a/n: i dunno, this sort of just came to me. It is Sasori/Deidara, and this is also a poem fic. I wrote the poem a long time ago, and thought it fit this story in my head, so i put them together and tada! Please do not steal the poem, it really is mine. Rated so high because of an extreme angst factor and character death, but not what most of you are thinking.
Disclaimer: only the poem is mine!
I envy you, your always free
Take to the sky, I wish that were me.
He stares up at the sky and spots a bird, dancing in the wind. Though he knows he should be paying attention, he knows he should be aware of anything and everything around him, he is only aware of the bird that dances in the sky above him. He only sees the bird, because he only sees the freedom of the creature, a freedom he wishes he had.
His blonde hair shifts around slightly in a light breeze, and with the breeze, the bird is gone. A long, forlorn sigh, and the blonde-haired one closes his cerulean eyes, allowing his skin to soak in the warmth of the sun. Another bird flies over and casts a shadow on the blonde's face. The blonde's eyes open once more.
Your wings are red, the color of blood,
The bird, the blonde now realizes, is a bright red color. The brilliance of the bird catches his breath, though to the one approaching, he seems almost startled.
The stranger that had been approaching silently comes into the clearing that the blonde now sits in. First a shock of red hair appears, and then red burning eyes to match. The red head does not seem too happy.
"Deidara," his voice is harsh, "you shouldn't be out on a day like this, not in the sun. At least not without some water. You'll get sick."
The blonde does not respond though, seemingly not even noticing the red head.
The red head sighs, watching his partner. The two are partners in an organization called the akatsuki. While the two both joined, they have greatly different opinions of it. The red head knows this, but is still quite worried about the blonde, the heat is scalding.
Contrary to what it would seem like, the blonde does notice the heat, but not because it was mentioned, simply because his breath is coming in shorter gasps, and he seems to be engulfed by the licking flames of a wild fire. A fire. Yet another thing that is free.
Fire surrounds me; I'm engulfed in a flood.
Swirl and spin, twirl and dance,
Grant me your power, give me a chance.
"Deidara?" the red head's voice is softer, but still with a harsh backing to it, "You need water, here." The red head holds a hand out with a full canteen of water, but the blonde still remains stoic, unaware of anything except that lone bird.
The red head's hand drops back to his side in defeat.
There seems to be no answer from the blonde still, only a change in his actions. The change does not, however, show that he hears his partner. The change is tears. At first the tears are small, but quickly grow, as they flow silently down the blonde's face. The red head drops to one knee, resting his arms around the blonde's stomach. When the blonde does not make any signs of noticing, or protesting, this new position, so the red head sits completely and pulls the blonde against him, the blonde now resting against his stomach.
Finally, the bird is brought down by the heat, and only then does the blonde snap out of his trance. First he realizes that where he is, and that he is in the arms of his partner from the akatsuki, his cage, and turns, burying his face in the chest of the other. Then he realizes that he has been crying, and quickly brings his hand up to wipe off his face.
"Deidara," now the red head's voice is very soft, no emotion, but no harshness either, "are you alright."
The blonde quickly sits up and nods, "Of course," then he bows his head, "Sorry, Sasori-danna."
Sasori shakes his head, "It's alright, you sure you're okay?"
Deidara smiles up at him, almost a smirk, only half of his mouth perked into the smile, "Yeah, un, I'm fine."
With a nod, Sasori accepts what he has gotten and continues to hold his partner gently to him for a moment, until he feels sweat dripping onto his hand. Releasing Deidara, he pulls the canteen from his cloak again, handing it to his partner. Deidara happily accepts it and greedily gulps a few sips before handing it back.
Bound by this cage named humanity
I watch you take flight and wish that were me.
What I would give for a chance
To take to the sky, be part of your dance.
"What had you so wrapped up, Deidara?" Sasori takes the canteen back.
Deidara frowns, then smiles, "Nothing, un."
"Really. I want to know what. I promise I won't get mad if that's what you're worried about."
"No," Deidara shakes his head, "I wasn't worried about that, un. I guess I was just thinking about how I wish I was free."
"You are free, Deidara."
"Not completely. I don't have to answer to any rules, that's true, un. But… I still have to listen to other people. It's like I'm controlled by others, un, and I'm not really free," he glances back to the bird.
Sasori has no answer this time. Instead, he just stays silent.
Time passes slowly as the bird continues to twirl and seek out something that has yet to be determined.
"Let's go," the cold tone to Sasori's voice returns, as he gets up and heads back in the direction he came from.
Deidara stands, and just before he leaves, turns back to see one more time the bird taking off from a branch it had just landed on. It has found what it was looking for. Another bird flies now with the first, both that brilliant shade of red.
Joined by another, I now see
You take part in this magical dance for me.
We've now reached where Sasori-danna tells me we are staying for the night. I climb into one of the beds, bouncing on it a little, testing it.
"We've only been here a full five minutes and you're destroying the place," Sasori-danna comments. I don't like upsetting him, my danna, my only true friend. Sure, the akatsuki is full of people that I get along with, and sure I would call Zetsu, Itachi, and Kisame my friends, but they aren't the ones I trust with my personal feelings, with my thoughts. I only trust my danna with those.
"I'm making sure the place is enough like home, un," I comment back, making myself a little nest out of the three pillows and the blankets on the bed. Sasori-danna simply rolls his eyes and goes back to reading the book he brought with us. I sigh, a little disappointed he doesn't want to talk with me, and lay down in my little mess of pillows. I long to be free so terribly.
Give me your wings; teach me to fly,
I think back to earlier today, with those two birds. They seemed to be calling me. They wanted me with them. I don't know how to describe it, but I could almost hear them calling to me, asking me to take flight with them. And, oh, how I wished I had joined them in their dance. Sasori-danna says that flying around there would have been too big a risk, and we would have been separated even worse, but I don't believe him. Something tells me that my danna does not like to fly. I don't know how anyone could dislike flying, but he seems to manage it.
Oh, how this longing in my heart hurts me. I long to take flight, to take my own wings and fly away, far, far away and high, high up, just to feel that wind sting my eyes and that air brush my face and know that I am free.
To earn the chance I would gladly die.
I sit up, a sudden thought jolting through me. I look over to my danna, all curled up with his book. I stare at his face and realize how beautiful he really is. Walking over silently, I sit on the edge of his bed. He looks up from the book with a heaved sigh, and I know that I have disturbed him.
"What is it, Deidara?" his voice holds an air of pure annoyance.
Sadly, I reply, "Nothing, un, nothing."
He glances at me, suddenly looking ashamed, "Deidara…"
I smile, trying to look reassuring, "It really is nothing, un," I gently reach out and stop my hand just short of his cheek, "really."
He gently rests his cheek against my hand and I pull back, "I just wanted to tell you, un, I was going to take a quick bath."
Sasori-danna looks a little hurt, and then smiles slightly and replies, "Alright, go ahead."
I walk into the bathroom and close the door, and quickly start running the water, filling the tub at a nice steady pace, though I didn't come in here for that. I pull out a kunai and gently remove my cloak, laying it far off to the side, away where it won't get ruined.
Place cold metal on my wrist,
I rest the kunai on the pulse of my wrist. The metal is cold, but not uncomfortably so. I take a deep breath to try and calm my racing heart, but I guess there is no way to calm yourself when facing something like this.
Move my limb in a violent twist.
I quickly pull the metal over my wrist and barely bite back the cry of pain. I cut very deep.
I watch red liquid pour from me,
I watch the blood drip silently down over my fingers.
Single drops fall to my knee.
The drops continue off my fingers and onto my knee or some hit the floor.
Then the pain hits and I cry out, because I don't care who knows I'm scared anymore. A frantic knocking on the door pulls all my senses from the lapse they were in and the next thing I know I am in a pair of warm, so warm, arms. I feel so cold now.
"Deidara?" a confused and sad voice reaches my ears. The voice is so familiar.
I open my eyes more to clearly see my Sasori-danna, "Hey, un, there you are."
He doesn't smile as I do; he seems almost ready to cry instead, "What are you doing?"
"I want to be free, un," it's so true, but I never wanted to cause him pain.
I reach up and gently rest my hand on his cheek, and feel the tears more so then see them fall over my hand and mix with the wound, the salt stinging slightly over the blood.
My eyelids droop, my vision goes,
Soon I cannot see him, but his arms tight around me let me know that my danna is there for me, here with me. I smile up in his general direction.
A tear falls against my lips, letting me know that my danna now hovers above me, "Please don't cry for me, Sasori-danna, un. Please don't cry."
"I can't help it Deidara," his voice is choked.
"Why not, danna? You are the strongest person I know, un," I smile at him again.
"Because, I'm watching my true love die in my arms, Deidara," his words shock me.
At first I can think of no reply, but then I know what to say: the truth, "I love you too, Sasori-danna."
"Stop that," he demands.
"Stop calling me your master like my life is more important than yours!" he nearly screams.
"It isn't, I know it isn't, Sasor-da—Sasori, but you are stronger," I point out.
"You are my equal, Deidara, don't you ever forget that," his strong hands come up to cradle my face.
"I won't Sasori," I lean into his hands, losing the last of my sight.
It goes all white like after fresh snows.
I smile again, into nothingness, "I wish you could see this, Sasori. It reminds me of the mist country when it snows there, un. It's so white and wonderful."
A noise between and cough and a sob reaches my ears.
"Sasori?" I grope blindly for his face, and when I touch it, I raise myself to brush his tears and lightly kiss his lips, "I've wanted to do that for so long, un."
"Then why didn't you?" he asks, still choked.
"I was afraid, un."
"I'm afraid more often than you think. But not now. I'm finally not afraid, Sasori, un," I grin in triumph.
The pain fades, I start to fall,
No boundaries, ceilings, floors, or walls.
When my senses go and I feel like there is nothing left, I quickly cry out. Sasori's arms tighten around me, and I smile again, "I love you, my Sasori."
He sobs again, this time a real sob, and holds me tighter, "I love you too, no matter what I used to say."
"I know," I nod, and then I feel weak. So weak. So tired.
So tired. I want to talk and I can't.
Just let me sleep. I'll be okay.
And then a jerk, so I look down,
Finding myself in a great black gown,
And beyond that still great red wings,
Attached to two great red beings.
I look around me, waking up after what feels like a sudden jerk, and I find myself in the woods. Well, that's not correct. I find myself ABOVE the woods. I look around me and I see that I am above everything for miles and miles. I hear a flapping noise behind me, and I look back to see wings, great black wings, and I realize they are mine. I guess that I deserve black wings, after all I have done.
I look forward, and there are my friends.
One motions for me to follow, but I can't, I don't know how.
My two friends from before
Carry me away from the floor.
They command me "Flex your back"
And when I do there is a crack.
One shows me how, one shows me how to fly, and when I do, it's like a dream. I finally can fly.
Then I lift away from them,
Like a flower plucked from its stem.
I look to my sides to see great black things,
And I realize these are my wings.
I'm free, for the first time in my life I am free. Now though, I think back to Sasori. My love, my danna, my Sasori, please forgive me. One day, I know that we will meet again, because now I am in paradise, and this place would not be complete, without you by my side.
A sudden rush of wind from my side, and I look over to see a familiar face.
"Sasori, un?" even to me my voice is weak.
"Deidara," he looks to me with a smile. I see two great red things behind him, the color of blood, and I know that those are his wings now.
"How, un? Why?" I gently take his hand.
He smiles gently, and it's so beautiful, "I once said that I would follow you and make sure that you always were out of harms way. I made that promise to you because I knew that if you died I wouldn't be able to go on. When I felt you die in my arms, there was no way for me to continue on. When you died, so did I. I died of a broken heart."
"Sasori…" my voice is weak and sad as I gently reach up to cup his cheeks, "I love you."
"I love you too, Deidara," his hands cover my own, closing around them, entwining our fingers and bringing my hands in front of us both.
I grin wide, content with this, with us, as we both turn proudly to the horizon, to the sun, and chase my friends. We are both now, truly, free.
They come to me, and without a backward glance
I join them in their magical dance.
a/n: you made it this far! please review! (oh and again, the poem is mine, no stealing!)