My first fanfic ever. I hope you like it. It's meant to be funny and pretty much pointless, so you can laugh. Hopefully, you will laugh…or at least have a small chuckle.
Disclaimer: I don't own High School Musical or Pepto-Bismol or Purell or Capri Sun or Twinkies although I do think they're delicious and very fattening. (Do I even have to mention all of this?)
Fact: The incident with the somewhat chubby guy did really happen. Not kidding.
Okay, let's actually get to the story!
Rrrrriiiiiiiiiiing! The bell rang for lunch and Troy and Chad headed out of math class.
"I'm telling you man. The length of the latus rectum is the absolute value of one over x," Chad said.
"No way, it's one over y," Troy argued.
"Ewww. Who would wanna measure a whatever you call it," Ryan said as he came from behind. "Anything with the word 'rectum' in it doesn't seem so pleasant to me."
Troy and Chad just laughed.
"I'll meet you at your locker and then we can find everyone else," Troy said to Chad.
Five minutes later at Chad's locker, Troy joined Chad, Ryan, Zeke, and Jason.
"Jeez, Troy. What took ya so long? You're almost as bad as the girls," Chad said.
"Ooh yeah. Five minutes, that's gotta be a record," Troy replied sarcastically.
"Speaking of the girls, where the heck are they?" Zeke asked.
"You know girls, they take forever. And I'm not exaggerating," Chad said.
"I have a sister," Ryan said. "And I can totally vouch for that statement. I mean Sharpay takes like an hour and a half getting ready each morning. I mean what is there to do for an hour and a half?"
"I could finish my English homework," Jason said.
"I could shoot some hoops," said Chad.
"I could bake a lemon cake with white buttercream frosting and some itty bitty pink heart sprinkles," Zeke said. Everyone stared at him. "Oh yeah, and a batch of chocolate chip cookies too. Yup. That'd take about an hour and a half."
"Like I've said before, I don't try to understand the female mind. But I do wonder why girls always have to go with each other everywhere," said Chad. He started to mimic them in a high, squeaky voice. "Oh sweetie, I've gotta go buy lunch, wanna come with me? I have to go my locker; walk with me and we'll go real slowly since our legs don't have the energy to go any faster than a mile an hour. And I need to go to the bathroom, wanna escort me?"
By now, the guys were clutching their stomachs and their eyes were starting to water from laughter.
"Ha. Ha. Very funny," Taylor said.
The boys looked up to see Taylor, Sharpay, and Gabriella with their hands on their hips.
"Yeah, you'd better be," said Sharpay.
"How long were you here?" asked Chad.
"Long enough," said Gabriella. "You know what? I'm starving. Let's go eat."
The gang reached the cafeteria and sat down at a nearby table and Ryan brought out his lunch.
"Ooh, yum. Tuna salad sandwich on honey wheat bread, chips, Capri Sun and a Twinkie. Boy, am I the luckiest person in the world or what?"
Just as he was about to take a bite into his sandwich…
"Ew! Ryan! You forgot to sanitize your hands!" Sharpay exclaimed as she brought out the Purell and in the process, whacked Ryan's sandwich onto the disgusting cafeteria floor.
"My sandwich!" Ryan said as he rubbed his hands vigorously with the Purell. "At least I still have the rest of my lunch."
"Hey, I gotta go buy lunch," Gabriella said.
"Here, I'll come with you." And Taylor and Gabriella went off.
"Theory proven," Chad said while grabbing the bag of chips that Ryan pulled out. "Thanks man," he said shoving the chips down his throat.
"Hey!" Ryan yelled. Then, Kelsi came hobbling up to the table on crutches.
"Oh my gosh! Kelsi! What happened?" Sharpay asked.
Kelsi sat down slowly. "My ankle got sprained. Some guy on the bit chubby side tripped over me."
"Wait, so shouldn't he be the one with the sprained ankle?" Jason said.
"Nope. My ankle doesn't lie. It hurts," Kelsi replied, wincing.
Gabriella and Taylor came back and saw Kelsi.
"Don't ask," Kelsi said. "Hey I got this new magazine." Gabriella, Taylor, and Sharpay gathered around Kelsi and started flipping through the pages.
"Girls," Chad said as he rolled his eyes.
"I saw that," Taylor said without looking up. The boys' eyes grew wide.
"Hey look, one of those quiz thingies," Gabriella said. " 'How Blonde Are You?' "
"Whoa, shocker. I'm 20 blonde," said Taylor. "Who would've guessed? What about you Sharpay?"
"Um. I don't wanna say."
"More or less than 50?"
"Ooh ooh! I wanna try!" Ryan exclaimed.
"Dude, you're so blonde, you wouldn't even know how to take the test!" Chad joked.
"No, you're so blonde, I bet you don't even know how to spell 'blonde,' " Zeke added.
"I can too spell!" Ryan objected. "B-L—"
"That's not how you spell it. It's R-Y-A-N," Jason said.
"Really? Wait a sec…hey! That's not funny," Ryan said as everyone started cracking up. "Oh well," he shrugged it off.
"AAAAAHHHHHHH!" Sharpay screamed. "It's a-a-a-a cockroach!"
"So what?" Kelsi said.
"In my salad!"
"Ugh, ew…" everyone groaned.
"I think I lost my appetite," Ryan grumbled.
Soon, everyone began having separate conversations, except for Troy whose face was turned away from the group.
"No! Really? I cannot believe she said that about him!"
"Yeah! In front of his face!"
"It already hit the ground!"
"I absolutely loathe her."
"Yuck you ate it…"
"She really did! No lie!"
"I hate her so much I could, I could…"
"Hey I believe in the three-second rule."
"…I could kick her KNEECAPS!"
"You know what? I think my appetite is coming back! Hallelujah!"
"Hey Troy! Why aren't you talking?" Jason asked.
Troy turned around, his hands moving away from his face.
"What were you doing? Staring at some cute girl?" Chad nudged him with the elbow while Gabriella gave him a slightly menacing glare.
"Oh I wasn't doing anything."
"I was, uh, scratching my nose, um, on the inside," Troy replied with his eyes down.
"Gee, thanks for your honesty," Taylor said.
"You know what? This cafeteria doesn't exactly harbor the best memories," Gabriella said.
"Oh yeah, I remember," Taylor reminisced. "There was that one time where everybody was like staring at you. That must've been embarrassing."
"Nuh uh, what was really embarrassing was when your chilli fries got all over my new pink shirt! That was completely traumatizing!" Sharpay exclaimed. "I still have nightmares about it. I think I might have suffered permanent psychological damage."
"I'm surprised she even knows the word 'psychological,' " Kelsi whispered to Gabriella.
All of a sudden…
"Ewwww! Who broke wind?"
"Cut the cheese…" Plugs nose
"What? Where's the cheese? I'm allergic!"
"Cut the cheese?" Coughs
Pffffffffffffffft! Ryan spit out the remaining Capri Sun that he was drinking.
"Hey! Everyone's got a little bit of flatulence," Chad shrugged.
"Ugh. I think my appetite just died…again," Ryan moaned. "Does anyone have Pepto-Bismol? Ugh…"
"You know that commercial? It's really catchy," Zeke commented. "How does it go again?"
Chad, Troy, and Jason got up from the table.
"Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea…Hey Pepto-Bismol!" they sang and danced.
"That was…amazing!" Ryan said looking at them in awe. "Is this what you've been doing in your spare time?"
"Okay, don't answer that question," Gabriella shook her head.
"I'm beginning to feel better," Ryan said. "Now I can eat what's left of my lunch." He unwrapped the Twinkie.
"Well that was fun. We should eat lunch together more often," Taylor said. "Gotta go to chemistry now. C'mon Gabriella."
"See y'all later," Troy, Chad, Zeke, and Jason waved as they left.
"At least I still have my Twinkie and my dignity," Ryan said, raising the Twinkie to his mouth.
"Bye guys!" Sharpay said swinging her backpack on and knocking the Twinkie out of Ryan's hand. "Oops! Sorry!"
Ryan stared at his hand and where the Twinkie used to be.
"Hate to break it to you," Kelsi said patting him on the back, "but your dignity probably went with that Twinkie."
The latus rectum is a chord passing through the focus and parallel to the directrix of a parabola. The actual formula for the length, if you were wondering, is the absolute value of one over a. Math stuff... : )
Hope you liked it! Please R&R!