Retards-R-Us:

The Melon-head's Tale

Mr. Medulla sat back in his reclining chair, staring at the pile of essays that he would soon have to mark. Ooh, how he loathed his job! If it hadn't been for that annoying techno path Royal Pain……. He might still be who he once was….. A hero… One by the name of Mind Grappler…..

Flashback

He had been a hero, with mind-controlling abilities. He could insinuate pleasure, instigate wrath, invoke confusion, influence the mind with telepathic narcotics, create fear, and…… rekindle passion……

He had put many villains behind bars…… Doctor Phobos, Cryogenius, Battle Brax, or even the legendary elemental villainess, BioHazard, all behind bars…… All of whom hated him to the highest degree…..

The glory days……. They had been rad…. He actually loved life, contrary to now... royal Pain was the cause of his misery, his everlasting mental torment…..

It had been March 25th, 1956, when he had faced Royal Pain…..

"Mind Grapple yourself!" Pain bellowed, firing at him with a beam she had called a 'Retarding Beam'.

"You'll be doing time, Pain!" he shouted back, trying to grab hold of her mind, while simultaneously dodging her beams.

CRASH! He slumped to the ground, Stitches having snuck up behind him, slamming a wrench onto his head. TSEEWWW! He felt nauseous, and his vision started to cloud, while his head bled profusely.

"It's not working! You irritating jester!" he heard Pain's voice.

"Uncle! Uncle!" he heard Stitches pout, as he blacked out….

End Flashback

He stroked his head. The 'Retarding Beam', he'd later learned, was supposed to reduce a person's Intelligence Quote by 99.5 percent….. for him, it had been a double-edged turn of events; he'd lost his powers, but he was now immensely smarter. Such a retarded world……

Snapping out of his reverie, he grabbed the first essay off the stack, muttering, "Looks like I'll just have to teach retards for the rest of my working life…," He looked down at the essay he had grabbed. Smiled.

"Stronghold, D-minus!" he said, cackling maniacally, "Retards…."