POV One: 'Good Girl'
Isn't it supposed to get easier as time goes on? You know the whole 'time will heal all wounds' thing. Or something like that… I'm not good with remembering words. Aren't you supposed to get better, breathe easier when you go out? If that's the case, then I'm an exception to the rules.
It's gotten harder… I hate leaving the house. I threw away most of my clothes because I can't stand showing even a little skin. I cut my hair because I couldn't stomach the thought of leaving the house long enough to get my color redone.
My friends have stopped coming around to see me, I bore them now. And I haven't had a date since that unfortunate night. Not that it matters… I wouldn't be able to go on a date anyway. I freak out if a guy even looks at me, much less touches me.
I dread the days when I have to go to work. I've already been fired from two jobs because of my 'episodes'. It's only a matter of time before I lose this job too. I'm twenty and I'm still living with my parents, because I can't bear the thought of living alone.
It doesn't get easier… time just makes it worse.
POV Two: 'Street Smart'
Damn this… I used to be able to walk the streets with my head held high. I used to be respected… I was the bitch of the streets. Now I'm the freak of the streets. I've lost my edge, I've lost my reputation, I've lost my posse. All I have left is this pain that still lingers in my soul.
I'm alone… funny I never minded it before. But now I'm alone… no one to go to. Before I at least had my street 'friends' to hang with, they helped me keep my mind off everything. But now I'm stuck at home, at least the dingy structure I call home. I work and I come home… that's my life now.
People deal with things different ways. Rape is no different. Most women probably would try to stay as far away from the male species as possible. I'm not like that… I'm the complete opposite. It's not fun for me, but… it's what I do. I don't know why, call it my defense mechanism.
This isn't something I just got over. I've numbed myself to the majority of the pain, both physical and emotional. I really don't feel much anymore, it's just… numb. I don't react anymore. If there was a black hole in front of me, I wouldn't give a damn.
It still hurts… and I'm still paying.