I don't own these characters. I'm going to acknowledge that the title of this story and all of the chapter titles are Sade song titles or pieces of Sade lyrics.
This is an AU where Sesshomaru starts out as an angel. It's also a Sesshomaru and Kikyo get together story. I'm also taking some liberties as to what an angel could be and what they might do. Try to enjoy it anyway.
The Book of Enoch: 7:1— And they began to go unto them and to defile themselves with them and they taught them charms and enchantments and they became pregnant and they bore great giants… and when men could no longer sustain them, the giants turn against them and they devoured mankind.
These rebel angels were cast into a pit for crossing the line as spiritual beings and going to Earth to be with human women.
The Sweetest Taboo
1: You give me…
Kagura watched Sesshomaru with some curiosity in her red eyes while he did his seemingly new favorite pastime. Well, she considered it new because a decade was nothing to immortals that did not age such as themselves. They did not really comprehend the concept of time. Sesshomaru had not been doing his hobby for a decade, but she guessed and she was close enough. She was certain he would not give it up anytime soon. He had become mesmerized by a human woman and had been since she matured, or so it seemed to her.
The woman, pale with a river of inky hair, was not doing anything special. She moved about her home, cleaning and sweeping. But, Sesshomaru watched her as if no human had ever done such a thing. It was such a waste as far as Kagura was concerned and she did not see why he was so interested in something so dull.
Kagura eyed Sesshomaru because she did not know what to make of his infatuation, his growing lustful infatuation. She had never been so interested in a human and could not figure out why he was. He had been an angel of life and death for a very long time, much longer than Kagura had even existed. He had taken many human souls when it was their time to depart the physical realm and he had breathed life into their lungs when their time began anew. He had never bothered with humans aside from his work, but things were different now. Yes, things were very different now.
Sesshomaru was enamored with a human woman if his odd behavior was any indication of things and that was a bad thing. Well, calling it a "bad thing" was putting the situation very mildly. It could mean the worse news for Sesshomaru and that woman if it went beyond him stalking her. If he were to act in any manner beyond what he was doing now, it could lead to his downfall and that woman's downfall also. He knew that, but he did not seem to care about it. At least he had not gone further than watching her, but things were probably going to go beyond that if he continued to be so fascinated with her. If they were lucky, she would die before he ruined them both.
"I don't understand why you keep watching her," Kagura said with a bit of an attitude. It was her usual style of speaking. The woman was just a human doing things that humans did. It did not seem interesting in her opinion. They saw humans do human things all the time, after all.
Sesshomaru did not even turn around to face the ruby-eyed female nor did he show any signs that he was listening to her at all. In his opinion, it was typically a mistake to acknowledge the angel in his company. He did not even really want her around. He just wanted to watch his human without having to listen to Kagura run her mouth. He knew he would not get such a gift though, especially since he doubted Kagura would leave him alone anytime soon because she did not have anything better to do.
The two angels both lounged high in the sky on a cloud. Well, in a way, they lounged, but it was a bit difficult to relax without a proper physical body. There was enough substance to them to rest in the puffy clouds, though. They did not have anything better to do with themselves than recline on clouds… at the moment anyway. That was always subject to change.
Kagura was, at the moment, an unemployed guardian angel. Her charge had recently passed on and she had not been assigned a new one yet. She did not expect one for a while now because she was rewarded with some free time for watching over her now dead charge better than most guardian angels did. She was quite serious about her job, but she was also known for her fierce desire for her own life rather than protecting someone else's. No one knew where she got such a passionate want from, but some suspected it would one day lead to her ruin.
"She's different," Sesshomaru replied after awhile. His voice was distant, more so than usual because he was still mostly focusing on his human. He also spoke lower than usual, as if he was frightened the human would hear, even though not only were their miles away from her, but humans could not detect angels, or so most angels thought.
Sesshomaru was a different sort of angel compared to Kagura because his responsibility was quite different from hers. He merely knew instinctively where his charges were and he went to them at his leisure because he was not pressured to do otherwise. Almost all of the angels with his type of job were like that. He was responsible about his work, like any other angel, and made sure no one had to suffer more than necessary when he went to collect them. Sometimes, he held back to punish people when they were dying, but other than that he was efficient at what he did. Yes, most angels like him could be described in a similar fashion, but he still managed to bring his own personality to his work. Well, what little personality he had, most would say.
"She's different how?" Kagura asked while leaning over a bit to peer over the cloud a bit more, almost like a child trying to sneak a peek at something. She focused her ruby red eyes on the object of her colleague's attention, a human priestess. She believed the woman was called Kikyo, but she did not pay enough attention to be sure.
Kagura could only admit that it was rare to see a human Kikyo's age that was still rather pure, which would back of Sesshomaru's claim that she was different. Living point blank tainted people just a little and that was about all Kikyo had on her. Usually, adult humans had shadows, blemishes, spots surrounding their auras, dirtying their souls, but not that woman. It was an odd thing, but not impossible.
She did not see why Sesshomaru cared. Surely, he had seen other completely, untainted human adults before. He was older than she was and she had seen it a few of times. Maybe the woman's purity was not what captivated the silver-haired angel, Kagura considered. But, if not that, then what?
"She's aware," Sesshomaru answered Kagura's question of how Kikyo was different. He still spoke like he was scared the priestess might somehow miraculously hear his words and he did not want that.
"Aware?" Kagura echoed in a very puzzled tone, arching an eyebrow and turning her mouth up to one side. Her eyes shifted slightly from him to the human while trying to figure out what he meant, but nothing was coming to mind. Why do I even talk to him anymore, she wondered with a tired sigh. He no longer made any sense.
"Of me," he elaborated, still not taking his golden eyes off of the object of his attention.
"She's aware of you? That's impossible," Kagura scoffed and then laughed. She went so far as to dismiss him, waving his statement off with a flick of her hand. Part of her wanted to believe Sesshomaru was just messing with her, but he was not known for teasing anyone. He did not have a sense of humor, after all.
"She looks at me," he informed her. It was quite the strange thing and it seemed to be a trap that he was caught in. That human, Kikyo, she had looked at him before, really looked at him. It was almost unsettling, but it was quite fascinating. He was drawn to her because of it.
"She didn't look at you. You know they can't see you. She looked in the direction that you were standing," the ruby-eyed female pointed out since that was the most logical thing to have occurred, adding a couple of hand gestures to help sell it. Humans never looked at angels, especially not an angel of life and death like Sesshomaru. Humans could not see angels. The woman had to have just looked in his direction, she figured.
"Kagura, I have seen much more than you have in my existence. I know when a human is looking at me or in my direction. She has looked at me, more than once," Sesshomaru insisted, sounding a bit annoyed that he was being questioned on the matter. He would like to think he was intelligent enough to know when someone was looking at him.
"And when did she do that?" Kagura inquired, sounding as if she had just beaten him in a little game because she doubted he could prove his claim. She even had the nerve to look haughty over it.
"The day that I took her mother. She was a young thing, standing at her mother's bedside. When I arrived, I stood on the opposite side of her. She looked up at me with the sorrowful eyes of a child that feared losing the only person that she had in the world, but also with wisdom beyond her years. She took her mother's hand and promised that the pain would go away. She kissed her mother and then informed me that I could now have her mother. She looked dead at me and ordered that I released her mother from all of the agony that life had given her. I did as I was supposed to and she continued to stare at me and then at her mother's spiritual form. She thanked me and bid her mother a teary farewell," Sesshomaru explained in almost his usual emotionless tone, but he let a little bit of awe sneak in there. He doubted that he would ever forget that day and usually one individual incident like that did not stand out in an angel's mind.
"All right, so she saw you and spoke to you once. Big damn deal. I'm sure it's happened before," Kagura said in a dismissive tone, waving the whole thing off. Surely, every now and then some human noticed him for a second, she figured. It was not like the woman held an hour long conversation with him or stared at him more than once.
"Yes, every few centuries a human can see me or some other angel that should never be witnessed, but she was different. She spoke kind, gentle words to me. And she has seen me other times. She recognizes when I'm near, even if she can't see me. She speaks to me and her voice is like nothing the heavens can offer," Sesshomaru replied, coming very close to sounding dreamy.
His words shocked his companion to the point that it almost showed on her face, but she managed to control herself. Sesshomaru sounds like a romantic, Kagura commented mentally. That was very unlike him and it was not good for him to start acting so unlike himself. It would just get him into trouble if his words hinted at anything more underneath his cold demeanor.
"Sesshomaru, don't," Kagura warned him. "You know the rules."
"I do, but they mean nothing to me," Sesshomaru said in his typical bored voice. He even waved her off, dismissing her words completely.
"If you care for that woman, they'll mean something to you," she replied in a slightly forceful voice, hoping that would get through to him to keep him from doing anything foolish.
"She only intrigues me. She's just a human, after all. And you are one to talk of rules. You've been punished at least three times while neglecting your duties," he countered with a distasteful curl to his lip, obviously insulted that she would have the nerve to lecture him. He, on the other hand, had never been punished for anything because he was perfect and perfection could only be perfect.
She rolled her eyes. "Ah, sometimes the job isn't worth it. I hate it when my charge is a fucking moron that wouldn't know a good decision if it bit him in the ass. I'd rather be enjoying this lovely green world left to the humans," she commented with a strange longing flashing in her bright scarlet eyes. There was some sorrowful, but wishful yearning in her voice as she spoke that last sentence.
"Why don't you just go rogue then?" he asked because he was very sick of hearing her "I am the wind" speech that she had been spewing for who-only-knew-how-long. For too long really.
Despite an angel's will not usually being her own, except for those that tried their damnedest, Kagura was stuck in the middle by having desires, but not acting on them. Sesshomaru suspected she was not long for the heavens because one day, she was more than likely going to evolve freewill and then she would go after what she ached for. Only a fool suffered when their goal was right before them, after all; or so he thought, anyway. And while he thought Kagura was many things, he would not label her an out and out fool.
Kagura only rolled her eyes to Sesshomaru's suggestion of going rogue, as he knew she would because she had done it before every time he made the proposal. One day, she would definitely go for it, he believed. But, at the moment, she did not have it in her. He, on the other hand, was getting closer and closer to an angel's worst nightmare – the moment where he would have to act. Both of their futures were inevitable, his was just sooner than Kagura's and he knew that. He was prepared for it, or so he thought.
Kikyo attended to a young teenage girl in the small village that she resided in. Well, she sort of resided in the village anyway. The girl had been bedridden for the past few weeks with coughing fits and fevers that were coming on and off. Kikyo thought she would be able to help the girl with her knowledge of herbal remedies, but after taking care of the girl for so long and noticing that she only got worse by the second, the priestess knew the truth of the matter.
The girl was now panting and gasping in every breath that she took. Sweat gathered on her forehead as it had been for the whole day and her pillow was soaked beneath her head with her hair drenched, sticking to her forehead. She was fighting hard and Kikyo was helping, but they were both aware that the battle was in vain. The girl was exhausted and they had lost.
All Kikyo could do beyond try to make the girl as comfortable as possible was to wait for him and she was very aware of that, but she was not too sure how she felt about it. The girl was in horrible pain, but she was still so young and she fought so bravely, only to be defeated in the end.
"Kikyo…" the girl breathed out. Her voice was so weak.
"Yes?" she replied softly, moving close, making sure the child could see her. Glassy brown eyes settled on her.
"Am I… am I going to die?" the child asked. She knew the answer to that.
Kikyo looked down at the girl with deep compassion and affection in her chocolate eyes as she nodded to confirm the question because as she glanced up she stared at the girl's death. The girl struggled for her next breath and turned away for a moment. Kikyo knew the girl was frustrated. She had been so brave.
Sesshomaru looked down at Kikyo and then at the girl that she had undoubtedly been caring for. Something came over him whenever he took a patient from Kikyo and he was not too sure what it was. Everything was new to him when it came to the human priestess. The silver-haired angel disliked taking her patients because she eyed him for the whole time he was there. He was generally there longer than necessary when she was involved because she was there. She always looked at him, which disarmed him and discomforted him slightly. He actually felt something when he took her patients. He had come to learn that it was remorse. He knew that when those in her care entered his care, it appeared neglectful on her part, as if it was her fault. He did not take kindly to making her look bad.
"Don't worry," Kikyo told the girl in a gentle, reassuring tone. "It won't hurt anymore and death is so beautiful you won't even notice," the miko promised her patient with a small, comforting smile.
Sesshomaru arched a curious eyebrow to Kikyo's words before taking the ailing girl into his care. He wondered what she meant by saying that death was beautiful. As promised, it was painless and from the way the girl now looked at him, she had not noticed she died. Kikyo smiled a bit and waved slightly at both of them before they faded from view. She then went about her business after informing the girl's parents of her passing in the best way that she could. Kikyo did not want to see the parents weep. She understood the tears all too well. So, she made herself scarce after telling them the news.
The chocolate-eyed miko had seen Sesshomaru about a dozen times in her life, starting with the time that he took her mother. Sometimes, she could see him more clearly than others, but she could see him. She noted he was a very apathetic looking fellow, appearing to hold no feelings one way or another for what he did. She did not know why that was. She was not even sure what he was. She just knew he manifested himself in a form that she could see when someone was about to die. And, though it might seem odd, she liked seeing him.
Sesshomaru was a sight to behold. There was something magnificent in witnessing him that Kikyo could not put her finger on. It was just the way he carried himself that made him seem regal. There was always a slight tilt of his head and his posture was straight, but not rigid. He was like elegance personified.
She also knew his presence meant someone's suffering would end. He only showed up after someone had been battling against illness and it was obvious the person just could not take the pain anymore. There were a couple of occasions where his presence saddened her, lives that she had truly believed that she could save, but it seemed she was wrong. She did not fault him either and sometimes, in his eyes, she could see him telling her it was not her fault either. It was just those people's time to go and nothing she could have done could prevent that. She managed to find comfort in those hard golden eyes because of that.
Kikyo quietly made her way back to her little, one-room hut that was just outside of the village and near the vast woods. To call the house cozy was being kind and to call it small would probably be an understatement, but it was her home and held everything that she had ever loved, which were mostly memories rather than anything physical. The tiny cabin was actually her mother's home and she just could not bear to leave it.
The house was a good place for the fair-skinned woman to live anyway because it allowed her easy access to the village and gave her a chance to keep the forest free of vicious demons and other evil apparitions. This was a way for her to keep the village safe by keeping the woods clear. She did not mind that it was a bit of a walk from her home to the village, liking to take the little dirt road from her place to the small town anyway. She also enjoyed living near the woods because she could get everything she needed to live right in her own backyard if she needed to.
The ebony-haired priestess had a very simple lifestyle. The villager typically provided her with food in return for her services and protection from the demons. Sometimes, she managed to find time and gather food from the forest, but if she wanted a real meal, she depended on the townspeople. They did not seem to have a problem with providing for her since she did everything in her power to keep them safe from apparitions and to see to their health problems since the nearest doctor was about a three days' walk away. Many times, they thanked her just for being "their" miko.
Kikyo strolled to the clear, clean stream that was by her home, having to maneuver through a few lush green bushes to get there. She was planning to get a cool drink of water, but she stopped by the stream and did not move. She could feel his presence, feel his fingers nipping at her cheeks, almost smell him even, but she could not see him. She just could sense him and she knew why he came to her.
Sesshomaru moved around Kikyo like a mist. He knew she was aware of him, but she could not see him. She was the only person that ever sensed his presence. A few people over the millennium had seen him, but only she could tell when he was just there. At the moment, he was trying to touch her, but it was rather impossible without a physical body. He ached to know what she felt like and beyond that, even though he did not know there were even senses beyond touching her.
"You don't have to apologize," Kikyo whispered, sounding quite tender to ease away the guilt she just knew he felt even better than he did. She knew the angel had come to apologize for taking the girl, which was the reason that he had come in a way. "It was her time and you were only doing your job. I don't hold it against you. I'm actually glad you're around." She smiled softly and he traced her lips with his fingers. "You're the only company I get, except for the few occasions when the children from the village come to visit." It would be nice if he could speak to her, but she accepted just being able to slightly feel that he was around.
Sesshomaru would love nothing more than to speak with Kikyo, even though he had no clue as to what he would talk about beyond her. She just intrigued him to no end. He was curious about everything in regards to her, her hopes, her dreams, her desires; her desires especially. He could tell her selfless demeanor belied her heart somewhat. She lived like a hermit and sacrificed a social life for the people, but he knew that she longed for someone, even before she basically just admitted it to him.
"If only I could speak to you. I would tell you how something troubles me. It gnaws at parts I don't even have. I dislike that I took your mother from you, your only company. It was her time, but she was all you had and now…" He growled, upset that she could not hear him. Maybe she could tell him what he felt. It seemed like something no angel should do.
He was experiencing more of that remorse and guilt thanks to her. How could she affect him in such a way? He did not know and the angel could truly careless than nothing about the answer.
"Kikyo," he breathed her name and it sounded as if the wind was trying to speak with her. A tiny breeze that was her name on his lips caressed her delicate cheek. There has to be someway to communicate with her, he thought. There had to be someway to touch her, feel her, and he would figure it out.
Kikyo recalled lying down to go to sleep, but that did not explain why at the moment she was engulfed in pure darkness from every direction. There had been a fairly bright moon out when she had gone to sleep, after all. She recollected that the heavenly body had been shining into her home through her lone window, intruding on her, which she did not mind.
The priestess tried not to panic, as she looked around the void, hoping to spot something, anything would do. She wanted to know she was not completely covered in shadows. All she saw was an endless sea of jet black. Her bow and quiver would have been appreciated at the moment since she was unarmed and she did not know what was going on. To her credit, she did not fall apart as many people would to find themselves coated in blackness, but she was not keeping it totally together as she would have liked.
Making sure to breath at a normal pace, Kikyo balled her hands into fists to keep from fidgeting. Just remain calm and try to think how you came to be in this place. She then heard footsteps. The footsteps sounded as if they were coming from every direction, so she did not know where to look, but she turned around frantically, spinning in circles almost to locate the source of the noise. She could not see anything or anyone. Her heart rate increased while her body tensed. She was more on guard than afraid, but there was some fear underneath her hardened shell. And then he was standing before as if he had appeared out of thin air.
"You," she whispered, gasping as she spoke and she took a step back. Her deep brown eyes went wide as he stood before her, looking quite solid for the first time to her. It was almost like she could reach out and touch him, she silently realized.
"Kikyo," Sesshomaru said her name in his usual low voice. There was an underlying pleased tone in his voice, almost like a purr, and a smile trying very hard to tug its way onto his stoic face.
The angel could not believe that it had taken him so long to come up with such a brilliant idea. It was so simple, but he had never tried it. He thought such a plan might be beyond him because he was not supposed to interact with humans as he was doing at the moment. It was obviously worth the try, though, because there he was, standing with her. Oh, he was very close to being delighted.
"Have I died?" Kikyo asked in a bemused tone with a furrowed brow. She guessed it was possible that she died in her sleep since going to sleep was the last thing she recalled.
He shook his head. "No, you are sleeping. This is a dream," he answered while motioning around the void with an elegant sweep of his pale hand. He knew that other angels appeared to humans in dreams, so he figured he could give it a try. It seemed to work very well.
"Then you are a figment of my imagination," she guessed, still appearing a little puzzled by what was going on. It seemed logical enough to her that he was just something that her mind concocted. She thought about him enough, so it would make sense that he would appear in her dreams at some point in time. She was surprised it had taken so long for her brain to show her such a thing.
"Hardly," he assured her in a dry tone. At the moment, he was as real as he was going to get in regards to her.
"I don't understand then," she easily admitted with a deeply bewildered look coating her beautiful chocolate eyes.
"I shall explain. But, since this is your dream, perhaps you could offer us some scenery rather than this," he said while motioning around the abyss once more.
"How would I go about doing that?" she inquired, looking around. She arched an eyebrow. She did not know what was going on, so he was going to have to start explaining things to her if he wanted her participation in what was happening.
"Just picture some scenery," he answered in a calm, smooth tone. His words wrapped themselves around her and felt like they embarrassed her.
Kikyo nodded and thought about the area just outside of her home since it was simple and easy for her to picture. Suddenly, the void changed into the forest, right near the stream that was yards away from her little house. He looked around and fought the urge to smile because he knew she would go with what was most familiar to her. He would like to show her the world beyond her village and her forest. One day I will, he silently vowed.
"Is this all right?" Kikyo asked curiously since he had not said anything and his expression did not change as he looked around.
"It'll do," he assured her.
"Who are you?" she asked him the question that had been on her mind since she was eight years old. When she was little, she used to make up names for him, but never thought that any of them were close. She was about to find out that none of the names that she had come up with were close.
"Sesshomaru, angel of life and death," he introduced himself as if it was normal, even though it was the first time that he had ever uttered his name and job in the same sentence. Anyone that knew him obviously knew what he was and what he did already, so he had never had to introduce himself as he had just done. He did not often offer up his name because he did not see the need to, especially since his name had nothing to do with his job. Everything was strange for his tongue, but he was happy to be able to do this with her.
"Angel?" she echoed. Her eyebrows came close together as her face scrunched together in confusion.
"Yes, I'm an angel."
"I don't understand," she confessed again. Why is an angel visiting me in my dreams? She doubted that anyone would understand.
"I will explain it all to you now that I know it's possible for me to manifest myself to you," Sesshomaru said. As long as she remained asleep, he would be able to speak with her, to interact with her. He should be able to sate his curiosity once he comprehended her better. Of course, he was still going to be reprimanded by the higher-ups for going beyond his role and actually mingling with a human being. Maybe she will not be punished for my actions, though, he considered. After all, this is all my doing.
Next time: Sesshomaru and Kikyo get together the only way that they can, in her dreams, and they grow fond of each other. Bad move.