Disclaimer: Not mine. Not even a little.
A/N: Brandi, I'm sorry, I had to. For everyone else: I think the main reason this is written is because this fandom needs a story with this title. The rest is just the meat to my excuse. Heh… either way, I hope you enjoy. And in case you aren't sure when you read this, yes it is entirely 'tongue-in-cheek.'
Blondes Have More Fun
"C'mon, Baldy, you have to do it. It's your duty."
Violet eyes glared into scarlet.
"How in hell is it my duty, kappa?"
"As our wise almighty leader it is your obligation to see that we are provided for."
"Sanzo, I do agree that this is a task for you alone to perform," Hakkai added gently.
"Please, Sanzo," the youngest of the group put in. "I'm so cold. And I'm so hungry I could eat an elephant!"
"No. Absolutely not," Sanzo crossed his arms and looked the other way stubbornly. "As a Buddhist priest, I am forbidden to…"
"Smoke, cuss, drink…" Gojyo counted off on his fingers.
Oh if looks could kill…
"Please, Sanzo," Hakkai echoed their youngest. "If you do this, I will pay for all of your cigarettes for a month."
"A year," the young priest insisted immediately.
"Two months," Hakkai bargained.
"Four and two months of beer."
The demon slayer sighed heavily. Well there went the rest of his money. There was little choice in the matter at this point. They hadn't had a decent meal in a week and with the storm coming in any minute now, the Sanzo-ikkou needed this inn for the night.
Instead of looking satisfied, Sanzo only scowled further, knowing who the real loser was in this deal. Holding an impatient hand out for the garments offered gleefully by their resident hanyou, he sent a fiery gaze at the others. "If any of you ever even fucking think about this after tonight, I will shove my gun so far up your…"
"Maa, maa," Hakkai soothed him nervously. "You have our word, Sanzo. And our gratitude.
Goku nodded emphatically, thinking only of the full stomach he would have by evening.
Gojyo just snickered.
It would have to do. Sanzo just wanted this mortification to be in the past as soon as possible. As he donned the pilfered clothing, he wondered just what his Master would say if he knew what the great Tuoa Genjyo Sanzo Houshi the 31st had just agreed to do.
Together the group of four entered the one inn that had vacancies available. There was a reason for these vacancies as the manager of the small establishment had the reputation of being a lecher worse than the group's red-eyed hanyou. It took more than money to get a room here. It took what four men didn't have, and what they would have to create from scratch.
Necessity was, after all, the mother of invention.
"Ah, welcome! Welcome!" the innkeeper said, seeing the group of four enter his establishment. The middle-aged man wasn't attractive by any stretch of the imagination Hair liked burnt stringed flax and a bulbous nose, part of which looked like something severe had latched on and ripped off. With small beady eyes, the man observed the newcomer in front hungrily. He always did pride himself on having good taste even if that 'taste' didn't exactly return his interest.
She was tall, but not too much so. Rather, her height just seemed to enhance her exotic features. And as the only female of the group, the beauty stuck out all that much more. A golden lily among rougher company.
"We need a room for the night," the lovely blonde mumbled when she had reached the desk, a blush gracing her delicate features. Her eyes, he couldn't tell what color just yet, were downcast. A dark shawl regrettably hid much of her golden hair which looked as soft and smooth as spun sunlight. It seemed she had no idea of what beauty she possessed. Ah, a shy one.
"Just one?" he eyed the others curiously. They didn't look like family to him, and the young one couldn't possibly be her son. Perhaps she wasn't as innocent as she first appeared? "Well I'm sure we can find a room large enough for your… er… companions and yourself, my dear."
Choking slightly, the pretty blonde looked up at him at the word 'companions,' gracing him with the sight of two lovely amethysts set into a delicate face. The sight of such jewels nearly took his breath away. "It's…" she choked, "it's not like that! They… they're…"
"It's perfectly fine, my dear," he nodded in understanding, winking. "I'll just book them down as bodyguards. You don't have to worry."
"My bodyguards!" she exclaimed in indignation, eyes darkening to a rich, deep violet. "They are not my fuc…"
"You'll have to excuse our little sister," the red-haired man interrupted, putting an arm around the woman's slim waist. "She's just tired. So… about that room?"
"And food?" the young one chirped in, grinning. "Does it come with food?"
"We have all the money you'll need," assured the third man, smiling at the innkeeper with calm eyes of pine. "A meal would be most welcome."
Sister? Well, whether or not that was true, it was doubtful he'd get much of a chance to talk with the pretty girl either way. Perhaps he could wait and see if another…
"Come now, Bai-ying," the red-haired man chided gently, pushing the stuttering woman forward. "Don't be so shy."
Stiffening, young Bai-ying looked back down, hiding those precious jewels from sight again. What he would give to see them again. "Please," she said in a tight voice. "Please may we have the room? We would be very… grateful."
Oh, how could he deny this beauty anything? "Of course you may, my dear… for a price."
"We have the money," she answered with obvious relief, pushing a golden credit card forward with a hand that seemed too rough to belong on a lady of her natural elegance. Poor thing, she must have led a hard life to have hands like that. Such a beauty deserved so much better than that.
Putting his own hand over hers, he leaned in close. "I'm not talking about the money, Miss. Bai-ying."
The innkeeper had never seen so many emotions run across a person's face before. Surely this was not the first time the young lady had been propositioned by a man. A splendor such as she surely would need her three brothers to protect both honor and virtue. "All I ask is a kiss, my dear," he assured her when she did not speak immediately. No need to start out as too hard or fast, especially not with her companions right there. "A flower such as you would surely grant a poor man that?"
For a moment not a word was said. Not a movement from any of the wide-eyed brothers or their scarlet sister. The innkeeper waited expectantly with baited breath, throat dry with expectancy.
At last a hand, too rough for such a delicate woman, was held to her chest bashfully, the blush deepening even further.
"Come closer," she requested in her soft velvet voice.
What could he do but obey?
Leaning forward over the counter, the innkeeper closed his eyes, wetting his lips just so…
"Sanzo, was that really necessary?"
"And I thought you made such a cute woman too," Gojyo teased. "I mean, not that I'd take you home or anything, but…"
Cuffing the merry hanyou as hard as he could with his fan, the blonde priest lifted the front of his dress and stomped the rest of the way upstairs in a most unladylike fashion. Almost as an afterthought, he tucked the fan back into the top front part of the dress from where he had first retrieved it.
"Coming?" he hissed as he climbed up to their room, turning around to give them a glare of impending death. Three snickering and highly amused companions followed, leaving the unconscious innkeeper downstairs.
Poor man never knew what hit him.
But in the morning, he would have quite a tale to tell. A tale of a woman with hair made of spun sunlight, and eyes of violets and amethysts. Whose presence spoke of royalty and whose hands told a tale of strife and heartache. Whose voice left him weak and whose kiss left him faint.
Oh what a woman she be.
A/N: Did I just write that? Oh dear, I think I really did. Did I honestly use all those cheesy adjectives? Heh… yeah I think I did that too. Did you at least give a chuckle or a smile of amusement? Only you can tell me that one.