Warnings: Alrighty, well this is AU and the pairings are ROY X ED, and it probably will have sporadic updating disorder too.

AU: To such a degree that I could make the sky pink and no-one could quibble. :Grin:

Also, if any Pairs Ice skating fans are reading and notice I get the name of a move wrong, I'm very sorry. I only just started watching it recently. (The Winter Olympics) And have only managed to pick up a little about the judging and requirements. Sorry. --;

Don't Slip on The Splinters

Chapter 1

By Forgetful.

" And leg up...Keep it straight! That's a good girl. Fabulous!" Rosetta's skates cut through the ice as she slid alongside Winry. Both women moved fluidly, and Edward was content to watch, for then.

" And here is where Mr. Elric will enter!" Her heavy russian accent topped with her crisp attitude made her a rather formidable instructor, and yet the two skaters would be taught by no-one else. Ed took his cue and pushed himself gracefully from the side to join Winry as she glided, taking her hands up in his own and spinning them both around.

" Stay there, stay there...And now release! Good, very good! And now the double toe loop, don't forget what I told you about body posture, keep the movements liquid. If you are too stiff and do not bend, you will veer off course and crash into eachother. You know this by now! That's it, right...No. Nununo, I will not allow that disgraceful movement Edward." They stopped their ice dance and bowed their heads.

" Sorry Rosetta, I will try..." Ed began, his eyes locked on the churned up ice beneath him.

" Are you uncomfortable?" The woman asked abruptly.

" No." Ed looked up suprised. "I trust Winry completely, I just...I don't know." He sighed.

" I didn't ask that, I asked if you were comfortable. Edward, you must show fire, passion! And then tragedy, the unbearable sorrow, keep her almost glued to your side, like she is your life! Have you never felt that way before? Tell me you have, and think about it when you dance." Her eyes shone with renewed passion for the sport, and she clutched her hands to her chest.

" I don't think I...Never mind. I'll get this right Rosetta. I will."

" You'd better, because right now you are a wooden doll in this poor girl's arms." She scolded, gesturing wildly at Winry. " You'll get nowhere like that, even with winnning the Skyfield Qualifying Ice Dancing. Now, from the top." She skidded over to the CD player on the other side of the ice and stopped the music that had been tinkling on in the background, she put on the music for the lifting sequence, some classical by Felini, and they began again.


Roy had often come to the Ice academy to think, to observe. He'd sit in the balcany and watch whoever was dancing, or skiing, or bobsleighing. It was a place people left him alone. Turnig down familiar corridoors he pushed open the door to the ski slopes, but heard no reassuring shouts or slip of skis. It was empty.

That was unusual, as most Thursdays the skiing troupe would practice, what with the competetition season coming up. The bobsleighing group were still there, but packing up, and the speed skaters eyed him suspiciously.

" Not welcome there then." He muttered. If there was nothing on he'd just st alne somewhere, even being alone was better than being badgered by his ex-mother-in-law. That woman had a problem alright. The beginning of a musical track broke his reverie and caught his attention. He followed it to the figure skating. In the stand was a blond boy, a little younger than him. He seemed to be watching intently the couple on the ice.

" Mind if I sit here?" Roy asked, pointing to the seat next to the boy. He gave a wonderful smile back.

" Sure!" Roy took to chair and settled into it, watching as the instructress scolded the couple for a sloppy piece of footwork. They began again, it really was amazing how the girl could go so high when she was thrown from the boy's arms, and then land on te slippery surface so perfectly. She glided, he span. Synchronised they jumped and span in the air twice. A double salchow. His mind supplied. He'd seen this sport before. Not just ice skating, Figure Skating.

" Are you related to those two?" He asked the boy, who seemed enraptured.
" Hm? Oh, yes, he's my brother. I'm sorry, hi, I'm Alphonse Elric." He held out a hand to Roy, the smile back on his face.

" Roy Mustang." He shook it firmly."But the girl, she looks very much like you."

" She does?" Alphonse thought for a moment, studying the pair below. "I suppose so, in her own way. But no, my brother and I have known her a long time, but we aren't related." There was an unfilled pause, and yet Roy found himself enjoying the boy's company. It was nice to talk to someone who knew a little about his interests.

" They're very good." Alphonse hummed his agreement.

" Rosetta works them very hard, and they've been practising for years now. Winry's always loved ice dancing, and has been with Ed about six I think. They won the Skyfield competition last year, and Rosetta's taught them ever since." Roy nodded and went back to watching the dancers. He winced when the girl, Winry, was held by the wrist and spun very close to the ice, almost lying down on top of it. It was almost painful to watch, but they pulled it off smoothly. She pulled herself back up and span off to the next move."I'd say the Death Spiral was something they excel at." Alphonse judged, criticly observing the move.

" An outside Death Spiral is a difficult move, I'd say I agree with you." Roy chimed. Alphonse's face lit up.

" You know the moves! Do you watch often?"

" Often enough to know what you're talking about. I like to be alone, and watching winter sports is a great excuse." Roy shot him a sparing grin back. Alphonse laughed.

" Well alright then. Oh, looks like training's over. Perhaps I'll see you here again?" Alphonse got up to leave.

" Perhaps you well. Goodbye Alphonse."

" Call me Al."

And well, that was that. The skaters left the ice, Al headed to the changing rooms, and Roy left the building. He just hoped he could avoid a run in with his Ex-Mother-in-law. Damn persistent old hag.

An hour later he found himself in a sleepy, dark little cafe on a busy shopping street. It was a place he'd usually meet with his partner. Hughes, speak of the devil, waltzed into the cafe with a tinkle from the bell over the door. He flopped down on the chair opposite Roy and grinned.

" Morning Mustang. You look typically gloomy my friend." He clapped said man on the back, earning himself a scowl.

" I'm not 'gloomy' Hughes. In fact, I'm having a rather good day. My Mother-in-Law has disappeared off the face of the Earth, thank you oh Lord, they remembered to put extra cream in my coffee and I found a place I'm welcome to relax. I feel better than I have in weeks." Roy sighed. It really was better than usual.

" Glad to hear it. My day has been fantastic as usual and my little Elysia is doing wonderfully! Thanks for asking."

" I didn't."

" Uh oh, evil Bat out of Hell coming this way." Hughes' smile got wider as an old yet stylish lady came through the door of the cafe.

" Mr. Mustang! There you are, I said I'd hound you and so I shall, where is the money? I'll be getting a court order you know! You can't just divorce your wife and then think you've washed your hands of her! You have to pay, Mr. Mustang. Money, benefits. Support your family...-" She began her rant.

" I have no children, Mrs. Vulderhousen. There's no family to send me on a guilt trip with." Roy sighed, leaning his heavy head on one hand, elbow on table. The old woman had stopped, but pulled a fan out of her bag and smacked Roy's arm with it.

" What was that for?" Roy cried, after his elbow had been pushed out from under him and his head had almost hit the table.

" Manners Mr. Mustang, manners! Elbows on table, tut tut." She shook her head.

" I don't need to listen to this." Roy stood up and left the little establishment, the woman hobbling behind and Hughes striding beside him. "Stupid old hag, can't she just get over it? Honestly, she should just go ahead with this court order and get my money, although I've given my wife more than enough already." Roy sighed again. So much for his good day.

" Yup. At least we know we have a better social life than her. Not even her husband wants to spend time with her and so she tails you." Hughes continued grinning.

"My husband is dead!" A cry from behind shrieked in their ears. When the ringing stopped, Roy muttered.

" Her incessant whining probably killed him. God knows how she got him to marry her." Hughes began to laugh despite Roy's darkening countenance. They reached the car, siren on top shining in the bright grey that passed for sunlight. He turned to face the fuming woman. "Look Mrs. Vulderhousen, I don't have time for this. I'm very busy and...-" His radio buzzed into action at that very moment, crackling out its message.

" CaRs tHrEe, FiVe aNd sEvEn rEpOrT To mAiN StReEt, We hAvE An ArMeD RoBbErY. i rEpEaT; aRmEd rObBeRy!" It fuzzed.

" I have to go Mrs. Vulderhousen. Have a good day." He swiftly entered the car and heard her screams of frustration all the way down the street. When they got to main street, it was obviously the bank.

" You go round the back Roy, I'll take the front entrance." Roy nodded and used his badge to get past terrified bank workers.

" I'll need to go through the back, can you lead me?" Roy asked a relatively calm looking man, flashing his police badge. The man nodded dumbly and lead him shakily through the bank's interior. He reached a door that could only be opened from the outside with a code. The inside was easily opened however, and he peered around it to check on the situation. There was already on policeman there, his partner bleeding from a leg wound on the floor. Hughes was blocking the exit and the 'robber' was a man with a gun. No balaclava or stockings covering his face, just a hoodie. It did enough of the job to hide his features though. He almost didn't notice the other one, standing to the side with his gun to the crowd.

" Don't come any closer or I'll shoot! I'll do it! We'll leave with the money and no-one gets hurt." The man bent and picked up a backpack, bulging with twenty to fifty dollar bills. "Don't move!" He shrieked at Hughes, who had moved to help the injured man on the floor.

" Just let me get him to hospital. You don't want to be responsible for murder do you?" Hughes countered.

" I don't care, just...just stay still!" He moved to the door but Hughes blocked him, and that's when he snapped. He grabbed a girl who screamed from the crowd and held the gun under her chin. Roy's adrenalin-high mind recognized the girl, but he didn't have tine to linger on it before a boy burst from the crowd, yelling.

" Winry!"

Well woop, there you go. I got the idea for the bank robbery from the news which was playing at the time. Someone robbed a bank in my hometown and this actually happened. Although, Winry wasn't the hostage, it was a cashier. And Roy and Hughes weren't the policemen, they were random British blokes. And women but whatever. Heh.

Reviews would be loved.