Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Warning: AU. Remus is older than the other three Marauders, and did not go to Hogwarts. Slash, get over it, or get out.
Right Kind of Wrong
Sirius's jaw dropped and he could only stare for a long moment at the brunet standing mere inches away from him, hand still tight over his mouth, looking terrified.
"You… you what?" Sirius breathed when he could finally speak.
Remus only shook his head, amber eyes wide and frightened.
"You… you love me?" Sirius asked, voice soft, barely believing it.
Remus shook his head again, but it wasn't denial.
The shorter man continued to shake his head. After several long seconds he muttered something unintelligible.
Sirius reached out and gently pulled Remus's hand away from his mouth. "What?"
"Can't what? Can't tell me?"
The older man's eyes were over-bright. "Can't love you."
Sirius stepped back, feeling as though he'd been punched. "What?"
"I'm – I'm your teacher," Remus's voice was rather desperate.
Something snapped. "I don't fucking care if you're my teacher!" Sirius screamed.
"Sirius, please, your voice –"
"It doesn't matter!"
"Sirius, please lower –"
"Don't tell me to lower my voice!" the black-haired man snarled, but then he stopped and took several deep breaths. "You're still you," he said at last, much more softly. "The man I met in Paris and became friends with. The man I fell in love with."
"Remus. Please." He took a step forward, reached out – only slightly hesitantly – and lightly traced the brunet's bottom lip with the pad of his thumb.
Remus's chin tilted slightly, moving into the touch as if of its own volition. His lips parted slightly.
"Tell me," Sirius's voice had dropped lower and was slightly scratchy. His fingers traveled downwards, caressing the soft neck. "Tell me the truth, Remus."
"Hm?" it was half inquiry, half moan.
Sirius took a deep, steadying breath. "Do you love me?"
Remus jerked back, almost falling backwards onto his bed, but caught himself in time.
"Don't say you're my teacher. Don't say I'm too young. No excuses or reasons why you can't or why you shouldn't. Just tell me… the truth."
"Don't do this to me, Sirius," Remus whispered.
"Please, Remus. I need…" Sirius stopped and took another breath. "Do you love me?"
Amber eyes met grey for a long moment.
Sirius could feel his heart pounding in his chest as though it were trying to beat its way through his ribs.
Finally, after what felt to Sirius like a century, Remus nodded. "Yes," he said softly. "Yes. I shouldn't. I shouldn't, but I do."
The breath Sirius hadn't realised he'd been holding fell out in a rush of relief. He lurched forward, arms twining around the other man, burying his face in the bare shoulder. "I love you so much," he whispered against the skin.
"Sirius," Remus's tone was very nearly broken.
"So much," Sirius repeated.
Remus pulled himself loose and sat on the edge of his bed, staring at his feet. "This doesn't change anything, Sirius."
"It changes everything," Sirius countered.
"No. I'm still your teacher."
"Only until the end of the year," Sirius reminded him. "We can be careful that long."
"We've talked about this already." Remus wouldn't look up.
"But now it's different," Sirius insisted. He slid his fingers under Remus's chin and forced the other man to meet his eyes.
"How is it different?" Remus wanted to know. His eyes were over-bright again.
"Because this isn't just about fooling around. Or a summer fling," Sirius explained. "And we both know that now. And we both know that we both know." He tried to grin, but his stomach was in knots.
"You have no idea what you're asking."
"I'm asking for you," Sirius whispered.
"There's more to it than that," Remus replied, voice equally soft.
"But you're all that matters."
The brunet bit his lip.
Sirius leant down and brushed his lips lightly across the other man's forehead before pulling back just far enough to meet his amber eyes again. "Please," he said. He seemed to be saying that a lot, lately, but he couldn't help it. He'd fall on his knees if it would help.
Remus bit harder into his lip for a moment, then seemed to come to a decision. "You're right," he said.
Sirius's eyes widened.
Remus reached up to take Sirius's hands. He pulled the younger man to sit next to him. "Look," he began, "This is foolish. No," he shook his head when Sirius opened his mouth. "Don't say anything until I've finished. This, between us, is foolish and shouldn't have happened to begin with. But it happened. It's happening. And, foolish as it is, I can't seem to want it to stop."
"Wait, Sirius." The smaller man squeezed the hands he held. "This doesn't mean that I think it's right. I'm still your teacher. I know I wasn't last summer, but the summer is over, and now I am. I don't want to lose you, but you don't know what the consequences could be if we were caught."
"I know –"
"Wait," the brunet repeated. "Let me finish. You graduate at the end of the year. I won't be your teacher anymore. We'll wait until then."
"We'll wait?" Sirius asked. "What do you mean, we'll wait?"
Remus chewed his lower lip for a moment before speaking. "We'll be on a break," he said finally. "Not together in the strictest sense of the word, but… on a break."
"No." Sirius shook his head. "I don't want to be on a break. I want to be with you. I can't not see you, or talk to you. I can't sit in your class and pretend you're just a teacher until the end of the year."
Remus sighed. "Sirius, you don't understand."
"I want to be able to see you outside of class," Sirius insisted. "I want to be able to talk to you and kiss you and –"
Remus worried his lip again. "All right," he relented. "We'll be… friends. All right? We'll say… we'll say I'm tutoring you. Teaching you more advanced defense. Minerva said you have ambitions to be an auror. We can use that as an excuse. You can come to my office. I can teach you and help you prepare to be an auror, and we can also sit and talk. Like friends. But that's it."
"Until you graduate."
"Please don't fight me on this, Sirius."
"I just want –"
"I know." Remus sighed. "I don't like this, either, but this is the way it has to be."
"No, it doesn't." Sirius leaned in closer. "We'll be alone. No one will suspect anything. We can do whatever we want."
Sirius's tongue darted out to touch the much-gnawed lip. "We're alone now," he whispered, freeing one of his hands to caress the other man's bare chest. The responding shiver made him grin, and he freed his other hand to wind it in light brown tresses, tugging the other man forward for a kiss.
Remus's arms slid around the taller man and they tumbled together onto their sides before rolling slightly until Sirius was on top of the brunet.
The grey-eyed Black hummed happily into the kiss.
But a moment later, Remus was pulling away again. "No, Sirius. Mm. Stop. No, stop."
Sirius propped himself up on his hands, but refused to relinquish his position. "What?"
"This," Remus told him. "This is exactly what we can't do."
"But you –"
"No, Sirius." Remus planted his hands firmly on Sirius's chest and pushed until the younger man rolled off of him. "And now you look like you've slept in your clothes."
"I'd rather not sleep, out of them," Sirius grumbled, but sat up and tried his best to straighten his uniform.
Remus smiled wryly. "You should really go," he said. "Breakfast. And I have to get ready for my class."
Sirius sighed. He's right. James and Peter will wonder what's happened to me. Speaking of James… No. I don't want to bring that up again just now. Later, when we have some time to talk… Or if he decides to be stubborn about this 'on a break' idea. "I'll see you soon?"
Remus's mouth twisted. "I hardly dare wonder what you'll do if I don't."
Sirius blinked. Can he read my…? No.
"I've heard more stories from my colleagues since I've been here about you and your friends than you ever told me over the summer."
Sirius felt his cheeks grow hot. "Oh. Right. Well." He tried to grin and hoped it didn't look too painful.
Remus laughed. "I'll talk to Minerva today about your… auror training."
Sirius's grin was a lot easier now. "Great." He rose, running his hands through his hair. "Presentable?" he asked.
Remus stared for a moment, then quickly nodded. "More than."
Sirius smirked and bent to pick up his bag. When he straightened, Remus was staring again. "I'll see you, then," he said pointedly.
Remus shook himself and stood. "Right," he said, cheeks flushed, as he followed Sirius to the door.
"'Til then," Sirius grinned, and reached for the knob.
Remus stopped him. "Sirius, tell me something." He sounded curious.
Sirius turned. "Yes?"
"What did you really come here for?"
Sirius felt his cheeks heat up slightly once more, but he grinned as he reached into his bag, deciding part of the truth might cause an interesting reaction. "I had something I was going to return to you."
"Oh?" Remus quirked an eyebrow. "What?"
"This," Sirius replied, pulling it from his bag.
Amber eyes went wide.
A/N: Anyone want to venture a guess as to what Sirius was going to return? Ho hum. ::laughs:: And, yes, I know Remus gave in rather more quickly than he perhaps should have, but it's more fun this way. ::grins wickedly:: Anyway, double digits! Huzzah! So, liked? Loved? Hated? Please review and let me know what you thought of the chapter!