So this is my first Supernatural fic. I have to say that since it aired I have been obsessed with it. I can not get enough of the Winchester boys. This is just an idea that has been rattling around in my head since the episode Faith. Sorry for all the mistakes that are bound to show up in here. I try to catch them but I know that a few slipped by me.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the clothes on my back………and even that's questionable……..
Driving away from the motel that day there was a strained silence in the car. Neither one of them wanted to talk about what had happened at Roy's but both knew that they would need to eventually. Dean looked over at Sam, and saw his pale features. He had been so angry with him, first for taking him to some quacked out faith healer, then when he found out how exactly he had been cured, he had laid the blame on Sam yet again. Then he had called Layla. He could hardly stand to look at her, knowing that he had taken away her only chance of survival. He clenched the steering wheel tighter in an effort to control the overwhelming emotions he felt bubbling at the surface.
Sam looked over at Dean and noticed how tightly he was gripping the wheel. That and the tensed jaw muscle was enough of a clue as to how mad Dean really was. Sam quickly averted his eyes so as not to let Dean catch him looking at him. He thought back to what had happened to them the last couple of days. God, he had almost lost his brother, not once, but twice. Seeing him lying there in the hospital bed, looking so sick, so weak, just so not……… Dean. It had been one of the hardest things he had ever had to do. Dean was always the stronger one, the louder one, the "lets go kick some demon ass" one. To see him lying there like that, connected to so many wires and monitors, not moving, not talking. It was scary.
Then he had Dean back. He took him to see Ray, and he had gotten his brother back. Ray had healed him. He didn't know how and he didn't care, all he knew was that he wasn't going to another funeral anytime soon. And then for the second time in less than a week, he almost lost him again. He had seen it in his eyes, the acceptance of what was happening to him. He was ready to die. To save her. Layla. He felt guilty for taking a life, so now he was ready to give his. Well Sam was not about to let that happen. He smashed the amulet and released the reaper from its binding spell, saving Dean from its grasp, just in time. Thinking back on the events of the past couple of days made him sick to his stomach. Literally.
"Dean, stop the car."
"Look Sam, I really don't want to have one of out moments right now, so if its all the same to you……."
"Dean, pull over!" he managed between clenched teeth. He was out of the car before Dean had even come to a complete stop. Stumbling a few feet, he was on his hands and knees, expelling the meager contents of his stomach. When nothing else would come up, he moved back a few feet to sit on the side of the road, knees up and head resting on his crossed arms. Breath in. Dean's alive. I didn't let the reaper get him. Breath out. I didn't know he would trade one life for another. I couldn't have known. Breath in. Shit, why did he have to go and do that? Almost loosing him once was hard enough. Almost loosing him twice? Too much. Breath out. But I didn't loose him. He's here, he's alive, he's alright. Sam was so intent on concentrating on his breathing that he didn't hear Dean calling his name until Dean was kneeling in front of him, with his hand resting on Sam's arm.
And suddenly Sam was angry. Dean was asking him if he was alright? How dare he? He may have accepted what was going to happen to him, but how could he expect Sam to be alright with it, even now that it was all over. Sam would never be alright with loosing an innocent life to the forces of evil that they battled every day. But he was even less alright with loosing him brother. And Dean just walked around with this cavalier attitude. Was he alright? No! Hell no! he had never been so scared in his life! But what was worse was that he had never been so mad at Dean in his entire life! How dare he? How dare he think that it was okay to leave? Sam couldn't do this alone. He wouldn't. Dean was all that he had left. He loved him, as a friend, as a brother. He loved him so damn much that sometimes he thought that physically hurt. If Dean was gone, he didn't know what he would do. Hell, he thought, I'd probably follow him.
And suddenly Sam needed answers.
"How could you do that to me?" His voice was harsh, and he didn't know how long he could hold back the tears he felt building.
"How could I do what Sammy?"
"How could you put me through that?"
"Sam, I don't –"
"I almost lost you Dean. Not once but twice. And you just accepted it, went along with it like it was no big deal."
"It wasn't a big deal Sam. This job is dangerous. I've known that all my life. So yeah, I had accepted it. I was ready to go. And then you dragged me to some crack pot faith healer, and some poor guy drops dead because Roy trades my life for his. It wasn't right Sam."
"Why!" He was up now, pacing. He hardly noticed the light rain that had begun to fall. "Why was what I did so wrong? Look me in the eye and tell me that if things had been different, that if it had been my heart that was failing, that you wouldn't have done everything in your power to save me!"
"That's different Sam" Dean said quietly.
"That's bullshit Dean, and you know it. Why? Why would it be okay for you to do it and not me?"
"Because your college boy, the man with a plan for a normal life, the one with the psychic-head-thingy. You want me to spell it out for you? Because you mean something to this world. You are bigger than a life as a hunter. But that's all I am. That's all I've ever done. I don't know how to do anything else. But you! You have more to offer this world than you give yourself credit for. And….. and if I ever lost you, I don't know what I would do. I don't think that I could live with that. Not with loosing you."
"And you think that I could? Dean, I have never been that scared in my whole life. Seeing you in that bed, so weak and listless…….you've always been the one protecting me Dean. And to see you looking so defeated and resigned to what was happening, it scared me. And then when the reaper came for you, you didn't try to get away from it, and you had that same look. God, Dean, I am sorry that that man died. I really, truly am. But if you had died with out me trying everything that I could to help you, well then I just wouldn't be able to live with myself. It would haunt me until the end of my days, which, to be honest, probably wouldn't be that many after yours. I can't do this without you, Dean. I won't. You're all that I have left. Mom and Jess are gone, Dad's who the hell knows where, but you Dean, you've always been there when I need you. I love you man. You're my brother and I love you, I would die for you, Dean. You have to know that. But you can't leave me. Not you too. I have nothing left to go back to. I couldn't take it Dean. Not you too……." By this time the tears were flowing freely down his face, mixing with the rain, heavy drops now beginning to fall.
Dean just looked at him, grief and guilt and sorrow all evident on his face. Sam broke eye contact, his gaze resting resolutely at his feet, fully expecting some king of chick-flick-moment-Winchester-men-don't-show-emotions comment from Dean. But it never came. Instead, he felt himself encircled in Dean's arms. And as stupid as it may seem, that was exactly what Sam needed. Dean was here, he was here and he was alive and……….everything else just faded away. His tears were flowing with a renewed vigor and a half stifled sob escaped his lips. He felt a slight pressure on the back of his neck as Dean gently lowered his head onto his older brothers shoulder, despite Sam's height advantage over him, and he felt Dean's breath on his neck. And then Sam lost it. He cried into Dean's shoulder, cried for what could have happened, cried for being happy about what had happened even though lives had been lost, all the while hanging on to Dean with a strength rivaled only by Dean's own hold on him.
Dean lowered the two of them to the ground, never breaking his hold on his little brother.
"I'm sorry Sammy." Dean rocked his brother, much like he had when they had been younger and he had soothed Sammy after a particularly bad nightmare. Except that this isn't a nightmare that he can wake up from. His voice was rough from the rears that he had shed as well. "I'm sorry that I scared you. I didn't think. I just…. I'm sorry Sammy. I'm so sorry." Dean noticed that the crying had subsided and he listened to the little hitched breaths that Sam was taking, knowing that he was trying to calm himself down. He didn't know how long they had been sitting there, holding each other like this, and frankly he didn't care. He would stay here as long as Sammy needed him to be here. He was not about to leave him. Not again. After a couple for minutes he felt Sam ease up on the death grip he seemed to have on Dean, his hands fisted in Deans jacket, as if it was a lifeline. And the thought hid Dean like a ton of bricks. For him it was a lifeline. He needed a reaffirmation that I was really here, really okay. Dean took the easing grip as his cue to detangle himself from his younger brother, but not before giving Sam one more fierce hug. As they moved apart and stood up, Dean rested his hand on Sam's neck and looked him in the eye.
Sam nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay." And Dean was glad to see that the smile he got from Sam, while small, was genuine.
"Good. Cause not only was that the biggest chick-flick moment ever, but if you haven't noticed, it's raining and I am soaked through and freezing body parts off out here. So get your ass in the car so we can get the hell out of here." But Dean's voice held no roughness, and Sam just smiled and nodded before making his way back to the passenger side of the Impala, grabbing the towels in the back seat to protect the precious upholstery of Dean's precious car without Dean needing to say a word. Once inside, Sam looked at Dean as he got into the car and started it up.
Dean looked over to him, waiting for him to continue.
"Promise me something."
Dean just looked at him. He didn't make promises often, because he didn't like making promises that he couldn't keep. But for Sam he would try. He nodded.
"Promise me that you won't ever give up without a fight. I know that this is a dangerous thing that we do, and that one or both of us could not survive the next job we do, or the job after that. Just promise me that you won't go with Death so willingly. I don't ever want to see you as defeated looking as I did back in that hospital room."
"I promise Sammy." Cause fighting was something that he could do. Fighting, he was good at. And if that was all it took to make his little brother happy, then damn it, he would fight with everything that he had.
Sam nodded. "Good. Cause, hell Dean, I've seen you be more stubborn and obnoxious while you were unconscious than you were back in that room."
Dean could hear the smirk behind Sam's words. Dean smacked him on the shoulder.
"Will you just shut up and let me drive?"
And Dean knew they were going to be all right. And he had made a promise to Sam, one that he fully intended on keeping. Yeah, they were just fine. And that's how things were going to stay.
Please review! Reviews keep me inspired. Constructive criticism is appreciated but please, if you feel the need to flame me I would just as soon wish that you didn't……….