Once again, I am going to do the crazy and the (NEAR) impossible: a crossover of the popular web series, Red vs. Blue, and the slightly less popular anime (I still support it, though) and game series, Pokémon. Yes, it does seem crazy, but then again, it's going to be a comedy, and that means craziness will equal laughs. Or horrible deaths. Whichever is preferable.
As always, I must disclaim about various ideas used here. Red vs. Blue is a machinema created by Rooster Teeth Productions using the games Halo: Combat Evolved and Halo 2, therefore all related characters and ideas are owned by them (Bungie and Microsoft have dibs on the Halo copyrights). Pokémon is a game series created by Satoshi Tajiri and distributed by Nintendo Company Ltd. Thus, they own all the copyrights and such. I'm only using the two to make a new and crazy situation, so I'm pretty sure some of my original ideas will be here as well.
Now for a little history about this little project of mine. This is actually the 4th version of this story to be published, each new one made to improve on the previous. Hopefully I'll be satisfied with this version and thus don't have to once again rack my brain for new ideas. Wait, that's what I'm suppose to be doing… oh well. Enjoy the story!
But first, here's quick overview of some writing styles you'll see:
(Bold and in Parenthesis) – Scene and time changes
"Underlined Quotes" – Radio voice-over
"Italic Quotes" - Thinking
Red vs. Blue: The Pokémon Chronicles
Episode One: Lucky Zeros
(Location: Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha)
(Timeframe: Just after RvB Episode 73: Under The Weather )
"Hello? HELLO! Who dares to call me at this time! I'm very busy trying to TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE, MHAW HA HA HA HA!"
"Uh, yeah, that's great," Private Leonard Church said into his helmet radio. "Listen, can we talk to Doc?"
"What the? Church? How did you get this number?"
"Oh, I put it on the local listings," a more sane voice replied. "Just in case someone need to contact us-"
"You fool! You'll give away to location of my evil lair! How am I suppose to-"
"Hey, O'Malley, shut up and listen. We don't have time for any of you damn monologues."
Far from Blood Gulch, in an open air tower structure, a purple armored soldier looked over his surroundings. "How dare you…" he droned over his radio. "You should know better than to talk to me like that."
"Yeah, listen, I don't know about you, but we have a sick moron over here," Church stated. "We kinda need Doc to figure out what's wrong with him."
"You forget that I'm using his body… you expect me to just walk over there and HELP you're little friend? I'm EVIL!"
"Yeah, we established that. Repeatedly."
"Are his symptoms serious?" Doc said, still able to project his voice while his body was locked from his control. "And has he encountered anything strange lately?"
"SHUT UP!" the evil A.I. shouted. "We're not going, that's final."
"Oh for the love of… look. Isn't there any way we can work out some kind of deal or something?"
O'Malley pondered this for a moment, his computerized nature scheming on how to take advantage of the situation. "Perhaps… BUT! You'll have to meet our demands first!"
"'Our?' You mean your demands, right?"
"Unfortunately, no... Lopez has been complaining lately about conditions here, and Doc just won't SHUT UP!"
"Yeah tell me about it. Everyone in the goddamn canyon acts this way."
Back at Blood Gulch, the various Blue Team members… well, just Caboose, took the time to say what was on their minds.
"Act which way, Church?"
Church groaned as Caboose's statement, and chose to ignore it. "Okay O'Malley… let's discuss your demands…"
"Excellent!" the insane program replied. "I have QUITE the list for you, mwah ha ha ha…"
"Ask him about getting us some patio furniture for the front lawn-"
"For the love of evil, SHUT UP!"
(Across the canyon, Blood Gulch Outpost #1)
On top of the Red base, Privates Dexter Grif and Franklin Donut stood before their returning team kiss-ass, the maroon armored Simmons. And as usually, things weren't going smoothly.
"What do you mean Sarge still won't see me?"
"I'm just saying what he said," Grif explained. "It's not like I ran off screaming about imaginary tanks-"
"THE TANK WAS REAL, YOU SAW IT!"
"-yeah, but that's what Sarge says, AND I didn't paint myself blue, missing some spots by the way-"
"Yeah, that's a fashion no-no, Simmons," Donut added.
"-attacked my own team, held one of my teammates hostage and knocked Sarge out twice."
"Hey now," Simmons interrupted. "Church did that the first time, I just continued what he started."
"Yeah, whatever. Fact is, Sarge is pissed at you, and I don't think any kind of ass-kissing is going to help you get out of this one."
"Who cares about that now, he needs to know this information about the war! You all need to know!"
"Hey, I got it!" chimed Donut. "How about you tell us, and maybe, just maybe, we'll pass it on to Sarge saying we found it out ourselves!"
"Well, seeing as I don't have much of a choice…" Simmons sighed and lifted his head up. "Alright. Here's what I heard Church say when he was talking to Vic-"
"Vic? The guy from Red Command? How'd he survive this long?"
"Oh, it wasn't Vic himself, just a distant descendant. And actually, they talked on the Blue Command frequency."
"Okay, now you're starting to sound like Tucker and his crazy conspiracy theories. Maybe being on the Blue team for so long screwed up your brain."
"It was only for a day, dumbass. Now do you want to know what they were talking about or NOT?"
Donut replied with a whiney "yessssss" while Grif gave off a quick "meh". And so Simmons started his tale of what happened in the last few centuries…
(Elsewhere on the planet…)
BLAM BLAM BLAM!
"We're all gonna dieeeeeeeee-"
"Whoops, sorry gents-"
"Who the hell taught you to aim?"
"AUGH! IT BURNS!"
"GET BACK HERE, WYOMING!"
The phrase "no wrath like a woman scorned" didn't quite describe the situation here. Various bodies, red and blue, littered the facility, as a black armored freelancer named Tex sought vengeance against her former comrade from basic, Freelancer Wyoming. Everyone else didn't stand a chance.
"Run for your lives! The demon has arrived! We are- BLARGH!"
Tex removed his fist from the broken visor of an unlucky red soldier. While normally, went not on a hate-fueled rampage or a quest for greed, she would have wondered why both Red and Blue soldiers were working together, even if they didn't like it. Of course, she WAS on a hate-fuelled rampage, because her quest for greed had been ruined.
"Where are you Wyoming?" she yelled. "You can't run forever!"
A sniper bullet flew past her helmet and into the brain of a Blue that was rushing up to blast her with a plasma carbine. She looked up to see the white freelancer reloading his trademark sniper rifle.
"Just a little miss there, dear Tex!" he shouted in a casual manner. "I'll be sure to aim more to the right nest time!"
"There won't be a next time, cockbite!" Tex backed up here words with several rounds from her rifle, several which hit her enemy's shields, preventing any true injuries.
Deeper in the base, a group of several dozen Red and Blue soldiers where huddled in a large room which housed a large machine much like a teleporter. One of them, a blue armored man, was working with the wires on some sort of teleporter device.
"HURRY UP, THEY'RE GETTING CLOSER!"
"SHUT UP, I'M WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN!" yelled the blue soldier.
"YOU DUMBASS, WORK FASTER, DAMN BLUE!"
"SHUT UP, RED!"
"YOU SHUT UP!"
A faint click was heard, and a green doorway appeared out of thin air from within the device. "I did it! We're free! Now let's get the hell out of here!"
Various cheers rang from the crowd, a "wort" being said for some reason or another. En mass, groups of both red and blue armored soldier rushed into the teleporter doorway, leaving only one of each color behind.
"Wait, if we go in through now, what's stopping from those guys from following and killing us?"
"Not this time! Minute we go through, the whole thing is set to self destruct and kill them all! I'm a genius!"
"Yeah, for a damn Red."
"Shut up, Blue! Let's get out of here!"
At once, they yelled, "CHARGE!" and leapt into the green doorway, vanishing in an instant. And on queue, the various devices in the room began to hum and vibrate. At that point, a lone blue soldier with a high voice appeared.
"Wait! Don't leave me! I'm still a virgin- HURK-BLAH!" He was as good as dead. Oh well, better him than more important characters.
"Ah, a transporter. Perfect for me final getaway." Wyoming calmly walked over to the portal, only to halt as Tex leveled her gun at his head.
"Not this time, prick." At last, she had him right where she wanted him. "The only way you're getting out of here is in a body bag."
"Ah, dear Tex… you really think you have the guts to take me out? I known you better than that…"
"Shut your mouth, Wyoming. I don't want to hear your voice anymore before I blow your goddamn head off."
"You know, you should reconsider my… 'offer.' You know, the one I made long ago?"
Tex tensed slightly at his words, but recomposed and said, "My answer is still no. Besides, it would have never worked out."
"Oh, and I suppose CHURCH was better, hmm?" This struck many nerves within her mind, emotions that she thought went away with her induction into basic rising once again. "Oh? Did I strike a nerve?"
"Church… meant… nothing… to… to…"
"Tongue tied, are we?" With that moment to spare, Wyoming knocked Tex backward with his elbow, and ran right into the teleporter, just as a red light turned on with a loud BEEP.
"What the- AWW CRAP-"
INSERT SUPER-STRONG KICK-ASS EXPLOSION OF ARMAGEDDON HERE, EQUAL IN POWER TO THE DESTRUCTION OF PLANET ZEBES AT THE END OF SUPER METROID PLUS THE DESTRUCTION OF PLANET NAMEK AND PLANET ALDERAAN. IT'S REALLY, REALLY BIG.
(Back at Blood Gulch Outpost #1)
"-and that's how it all happened."
Grif and Donut stared at Simmons with wide eyes… that is, if e could see their eyes through their visors. Same thing goes for their mouths, hidden within their helmets.
"Suddenly, everything is making sense," said Donut. "It all comes full circle."
"Grave-who? You lost me back there and stuff."
"Simmons! What the Sam-hell are you doing showing your traitorous ass around here?" The shouting in a Southern accent came from the highest ranking officer in the canyon on either team, Sarge. Tough, ruthless, yet not too bright on his battle strategies. "I want and explanation for all this or-"
"Sarge, we just found out important information on the war!" exclaimed Donut. Since he was the new second-in-command, he felt he would be able to relay the information without any trouble.
"Oh really now? Did the renegade here tell you this so called 'information?'" replied Sarge, motioning toward the maroon solider.
"Well in that case, tell me everything! …after we kill Simmons."
Simmons nodded, then did a double take. "WHAT?"
"As much as it pains me to do this," the red armored superior stated in mock sadness, "for reason we all know too well, such as your insane visions-"
"WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT THERE WAS A FUCKING TANK? IT'S A TANK, IT WAS THERE IN PLAIN SIGHT!"
"Man, calm down Simmons," Grif said casually. "Before you burst a blood vessel or rupture your spleen or something."
"I don't have a spleen, dumbass! Remember back-"
A small rumble could now be felt in the ground, which began to get bigger every minute or so. This confused all the Reds, and across the canyon, the Blues as well.
"The ground is very shaky, Church!" whined Caboose. "Make it stop!"
"Shut up, can't you see I'm busy." The cobalt soldier, ignoring the rumbling and his teammate's whines, turned his attention back to the radio. "Alright then, where were we?"
"We were talking about giving us a nice fondue set for-"
"SHUT UP! We're having no more of that nonsense, you hear me?" Church couldn't help but chuckle at how Doc was giving O'Malley a hard time, even with the psychotic A.I. in control. "I hear laughing! Stop laughing at me, you moron!"
"Ha ha ha, not so easy working with others is it?" joked Church. He turned his gaze toward Caboose, who seemed to be saying something to Andy, the bomb which Tex had built a while back… and strangely, it sound serious. "Hey, what are you guys talking about?"
"We're talking about the ground shaking you moron!" Andy said rudely. "Can't you feel it?"
"Well, yeah, but- wait, how can you feel it? I mean, you don't have any legs. Or arms. Or a nervous system for that matter."
"Oh, just because I happen to be a bomb, means I can't feel the ground shake? Maybe I should explode and take out your arms and legs!"
"Calm down Andy… nobody here is going to blow up anybody. Everyone here is a friend."
Church waved of Caboose's statement with an annoyed gesture. "Friend? You guys aren't exactly my friends, I just happen to hang around near you for defensive purposes."
"Ugh…" came a voice from inside the Blue base. "Why does everything have to hurt…"
"Oh, come on, Tucker! Toughen up already, or at least puke in your bucket instead of on the wall!"
A hurling sound could be heard, followed by a faint "missed again," followed by the words, "I'm shivering so hard, the world is shaking."
"No, that's just the ground that's moving!" shouted Caboose. He then turned to Church and said, "Hey, maybe the planet is sick too!"
(At and evil lair, somewhere nearby)
O'Malley listened to the entire conversation of the Blue team via the radio. And now he was losing patience. "HELLO? I have evil demands the need to be met! Or maybe you want your little pal Tucker to die a horrible, agonizing death!"
"Alright, alright!" shouted Church. "God, I wish we got rid of you that time instead of you possessing Doc. Thanks a lot, Doc."
"It wasn't my fault! I didn't know this would happen, I honestly-" Once again, O'Malley took control of the voice center of the medic's brain.
"ENOUGH! We have five more pages of demands to list!" He turned his head toward the horizon to where he expected Blood Gulch to be. "Or, you could surrender to me and agree to be my slaves, then I could make sure-"
"Uh oh. Esto parece malo." The voice belonged to Lopez, the Spanish speaking robot, whose head was currently on the very top of the tower (don't ask me how he got there with no arms).
"Oh for the love of…" Turning his head upward, O'Malley called up to his bodiless minion. "What is it now?"
"Mire allá, estúpido."
O'Malley turned his head around toward the opposite part of the horizon from where he was looking at before. His eyes, both physical and digital, widened in terror.
"NOT AGAIN! NOOOOO-"
(Back at Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha)
From Church's point of view, he heard a bright shout before the radio went to static. "Uh, Doc? O'Malley? Lopez?"
The shaking, which seemed to get worse, gave every being in the canyon a feel of dread. Well, the Blue team did at least; the Reds were still arguing over stuff, but more on that soon.
"Church, I think we better get inside," Caboose said with childlike worry. "I think this is an earthquake."
"But this ain't Earth, stupid!" Andy stated. "So why call it an earthquake?"
"Will you guys shut up!" Church scolded his companions. "Actually, Caboose has a good plan, we better take shelter."
"What about me, huh?" The two soldier plus bomb turned their gaze toward the tank parked right nearby, Sheila. "I suppose you're going to leave me out here, as usual."
"Of course!" This was Andy speaking at the moment. "You're too big to fit through that tiny door!"
"Are you calling me fat?" One thing you should never do is to piss off a tank, especially if they have a female personality. "I said, are you calling me fat?"
"We don't have time for this, Sheila!" shouted an annoyed Church. "Caboose, take Andy and meet me in the base. And make sure not to step in any of Tucker's vomit."
"Alright," replied Caboose. He bent down and using his superior upper body strength, lifted up Andy (he's quite heavy for a small bomb) and walked slowly to the lower of the base. Church turned around to Sheila once again, to offer a sort of… apology.
"Listen, uh… sorry about this, but you ARE going to have to stay out here-"
"Fine," Sheila said sternly. "Go. See if I care. It's not like my needs concern you."
"O… kay. I'm gonna go… um… inside now…"
Church stared at the tank for a few more seconds, then slowly began to walk backward. He paused for another few seconds, turned around, than ran as fast as he could into the base. Hey, the tank had killed one of his bodies before, what's stopping her from doing it again?
(Blood Gulch, the other base)
"Earthquake everybody! Duck and cover!"
Grif stared with confusion as Donut dropped his gun, ran down through the hole of the base and covered his head with his hands while crouching. The rumbling was close to knocking everyone off balance, and still they had no idea where it was coming from.
"Why do I have the feeling this is going to end badly," the orange soldier said out loud.
"Grif! Do something useful and shoot Simmons for treason!"
"What? Come on, just because I saw a tank-"
"See, he's mad! Mad as the devil! Shoot him to drive the demons out!"
Grif sighed at the stupidity of his "superiors" and dived down into the base next to Donut. "Move over, I want to be comfortable if we all end up dying-"
"SWEET JESUS, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"
"GREAT HORNTOADS, IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!"
"Eh, close enough," Grif said as the world turned white.
(Blood Gulch, Blue Base, one minute beforehand)
Tucker was on the ground in a sickened heap. Andy was on the floor, whining about wanting to blow up. Caboose was standing on some boxes, looked out of the roof of the base. And Church was leaning against the wall, thinking.
"What a freaking run this has been. Stuck with two idiots, a pyromaniac bomb, a bitchy tank, and my ex-girlfriend… and the two idiots end up losing her! For once, can I know where she goes off to! It's really freaking annoying! And to think, I was going to ask her to marry-"
"Um, Church?" The cobalt soldier was snapped out of his train of though by the voice of his annoying companion.
"Oh dear god… what NOW?" he asked in an irratible tone.
"Why is the sky on fire?"
Upon hearing the words "sky on fire," Church immediately pushed Caboose aside and climbed to the top of the base, able to lift his robotic body over the edge, and look up to see a wall of explosive fire come right at him.
"…it's a curse, isn't it?"
And everything went… SOMEWHERE.
(Location: Unknown. Timeframe: Unknown)
"Okay Red where the HELL did you send us?"
The two soldiers, red and blue that went into the portal last, found themselves somewhere… different. VERY DIFFERENT. Not TOO different, as they saw trees and mountains, but DIFFERENT, as in the way the colors where seen by their eyes were… cartoonish.
"Uh… I, don't, know…" the red one replied. Turning to his blue companion, he said, "But I think I've seen this place before."
"Yeah, me too…" the blue one replied, his young voice trailing off to days long past. "But where?"
At that point, they saw a little cat like creature float in front of them in a small pink bubble. It stared at them curiously, looking at their height, the shape of their armor, and their overall color. Happily, or at least what they though was happily, it gave off a small "mew."
Something clicked within their brains, and simultaneously turned to each other and said:
"HOLY SHIT, I KNOW WHERE WE ARE!"
Next Episode: What's Wrong With This Picture?