Nut 2: Well boredom has finally overcome you and your actually takeing the time to read this piece of-
Nut 1: Classic literature! He he grins shiftily Really Nut 2 you need to promote your work, not, well whatever you were going to do.
Nut 2: It's your work. I thought we had made it clear that unless people find it good it is classified as your work.
Nut 1: My work? raises eyebrow Anyway back to the point. So you have made the decision to read this romantic action packed-
Nut 2: hits nut 1 okay promoting is one thing but lying? nut 1 rubs head grimacing well if we haven't put you of by now...RUN AWAY!
Nut 1: cough please read on.
It was soon after dawn and a small convoy of unlikely friends and companions (not to forget the odd self employed slave) made its slow way towards the magnificent construction that was the City of Gondor ( winner of tidiest city 2851).
Amongst the members of the party, were those recognized as heroes of the Third Age. The mismatched, but still very impressive group contained some of the most admired people of the time, and startled peasants on the roadside were knocking themselves out cold in their hurry to bow to the ground.
However the sight that met their eyes was well worthy of rendering them unconscious, for the leader of the troupe was none other than Aragorn, King of the intended destination. Behind him rode the equally impressive presence of the Steward of Gondor, Faramir and, the now King of Rohan, Eomer, side by side like good friends. After listening to them conversing however, it soon became apparent that this in fact was not the case.
The trouble that had arisen, perhaps the cause of the hostility, was riding behind them in the company of the Queen of Gondor, the elf Arwen. Perched upon an attractive adham Arabian, was the famous Shield Maiden (and women's rights activist) Eowyn of Rohan.
The journey had begun for the two men in question, with high spirits. After a friendly and highly enjoyable conversation about ale, swords and other typically manly things, Faramir, perhaps hoping to attract the attention of the eligible bachelorette prancing and swishing her hair behind them, had begun in loud tones to address his King with questions as to her availability and cooking skills.
Eowyn who at first had remained oblivious to the happenings in front of her now raised her head at the sound of her brothers, increasing in volume heated voice.
"Sooooo Ari" Faramir began with a whole hearted attempt to sound smooth and perhaps demonstrate his good terms with the King "Who is that girl on the horse behind us?"
Eomer let out what sounded surprisingly like a growl before managing to spit out
"If you are referring to my sister, no one of your concern!" Aragorn finally became aware of the conversation and snapped his gaze away from his fingernails.
"Not to worry Eomer! Consider your sister safe from the alluring charms of Faramir! I know for a fact that she is already deeply besotted with me and no steward whose talents lay solely in book keeping and puppy dog eyes could possibly cause any disruption to the admiration she feels towards me." He straightened his crown proudly. "I mean, my marriage didn't! As long as I ignore her completely she's bound to think she still has a chance!"
Faramir tried to keep the disgusted look from his face, considering his life to be worth more than a display of feelings. He instead resorted to muttering something that sounded suspiciously like "Horsey Boy."
Eomer was struggling to decide whether to feel relieved about his sisters safety from what he was sure were un-wanted attentions or frightened by the quality of ruler they were employing these days.
The lull in the conversation at the front gave perfect way to that of the back. There, assembled on a series of mismatched ponies, rode four of the new wonders of the Gondorian public, (Quoted from popular magazine "THE KING! And other things not quite as great in Gondor") hobbits.
The well known friends and drinking buddies, Meriadoc Brandybuck and Pereigrin Took, had been unusually quiet all morning, a feat perhaps brought on from the attention they were presently paying to their 'water' skins.
In front of them trotted the ever popular second place winner (Aragon being the automatic winner of all contests) of the T.K.O.T.Q.G.G. 'eyes we would most like to dig out and frame' competition, Frodo Baggins. About two steps behind him the ever faithful Samwise Gamgee kept an eye on the passing Gondorian's and a hand on the hilt of his sword incase a threat arose in any way to his 'master,' as he had taken to calling Frodo. So for the next few minutes an uncomfortable silence descended upon the company until a partially intoxicated Merry made the decision to ask the question that had been on his mind for the past few minutes.
"Strider! So how do you handle two women at once?" Merry slurred slightly and demonstrated his lack of understanding to the earlier conversation.
"Two women?" Aragorn replied, demonstrating his lack of understanding to the current conversation. Arwen listened narrowing her eyes slightly.
"Yes two. I mean Arwen's a bitch but Eowyn too?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M A BI-WHAT EOWYN -YOU!"
"ME! I mean I don't even like Aragorn!" Under the cover of Aragorn's verbal assault on Merry, and Arwen's on Aragorn, Faramir decided to make his subtle way towards Eowyn.
"So" he stated trying to make it sound like he was interested in her but didn't really care, but still did care a bit, but not too much. Unfortunately for him though, this resulted in his voice croaking out and the statement followed by a soft sort of choking squeak.
"Oh! Hi Faramir, I wanted to talk to you-" Eowyn's view of Faramir was cut off as a large mass of horse and brother moved in front of her. Eomer spoke first.
"Faramir, I insist we do this properly. Please accompany me to, err, over there (he vaguely gestured to a plain on one side of them) so we can settle this like the well cultured noblemen we are and try to kill each other.
In fact gather everyone! We can make a sport out of this!"
"Ah. Ah ha ha. Yes well you see, um. I'm sorry, why do you want to kill me?"
"YOUR BLATANT COURTING OF MY SISTER! Couldn't you see her desperately trying to escape your company! LOOK AT HOW UPSET SHE IS!" They both turn to Eowyn who blinked under their stares.
"Um, actually, I'm not really," They all turned to watch Aragorn racing away from Arwen, and hastily suppressed their laughter.
Nut 1: congratulations you made it to the end, go past go and collect $200.
Nut 2: Hits nut 1. Enjoys squeaking sound and repeats we would appreciate a review but flames may make nut 1 cry.
Nut 1: Hey... Nut 2 slaps Nut 1 again, look of realization spreads across normally blank face. oh, yes yes, it would make me cry. winks at Nut 2 I would cry. Nut 2 notices keyboard and bursts into tears. Nut 1 pushes nut 2 away to prevent the computer from getting wet.
Nut 2: thank you for humoring us.
Nut 1: What nut 2 meant to say was thank you for reading the story glares at nut 2 who begins to cry again and we own nothing. Oh I should probably do that properly.
Disclaimer: We own no characters (as destroyed as they may be), places or events depicted in any of J.R.R Tolkien's writings. Sorry if any one was confused about that.