Disclaimer: Trigun is the property of Mr. Nightow, not me.

Notes: Major, major-o spoilers for Episode 24. Newbies, turn back NOW. Also, angst ahead, as well as yaoi. Which shouldn't be a surprise, since those elements and Legato go hand in hand. You have been warned. / / around words indicates psychic speech.

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I Don't Want Paradise

by Mimarin

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Warmth. Rich, red warmth, bearing me into the darkness.

Some humans say that before the end of one's life, one sees God.

For once, those miserable beings are right.

He is pleased.

I die with a smile on my face.

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The soothing warmth is gone, along with the comfort of the darkness. I am surrounded by a new numbness, filled by it. Terrified by it.

There isn't even pain.

"Legato."

I open my eyes. Light once again. It's not Him. Yet, the fear slowly fades away.

A woman sits before me, elbows resting on knees, chin resting daintily on gloved hands. Flawless skin unblemished by color. Still eyes that gleam yellow softness in the light. An empty smile. She hasn't changed at all.

It takes me a moment to realize that she has spoken out loud. I flatly reply, /You're not God. Or Satan./

This seems to amuse her. "You should be so lucky," she says, gazing at me with her ageless countenance, one that has been perfectly engraved in my mind for years. I turn to look at my surroundings, only to find nothing. There is only her. It doesn't surprise me, really.

/What do you want?/ I murmur.

"I should be asking you that," she replies, elegantly running a finger against her lips.
"Despite what you may believe, death isn't its own reward."

I am silent. She already knows what I want. She persists in pretending she doesn't.

"Is it power? Enlightenment? A woman?" She pauses. "A man?" I glare at her. "Or," she continues, "do you just want to be God?"

I look at her evenly before I speak slowly, emphasizing every word.

/I want to be loved by God./

The generous curve of her mouth tightens slightly. An edge creeps into her voice. "Legato, what you ask for, I... I want to make you happy. He-"

I cut her off. /He will,/ I say icily. /Only he can./

Is it a trick of the light, or is that human hurt in her eyes? She sighs exasperatedly, and it disappears.

"Very well," she whispers. "Legato, I..." she trails off. A gloved hand touches my cheek, and her cold lips press lightly against my forehead. /Be happy, Legato. Just be happy./

That gesture hurts more than anything in the world.

The light starts to fade, and I can feel the familiar pull of the darkness enveloping me. As my consciousness begins to waver into the void, I finally find words to say.

"Thank you, Mother."

The last thing I see is Her sad smile, indistinguishable from His.

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