Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Warning: AU. Remus is older than the other three Marauders, and did not go to Hogwarts. Slash, get over it, or get out.
Right Kind of Wrong
"I… I have to go," the seventeen-year-old boy twined two of his fingers in his shoulder-length black hair, refusing to meet his companion's amber eyes. "We're leaving Paris tomorrow… going home."
"I see." The brunet's reply was soft, his amber eyes guarded. Not quite twenty, he was shorter and slighter than the grey-eyed youth still playing with his black locks, but his eyes told of a maturity far beyond his years.
"I'm sorry…" the younger boy started.
"Don't be," was the short response.
"I don't want to go!" the grey-eyed boy suddenly burst out, almost violently, looking up into his companion's face. "I want to stay here, with you!"
"Stop it, Sirius," the brunet snapped. "We knew from the beginning that this couldn't go beyond the summer. Summer's over, now. We have to be over, too."
"Don't say that!" Sirius grabbed the older man's wrists. "Please!"
"Sirius, we knew – "
"Come back to England with me!" Sirius cut him off.
"What?" amber eyes widened.
"Come back to England, Remus," Sirius begged. "You said yourself you've wanted to go back for years. Now you have a reason!"
"I can't just up and leave, Sirius. My life is here. My job. My friends. I grew up here, this is my home."
"You had a home in London once," Sirius reminded him. "You told me you lived there before you came to France to go to school."
"But I don't have a home there anymore."
"We can make a home together!" Sirius insisted.
"Sirius, you're too young…"
"I'll be eighteen this year!" the younger man protested.
"Your parents would never let you go, whether you're of age or not."
"To hell with my parents!"
"Don't say that, Sirius."
"Why not?" the black-haired boy demanded. "They don't give a shit about me. They never have. I can't keep what I am a secret from them forever. They'll figure it out eventually, when they want me to marry some girl, and I won't do it. They'll kick me out. They'll never want to see me again. Why can't I leave on my own terms? Why can't I be with you?"
"You don't really know me, Sirius," the brunet told him. "I don't really know you. We've only had the summer. That's all this was ever supposed to be."
"But I want to know you!"
"There are some things you can't know!" Remus burst out, then subsided, looking upset by his uncharacteristic outburst.
"What things?" Sirius insisted. "I want to know! Is something wrong? Are you sick? Did something happen? Tell me!"
"This has to end, Sirius." Remus pulled his hands away abruptly, not answering Sirius's questions, and stood, pacing away from the bed, where the younger boy still sat, towards the window overlooking the Seine.
Sirius bit his lip. Remus's tone brooked no arguments; he had made up his mind. All or nothing, Sirius thought. I'll never get another chance. "I love you, Rem," he whispered.
Remus's back stiffened as he inhaled sharply, and his hands clenched convulsively into fists.
Sirius watched him, holding his breath, waiting for the brunet to say something… anything.
Seconds of silence ticked by. They felt like years.
Sirius's heart felt like it was being crushed in a vice. His eyes prickled, and he blinked rapidly to relieve the sting, refusing to give in to the rising desire to cry. He swallowed hard. It was over. "Can we at least have one last night together?" he asked, angry at the choked sound of his voice.
Remus turned after a long moment. His face was tight, eyes unnaturally bright and filled with pain. His lower lip was bright red, as though he'd been biting it hard. "One last night," he whispered. He took a step forward, then another. "One last night," he said again.
And then Sirius was wrapped tightly in Remus's arms as the older man pressed their mouths together with almost bruising force. Sirius fell back against the mattress, the smaller man on top of him. He wound his arms around the other's body, and was surprised to feel the slighter man was shaking.
Sirius pulled his mouth away, gasping for breath. "Rem, are you – " he tried to ask, but he was silenced by a fierce kiss.
"Don't talk," Remus whispered, pulling away and trailing kissing down the tan skin of Sirius's throat. He kissed the sensitive spot at the crook of Sirius's neck, then placed another kiss just behind one ear. "Just show me goodbye," he breathed into the younger man's ear.
Slender fingers began expertly undoing the buttons of Sirius's shirt, and the dark-haired boy moaned into the mouth that once more covered his own…
– – – – –
" – don't get up right now you're going to have to go without a shower!" James Potter's loud voice accompanied the vicious pillow that had knocked Sirius awake.
"Nng," Sirius groaned, rolling over and batting the unrelenting pillow away from his head.
"Are you awake?" James's voice demanded.
Sirius cracked one eye open.
The messy-haired boy standing over him, pillow raised, was eyeing him ominously.
Sirius groaned again and opened both eyes properly. "I'm awake," he muttered.
"Good." James thwacked the grey-eyed boy once more with the pillow, then headed for his trunk to get dressed.
Sirius groaned a third time, and rolled out of bed, stumbling towards the bathroom to wash up.
He'd been back in England for over a week, and he couldn't get Remus out of his head. He'd dreamt of the other man every night since his return, and even his return to Hogwarts the night before hadn't changed anything. It seemed he could dream about the brunet just as well in a dorm room as in his own room at home.
It had been a whirlwind affair.
Sirius had gone to Paris for the summer with his family, and had met Remus Lupin his second day abroad. They'd run into each other in the street – literally – that rainy afternoon, and Sirius had insisted on treating the other man to lunch at a nearby café to apologize for the croissant he'd made the brunet drop in a puddle. They had started talking, and gone for a walk around the city. They'd gotten so distracted, dinnertime had come and gone before they even realized it was getting dark.
They'd met the next day at the same café, and again the day after that. Five days later, they were sitting on a secluded bench in a park, and Sirius had boldly leaned in and kissed the other man on the mouth. After a stunned moment – in which time Sirius had thoroughly cursed himself out before beginning to panic – Remus had kissed him back.
Things had progressed rapidly, and by the end of Sirius's second week in Paris, he was sleeping in Remus's apartment most nights, and spending nearly all of his time in the other man's company. As long as he was home to eat brunch with his parents (breakfast for them, and the only time they were ever around), they didn't care what he did, or notice where he went. Regulus was too caught up in his own life to care what his older brother did, so no one questioned where Sirius disappeared to.
Both men had known from the beginning that it was only a summer fling, and neither had made any mention of wanting anything more. Remus was working as a researcher for some library (he had never said which one), and was hoping to get a job teaching someday. Sirius was still in school (though only for one more year), and had to return to England with his family at the end of the summer. Remus, though born in London, seemed content in Paris, and happy with his job. Sirius… well, Sirius had his life in England, just as Remus had his in France. And he had known from the beginning that, no matter how attracted to the other man he was, it could never be anything serious (no pun intended), because how awful would it be to have to keep the fact that he was a wizard a secret? It had been hard enough to keep quiet about it for the two months they'd been together, but how impossible would it be if he had to keep it hidden his entire life?
But as the days had turned into weeks, Sirius had become more and more attached to the older man. In the short time they'd been together, Remus had become as close to him as James in many ways – and obviously closer in others. Despite the fact that Sirius had needed to keep much of his life secret, he'd found he could just talk to Remus, and not have to worry about sounding stupid. He'd begun to wonder if, maybe, just maybe, they could have a real relationship.
The more he'd thought about it, the more reasonable it sounded. After all, he was good at keeping secrets. No one but James knew of Sirius's orientation, not even Peter, who was supposed to be the third musketeer. Remus, obviously, knew Sirius's preferences, so it wouldn't be as though Sirius had to keep more secrets, he was just keeping different secrets from different people.
Perhaps, Sirius had mused on more than one occasion, if things worked out between them, he might even be able to tell Remus the truth one day. It wasn't as though mixed couples were rare. Why, his own cousin had recently married a Muggle… of course, she had been immediately disowned, but that was just because the Black family was bigoted and cared more for the purity of its name and bloodlines than for the people who carried that blood. Anyway, Sirius reasoned, he was sure to have his name burnt off the family tree as soon as it was discovered that he fancied men, not women, so it didn't particularly matter if the man happened to be a Muggle as well.
Despite all his cogitations, however, Sirius hadn't quite accepted the depth of his feelings until August was nearly half over. By that time, it was impossible to deny the fact that he had fallen – hard.
He hadn't had the courage to say anything to Remus, though, until that last night. And Remus had shot him down. Maybe if he'd said something sooner, if he'd had more time, he could have convinced the beautiful brunet that what they had together was worth saving. That what they had together was worth a real chance, not just a summer fling.
Their last night together had been… amazing. There were no words.
And now, he was dreaming about it every time he closed his eyes. Silky brown hair picked out with red and gold highlights when the sun hit it just right; incredible amber eyes that practically glowed when he truly smiled; soft, pale skin that heated at Sirius's lightest touch…
"Are you almost done in there?" James's voice floated through the heavy door.
Sirius jumped, startled. He'd forgotten he was supposed to be getting ready quickly so he wouldn't miss breakfast or be late to class.
"Nearly!" he called back, and stepped under the shower head, turning the spray on cold.
A/N: So, what do you think? I've never written HP AU before, but I felt inspired. In other words, I found some random notes from AGES ago, and my muses started chewing on my ears, demanding I write instead of sleeping. Stupid muses. I really need muse-proof brain-plugs, or something, because writing at 4 in the morning is not healthy. Especially when I have a workshop at some ungodly hour the next morning. I realize the boys are a bit OOC, but there are reasons, and they, probably, won't be quite so OOC in future if this continues. Anyway, I think I'm gonna bump the rating up next chapter, even though there shouldn't be anything too explicit for a bit to come. I figure it's best to err on the side of caution. So, um, anyway, I'm not sure if I should even bother to continue writing this, though I'm already starting to feel kind of attached, and thinking of places for it to go. Is it too not me? Please review and let me know!