Wheehee! My writer's block is dead.

This first chapter isn't as funny as the rest, but hey, if I posted the ninth chapter now it wouldn't make any sense, so stick with me, okay?

Obviously, I own neither CATS nor Phantom. Sigh.


"Hey, look, it's the flying Mistoffelees!"

"It's not funny, Tugger," Mr. Mistoffelees muttered with a sigh. "Why must Coricopat and Tantomile make everything so difficult?"

The Rum Tum Tugger gave a short laugh before stretching out in the sun. "It's only because you have no twin to perform it with,"

Mistoffelees gave one more unsuccessful attempt before joining his friend in the sun. If this little magic trick was anything like the others, he'd have it down in under a day. He absolutely had to have learned it by then, for Bustopher Jones would be visiting soon and the large cat required entertainment.

"Mistoffelees? …Mistoffelees! Mistoffelees!" Munkustrap's voice brought Mr. Mistoffelees from his troubled thoughts. The silver tabby smiled and sat down in front of him. "Tell me," he said, his tail flicking back and forth. "Have you mastered your latest trick yet, or is the kitten having a bit of trouble?

With an angry grunt that went "harumphumherumph", Mistoffelees turned away, closing his eyes. "Well then, magical Mr. Mistoffelees, why don't you show me all you can do, and I'll speak to Coricopat and Tantomile about the rest?"

Mumbling a very unhappy mumble, Mistoffelees raised himself to his adorable little paws and leapt into the air. A victorious smile crept across his face as his success became more and more obvious. He exploded into a shower of pretty little sparks, in all the prettiest colors. They—or, if you prefer, he—flew from corner to corner of the junkyard. Although successful, something went terribly, horribly, terribly, horribly, horribly terribly wrong.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't that bad, but it's still pretty bad.


Erik paced the room—unhappily, as usual. His cape/cloak fluttered behind him, making all those snazzy swooshy sounds it makes for suspense. Erik hated the noise, so he cursed at his cape/cloak. His shoes made a bit of an unpleasant sound on the stone floor, going "clickclackclackclick", and he cursed at them too. A thorn on the rose he held pokedhia finger, and he nearly burst his lungs.

A rather low note—an F, to be specific—came from the organ in the corner, followed by a squeak of fear.

Erik turned just in time to see a black and white cat disappear behind one of the many doors.


Spiffy, huh? Or not...Anyways, I'm going to be leaving out some of the minor Jellicles, like Alonzo, Cassandra, and Exotica, because their appearances don't tell much about them and they aren't mentioned in the poems OR the video, meaning that I don't know much about them and can't make them funny. Also, I stick with the idea that Deuteronomy only comes ONCE A YEAR--meaning that he's not in this, 'cause I can't write about him without making him sound like a lazy bum. It's post-CATS, meaning Grizabella isn't in it also, so I sincerely apologize, or at least say that I do.

Longer chapters in the future, I promise!