Two Seeds in a Pod

By: BlackDragonDiva

Published: 2/17/06

Disclaimers: I don't own Naruto

Warnings: Pure cracked drabble. forgive me for the crackiness. some swearing.


When she brought them home she could have sworn they were two seeds in a pod. Both abandoned, both looking so forlorn picking through the garbage scraps in the dirty alleyway. Their fur was so filthy that upon first glance you couldn't tell if there was actually a color to the hair beneath the matted sludge of rotting … junk that they had gone through in search of something to eat.

She should have known it was a stupid thing to think. One she had found in the richest part of town, its coat silky under that night's layer of dust and grime. Clearly it took care of itself and just hadn't gotten around to a proper grooming just yet that night.

She took it home, where she gave it a bath (much to its displeasure), which revealed glossy black fur and allowed her to get close enough to understand that it had odd black eyes. She tried toweling it dry, but as soon as she reached for what the cat probably only saw as the 'big fluffy thing of darkness and more infuriating rubbing from the pink-haired annoyance' it bolted away. It took her nearly an hour to find it, crouched between the ceiling and her tall entertainment system. A Ninja Kitty.

It had licked itself dry and seemed frightfully amused when she finally spotted it. The amusement turned to indifference instantly. Sakura sighed and left it to its own devices. At least it wasn't a problem litter training it.


It was two weeks later when she saw the second blur of nearly indistinguishable 'catness'. The owner of the ramen shop was shouting at it, waving a noodle cage in the air. When it was out of site he sighed and shook his head. With a small smile and a mutter about 'clever devils' he returned to his customers.

Sakura turned away from the shop, walking quickly in the direction she had last seen the cat disappear down. The ally was rittled with rot and the corpses of old fruit. She scrunched her nose and held her medical books closer to her chest. What a place for a cat to live. It took very little time to find the creature, happily wolfing down fishcakes. She watched it eat. It was skinny under its pelt, just as the cat at home had been when she had first found him. He was already gaining weight.

The fishcake-stealer looked up after finishing its meal. Upon seeing her it meowed loudly and licked its chops. She could have sworn it grinned at her. When it walked up to her it was hard to just leave it in the ally. Besides, Sasuke needed a friend.


The black cat Sakura had named Sasuke sat watching from the bathroom door. Unlike him, this new creature's long, obscenely orange fur looked like it hadn't been properly cleaned in weeks. Ramen noodle oil matted it so thickly Sakura gave up trying to wash it out. She got out the clippers.

Sasuke turned away, tail high, and went to inspect the warm breeze that whispered through the opened window and over his large windowsill in the living room. The orange annoyance's yowl of fear carried out over the sound of a party the next house over. Sasuke curled up to sleep.


Sakura held her head. She couldn't think. It was just too hard. She sighed. The new healing jutsu she had been instructed to learn was so complex that it was hard to realize that it was actually doable.

Naruto lie at her feet. Well, more accurately, on her feet. It was too hot for this but he seemed too content for her to just kick him away. And his fur which had grown back over the last month had grown out soft and thick. The orange kitten, Naruto (after all, he did love his fishcakes), vied for her attention at every turn. She glanced at Sasuke. She loved him for his sleekness, his arrogant, cat-nature. Naruto was all too happy to have her attention at every turn, be it when he chased his fluffy tail (the only part of his fur she could spare from the clippers) or snuggling against her neck when she slept, rubbing his cold wet nose against her skin. he was becoming furiously annoying.

Sakura sat back and took a deep breath. The heat was getting to her. Judging from the barking of the dogs next door it was getting to everything.

"Akamaru! Kiba! Shut up you sonsofabitches!" Yes, Akamaru and Kiba's owner could attest to the heat too. The dogs instantly fell silent.

Sasuke snorted and turned away from the window, his tail beginning to flick irritably. If a cat could wrinkle his nose in annoyance the mini black panther did it. Sakura chuckled. Naruto woke up.

A sudden flash of orange fur put the thoughts of the heat far from Sakura's mind. Sasuke was immediately on his feet, back arched and mouth gapping in a hiss. Naruto didn't heed the warning and pounced. Sasuke raised a paw and…

SWAT!

Naruto gave a small yowl of pain as he never made it to the windowsill. He had scrambled to attach his claws to the ledge and then twisted and writhed as he met with nothing. He landed heavily on his hip under Sasuke's sill. The black kitten raised the paw that had done the offending deed and began his daily wash.

Sakura surpressed a groan. It had been this way for the entire month she had owned the two. The littlest thing set them off, from Sakura opening a box of cat food to one drinking from the water bowl. The only difference now was the tuffs of orange fur she had to clean up.

The medic rubbed her head. That was it. It was clear that she couldn't handle both. Hell, they couldn't handle each other. She got up and picked up the phone. Kakashi seemed like a cat person.


Sasuke moped. No, he angsted. Like some pitiful little teenager who'd been banned from his most precious skateboard. He glared at her.

"What?" she asked, exasperated.

He snorted and turned away, tail high, to pace his windowsill. Shaking her head Sakura went back to studying. It was less than an hour later when he was back. She was tempted to throw a scroll at him. It had only been three days! Surely he would return to himself. She nodded. Yes, he was just going through paranoia without the orange tabby around to piss him off. Of course.


"Take him! God, just get him away!"

"But Genma-sama, you love cats!" Sakura said as she struggled against the tabby, which had quickly attached itself to her shoulder and began to knead and purr into her shirt. The jounin put his hands out in surrender.

"I used to! And then you gave me that…. THING! He wont shut up, he shits everywhere and he wont leave me alone!"

"Genma-sama, he'll start to use the litter box when he learns where it is and as soon as he's settled in he'll be quieter." She said nothing about the 'stalking' factor. He stalked everyone. Genma looked ready to turn heel and run, clutching his forehead protector in his haste. Surely Naruto hadn't been that bad?

"No! Just no! Give him to Gai!"

"Gai had him two weeks ago but his puppy Lee kept getting too hyper-active with him."

"Then give him to Kuranei! She likes everything!"

"But Naruto kept playing with her bunny Hinata and she was afraid he might hurt her." Sakura pulled Naruto away from her shirt with a wince. How had his claws gotten so sharp?

"Listen, I don't care who you give him to, but keep him away from me, okay? I think my orange-furred nightmares need to stop!"

Sakura sighed. Ino-pig maybe…


Sasuke didn't even bother looking at her anymore. It'd been three weeks. Every few days Sakura had Naruto somehow shoved back into her arms, where she would then proceed onto the next person on her list. No one seemed to want him.

Kakashi had issues with the cat laying on his porn books and literally ruffling Iruka's feathers. The parrot liked the cat, but not THAT much.

She had tried Shino but Naruto kept eating all of his bugs. She'd never seen him so mad before…

Tsunade already had Tonton and Shizune was allergic.

The Hyuuga's had issues with him pawing at their pet hawk, Neji, who, for his credit, gave as good as he got even through the aviary bars. Naruto had been returned with multiple bites.

Ino's own cat, Shikamaru, was practically mauled by the tabby, mostly because he was too lazy to move before the other attacked. Not to mention the Corgi she owned, Chouji, was looking at him more and more like his next meal and less like his new friend.

Sakura sighed. Naruto was trying his luck with TenTen right now. She had a feeling that living next to the Inuzuka's would prove to force the girl to give up the cat. Sakura looked at the crinkled yellow paper in her hands. Temari was left, but her pet raccoon, Gaara, had a nasty temper. She didn't want to go that far. It'd be cruel.

Sasuke walked straight past her to the food dish. It was empty. In retaliation he knocked over his water bowl. She slammed her fist on the table and shouted. He glanced at her, then at his bowl, then at the door, then back to her. Elegantly he rose, walked to the door, and spread out over the welcome mat.


TenTen was in tears. Naruto was clutched against her chest in a vice grip and, by the looks of it, trying to escape.

"TenTen, what's wrong?" The girl gave a great, heaving sob.

"My mom wont let me keep him! He scratched my little brother just ONCE and she wont let me keep him!" the brunette said, tears overcoming her again. Sakura bit her lip and carefully began to pry the cat from the broken-hearted girl's arms.

"Its okay, TenTen, I'll keep him then. You can visit him any time you want," she said quietly, pulling the girl in for a hug. Naruto was squished between them, but seemed content to purr against her chest, snuggling into her breasts.

'He's probably a feline pervert… next he'll be sniffing my underwear,' Sakura thought in distaste. Bleh, now she was stuck with the thing…


Naruto leapt out of her arms the second she entered the house. After being away for nearly a month he was surprisingly quick in locating Sasuke, who was laying on top of the entertainment center. Sulking. Again.

The black cat jumped down immediately and tackled the tabby, growling and swatting at him angrily. Naruto was swatting back.

He was purring.

Sakura sighed. She went in search of the Swifer to clean up what was likely to be a huge pile of fur in a few minutes off from her kitchen floor. Stupid cats.


When Sakura re-entered the room after cleaning the kitchen from the most recent of the nearly non-stop catfights that had occurred over the past three days she met with a surprising sight.

The windowsill in the living room was wide and easily sat on by a full-grown human. But it had been claimed as 'Sasuke's Sill'. Sitting on it was met with a glare and, if you didn't move fast enough, non-too-kind claws digging into the closest part of your anatomy as Sasuke used you as a grip to pull himself onto the sill. So it was odd to see something oddly too bright to be Sasuke on the sill.

There, curled against the sulky, aloof black feline was Naruto, purring contently as he shared Sasuke's sunbeam.

Maybe they were two seeds in a pod after all.


A/N: a drabble inspired by anAskerian drabble challenge in her LJ. too cute to pass up.