Behind Blue Eyes

No one knows what its like,

To be the bad man,

To be the sad man,

Behind Blue Eyed,

I never meant to hurt you, I never meant for you to leave. I just don't know how to love. You wanted to teach me how, but I shot you down several times. You would smile and walk away, letting me have my space. I didn't figure out till later how much I was hurting you with what I did. When ever I came home you would be there, no matter how late it was you would listen to my problems, always comforting me. But whenever you did this, I felt weak and pathetic, like I could not take care of myself. I hated that feeling, so I shoved you away, taking no heed to your feelings, only thinking about myself. I regretted ever treating you like dirt, when you didn't even say good bye, you just left, took what was yours and walked out the door. I finally realized how much I hurt you when I pushed you away and now the only thing I wish I could do, is to tell you I'm sorry.

And no one knows what its like,

To be hated,

To be fated,

To telling only lies,

I used you in more ways than one; I exploited you and made sure I hurt you when ever I could. When ever you tried to love me, I felt disgusted with myself. So I needed to hurt you to feel better about myself. You were the only one that had ever told me you loved me, even when I yelled at you, you remained. I guess I hurt you too much and that's why you left. I regret that now, fore now I feel truly empty. Something is empty inside me.

But my dreams,

They aren't as empty,

As my conscious seems to be,

I have hours,

Only lonely,

I want to find you again, I want to apologize, and I want to humble myself. I just hope it will be enough for you to come back to me. I don't know what it will take for you to come back to me, but I will do my best to get you back. Because without you, it feels like there is a large hole in my heart, you were the only one that filled that hole. I want to feel whole again.

My love is vengeance,

That's never free,

No one knows what its like,

To feel these feelings,

Like I do,

There are other people out there that can take much better care of you, people that can love you and make sure you feel safe like you do for them. But for some reason I despise the image of someone else holding you in there arms and not mine. I want to posses all of you and make you mine. Not just some figurine that every one can look at, no something more, I want you to feel like you belong in my arms not scared that I might throw you aside and walk away.

And I blame you,

No one bites back as hard,

On their anger,

None of my pain will,

Show through,

I want your eyes to shine when I tell you that I love you and I want you to come to me and wrap your arms around my neck and say you love me as well. I want you to know that I care, even though I don't show it. I want you to need me like I need you.

But my dreams,

They aren't as empty,

As my conscious seems to be,

I have hours,

Only lonely,

I want to know the true meaning of love; I want to know how it feels. You can teach me because you know how to love, you know how it feels. You know how to truly use love to its full potential. I wish for you to teach me all the things that love is involved in. And not just the love which sex is involved in, no, I want a love that can make me whole again.

My love is vengeance,

That's never free,

No one knows what its like,

To be mistreated,

To be defeated,

Behind Blue Eyes,

You are the only one, the only one that I will be able to trust, the only one that I can open up too. Even though I never did before, I want to learn too. I want to take care of you properly. You do deserve it, you deserve more than you ask for and I intend on giving you everything you want

And no one knows how to say,

That there sorry,

And don't worry,

I'm not telling lies,

But my dreams,

They aren't as empty,

As my conscious seems to be,

I intend to love you, like no other. I will change how I look at you. I will smile when you are around and make sure it stays there. I want to feel happy when you are around and I wantyou to be happy as well. I want to see your smile while you run, your long white hair in the wind, and your beautiful brown eyes shining brightly.

I have hours,

Only lonely,

My love is vengeance,

That's never free,

No one knows what its like,

To be the bad man,

To be the sad man,

I want you to know that I love you Ryou, I hope that you forgive me. Please forgive me, which is all that I ask of you.

Behind Blue Eyes.



Forgive me,

"Hello you've called Ryou Bakura's home phone number, I am not home right now, so leave your name and number and I'll get back to you…Please leave you message after the beep."

"I really need to change that." Ryou muttered to himself as he put the newly bought milk in the fringe.

Ryou listened to the recorder, but no voice came for almost ten seconds.

"Ryou? It's Seto……it's been awhile, I wanted…to…" A sigh came over the recorder, "I was wondering if we could…maybe…get together sometime…to talk……give me a chance to show you that I've changed. The park will be empty, tomorrow at seven A.M. It's up to you if you want to come, although I hope that you do………bye Ryou." The phone hung up on the other end.

But I won't be home again,

Maybe someday you'll look up,

And barely conscious,

You'll say to no one,

Ryou's mouth was open slightly and he was staring at the recorder, stunned.

"Who was that babe?" A voice asked.

"Just…just an old friend."

"Ah okay. I thought we could go to dinner tonight. They have a new diner open and it sounds nice."

"Yes alright, let me…let me just change cloths."

"You look a little pale Ryou, are you okay?"

"It's a little warm in here."

"Okay." The man said walking out of the kitchen with the mail.

Isn't something missing?

You won't cry for my absence,

I know,

Ryou went over to one of the wood stools and sat down, resting his head and arms on the table before him. Seto, why now of all times? Ryou thought to himself.

Ryou had left nearly nine months before, hoping to forget about the blue eyed wonder. He had been the first love of his life. And he had tried to be the best person he could be around Seto. But it had never been good enough.

Whenever he tried to hug Seto, he would always be pushed away. Whenever he told Seto he loved him, he would recoil like he had been hit. Ryou knew that Seto had had a hard life and he tried to help him past that but it never worked. He could never get close to Seto, because he never allowed it. He loved Seto like no other, but he had been crushed. So like a kicked dog he had run away, wishing to hide from the pain. He thought that Seto had never cared for him, so why would he call now?

You forgot me long ago.

Next day

8:00 in the Morning

Seto had been waiting for an hour, just sitting on the park bench watching the wind rustle the trees and the bushes, sending dead leaves to different directions. It was a chilly day, since it was in the middle of winter. Snow covered other benches and lay on the ground like a white sheet. The sky was cloudy and grey. The air outside had a sort of sad feeling to it like it knew what was about to happen next.

Seto got up and stretched his back out. He picked up the steaming cup of coffee that was on the bench and took a sip from it.

"Let me guess…hazelnut cappuccino with a small amount of brown sugar…am I right?" A voice said from behind Seto.

Am I that unimportant?

Am I so insignificant?

"Yes your right. It's the best coffee in the world, although it did taste better when you made it. Something seems to be missing Ryou."

"They probably forgot to add a little more milk than I used too."

"I wasn't talking about the coffee Ryou." Seto remarked, turning around and looking at him.

He was dressed in a creamy white sweater, dark blue jeans, black snow boots and a black winter coat. His hair was put back in a rubber band, but was still as long as Seto remembered it. As for Seto, he wore black creased slacks, with shining black lace shoes, a black long sleeve button up shirt, that was undone the first two buttons, which showed off his tanned chest, and a long black thick trench coat that fit his body perfectly. A black brief-case lay on the bench.

Ryou looked at Seto's clothing, noticing how he wasn't properly dressed for winter.

Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

"I can see you still don't care about you health."

"Not like anyone cares anymore."

"You had your chance Kaiba…you chose to push me away. I never wanted that."

"I wasn't blaming you Ryou, I know what I did was wrong."

Ryou sighed, "What did you want?"

"I wanted to apologize…"

"You what?" Ryou asked somewhat stunned, fore the great Seto Kaiba never apologized to anyone no matter what.

"I wanted to apologize for everything thing that I did…and didn't do. I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry for pushing you away and never taking in to consideration your feelings. I'm sorry for never loving you like you loved me."

Even though I'm the sacrifice,

You won't try for me,

Not now,

"What makes you think that I ever loved you?" Ryou replied coldly.

Seto lowered his gaze to the ice covered pavement, having been shot down by Ryou's words.

"I'm sorry Ryou." Seto whispered.

"I don't want your apologies anymore, I've moved on and maybe you should to. Go find someone just as cold as you and you two can have the perfect life together." Ryou stated, turning and about to walk away when a hand was placed on his shoulder, spinning him around to face Seto again.

"I don't want anyone else, I just want you." Seto said to him.

Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone,

Isn't someone missing me?

"That's not my problem anymore."

"Please Ryou…please forgive me." Seto said wrapping his arms around Ryou and pulling him close, holding on to him and burring his face in the crook of Ryou's neck. Ryou just stood in the same spot, not really knowing what to do.

Seto had never done this before, whenever he even touched him, except for when they had sex, Seto had told him to never do it again and then he would leave for days.

Has he really changed? Ryou thought to himself.

Seto pulled away holding Ryou at arms length and looking at his eyes.



Forgive me,

"I don't know what to say…"

"Say you'll forgive, even just a little bit and say…say yes."

"Seto…why do you want me to say yes?"

Before Ryou knew Seto was down on one knee, taking out a small black velvet case from his pocket.

"Ryou will you marry me? I know how I hurt you, but please give me a chance to make it up to you."


But I won't be home again,

I know what you do to yourself,

I breathe deep and cry out,

"Seto I can't."

"But…I really have changed, I want to hold you in my arms and tell you that I love you. Please give me that opportunity."

"Seto I can't because I'm already engaged." Ryou said, lifting his left hand, to show Seto the ring on his finger. "I found someone else Seto."

"So I see." Seto stood up again putting the small box back in his pocket. His gaze had turned cold and emotionless again, which scared Ryou.

"I hope you have a happy life than, excuse me, I'm late for work." Seto said his voice flat and cold.


Seto turned, threw his full coffee in the nearby garbage bin and picked up his brief case. He walked by Ryou not bothering to say good bye.

Isn't something missing?

Isn't someone missing me?

"Seto wait!" Ryou called.

He continued to walk not turning or slowing his pace. Ryou had to run to catch up to him, he stood in front of him holding his arms out stopping Seto in his tracks. What surprised Ryou the most was to see tears silently falling down Seto's cheeks.

"Don't go." Ryou whispered moving closer to Seto. He rested his head on Seto's shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist.

"I'm sorry Seto, if I knew. I know you'll find someone else; I'm not the only person in the world. And you still have Mokuba to take care of."

Even though I'm the sacrifice,

You won't cry for me,

Not now,

Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone,

"He died…two months ago…car accident. So no I don't have him anymore okay!" Seto said, elevating his voice slightly and shoving Ryou away, making him nearly slip on the ice. "Are you happy now? I'm sure you always wanted revenge on me for how I hurt you, well now you got it."

"I never wanted to see you hurt Seto."

"You know what," Seto wiped the tears from his face, "I should never have called you, I'm sorry for that too, this was complete waist of time, and it's a wonder why you never loved me." Seto walked past Ryou again heading for his limo that was parked a little ways away.

Ryou didn't move, just continued to stare at Seto's back, until he disappeared.

"I never stopped loving you Seto." Ryou whispered.

Isn't someone missing me?

Two days later

"Hey babe, you know that rich guy Seto Kaiba?"

Ryou looked up from his book and looked at his fiancé. "Yes I know him."

"Dude whacked himself."


"It's all over the papers and every news channel." He said sitting down and turning on the television.

"This is the 7' o clock news, good afternoon and welcome. To start off, breaking news right here in Domino city, the prominent Seto Kaiba, the owner of the entire city and several amusement parks around the world, was found dead earlier today in his beach home. Investigators and medical examiners say that since there was no sign that a murder took place and no sign of a struggle, it is ruled as a suicide. We go live now to the scene where our very own Trisha Ace is there at the scene…Trisha."

And if I bleed,

I'll bleed,

Knowing you don't care,

And if I sleep just to dream of you,

I'll wake without you there,

"Yes Diane……………."

"Where are you going?"

"Out." Ryou called as he grabbed his coat and ran out of the house, starting the car and slamming on the gas heading to the beach house.

It had been there favorite place to go for the summer.

He arrived at the scene within thirty minutes. Police had taped off the area and held the crowd back as staff from the ambulance led the gurney out with the body.

"No…no…no." Ryou whispered to himself. "Wait!" Ryou called moving toward the ambulance.

"Sorry son, no one is allowed."

Isn't something missing?

Isn't someone one missing me?

"No you don't understand that's my boy friend."

"Don't lie to me boy."

"Damn it, get out of my way." Ryou yelled, the tears beginning to pour down his face.

"Okay you can go." The officer moved aside allowing Ryou entrance to the back.

They drove to the morgue and Ryou followed them inside as they wheeled the body in.

"Well since you claim to be his boy friend, you're going to have to identify the body and sign a few papers."


An hour passed, Ryou had to sign over thirty documents before he was able to go in.

Seto was lying on a cold metal table. His lower half was covered with a sheet. His skin was blue and cold. His eyes were opened just slightly. The bullet wound had stopped bleeding and was now just another whole in his body.

Even though I'm the sacrifice,

You won't try for me,

Not now,

"There was nothing we could do to save him; he was already in the rigor mortis stage when we got there. He was dead for hours."

"He died alone didn't he?"

"It would appear so."

"The maid is the one that found him."

"He was always so alone."

"Excuse me?"

"Could you give us a minute alone?"

"Yeah sure, take all the time you need." The officer gestured for the other individuals to leave, the large metal doors slammed shut as they left.

Ryou went closer to Seto and placed his hands on the cool skin of his head.

"I'm so sorry Seto. I promised you that I would always be there for you and I broke that promise. I'm so sorry." Ryou placed his head on Seto's chest, the tears now pouring from his eyes.

Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone,

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry." He cried.

"I should have been there for you. I'm sorry, you changed for me and I hurt you. Oh god I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"You wanted to be loved and I hurt you. I should have stayed…I should have stayed. I should have been there for you. I'm sorry Seto…I'm sorry." Ryou whispered.

"I thought I was hurting inside, but it was really you that was in pain. It was you that needed the care, and the love. Please forgive me Seto…please. I love you." Ryou held on to Seto crying his heart out, hurting inside and this time it was him that felt empty inside.

Isn't something missing?

Isn't someone missing me?

Three days later

5:00 in the morning

His body had been buried in a private place where his brother was, where no one would be allowed to come to. It was a peaceful place; large willow trees surrounded the area. Green grass and flowers grew every where. Three days had passed, and the body had been buried.

That day it was pouring rain, so everyone had retired to their homes, except for Ryou. He was on his knees in front of Seto's grave, eyes empty and dull, tears began to fall again while he stared at the grave and read the words over and over again.

Seto Kaiba

Loving brother to Mokuba Kaiba

Fiancé, friend, mentor and lover to Ryou Bakura

You won't be forgotten Seto Kaiba


"I wish you were here Seto. You said that you wanted to hold me in your arms and tell me that you loved me, I wish you could. I wish that I could hold you and smile with you. My heart hurts Seto, something is missing, and it's you. I don't know what to do anymore Seto, even when we were apart; I knew that you were still somewhere, even if it wasn't with me. But now you're gone and I…I hurt. I'm sorry Seto." Ryou put his hands over his eyes, covering them as the tears slid down.

The rain poured on him as a comfort.

"I wish I could be with you right now." Ryou whispered. "I don't want you to be alone anymore, you don't deserve it. I'm going to be with you forever Seto." Ryou pulled the small Desert Eagle hand-gun from his pocket, cocked it and took the safety off.

"I never want to be away from you again because I love you Seto."

"I love you." The shot rang through the sky. Ryou's body fell forward onto the concrete slab, blood slowly seeping into the grass staining it. The rain continued to poor, never ceasing.

Once the body was found, Ryou was buried next to Seto and the words I LOVE YOU were engraved on his tomb stone.

No one knows what its like,

To be the bad man,

To be the sad man,

Behind Blue Eyes