Everywhere I Want to Be Prelude:
There are times in ones life where you will meet or interact with someone and you will instantly know you need them for the rest of your life. You may not know when it will happen, or who you will find, but it happens, your soul just knows. Trust me, I did not expect to feel like this either. This was shocking and unexpected, yet completely known to my subconcious for years. When did I start getting so dependant on my partner? Yes, he is my best friend, and I trust him with my life, but I cant feel the way I feel. He and I are too close to be that close. Even though his lips are what I think of before I sleep each night, he cant be the one that I want. He is inaccessible. Unhappy, and inaccessible. He is married, but is not happy. I sometimes get used to the image of him sleeping on my couch for a few hours sleep. He was no saint, I will tell you that, but she does not deserve him. No, no she does not deserve him.
Crap, im getting defensive again. Man, I need to stop doing that. Why does he do this to me? Its not like we can be together. Yes, he is strong... and handsome... and charming and his smile makes me melt instantly, but I cant have him. No matter how much I long for him to be with me, I just cant. I am only hurting myself.
Who wouldnt fall in love with him? No matter how much I would like to be the one who rubs his shoulders every night before he goes to sleep or nibble at his adorable ears after a warm embrace, he can never know how I feel. Before love, there was trust and friendship. I would rather die than see our relationship go down. No, I, Olivia Benson, need to fall out of love for Elliot Stabler. It is the only way. I shouldnt want him as much as I do. Those eyes, ugh they just kill me! No, I really cant be in love with him. Wait, he iss coming. Shit! Look at him. How can someone look so handsome in a pair of slacks and a dress shirt? God, Elliot, you are making this fall out of love business harder for me every minute.