To: Psychopath at Shinra . org

From: FlameTurk at Shinra .org

Subject: Re: What the Heck?

Dear lover of all things flaming, including me,

Yes, chocobo nation. Or one of those weird chocobo support groups, and not your graphic novel. I know the difference, and I've caught our beloved chocobo-head leaving the meetings several times, and on tape too. That line of reasoning proves it, see. Of course he uses gel, you think those spikes are natural? They're too... spiky not to be.

Make it 100 and I'll steal the actual jar for you. Cloud and I are rather good friends, remember, we crossdress and go barhopping every now and again. I believe I've mentioned this before.

Where did you hear that? He still has about seven operations to go before he's a 'real girl', and it's kind of creeping us all out. If only, if only. Tseng even has a restraining order on 'her', but since 'she' doesn't actually exist yet, nothing has been done. Legally, at least. Rufus muttered something about shooting her in the face with his shotgun next time he saw 'her'.

Indeed, yesterday 'she' tripped over me, my shoes, 'her' shoes, 'her' desk, the chair in the reception area and Tseng's car. 'She' does? Really? I talk trash about her all the time, but she doesn't do anything to me. But that may be because I 'borrowed' one of Hojo's squirrels and trained it to attack anyone who lectures me.

Good luck with your mission, let's work hard at removing idiots from the face of the planet

Much love from

The God of your pants, the –second- sexiest active Turk on the planet, and the love of your life