Baby Troubles


Posted Feb. 15, 2006


He was the Yondaime; the fourth Hokage of the Village Hidden Amongst the Leaves. He was the teacher of three of the best Shinobi his village had ever produced. He knew almost as many jutsu as his predecessor did and had even created a few himself. There were few things about life he didn't know, but when it came to babies, he knew about as much as a first-year academy student knew about ANBU.

Which basically translated to nothing. He knew that they ate a lot, slept even more and in the four months since he became a father; were just about as hard to understand as women. That and they were prone to waking up at all hours for anything.

Yondaime sighed as put down his scrolls and pushed his bowl of ramen away and went to he pick up his crying son from his pen in the living room. His wife had decided that, after several weeks of constantly watching the baby and feeding him; she had earned a well deserved break and had left for the spa with her two girlfriends Uchiha Mikoto; the wife of his good friend and rival Uchiha Fugaku and another woman from the Haruno clan.

"What's wrong now, little guy? Need a diaper change?" Said the Yondaime and sniffed the diaper, then proceeded to gag. "Dear lord! How can a milk diet cause such a stench?"

He then brought his son and placed him on the changing table and removed the one-piece orange pyjama he had put on earlier for his nap and took out a fresh diaper and other baby-changing necessities. He slowly removed the old and dirty diaper and then promptly resisted the temptation to vomit. The smell was even worse!

He made a face and his son giggled, which caused the Yondaime to smile.

"Well, better get this done with, the faster I do it, the faster this will be over."

With the speed of a ninja, he changed the diaper, clean his sons' rear and put on a new clean diaper. Once that was done, he placed him back in the pen and picked up the scrolls the council had given him to read before the small ordeal had begun, as well eat some of his precious ramen.

He was able to read about three lines and have about one bite of food before Naruto began crying yet again.

He sighed yet again and went to go check up on his son.

"What's wrong now? I changed your diaper?" He asked despairingly and his son answered by crying even harder. "I know! You must be hungry; your mother did say to give you a bottle when you woke up from your nap."

So he once again picked up his son and brought him to the kitchen, set him on the highchair and looked through the fridge. By this point Naruto knew that he was going to be fed and was happily babbling in his chair and waving his arms.

Yondaime laughed as he searched through the fridge for the bottle his wife had prepared before she left. When he still hadn't found the bottle after several minutes of intense searching, he began to seriously panic.

Where was the bottle? He closed the fridge and began looking around the kitchen; maybe his wife had left it out so that it could be reading for feeding faster? He prayed to every deity that that was the case. He could hear Naruto start to fidget in his seat.

Finally, he found it! He made an astounding flying leap for the bottle on the other side of the kitchen.

"Aha! Found you at last! Huh?" He looked at the bottle. "Empty!"

Indeed, the bottle was empty, thanks to a small crack near the bottom, where all the milk had leaked out. Yondaime slumped on the floor. "Great, what else could go wrong today?" He asked himself.

"Gah! Gah!" Screamed Naruto from his seat, he looked up and saw his four-month old son reaching for the bowl of ramen he had left on the table. Suddenly he was struck with a brilliant idea! Even though his wife constantly said that ramen was unhealthy and pleaded for him to eat healthier foods, he never truly believed her. After all, he had eaten ramen for most of his teenage life between the time his parents had died and he found himself a wonderful cook to be his wife and look where he was! He was the Kage of one of the five most powerful Shinobi nations! It couldn't be all that bad, now could it?

He got up, threw the bottle in the garbage and grabbed a clean bottle from the cupboard and placed it on the table; picked up the bowl of ramen and quickly ate all the noodles, leaving only the broth, which he poured into the bottle and handed to his son when he was sure it was at the right temperature.

He smiled as his son began drinking the liquid enthusiastically.

"Now that we're both fed, maybe now I can get some work done!" Said Yondaime, taking a seat beside his soon and looking through his scrolls.

After a few minutes, he found a letter addressed to him from his wife. Curiosity getting the best of him, he opened it.

Dear snookums,

Seeing as I have the day off and we need supplies that I noticed were running low this morning, I would want you to go and get them. It will do you some good to get some fresh air, bring Naruto with you, so you can do some male-bonding. When I get home you better have them or else you're sleeping on the couch for an undefined period of time.

Love your darling wife; Snugly-bunny.

The Yondaime turned red at the use of their pet names. His wife could be so embarrassing sometimes! He re-read the letter and sighed for the umpteenth time that day.

He looked at his son, who was drinking from his bottle with the same vigour as before and got up. He picked his son up and brought him to his room to dress him; he was not going to bring his son outside in only his diaper in February!

Thus, he dressed his son in a pair of bright green overalls and a long-sleeved yellow shirt, so that he'd be easy to spot if he got lost. All the while his son wouldn't let go of the bottle, which caused a little bit of difficulty with the sweater. He also put on his little orange and blue coat for added warmth. His wife would do nothing short of killing him if their son got so much as a sniffle.

When he was done, he picked up his son and headed for the grocery store in typical ninja fashion; jumping from rooftop to rooftop. Once he got to the local general store, he grabbed a cart and put his son in the child seat.


After about an hour of looking around he met with some familiar faces.

"Sensei!" Yelled the ever-cherry Rin, she was accompanied by her team-mates Kakashi and Obito, who were both holding small baskets with various stuff in it. Surprisingly, there was also a fourth member in their party; it was a young dark-eyed baby who was being cuddled by Rin.

"Hello Rin-chan, Kakashi-kun, Obito-kun! Who might this little guy be?" Asked the Yondaime curiously. He knew it couldn't be Rin's, because he knew she hadn't been pregnant, nor could it be Kakashis' because of the colouring of the hair seeing as all Hatake had children with silver or platinum hair and it couldn't be Obitos' because he was in love with Rin.

"Sensei, this is Uchiha Sasuke, the son of Fugaku-san and Mikoto-san." Introduced Rin, shifting the young child so that he was facing him. He was amused when the young child scowled at him. Oh, he was defiantly an Uchiha alright. "Isn't he just adorable? Mikoto-san asked Obito-kun and Kakashi-kun to watch him while she went out with some friends. Fugaku-san is busy with work and Itachi-kun is in school right now. Since both of them are as helpless with babies as you are with cooking anything edible!"

Yondaime just laughed weakly. What could he say in defence? It's true that he was hopeless in cooking anything more complicated than ramen or rice.

"So, what brings you guys here?" He asked, trying to change the conversation to anything besides his cooking skills, or lack thereof. His, meanwhile, was busy staring at the young Uchiha, who was staring back.

"Well, you see…" Said Obito, trying to think of an excuse, but Kakashi, practical as always, answered for him.

"We ran out of diapers and baby food, so we had to go buy some." Said the masked boy.

"What about you, sensei?" Asked Rin curiously.

"Oh, same thing. The wife wanted me to run some errands at the same time. At least I get to spend some quality time with the baby."

"I know! Why don't we finish our shopping together and then head over to the park to let Sasuke-chan and Naruto-chan play together? We could even go for supper at that new ramen place! I think it's called Ichiraku or something like that." Suggest Rin, putting Sasuke beside Naruto in the cart.

"Eh…sure, I'm almost done though. All I have to do is go to the check out." Said Yondaime as he watched his son and the Uchiha look at each curiously.

So, they proceeded to buy their stuff and head towards the new ramen shop. Yondaime was having a little trouble holding his new purchases and Naruto at the same time, seeing as the little boy had taken to whacking him with his empty bottle. Luckily Rin saved him by picking up Naruto and carrying him the rest of the way.

Once they got there, they each ordered some ramen to go and then headed for the park, where they set the babies in the sand box with a bottle each then dug into their supper eagerly and talked about what they had been doing recently.


Naruto looked at his new companion. He was drinking from his bottle with his eyes closed, fully concentrated on the task at hand. Naruto looked down at his half-filled bottle, it didn't taste good as what his father had given him earlier and so he wasn't as interested in this as he was in the other one. Once he had had his fill he stopped drinking and now he was bored.

He looked at his father and those weird people they had met earlier and they were eating what he had had earlier! He wanted some too! How to get some was the question though. He tried to remember where they had gotten it.

After several minutes of serious thought, he remembered and he threw his bottle in the air in joy and started crawling in the direction they had come from. One thing that he didn't notice, however, was that his bottle had hit a certain Uchiha in the head.


Sasuke turned, angry at whatever had hit him and saw the blond crawling away. It must have been him! He wanted to teach the blond brat a lesson, so he followed the little blond.
Meanwhile, Yondaime and his former students were eating their meal, not noticing that their charges had managed to escape. It was only when Rin had finished that she noticed they were gone.

"Sensei!" She shouted. "The babies are missing!"

The Yondaime dropped his bowl of ramen. "What?" He took a quick look around to confirm. "Shit!"

"What do we do?"

"Listen. They're just babies, they can't have wandered far, I suggest we split up and look around. Kakashi, summon your nin-dogs to help." Said Yondaime while trying to calm the frantic Rin down.

"Can't." Said the masked Nin.

"Why not! It's an emergency!" Stated Obito.

"I left my summoning scroll at home."

"That's just great. Well, we'll have to make do with what we got. We'll split into two teams. Kakashi, you and Obito look around the basketball courts. Rin, you and I will look around the play area. We'll meet back here in twenty minutes, whether we have the babies or not. If we haven't found them by then, I'll call an official search."

"Rodger!" Said the trio and they headed off in their instructed direction.


Yondaime and Rin, after several minutes of searching, found a trail. Not just any trail though, this was a trail made by two babies. They followed it and at the end, found little Naruto and Sasuke slowly making their way to Kami-knows-where. They each grabbed one gave them a once over to look for any serious damage, once both Shinobi were satisfied, they made their way back to the park.

Once they met up with Kakashi and Obito, they decided that they had had enough excitement for the day and each went their separate ways; Rin to her home, Kakashi and Obito to the Uchiha compound and the Yondaime to his own apartment near the Hokage tower.


Once they got home, Yondaime just dropped what he had bought earlier onto the table - he'd put it away later – and went straight into the living room, where he dropped himself onto his couch and promptly fell asleep with Naruto, who had fallen asleep en route, on his chest.

That was the scene upon which the Yondaimes' saw when she entered her house. She smiled, glad that the two important men in her life were safe and sound. She placed a blanket on top of them then took out her camera and snapped several photo's to show to her friends the next time they went out. Maybe she could ask her husband if he minded if her and her girlfriends spent a well deserved weekend at that spa resort she had read about in Suna?


Authors Note; Well, I'm glad I got THAT out of my system! I know the end isn't as good as I wanted it to be, but I just wanted to finish the darn thing! I might work on it in the future though, if any good ideas pop into my head. Here are some special notes.

The Yondaime; I know it's never been confirmed that the Yondaime is Naruto's father, but I personally believe he is and will continue to do so unless Masashi Kishimoto himself says otherwise.

This fic is a What-If fic, so this is what I think might have happened had Obito not died and the Kyuubi not attacked.

It's my first one-shot, so please be gentle, but if you see any errors, just tell me and I'll fix them ASAP.

Thank you for your time and please review!