A/N: I am soooo sorry it took me way too long to update this story, but I just could not bring myself to write this last chapter. It's too painful man. But here we are on the last chapter, and I just want to thank everyone who reviewed and read and even clicked the button to try to read it. So, just thank you. That's all I need to say at the moment. I hope that the final chapter satisfies you.
Disclaimer: Jonathan Larson's.
"Take your time." The doctor tells me calmly, setting Angel's chart back in its place and exiting the room solemnly. I let my head drop to regard Angel's deteriorating body, and hold back a sob. I kick off my shoes in a beat and carefully prop him up to climb behind him. Once I'm situated, I wrap my arms softly around his skinny frame. It kills me to feel his ribs jutting harshly into my stomach, just to think how much weight he has lost over the past year.
"Angel…" I whisper calmly in his ear, not necessarily trying to wake him up, but just to hear myself say his name. I grasp the idea that it might be the last time he hears me say it. It will be the last time I say it with him in my arms. The last time I will be able to verbalize how much I love him with him here. I make sure Angel is settled in before me, sitting gently between my legs, head resting against my faltering heart. I prepare to stay here for as long as I have to. "Are you comfortable?" I ask just in case, even though I know he would lie if he weren't, just to make me feel better.
"Mhmm…" He moans softly, as I peck the edge of his ear and rock back and forth slowly. I develop a rhythm, humming random notes to him and hearing a quiet giggle in reply. "You make sure you go…" Angel tries to finish before being interrupted by a coughing fit, even the smallest of hacks seeming to cause him tremendous pain.
"Shhh…don't worry about me." My lips kiss the back of his neck kindly, trying to apologize for all the time I didn't know how to comfort him. For all the times he was sick and I wasn't there. With one kiss, hopefully I can make up for lost time.
"But…are you going to be…" He turns his head awkwardly to face me, licking him chapped lips and taking in a deep breath.
"I'm fine. We've talked about this already. Not…now…I want to…" Sobs finally take over my body, and even though I tried to be strong, I simply can't anymore.
"Collins." His soft voice runs smoothly through my ears, calming me just by being present.
"I'm all right…I'm sorry…sorry." I whisper, wiping my tears away and smiling falsely.
"Don't be sorry. I understand. I just…I…" His breathing is becoming ragged, and I know there isn't much time left. I subconsciously squeeze him tighter, as if I can him with me by holding on. "I just want to know….that…you'll be all right." His head rests permanently against my rigid collarbone, hands lying calmly on my thighs.
"I will be. I promise." I manage to say, before feeling Angel nod gently and eventually fall asleep for the last time. It's over.
I suppose it wasn't as hard as I imagined. The funeral, the final moments, the time alone. It all seemed empty, but not immensely painful. Everyone grieved in their own way, leaving, crying, getting hammered, closing off, but I just became numb. It all built up to that one moment, and when it happened part of me was stolen. But then after I had a while, I realized that a part of me was changed for the better. I knew that I would never have Angel here with me, but she'd always be here in a way. Having the knowledge that Angel is here, makes me feel secure.
At night, I lie in bed, staring up at the ceiling, holding my hands strongly against my chest, wishing that I could feel Angel's fingers tangled with mine. Sometimes if I shut my eyes tight enough, they are there. And that's what I need.
Notes: It's the end! I am sorry for the very very short chapter, but there isn't much to say for Angel expiring right? I thank all of you guys for staying with me through the whole thing and reviewing so quickly and so much. Thanks to my real Angel, Erin. Thank you guys!