The Problem With Print Scanners


A.N: Remember in Mind Bender when Jean uses a fingerprint scanner to access Xavier's grounds? Yes? Well the mutants at Xavier's find out how difficult the damn thing was to log into when they first arrived, starting with Kurt. Mayhem ensues.

Characters aren't mine, as you know.


"Okay, now that you've seen everything and you're settled in," Jean began to the shorter figure beside her, "we'll get you logged into this." She motioned to the square object attached to the outside wall of the Institute gates.

Kurt, new from Germany of a few days, raised an eyebrow. Or most accurately, raised the eyebrow of the holowatch.

"Vhat is zhat?"

"This registers our handprints," Jean explained. "It deactivates the security systems and opens the gates. So we don't get blown up as we're walking to the door."

Kurt gulped.

"Now let's get your prints registered with this thing," Jean said, bending towards the scanner with a hand on her chin. She pressed a button, and it gave a BEEP. She then pressed a second one.

"Please place your hand on the scanning pad," a monotonous feminine voice spoke from the speaker.

Jean motioned for Kurt to do so, and he stepped forward and planted his hand where indicated. A second passed.

"Please place you hand on the scanning pad."

Kurt again raised his eyebrows at Jean. She leaned forward again and pressed something.

"Please ensure all fingers are on the pad."

"Rub it in my face vhy don't you!" Kurt grunted, taking his hand away.

"Er, try again," Jean said, pressing yet more buttons. Kurt lifted his hand to the pad again.

"Please remove garments from hand and try again."

Both mutants stood awkwardly silent.

"Cannot read prints – try again." The machine continued. It BEEPed, and Kurt's holowatch sparkled and failed.

"Ow!" Kurt jumped.

"Please make sure skin is uncovered and try again."

"My hand isn't even on zuh pad!" Kurt yelled at it.

"Please place your hand on the pad."

"Shut up!"

Jean hastily pushed a green button, and silence followed. They stared at it.

"Access denied, security activated."

As it happened, Scott was walking merrily across the grounds towards them, oblivious of their problems.

"Hey guys!" He called to them. "How's it going with the – ARGH!"

He leapt out the way as something cannoned at him from the bushes.

"Er, Jean," Kurt started, watching the chaos unfold on the grounds. "you might vanna deactivate it right about now."

Jean was frantically pushing buttons as loud explosions filled the air from behind the gates. Small smoke clouds rose here and there.

"Try zhis!" Kurt banged on the device. "Take zhat – hahah!"

Jean grabbed his hand. "You can't do that, you'll break it!"

"It sounds like it's already broken," Kurt argued.

"Well if you break it we won't be able to turn it off."

"But if it's broken von't it not be vorking anyway?"

"I – uh . . . it was very expensive!"

"Zuh Professor can but a new von – von zhat vorks!"

Scott screamed in the background.

"This one did work," Jean told him. "Does work!"

"Pft, but not like you vant it to."

"Of course it does – it activates the security, doesn't it?"

"Vell yeah – all over Scott."

They both looked at each other as Scott yelled again.

"TURN IT OFF!" Scott could be heard over a RATATATATA of shots. "TURN IT OFF!"

"Damn!" Jean said, turning back to the device.

"Ooh," Kurt grimaced, watching the battlefield. "Ow! Zhat's gotta hurt!"

"Got it!" Jean exclaimed proudly, slamming her finger on a final button and pressing her own thumb against the pad.

"Systems deactivated. Welcome home, Jean Grey." The device announced.

"Phew," Jean breathed, slouching where she stood. The gates opened next to them and Scott fell out, smoking.

"Don't ever mess with that thing when I'm walking through the grounds!" Scott gasped. His hair was singed, his skin was almost black and he had only one sleeve of his shirt left. His pants were tattered, as well.

Jean turned to Kurt. "You can just, y' know, teleport into the mansion instead of logging in."

He nodded in agreement.