Title: The Rules.

Summary: For all new personnel (Both Civilian and Military) from Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: To save both you and myself a lot of trouble and headache I have compiled a list of simple rules to help make life easier for all involved.

Spoilers: Nothing specific really but to be safe anything from season one and two is fair game.

Warnings: None really.

Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis is not mine. Only the story line and any made up characters that may appear in the story belong to me.

A/N: I know, I know this idea has probably been done to death but it was something to do to keep myself entertained during class this week since I had nothing else to do.

A/N2: Thank you Myriad and kittytrysin for pointing out some errors I made - That's what I get for typing this up at two in the morning and not having it beta read. Errors have now all hopefully been fix. Constructive criticism is appreciated.


Walking to the Mess Hall for lunch Elizabeth paused when she noticed a small group of personal gathered around out side the Mess Hall doors. Curious she moved closer to see what had their attention. Reading the paper John – she would recognize that chicken scratch handwriting of his anywhere – had taped up Elizabeth nearly choked on the sip of coffee she'd just taken.

The Rules

For all new personnel (Both civilian and Military) from Lt. Colonel John Sheppard:

To save both you and myself a lot of trouble and headache I have compiled a list of simple rules to help make life easier for all involved.

(Keep in mind that I have been in this galaxy longer than you and therefore know what I am talking about. Please take these rules seriously).

1.) In the Pegasus Galaxy one should always take Murphy's Law to heart.

-- The guy knew what he was talking about.

-- Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

-- If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

-- If there is a worst time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.

-- Murphy was a grunt.

2.) No battle plan ever survives first contact with the enemy.

-- Especially if that enemy is a Wraith that has been marooned on a planet for 10,000 years.

3.) If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

-- Especially keep this in mind when dealing with the Genii. They may not seem like it at first but they can be sneaky bastards when motivated.

4.) If you want something badly enough, chances are you won't get it.

-- ZPMs are a great example of this rule.

-- See mission reports dealing with M7G-677 (Planet with all the kids) and Dagan (The Brotherhood planet) for more detailed explanation.

5.) Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.

-- As if a super storm from hell wasn't bad enough, Kolya and his men had to try and take my city. (Bastards).

-- Any time the Wraith show up.

6.) If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

-- Mist Aliens making you think you've made it back to Earth.

-- Ascended chicks.

-- Ancient super weapons (See Doranda/ Project Arcturus mission report).

-- Ancient warship with its crew in stasis pods with a vital piece of information on how to damage Wraith technology (See Aurora mission report).

-- Any alliances made with the Wraith.

7.) Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

-- I will let this one speak for itself.

8.) Never argue with women.

-- Especially if your boss happens to be one.

9.) The best solution, usually involves suicidal charges towards the enemy.

-- Flying a Puddle Jumper with a nuke in the back towards a Wraith Hive ship.

10.) Not normal things are the norm in the Pegasus Galaxy.

-- Life sucking Aliens.

-- Giant black energy sucking clouds.

-- An older time traveling version of your boss.

-- Having another persons consciousness in your head.

-- Being transformed into a bug.

'Only you John, only you.' Elizabeth thought shaking her head slightly. With the hint of a smirk on her face Elizabeth continued into the Mess Hall.


A/N: I have some ideas for more things to add to the list, review and let me know if I should continue. Suggestions for the list are also welcome.