"Peter's my dad's unidentical twin?" cried Harry. Snape rolled his eyes. "Yes, jackass", said Snape. "My! How does that make him powerful?" asked Dumbledore. "Cus he's related to Harry, and blood, and when James died it made Pettigrew stronger, and all of that stuff. Look does anybody really understand these plots?" said Snape. Dumbledore nodded and turned to Harry. "Are you ok, Harry?" said Dumbledore. "I guess I'll be ok. I just wish Pettigrew weren't in the hands of Voldemort again." said Harry. "Yes." said Dumbledore, shaking his head sadly.
"Oh, you want Pettigrew." said Snape, pulling the rat out of his pocket. "Oh, goodness! There he is! Well, I will take him back to the castle untill the cornflakes wear off." said Dumbledore. "Can I go to live with him? He's my uncle!" said Harry.
"We shall see, Harry." said Dumbledore. He and Snape left with Pettigrew.
"I'd better be getting back to the Death Eaters." said Snape, and he left. Dumbledore headed home.
"Snape! Where the hell were you! You were gone half the night!" screeched Voldemort in his high pitched voice. "Crabbe and Goyle got busted. Dumbledore came in and nabbed them. I managed to escape, but er, then I fell into an open manhole." said Snape.
"Crabbe and Goyle are gone? Oh, for freak's sake! Now I'm out two men! You have to all start to recruit more Death Eaters!" said Voldemort.
"You should have sent more capable people to do the job." said Lucius Malfoy, glaring at Snape. "Like you? You couldn't even feed a rat properly, you imbecile, you let yourself get hit on the head by a huge chunk of wood." said Voldemort.
Voldemort shook his head. "You're all failures! Why don't I have more capable Death Eaters!" said Voldemort. Snape and Lucius looked down.
The next night...
Peter Pettigrew was coming out of his evil mode and turning back to normal. He was locked up at Hogwarts. Dumbledore walked over to him and turned him back into a human.
"Oops, I suppose I should have taken him out of that little cage, first." said Dumbledore.
After a moment when Peter realized what was happened, he looked into Dumbledore's eyes. "Mr. Dumbledore, how can I ever repay you!" said Peter. "Help us to stop Voldemort." said Dumbledore. "How?" said Peter. "Peter, I've figured it all out. You're to become a spy! I'm going to work this out with Snape. Er, he's a spy, too, you see." said Dumbledore. "Do you have any other spies in the Death Eaters?" asked Peter. "A couple, but you can really never have too many spies, you know." said Dumbledore. Later, Snape came by and Dumbledore told him the plan.
Snape and the human Peter walked back to the Death Eaters, who were continuing the same meeting. Voldemort had become obsessed with long meetings.
"Wormtail! Snape, where did you find him?" said Voldemort. "I think he must have gotten hit on the head or something, because he was just sitting outside a bakery eating some crumbs. I picked him up and gave him some Evil Flakes, and now he's back to normal." said Snape.
"Very good. Wormtail, where do your loyalties lie?" asked Voldemort.
"With you, Master!" said Peter, trying to hide his disgust.
"Excellent! Now both of you sit down! We have important things to discuss!" said Voldemort.
Lucius Malfoy was seething. "Had I known we were supposed to look for Pettigrew, Master, I would have been searching through every inch of grass, through every crack and crevice in every wall..." said Malfoy. "Silence, Malfoy. Jealousy gets on my nerves. Snape has beaten you, just get over it." said Voldemort. Malfoy fumed ever harder. "Someday I'm gonna get him, I'm gonna bop him on the head", grumbled Malfoy. "Malfoy, what did you say? Shut up before I take your cane away", said Voldemort. Malfoy's lip quivered.
"Now, about the musical we're putting on next week, I had given your part to Mergerson, Wormtail, but now that you're back, you can once again play the chimney sweep." said Voldemort. "Thank you." said Peter, grinning through the burning hatred.
"Now, who thinks we should cut down on the number of songs we do?" said Voldemort.
Some guy raised his hand. Voldemort killed him. "Who else?" said Voldemort.
Harry realized that the Dursleys hadn't been home in days, and that they were running low on food. Harry searched the house for money. Just then, the door swung open. Uncle Vernon was holding a shotgun.
"Where are they! Where are the flipping witch varments!" cried Vernon. Harry walked out.
"AAAAAAAHHH!" screamed Vernon, and he dropped the shotgun and turned around and ran out the door. A moment later, Vernon peeped back in. "Are they in there!" Vernon asked.
"No, they left." said Harry.
"Are you lying to me, you little &$#!" said Vernon. "NO, you bafoon, they're gone!" snapped Harry. "Come on, Petunia, Dudley!" called Vernon. They all re-entered the house.
"You are out of most of your food, the only thing left is some applesauce and water crackers." said Harry. "That's more than you deserve!" snapped Vernon. He turned to his wife and son, happily. "Ha, how about that zinger!" said Vernon, and he high fived Dudley and Petunia.
That night, Harry wrote to Dumbledore and asked if he could live with Wormtail.
"Dear Harry, I think that you've had it bad for long enough, and I think that even though Wormtail is a spy for me and with Voldemort and the others always popping up around him it could be dangerous, we can work something out", said Dumbledore. Harry was over joyed. He lifted the letter up above his face, then kissed it. Finally, somebody was cutting him some slack!
The next day Harry arrived at Wormtails, not even telling the Dursley's he was leaving but simply flipping them off as he went. He dropped his suitcases and opened his arms. "Uncle Peter!" he said. "Harry!" said Peter. Peter and Harry hugged, then Peter ruffled Harry's hair. "Nice digs", Harry said.
As Harry sat down for dinner with Peter that night, he felt happy and content. Finally his life was starting to go right and at least he had freed somebody from Voldemort. Peter had just set down a bunch of dishes from the kitchen, all covered in aluminum foil. food. "Well, Harry, I hope you like Maceroni and Cheese, cheese and spinich pie, cheese fondue and cheesy potatoes, with cheesecake for dessert! All of the effects of being a rat haven't quite worn off yet, it seems", said Peter. "Oh, Uncle Peter... but I'm lactose intolerant!" said Harry. Peter looked worried.
"Just kidding! I do have high cholestoral, but what the hell," said Harry. They both laughed and ate their dinner, knowing that life would be a bit better from here on out.