AN: I wrote this awhile ago, thought I'd post it and see if I get any feedback...
POV ONE - Street smart POV TWO - Good girl
I know what they say. "It's not your fault." And; "It's about control, nothing else." But it's doesn't matter. Once it's happened to you, nothing anybody says can make a difference.
And maybe it's different for others, I really don't know. But when you've lived a life like mine... well, the thoughts are always in the back of your mind. And it's not going to change the fact: It is my fault.
Maybe I don't ask him to it. And I said no. But sometime words, or the lack of words, doesn't mean anything. It's just payback, plain and simple. Payback for the things I've done, and the things I said. Even if I didn't mean them.
Cause, god knows, I've screwed up on more than one occasion. Drugs, alcohol, men. I'll be the first to admit, I've made some bad decisions. Hung with the wrong people, made crappy moves.
And this is just payback. For all the wrongs I've done. For for all the people I've hurt. Just call it my penance.
Payback... plain and simple.
I don't understand. Why is this happening to me? What have I done to deserve this? I'm a good girl... why me?
Maybe it's because of that. I've been the perfect child. I don't talk back, I don't drink or do drugs. I go to church every Sunday. And no, I'm not stupid. I know there's a lot of bad things that go on in the world. People who have to deal with this everyday.
So maybe it's my penance. For having a good life. Payback for someone else having to sleep in the street while I'm in my warm bed. For have two parents who love me... maybe is just payback, plain and simple.
It's not my fault though. Nothing I did or didn't do could of changed this... right? It's not my fault that he wouldn't listen, that he didn't understand why I was waiting. It's his...
Payback? Not so plain and simple...