Disclaimer: The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke, and are owned by the WB network. No profit is being made.
Sequel to: Going Under
NOTE TO READERS: This story follows a story series, so if you haven't read the others you may want to. The order in which they should be read are: Uninvited, Whisper, Going Under, and now its sequel: Until it Sleeps. The story series will on occasion crossover with events from the show, but ultimately will diverge and become its own. I haven't decided exactly where it's headed, but I do know that things may get pretty dark as the story goes on, and may even look hopeless, but their could be redemption for Sam, yet, but what kind: a life free from the demon or merciful death at the hands of a loved one to save him from evil, or perhaps from his own hand. I haven't decided yet.
Let me know what you think. Read and Review! And, to everyone that takes the time to write a review on my other Supernatural stories, thanks!
Side Note: The story title and inspiration comes from the Metallica song, "Until it Sleeps."Until it Sleeps
By Dawn Nyberg
Where do I take this pain of mine? I'd run, but it stays right by my side … Just like a curse, just like a stray, you feed it once, and now it stays. Lyrics from, Until it Sleeps.
The road seemed to stretch forever and Sam was getting the feeling of being boxed in and he wanted out. It had been a month since he and Dean had left Michigan and he still carried the burden of Max's death. Dean had tried to assure him that Max was far too gone to be saved, and that he couldn't have prevented what happened. Sam recalled the conversation he had had with Max and that he'd said to the boy 'they were chosen.' He had avoided mentioning the whole 'alpha' and 'Omega' thing to Max. It didn't seem the right time to tell the kid. And, then it was over, and Max had turned the gun on himself. Sam thought that it was likely that the demon had lied to him about there being only one left and that all the others had killed themselves. If Sam had learned anything about evil in his life is that it isn't stupid or careless. The demon would have his bases covered. Sam thought he had it figured out though, why he was so special to this demon. The others as best he could figure only had a single ability each. Even Max only had one. But, Sam had two that he knew of. Although, the telekinesis had only happened once he was sure it would come back. And, he had a feeling there was much more inside, and it scared him.
There was so much going on, and he hated that he had actually admitted to Dean that he was scared, but he was. He knew what the demon had said to him and the images still burned his mind. He was only slightly happy that the visions he'd experienced in Michigan hadn't caused a seizure, but the pain was bad, almost blinding. And, now he had to deal with the telekinesis issue. He didn't even want to deal with it at all, and Dean didn't seem to eager to pursue it either. Both hoped it wouldn't happen again. It was a fluke they both secretly wished, but doubted. Sam idly rubbed his head against the dull ache that decided to seed itself in his forehead.
"You okay?" Dean asked his voice casual, but concerned.
"Yeah," Sam's voice sounded tired. "I'm climbing out of my skin, man. Can we stop pretty soon?"
"Yeah, we need gas anyway. We should be in Lawrence by tomorrow." Sam just nodded at his older brother and looked back out the window. He knew he couldn't see Missouri. She'd crawl into his head and read his thoughts. He knew he couldn't block her not because he doubted he couldn't, but because he didn't know how. He knew she'd know the demon had contacted him, that it had touched his life, and his mind. The whole psychic thing was still new, and now some hidden ability of telekinesis that he knew was in him, but hadn't returned. He felt like a ticking time bomb. He had been able to persuade Dean to give him some time off before heading to Lawrence, but now they were headed there, and he felt like he was heading to his execution. He had to leave Dean before he got his brother hurt or worse killed. Dean had said himself back in Michigan, 'As long as I'm around nothin' bad is going to happen to you.' And, Sam knew Dean meant it, and he had to save his big brother from sacrificing himself in order to protect him. He knew Dean would stop for the night if he said he didn't feel well. If he had to play that card against his big brother he would. He'd wait until Dean was asleep and sneak out. He had to leave Dean it was the only way. Now or never, he thought.
"Dean," Sam's voice sounded strained and his brother snapped his head toward the younger Winchester.
"Sammy? What's wrong?"
"Jesus!" Sam groaned as he leaned forward holding his head. Dean pulled over onto the shoulder of the road. Sam had to keep the act up. He hated doing this to his brother, but it was for his own safety. He had to protect Dean.
"Sammy?" Dean's voice was concerned. Sam felt his big brother place a hand on his shoulder as he was leaned forward.
Damn, I hate myself for making him worry. How can I do this to him? It has to be done. Sam thought to himself. "I'm okay," Sam's voice sounded pained and he leaned back up toward the seat. He turned his head slightly and caught Dean's eyes.
"Sam I'll get you a pill, okay?" Dean put his hand on the driver's door to go get in the trunk. Sam's hand on his shoulder stopped his movement. "What?" Dean looked at Sam.
"No pills, Dean." Sam's voice brooked no argument.
"Dammit, Sammy." Dean hissed as he rotated back forward in his seat as his hand left the door handle. "You're in pain, you need something. I can't handle it again if you have another seizure. I can't, okay?"
I know. And, you won't have to again, Dean. Sam thought. "I'm sorry I put you through that, Dean." Sam looked away from his brother. "I just don't want the pills."
"Sam," Dean's voice was tentative. "Please, don't apologize. You didn't put me through anything. Understand? It's those damn visions," he spat. "I can't…"
"Can't protect me from them," Sam offered bluntly. And, Dean's eyes snapped toward his brother. Sam rubbed his temple as if distracted for a moment by pain.
"Dean," Sam began. "I gotta stop for today." Dean's concern jumped a few levels at that statement.
"Sam, what wrong? Talk to me?" He studied his little brother's features. "Hospital?"
"No!" Sam blurted. "No, more damn hospitals. I just need to lie down, all right?"
Forty minutes later, Dean and found them a motel and had called Missouri to say they'd stopped, so they would arrive a little later than expected tomorrow. Sam had showered and went to his bed with little conversation. Dean had unloaded the car, and sat the baggie of pills on the bureau next to Sam's things, just in case they were needed. Sam's was curled on his side with his back to his brother's bed. Dean had slipped out earlier and bought some dinner to bring back from a local diner, and made Sam eat.
"You're quiet," Dean broke the silence.
"Sorry." Sam knew that when the sun came up he wouldn't be here. And, these were the last hours with his big brother. He had to leave Dean's life to keep him safe. He had to fight the evil that wanted to claim him, but the pull was so strong. He had to consider his options. But, staying with his brother wasn't one of them. Dean was at risk as long as Sam was in his life, this youngest Winchester was absolutely sure. The sun had set completely and while the TV droned on Sam got up and pulled a notebook from his duffel and crawled back into his bed. He could hear the shower running as his big brother showered. He began a letter to Dean. He took a deep breath realizing this letter would have to say a lifetime of things. He put the pen to paper and began.
I imagine you're pretty pissed at this moment, and I can't say I don't blame you. There isn't anything I can say to you that will make this okay with you, I know that. I had to do this, and that's just the way it is. Don't try to track me because it'll only be a waste of time. You know if I don't want to be found I won't be, after all, we learned from the best. I don't want you thinking you failed, okay? You've never failed me in my eyes. You've been awesome. I can't tell you why I left, but know I never would have if there were another way. Dad, isn't going to understand, and don't let him blame you for anything. I couldn't see Missouri. I couldn't face her getting in my head. Dean, I have so many things I want to say to you, but there isn't enough time or paper to say them. And, thank you doesn't seem to cut it, but thanks.
Thank you, for being my big brother, and my friend. Thanks for looking out for me my entire life. In a lot of ways you raised me more so than Dad. You should have had a childhood, and I take responsibility for you not getting that after Mom died. I'm sorry, you deserved better. It would have been better if I had never been born your life and Dad's would have been so different. Hell, Jessica would still be alive if I had never been born. Look, things just are the way they are. No turning back clocks. I know that now.
You've spent your life protecting me Dean, and now it's my turn to watch your back. You're safer without me around. My wish for you is to have a life without hunting. I'm not sure you'd ever quit, but it's my hope for you. Have a life, Dean. Live, okay?
The bathroom door opening up halted Sam's pen. He looked up as his brother walked into the room. "Whatcha writin'?" Dean asked with a smile. He was glad Sam was up and looked to be in no pain.
"Nothin', just stuff," Sam said with a smile.
"Toss me the remote, Shakespeare," Dean said smiling. Sam rolled his eyes and tossed the remote.
Sam turned his eyes back to his letter. He was going to miss his brother.
Take a break or something Dean. Go to Missouri's and regroup. There isn't anything that I'm going to be able to say in this letter that won't make you pissed at me for leaving. I can't have you putting yourself at risk all the time for me Dean. I know you think it's your job or something, to keep me safe, and you've been great. But, I can't deal with the idea of you getting hurt or killed for me. Look, I'm not gonna lie to you about this one thing, but something is coming, and it's not good. You need to help Dad kill the demon that killed Mom and Jess. But, be safe. Dad may have to do something that will go against every instinct you have, but forgive him if it comes to that. I know this isn't making sense, but one day it might and you'll know when the time comes.
I guess I better go. Remember, don't go looking for me because it's pointless, I'm gone. Tell Dad I said bye, and that I did what I had too. This isn't your fault Dean; I can't say that enough so believe it. I guess I better say goodbye now. I was lucky to have had you as a big brother. A privilege, I mean that. I'll miss your bossy ass! Take care of yourself, man. I meant what I said, have a life and live. Be happy. I know you'll keep hunting the demon, but when it's over, have a life and really live. It's all I want for you. And, maybe one in a while remember you had a little pain in the ass geek boy, little brother, and smile.
It was after 3 AM when Sam moved stealthily around the room. He folded the letter into an envelope he had pulled earlier from the motel desk in their room. He wrote Dean's name on the front, and placed it on top of his brother's belongings. He had everything, and was ready to go. He saw the baggie of pills and grabbed them not so much for himself, but to ease Dean's worry, if just a little bit. He tucked them inside an outside pocket on his duffel. He turned once at the door and looked at his brother and suddenly he realized that this was probably the last time he would see him. He smiled sadly, and left closing the door quietly behind him. And, Sam Winchester was gone.
Dean had been awake for a while now, and he sat at the edge of his bed reading the letter from his little brother for the fifth time. His hands shook slightly as he held it. His eyes going back over ever word. Silent tears ran down his cheeks, and he did nothing to stop their decent. "Sam," it was a mere whisper filled with anguish, fearand loss.Four Hours Later
Dean was on the road to Lawrence. It was his hope that his Dad would come. He had called his father and told him that Sam took off. It hadn't been an easy call to make, but he had made it. He rolled through his contacts and stopped on Sam, and although he didn't expect him to answer he called anyway. Voice mail picked up. He left a message.
Sammy! Listen shit for brains. I don't know what you got goin' on in that freaky head of yours, but this was a bonehead, certifiably insane idea you came up with this time. Where are you? I got your letter, and you're damn right, I'm pissed. Look just call and let me know you're okay, please? I'm going to Lawrence. Sammy, what ever is wrong we can face it together. Dean closed his phone. He hadn't meant to be so angry on the phone, but he hoped it snapped his brother out of whatever had control of his thought processes right now. His mind drifted back to the words of his little brother's letter. It felt so final. Sam had said he was 'gone' and said to 'remember him once in a while,' he wasn't going to lose his brother. He wouldn't accept that Sammy was gone for good. No way, not gonna happen, he thought to himself.
Dean pressed down on the accelerator and headed to Lawrence. This was just a speed bump. He'd get Sam back. His mind drifted again to the words of his brother's letter, 'something is coming, and it's not good', and about 'forgiving his Dad' for something he may have to do. It was cryptic and scary. Dean knew Sam was holding out on him. Damn vision boy, he thought. Dean Winchester was a man on a mission, and his one goal, get Sammy back.
To be continued. Do you want more? Let me know what you think? Like it, hate it? Thanks for reading. And, REVIEWS are wonderful motivators!