the ring-bearer. You still have the best man and the maid of honor, but they are there as witnesses of the union for each part. Their role, at least theoretically, is to ensure that either the groom or the bride are not being forced into anything and are treated fairly," Remus explained, in his usual professorial tone. "But the bearer acts as a person both of them trust, that will be witness and guardian of the union itself," he finished.
"Oh," Lily said, "well, of course you will be-" she interrupted herself, realizing she just ignored the true meaning of what her friend said. "Hopefully, my future fiancé will like you when I introduce the two of you," she finished, correcting herself.
James just nudged her and said, "I'll ignore that last part because you just imagined us as a couple, getting married."
The red-haired girl opened her mouth to retort, but found that there wasn't really anything she could say. She had just agreed to go out with James, finally allowing the wall she built around herself against the tall boy to fall to pieces at his feet. So, she just pecked him on the cheek and left, smiling as she felt his gaze following her lithe form through the dorm's stairs.
When he was able to unglue his eyes from Lily's retreating form, he looked at Remus and smirked. "So... What about you?"
"Huh?" Remus answered, confused.
"Well, aren't there any girls on your mind?" he clarified, wiggling his eyebrows.
"No girl," the lycanthrope answered earnestly before he could stop himself., and then covered his mouth with his hands.
James eyebrows froze at their movement. "My, my. Can't really say I blame you, though," he said, looking again at the stairs leading to the girls' dorms. "Women can be tough." Remus just nodded, his eyes full of gratitude, James squeezing his shoulder reassuringly. "Well, then. Who's this boy?"
At that moment, Sirius decided to barge in through the portrait hole, a hufflepuff blonde hanging from his left arm. When Remus looked at the scene his jaw became rigid and he clenched his hands painfully, his fingernails tearing at skin. Ignoring his friend's last question, Remus just got up and climbed the stairs, as the girl started to try to get Sirius to kiss her.
James, whose eyes widened in recognition, decided to intervene, "I'm sorry, but the common room is for gryffindors only. If you don't leave," he said, pointing to the girl, "I'll be forced to call Prof. McGonagall." The girl pouted a lot, but eventually nodded and left.
Sirius thought James had seen his look, considering he really didn't want nothing to do with the girl. He wanted nothing to do with any girl, really. "Thanks mate. She was really..." he stopped as James held his hand up.
"Whatever, Padfoot. I need to see how Moony's doing."
Sirius got worried. "What do you mean? Is he ok? Did his cuts opened up again? Damn it, Madam Pomfrey told him he was in bed rest, why did he come down-"
James, however, was too mad at Sirius to listen to his ranting. "Shut up, Sirius. How can you be so clueless? The only thing hurting Moony now are you!"
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