Tohru was not one for excitement, she was one for simplicity –the norm. She'd rather work, get paid, a little place to stay just for warmth and meals that could keep her alive, yes she'd rather that than be one of the rich and the famous. Low profile, she wanted nothing more.
But things changed drastically ever since she took shelter in Souma Shigure's household. It was like a sequence of surprises, each day a broken seal, revealing mysteries too much for her or any sane human being to muster. Honestly, their unique characters, lives and relationships shocked her thoroughly, shredding her into different pieces of emotions and blind conclusions. Each and everyone of the Soumas were irresponsible for their own blissful eccentricity, earning them a place in the Wonders of the World for Tohru.
They were consistent and inconsistent, honest and lying at the same time. They were soft, they were hard, they were sweet, they were sour and their out of this world characteristics were endless just as their remarkable breathtaking godlike features estranged Tohru to no extent. Not one Souma was the same with the other and even if they appeared to be, surely one kept a secret –may it be a past or a terrible mistake, a lie, an infatuation, it was enough, so much enough for Tohru to see that they indeed were mankind in one clan.
Tohru had been kind, silent and obedient. Not only she was selfless, she also was brave and lovable. It was all true, Tohru was sure of that. Not once did she do things in vain –she did everything out of her heart, out of her grown love, her endless fascination with them, and of course, the pity and grief she felt. They had her in a leash, she admits, and it was okay with her. And she always believed what her mother said and inspired to her –things always happen for a reason.
Her relationship with the Souma family was mutual –perhaps both have seen 'savior' in the other, she found them her new life after her mother's death and they, in return, found in her the love and care all of them seemed to have lacked and longed for. Yes, it was that. And time took charge to change the situation, each growing to love the other truly and it became clear that one could not live without the other.
Despite her stereotype teenage girl persona, she was able to adapt to the Souma's weird atmosphere and lifestyle. In fact, she adapted too much, that her heart and mindset changed, from content to curious, from satisfied to yearning. For what –it was a mystery. It was such a dangerous thing to keep inside as years went by, maybe she was growing up. Instead of living her life, she now was asking the heavens why she had to live it. Instead of keeping silent, she asked questions, fearless whether the answers would hurt her or not. Now, she was unafraid of the world –she took a bitter part of it more than once, that's for sure.
A little part of the mystery that was unveiled to her was that unforgettable day –that day where parts of her being were unleashed, opened and explored –she was a woman. It was one of her realizations, that even she, the innocent Tohru Honda, needed the touch, the feel and the sweet endearments of a man.
And it was astonishing, too stunning if truth be told that all it took was the beautiful Souma Ayame to kindle that silent part of her.
It was an affair between them, funny as it sounded.
It took everlasting strings of thought to sew everything into one piece but Tohru knew the bottom line of the connection, the main reason of it all.
He was a man and she was a woman.
How it started was very clear to Tohru, she was not left without reason and was knew that she was actually aware of the romance that blossomed between them. At first, she must confess that she saw of his visits as friendly, just the way any friend would do her. But then he started to give her pecks on the cheek and it always left her speechless afterwards, still unable to fathom the reality that a man would truly find her worth kissing.
Then she took a bold step to their innocent meetings, she dared herself to give him a kiss herself. This surprised the snake, his pale eyes widening, and a very cute irresistible blush made its way across his cheeks. It was too tempting to reach out and crush her body against his lean frame but she knew that it was nowhere near to possible; she was stupid to think that the kiss meant something to make a change.
But she was wrong, terribly wrong to think and insist that the little kiss meant nothing to them because after she did so, he recovered from his state of shock and took hold of her shoulders, leaned down and gave her one real kiss on the lips, making it her one and only first. She found out why it was necessary to close one's eyes when kissing because she was sure her world was spinning, blurry and whirling upside down around her.
After that kiss, everything changed from friendly to passionate.
Kyou and Yuki, just like Shigure knew that Ayame gave her visits once in a while but they were not aware of what took place every time they had contact. Kuramae Mine was unaware as well.
Ayame and she knew that embracing was useless and they spent almost every minute together kissing deeply, hopefully replacing all the warm close physical contact of body to the tenderness of lips and tongue.
Ayame was a drug to Tohru, he left her dazed and unsettled, wanting him to come always and they would kiss again and again. She felt everything about Ayame and he was too hungry for her, he said so, he ravished her with his lips, his tongue working wonders on her mouth and deliberately advanced lower and lower down her body.
Tohru never imagined that it would be possible but Ayame and she made love. The sex was fantastic. For several times she wondered if Ayame felt unfulfilled with her but he proved her wrong because he kept coming back, kept kissing and touching her and he would make love to her after soft caresses and sweet whispers of affection. More than once did they say they loved each other –may it be before or after making love, sometimes even in the middle of it.
But why then would Tohru call it an affair?
One reason was that nobody knew about it. They were discreet in all ways, careful not to suddenly burst the bubble to anybody.
"Understand I love you but I have to say this," he told her once before making love. "We will be secret for the time being just because I do not want anything to change between us."
She nodded meaningfully, grasping the meaning of his words. Of course she understood. She understood the life of being with a Souma. Secrets were necessary and she was more than glad to comply but simply because she did agree with him, she did not want him to leave or go away just because they were together.
Life was not that complicated anymore but Tohru chose to take the step of being with Souma Ayame, taking the wonderful feeling of him loving her physically –the thrill of it being secret and hidden made her heart race every time he came to her and touched her.
It felt somewhat forbidden, a taboo to fall in love with a Souma and Tohru never thought that defying the rules, if ever there were, would feel so exciting and wonderful. She felt so alive.
There were a lot of instances that she might as well have fallen for either Yuki or Kyou but they, she realized, were too scared. This made her laugh and sigh, thinking that the situation should have been the other way around.
Yuki comes home once in a while from college. Tohru cried when he first left, saying that it would never be the same without him but she was wrong because it was then she realized that Yuki's absence and presence never made any difference at all. Their meetings every weekends might as well be summed up if ever he was at home anyway.
Kyou was no different. He seldom was home though he did not pursue college, and the household knew better that he was wondering his tail off somewhere, living the life of a homeless cat, challenging the boundaries of his existence. He went home often every weekends and it made Tohru wonder if he went home to purposely catch up with Yuki and have the chance to fight with him.
These two boys loved her dearly, she felt it. They still looked at her funny, still blushed if ever she would touch them accidentally or purposely and they were still overprotective.
Speaking of overprotective, Tohru felt a little twinge of guilt and fear of Yuki's reaction if ever he found out that she was sleeping with his elder brother. Not that she was bound to Yuki in any way but she knew that he would react violently and disapprovingly just like Kyou would if they found out.
Shigure, Ayame's closest friend, was oblivious as well. Maybe because he was occupied with his work as an author and too occupied with checking her out. He was infatuated with her, obviously, that he failed to ask and comprehend that his best friend and his 'little flower' were working something out under his nose.
Another reason for keeping it secret was simply because of Akito.
Tohru knew best than to open the gates of truth and let Akito mess up everyone's lives once again. If one thing was for sure, Akito was a master with meddling with other people's affairs. She would not risk her love life, not Ayame.
But one thing Tohru kept in mind was that if any of her close friends notice and ask her about her relationship with Ayame, she would not deny it just as she would not deny the snake his love for him.
"Tohru… Tohru… Tohru..."
He did this often, whispering her name again and again after they made love. Tohru closed her eyes and shivered as his voice tickled her ears.
"Tohru… Tohru… Tohru…"
Tohru shifted on her side and placed her arm on his chest. She stared at his face and could not help but smile as she watched his perfect lips move to say her name while his eyes were closed, as if using her name to concentrate for meditation.
He is a god, Tohru thought as she stared. His long hair was in a loose ponytail on the pillows, some stray strands on his naked shoulders and chest. He recited her name as he smoothed his fingertips up and down her nape as she laid her head against his arm. His touch always weakened her, always seduced her into a wobbly state of love.
"Tohru… Tohru… Tohru loves me…"
That part always made her giggle. Of course she loved him. Her love was inborn for people and for the Soumas. But that changed for Ayame, for he earned a special place in her heart. Not only was he a great lover in bed, but he also was a great suitor and boyfriend. She never called him her boyfriend, though it was very tempting to do so. She called him her lover and friend.
Ayame's face couldn't have been more perfect. His charm was another prospect but his face was a masterpiece of perfect sculpture, each part delicate and striking. It was obvious to everyone that he was effeminate and that's what made Tohru calm and unbiased about his friendly chitchats with her. But his feminine beauty was exterior for he proved his manly prowess of captivating her through his wise mind and smart words. Not to mention his magnificent caresses that certified him a man even more.
But deep down inside, Tohru felt something dark lurk within her heart, mixed ever so secretly with her love for him. The little insecure demon in her heart was long gone but every time they made love and she would see his face, there was dark pleasure of watching him, make beautiful moans and whimpers to her. In short, making love was not just composed of sex, it was a mix of admiration and envy for him. He was prettier than she was and it did not bother Tohru, it made her want him even more, want to expose him, want to love him, want to reveal where the beauty that emanated from him came from. She was left with no answer as always, only left with love and satisfaction from the aftermath of sex. But this did not make her stop her conquest of exploring him, it drove her farther, deeper into wanting everything about him.
Then she realized that she was madly in love with him. She was too soaked with him, he had a stench of her and she was reeking of him.
This scared her, just because, another part of the mystery of being woman was creeping its way out of Pandora's box.
The part of being true, wanting him as her own for good –for everyone to see. To be forever bound to each other.
Tohru wanted to slap herself from the idea; she possibly could not marry Ayame as much as they loved and enjoyed each other. No, it was just not right.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked.
Tohru shook her head. So it seems that she would have to start lying even to herself now. Being honest was not a choice, being honest was suicidal. "Nothing of importance…"
He didn't say a word, just continued his tracing on her skin.
Tohru tried to fill her head with good thoughts but something popped back in her mind again –a certain something that she has been thinking about for a few days now.
If she could not marry Ayame, she would have to stop seeing him. No, stop sleeping with him, she corrected herself. She loved him dearly, yes, but she would take all the money she saved and moved to another city, start a new life and move on. She was young. The wound would be deep and it would take long to heal but she would befriend time and make sure it would close when it will close.
These thoughts no longer made her teary. She learned the Souma way that life was harsh and bitter, it spared no one from pain and hardships. She still was soft and loving Tohru, but during all those years spent living with men, playing their games, coming out to the world with an unspeakable lie, it was enough to make her strong.
Hurting Ayame was another factor to consider but… she knew, just like everybody else in the situation, that prolonging their private closeness, their intimate secrecy would only make matters turn for the worse, and then it would really make the wound deeper and longer to close.
She had no intentions of leaving, just as she had not planned to fall in love with Ayame. But she had better leave, she knew it. Before it was too late, before she sealed herself to him completely.
Though she gave herself to him before marriage did not mean that she intended things to be that way forever. She was still a woman, not just a woman in love. Call her old fashioned but… she would definitely want to have a family of her own.
To settle down, to be honest, to keep away from all the lies was far too impossible with the Soumas. And Tohru knew for as long as she would live with them, love them, her dreams of settling down peacefully was unachievable.
Souma Ayame was her drug, he made her better but torn her at the same time.
Tohru felt his breathing deepen and sure he was already sleeping. She had little problems leaving his bed because both of them knew that she had to be back home to tend to Shigure and she had a life to come back to. So she slowly slid from his touch, sat awhile to stare at his face, trying hard not to memorize him too much because she knew it would hurt big time to leave him. Gathering her clothes on the floor, she dressed silently. She turned to the door and looked at him for the last time. Bending down, she placed a kiss on his forehead. "Love you, Ayame."
His sleeping face smiled lovingly, meaning every muscle moved. He managed to moan in response.
Tohru weakly smiled and run her fingers through his hair and let it slip slowly like silk from her hand as she pulled away. Whispering a breath of goodbye, she cautiously made her way out of his shop, making sure nobody saw, nobody heard –making sure he did not know that she left him, permanently this time.
And what she only left were her words of love and the ring she bought for him that she could not get the courage to give.
Engraved on the ring was yet another mystery she got to unfold:
Tohru Loves Ayame
A.N. My first fruits basket fic and it's a bit rushed. Ho-hum… Just wanted to do this. Hmm… Update or not to update? Read and review!