Part II

Simon inhaled deeply as the alarm sounded above his head, informing him it was time to get up. He groaned and reached up to annoyingly swat at the offending piece of luh suh. He was too comfortable, too warm, and had an armful of beautiful Kaylee to cuddle. He wasn't ready to get out of bed yet.

Kaylee stretched sleepily against him and he leaned down to press a kiss to her exposed neck. He nuzzled the soft skin for a few minutes, letting the intoxicating scent of her and the feel of her slim body pressed against his fill his every thought.

As his eyes fluttered closed, Kaylee muttered something and tightened his arm around her waist. He smiled against the back of her neck and pulled her more solidly against him.

"Not ready ta get up yet," Kaylee yawned and tilted her head so that his lips slid along the smooth skin.

"Good," Simon whispered as his mouth continued to gently move along her neck, finally stopping to press a lingering kiss beneath her ear.

As Kaylee rolled over and pushed Simon back into the mattress, they heard a long, pained wail, followed by several strings of Chinese curses that made even Kaylee wince. They pushed themselves out of bed, a bit unsteadily thanks to the alcohol still left in their systems, and glanced around the room.

"Uh, Kaylee?"

Kaylee looked around the nearly empty room, thinking the same thing he was just about to ask. "Yeah, Simon."

"Where are our clothes?"

Inara and Mal were doubled over in the hallway, laughing like they had never laughed before as Jayne sat in the middle of a mess of overturned mugs. Plastic dinosaur bodies littered the floor around them and he was covered in stale alcohol.

He held a poor, defenseless Stegosaurus by its neck, ready to strangle the plastic out of it for scaring him senseless when he'd woken up. Seeing a floating, disembodied dino head floating in a mug of perfectly drinkable liquor was not the best way to start the day.

It took him several moments to orient himself with his location, and his disgusting condition, before he stared over at the hysterical laughter coming from the passenger dorm hallway.

River stood behind them, smiling contentedly. "Told you." She glanced back over her shoulder toward Simon's closed door. "All awake now. Have to go." She vaulted around the doorway just as Simon poked his head out, the bed sheet wrapped firmly around his waist.

Inara was the first to notice him and she covered her mouth to stifle additional laughter that threatened to spill out of it.

"Where is my sister?" he demanded, trying to look every bit the angry, pissed off brother.

But Inara just laughed as she stared at him, hair all disheveled, looking every bit unlike the proper, distinguished doctor they had all come to be used to seeing in the morning.

Mal was torn between looking at Jayne, still fumbling with the offending dinosaurs, and staring at Simon, very clearly trying to look pissed off at his lack of available clothing.

When Simon repeated his question, Kaylee popped her head out and asked, so cheerfully even Simon groaned in disgust, "was that Jayne?"

Inara giggled and arched her neck toward the common room. "River did some very – evil things to him last night."

"He isn't the only one," Simon hissed and he tried to catch Kaylee as she slipped past him, wrapped only in the blanket from their bed.

She stopped beside Inara as the two turned and giggled at Jayne. Simon ignored Mal's stare as he stepped tentatively out of the room, self conscious that not only would they all undoubtedly know his relationship with Kaylee had changed, they all now had proof due to their state of undress.

Kaylee and Inara backed up as Jayne stumbled toward them, a menacing look on his face. Mal instinctively moved in front of Inara while Kaylee hurried back to Simon's side, or rather, nearly behind him.

Jayne stalked to Simon, still dripping from the booze that had spilled all over him when he'd woken up.

Simon wrinkled his nose at the scent emanating from the bigger man and took a step back.

Fortunately, Simon's state of undress registered in Jayne's cloudy mind before he actually reached out to strangle the assumed culprit of this very unwise prank. "What happened to you?"

"Same thing as happened to you, I would assume." Simon's disgust was apparent which made Inara and even Mal struggle to control their laughter.

"That fa kuang nu hai. I'm going to have me a –"

"Don't even finish that sentence." Simon's eyes narrowed. "She is still my sister."

"That boo tai jung tzhang duh excuse for a girl is going to pay for this," Jayne spluttered and stalked off toward the galley.

"Clean yourself up before you set one foot on my bridge!" Mal called, hoping Jayne actually listened. He turned to Simon and Kaylee. "I don't suppose ordering you two to get into the shower would be particularly beneficial seeing as you ain't got no clothes."

Kaylee's eyes brightened and she took Simon's hand. "We can go do that, Cap'n. Much more fun than searchin' for 'em."

"No, I have a xiao gui of a sister to strangle this morning, if you'll excuse me." Simon stalked off after Jayne, desperately holding the sheet around his waist.

Kaylee pouted prettily when he released her hand. But as Inara glided to her side, she watched with increasing amusement as Kaylee's pout disappeared and her eyes settled on Simon's departing backside.

"Good to see another one of my rules bein' broken." Mal crossed his arms and stared at Kaylee until she turned around.

"Been breakin' that rule for weeks, Cap'n."

"So I understand." He took a few steps toward her and looked down, trying his best to be angry at the very clearly happy look in her eyes. "He hurts you –"

"You'll toss him out the airlock, yes, Cap'n we know." Kaylee's eyes danced as she stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. "Now let's go. I wanna see what Simon tries to do to River for stealin' our clothes."

"On your way to the bridge, stop in your bunk and get dressed!" Mal called after her, but she was already gone.

Inara took off after Kaylee and Mal simply shook his head. "Where're you goin'?"

Inara turned incredulous look on him. "As if I would be anywhere else? I'm going to see what Simon does to River."

By the time Inara and Mal made it to the bridge, they found it curiously silent. Except for Simon sitting in the co-pilot's chair waiting for his sister to come out of hiding. Simon glanced over at them and shrugged. "She has to come out sometime."

"So you're gonna sit here naked until she does?"

"He's wearing a sheet, Mal." Inara stifled a giggle which only made Simon even more self-conscious.

"How – observant of you," Simon said quietly, turning to stare out into the blackness of space to hide the flush that he felt creeping up his neck.

"That's what she's paid for," Mal chuckled.

Kaylee climbed up the stairs and slipped passed the two, settling her clothed self into Simon's lap and kissing him gently.

"That's – not fair." Simon stared down at her, frowning.

"That she's got clothes an you don't?" Mal laughed again, taking great amusement at Simon's discomfort.


Kaylee licked her lips and pushed a hand through his hair, disheveling it further. "You look better without them."

"Not on my bridge, or anywhere other than his bunk, he don't!" Mal said quickly, hoping to discourage any thought of the two of them defiling his ship.

Kaylee's eyes twinkled as she raked her eyes down Simon's torso. It was taking a great deal of effort not to run her hands – or her tongue – down that magnificent chest. "Oh, Cap'n you're embarrassin' him."

"I didn't fail to lock my door last night. Deserve what ya got."

"You may be needing a new pilot once I get my hands on her." Simon glowered.

Mal laughed. "You catch her and I'll give you a whole day alone on Serenity to do what you want."

"River's liable to give herself over without a fight just to get you to do that, Mal," Inara observed with a chuckle.

Kaylee pondered that but instead snuggled against Simon. "I don't want to share those hands, sweetie, they're –"

"Don't finish that thought, lil' Kaylee," Mal warned with a look while Inara stifled a giggle.

"What's going – oh –" Zoe stared at the nearly naked Simon and the energetic Kaylee sitting in his lap, and swallowed the grin threatening to break out across her face. "Have a rough night?"

Kaylee opened her mouth but Mal raised a warning finger. "No details please."

"Rough morning, is more like it," Simon answered, giving up on trying to make himself invisible.

Zoe glanced around the room and noticed only two crew members missing. "I assume Jayne is passed out somewhere judging by the thud I heard a few minutes ago from his bunk."

"Yes, River is to blame."

Everyone turned to see the culprit standing in the entrance to the bridge.

"Where are my clothes xiao gui?" Simon demanded, narrowing his eyes irritably at his sister.


"They better not be hiding in the moving parts of my ship, lil' albatross." Mal leveled as serious of a look at her as he could manage. When he really just wanted to praise her for the rousing entertainment this morning.

"They weren't hiding last night." Simon moved to get up but Kaylee wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

"They wanted to." River deadpanned.

Mal let out a loud laugh and Inara covered her mouth as an undignified giggled slipped past her lips.

Simon sighed. "Mei mei."

"Treat them better." River nodded, sitting herself in the pilot's chair. "They don't want to watch while you and Kaylee –"

"River!" Simon and Mal said simultaneously.

The little psychic smiled at her brother, eyes twinkling. "Can't hide anything from me."

"You're a brat," Simon said, a hint of a smile turning the corner of his mouth. He was embarrassed, but seeing River acting like his normal sister again, deflated his irritation at having his clothes stolen in the middle of the night.

"It's my job."

"And you do it well," Inara agreed with a serious nod of her head.

"Very well," Kaylee agreed, her eyes bright.

Mal turned to River. "Will you give your brother his clothes back so he can remove his nakedness from my bridge?"

"And I am not playing fetch, nor am I going to search all over the ship for them," Simon added, unconsciously tightening his arms around Kaylee's waist.

River looked at her brother and then turned to Mal. "He's not naked."

"Yes, well, I'm seein' more of him than I ever wanted to see, so please, get his clothes."

River marched over to Simon with a wide smile and took his hand. With a playful smirk directed back at the Captain, she curled Simon's fingers around her wrist, sagged her shoulders and in the most defeated, innocent tone she could muster, said, "he got me. You owe them a whole day alone."

Mal's jaw hit the floor while Inara and Zoe doubled over in laughter. Kaylee beamed happily and Simon stared in wonder at his sister before pulling her into his arms and hugging her tightly – a little more challenging with Kaylee still sitting in his lap.

His voice was muffled as he said, "I love you mei mei."

River ruffled his already mussed hair and kissed his cheek. "Love you too, you boob."

"You planned this, xiao gui," Mal grumbled when he finally found his voice.

River shrugged and gave him her most innocent smile. "I am a genius."


Chinese translations:

Luh suh - garbage

Fa kuang nu hai - crazy girl

Xiao gui- little demon

Boo tai jung tzhang duh - not entirely sane

Response to reviews:

Jessclifton – This is the last chapter. I did write what happened when drunk Kaylee and Simon reached their bunk in Part 1 but it will only be posted on my site, I think.

The Scribe3 – I don't do comedy well but my beta said she laughed herself into hyserics, so I guess this was ok. Glad you liked it.

EreshkigaGirl – Glad you liked it. Hopefully, part II will be funnier.

Gwenfrewi – River is a genius…has a devious mind. She just needed exercise it a bit at the expense of a few people. Hope you find the Jayne and S/K parts funny. I giggled like mad when writing them.