Title:Master Skywalker, There're too many of them!
Chapter: 1. Prelude to Disaster
Genre: Dark Humour
Keywords: Anakin Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi, younglings, Jedi life, Yoda.
Archive: , Slytherin Serpent
Summary: The outer rim sieges are nothing compared to the Jedi Temple, even the Chosen One has to concede with the more mundane, but no less frustrating, aspects of life. Dark humour.
Chapter Summary: Being appointed to the Jedi council may have been the highlight of Anakin's return but a would be Jedi master has many unforeseen responsibilities…
AN: Humorous fic that takes you behind the scenes of the Jedi Temple, after all being a Jedi isn't all lightsabres and acrobatics…you have to cook as well.
The title incidentally is a quote from the Revenge of the Sith, just before Anakin kills the younglings inside the council chambers.
The spacious, elegant hallways of the Jedi temple presented a stark contrast to the dirt, grim and death in the outer rim. No a speck of dust could be seen lurking even in the most inauspicious locations.
Sunlight cascaded down through the high windows, sending glowing warmth to all who stood beneath the light. The force was calm and tranquil, embracing its children with tender touches and comforting swirls.
It was good to be home.
Anakin had not had the time to fully appreciate how much he had missed the temple in the long months spent in gruelling off world missions. He almost envied the librarians and scholars who spent all their days dusting the archives and enjoying the views.
Now, five weeks after his return from saving the Chancellor, Anakin's heroics had finally paid off.
"I am appointing you to be my personal representative on the Jedi Council"
The Chancellor's decision seemed ludicrous to Anakin, but of course he did not voice his concerns. However the council eventually caved under in the insistence of Palpatine himself and Anakin was officially a Jedi Master.
Well, not really a Jedi Master, that privilege had been denied. Even now a sickly boiling sense of injustice threatened to overtake his senses. He hastily pushed his anger away into the force with one of the many Jedi calming tricks that Yoda had forced him to practise as a padawan.
Even if I am not a Jedi master I am still on the council, one of the youngest members ever appointed. 23 and still going strong!
So he stood there in front of the giant windows surveying the bustling city below and basking in the glow of the force. Obi Wan had once commented that Anakin's aura was so strong that knights could sunbath in his glow. However his control of the force was pale in comparison with the awesome raw power of nature and many times he found himself gazing at the Sun in wonder.
His chronometer started to beep intently in a jingle that he had purchased from a street dealer on Moons of Gall. Three young female padawans rushed past sending scandalized looks in his direction. Anakin merely smiled charmingly and ran a hand through his wavy hair, which was in dire need of cutting.
However once he caught sight of the time, the confidently smug smile disappeared faster than a Gungan missile. He was nearly late for his interview with Yoda!
The wrinkled, green Jedi master always managed to ruin his days but this time Anakin was looking forwards to meeting him, after all they were nearly equals now.
Tearing down the polished hallways with anticipation, Anakin nearly knocked over a passing Knight.
"Sorry," he cried as he nimbly flipped sideways to avoid a collision and landed calmly on one of the nearby statues.
"Always on the move," commented Obi Wan sarcastically as he dusted invisible dirt from his neutral toned robes.
"Sorry, master I didn't know it was you," said Anakin with a grin.
He had not seen his master in the morning as Obi Wan had departed early for a war council and had not sought to take Anakin with him. Under normal circumstances Anakin would have felt at least insulted by his former master's decision but he now understood that as a Jedi Council member he could pick and choose what briefings he wanted to attend and Obi Wan knew it.
"Well, even if it wasn't me you still shouldn't have been barraging down the corridor like a rampaging reek. You could have seriously injured someone," lectured Obi Wan sternly. Anakin tired and failed to stop his eyes from rolling.
"And speaking of someone, hadn't you better hurry up, Master Yoda is waiting for you,"
"Of course, master. I'll be visiting an acquaintance at lunchtime so I won't be able to cook…" said Anakin sheepishly, trying to avoid the glint of panic in his master's features.
Obi Wan could not cook to save his life.
"Well, I suppose I shall have to dine in the canteen with the younglings. It is never too early to start familiarising myself with a potential padawan," replied Obi Wan smoothly savouring the jibe.
"I would be honoured to stay but I have a meeting to attend," declared Anakin with mock haughtiness, "So long, Master Kenobi."
Having taken heed of Obi Wan's warning Anakin proceed down the corridor in a more dignified manner. In background he could hear Obi Wan comforting the three stunned padawans.
The interior of Yoda's chambers was predictably Spartan for a Jedi master. Three small cream pouffes, more suited to Padme's apartment than the Jedi temple, and a low coffee table were the only pieces of furniture in the main room.
"Welcome, you are Anakin, take a seat you should," the small hunched figure of master Yoda appeared into view and pointed to the smallest of the pouffes.
He expects me to sit on that?!
Perhaps his surprise and blatant disgust transmitted through the force because Yoda looked equally disapproving.
"Comfortable seats they are. Sit on them Mace, Shaak Ti do,"
"With all due respect Master Yoda, I…"
"Long legs you have, stretch them out you can," answered Yoda, still pointing obstinately at the pouffe. The glint in the old master's eye prohibited further debate and Anakin lowered himself onto the bag of beans with as much Jedi dignity as he could muster.
"Called you I have to discuss great things," said Yoda more politely. "Refreshment, you need, hurried have you,"
After thirteen years at the Jedi temple Yoda's astute observations were still beyond comprehension. Either that or the three padawans had snitched on him.
"Refreshment would be most welcome," replied Anakin courteously, thirteen years in the Jedi temple had taught him to play along with the masters.
"Would you like tea or coffee?" came the baritone voice of Mace Windu, which nearly caused Anakin to jump off the pouffe in surprise. He had not sensed a disturbance in the force to signal Windu's arrival.
"Stay with me, Mace is, share an apartment we do. Here to 'grill' you he is not," explained Yoda seriously but the humours glint in his eye indicated that he had sensed Anakin's surprise.
"I shall take some tea, please," said Anakin desperately pulling what was left of his dignity around him.
"We are short of space because of the war, many apartments have been converted," informed Mace as he bustled out of sight in the kitchen.
A sinking feeling permeated Anakin's stomach; the sensation of a hope lost was slowly but steadily growing. If even the masters had to share an apartment...
"But with so many knights off world…" said Anakin carefully keeping the complaint in his voice to a bare minimum.
"Not enough the temple has, sacrifices made must be," hummed the old Jedi master letting the words seep in his wisdom, but that had never convinced Anakin.
"We understand you put your name down for a personal apartment, and as a knight with many years of service we also understand that you deserve some solitude. However you must realise our predicament, despite having many Jedi off world, their stays are severely sporadic and it would make no sense to assign an apartment to someone who is hardly ever present. You will find that even master-padawan pairs share." Stated Mace Windu in his commanding tone leaving Anakin thoroughly put out.
"Discuss this we will, more important things we have now," said Yoda bringing the potential disagreement to a halt. "Many responsibilities a Jedi Master has," he continued sounding ominously cryptic. Anakin felt his stomach stink even deeper into the abyss.
Mace interrupted Anakin's visions of impending doom by setting two small cups of tea on the coffee table and retreating silently into a neighbouring room. Small curls of steam billowed out from the cups causing Anakin's mind to manipulate the shapes into morbid images.
"To fear you need not, responsibilities endanger your master's life will not," chuckled Yoda sounding highly amused. Anakin simply sat there looking rather stunned.
"Train new generation we must, long must the Jedi continue. Experienced you are in art of combat but teacher you are not,"
Anakin furrowed his brow trying to discern exactly what horrendous experience Yoda was plotting this time and picked up the warm cup of tea.
"Assist Obi Wan you shall, teaching sabre techniques to younglings tomorrow you start,"
Anakin spilt his tea.
Due to his unfortunate position, hot, steaming liquid splashed like lava down the front of his thin cream coloured pants causing him to howl in distress. The boiling pain spread down his legs as he clumsily tried to soak up the burning liquid with his hands.
A frayed square of cream cloth appeared unsympathetically under his nose and he swiped it up without glancing at his assistor. Pressing as hard as possible at the epicentre of the pain, Anakin did not notice the humiliating position he had taken until Mace Windu cleared his throat self-consciously.
Blushing with realisation Anakin hastily clambered up with some difficulty; the force seemed to have deserted him in his time of need.
"To refresher, you should go," muttered Yoda who had turned to face the wall.
Without another word Anakin sucked the force to cloak his thoughts and stalked away to the small refresher with the shattered remnants of his dignity arranged as best he could.
Fifteen minutes later a much more controlled Anakin emerged from the refresher, he had even combed his hair which had inexplicably become tattered during the confusion. However all attention focused on the yellowish stain half hidden but still clearly visible underneath Anakin's black leather tarbard.
"If I may take my leave of you now, Master Yoda," said Anakin, his voice steady and calm.
Mace looked as if he was about to protest for he had no doubt been listening to their conversation, which was far from over. However Yoda waved impatiently at Mace without quite meeting him eye.
"Leave you may, spend more time with Obi Wan and younglings you should, dine with them I recommend," muttered Yoda without looking in Anakin's direction.
"Thank you for your time, Master Yoda, Master Windu."
They would have been impressed with his restraint, if Yoda was not so eager to usher him out of the door. Jedi have always been prudish, no more so than the Grand Master Yoda and Anakin was glad that for once Yoda had allowed him some personal space.
With a natural grace Anakin Skywalker swept from the room, the perfect picture of a wise controlled Jedi Master…apart from the stain down his front.
Humiliation was too soft a word to describe what had just happened. It had taken every ounce of his force skills to prevent himself from falling into shambles, but he had made it out of the apartment without flying into a fit of rage.
Yoda…how does he do it? Every single time I see him…he may as well be an omen of bad luck!
The burning embarrassment and rage curled in his stomach, boiling the blood in his veins. Anakin battled to control the flood of emotions tearing through him like an unstoppable river of fire.
Anger leads to the dark side…
He was so focused on his internal battle that he did not see the small youngling dart out from one of the training rooms until he was right in front of him. The force was playing cruel tricks on his for the little boy's eye line was conveniently situated to cause the most damage.
If Anakin had not been the Chosen One he could not have been able to stall the rush of rage that gripped him by the throat and threatened to do the same with the boy.
"Run alone, young Liam, your master is waiting for you," said Anakin trying and failing to imitate Obi Wan's wise and affectionate tone.
Liam did not move, instead something akin to laughter flashed across his features and he dashed back inside the training room holding his hand over his mouth.
Anakin had half a mind to run in there and grab the boy before he could do any harm, but that would not bode well for a Jedi Council Member. Pulling his tarbard down as low as it would go, which wasn't very low Anakin hurried down the corridor. Leather was a highly temperamental fabric and his tabard displayed the trait with pride.
Suddenly he felt the glow of a familiar presence in the corridor, swirling around, completely ignoring the awkward angle of his tarbard, Anakin felt a wave of relief wash over him.
Obi Wan was approaching and he was wearing a cloak…
AN: Even Jedi have accidents.
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