(Real time) Woah... all in one chapter.. haha! have fun with it! THis is my second one, by the way... it's the first one but better and it amkes more sense now :P
It's been a very long time since I lost Athrun. I don't know what to think anymore. Except that I should move on. Kira and Lacus kept on giving me these looks of pity. But as time went by they finally noticed that I didn't want to be pitied. It only made me feel even guiltier than I already was. I can't believe how that incident changed me. I'm not as confident as I was before. But I'm sure things will go back the way it was, someday…
Yesterday I had another meeting with ORB.
ORB is the government of my country. There are many things at conflict at this time. A war of 11 years between the naturals and coordinators had just ended. And I was the princess. There were many things expected of our country since we are neutral. Since my father had died, I was entrusted with the throne. Or more likely, the head seat in the government. Princesses didn't really hold as much power as they did all those many years ago. Though, there was another important detailed I didn't add.
I'm still 'princess', meaning I have to become 'queen' soon.
The meeting at ORB didn't go very well, especially since in the end they decided I was to be wedded to an arrogant jerk that's ten years older than me in order to become queen. They said his name was Yunna and that he was quite attractive to most women. Though, by women they must've meant those desperate types. Either way, I barely even heard the rest. All that went through my head was, why me? I wanted to cry right on the spot. And I'm sure I would've. That is, if I wasn't princess.
I never like going to meetings. It reminds me of my father. I miss him so much; I wish he could be here to tell me how stupid I was to let Athrun go. But even if he were here, he wouldn't have said that.
Athrun is about my age. Well, right now he would've been twenty-one, just as old as I am now. I met him during an attack from the coordinators. Actually, I think the Bluenni started the attack. This was the ship I had hitched a ride with, since at that time I was a runway princess. Soon enough, the people on Athrun's ship joined in. I'm a natural and Athrun's a coordinator. You can only imagine what happened on our 'meeting'.
Athrun is a very deep, serious, humorous type. He's very true to his word, and never lets you down. Also, I have to add, very attractive. He has dark, navy blue hair that comes down to just above his shoulders. He is a muscular type, and always stands strait. Though, his eyes are this dark, strong, deep green that shine back at you all the terrible things he had gone through during his short life. It makes you calm down, but in a stranger feeling… a feeling of awe and sadness for this young boy. Though, I guess that's what war does to you.
Right now I'm standing in Lacus's Orphanage. It's kind of sad to think so many of these little boys and girls have also lost their father as well. At least they have a very caring sub-mom and dad. Kira and Lacus take very good care of them. I'm not saying the two of them are married or anything. But with the way things are going right now. I'm expecting them to come out with it any day now. I actually think they're thinking it over with themselves. I'm so happy to know that Kira's my brother, he the best twin brother anyone could've given me. Though, whenever I look at him I think of Athrun.
Kira and Athrun also have a past with each other. Before the war had gone into insanity these two little boys spent their childhood together as the closest of friends. All their laughing, fun, teenage times were spent together. They were very close, until that day. Athrun had walked up to Kira in a park filled with flowers. Athrun told his friend that he'd never want to get involved with the war and told Kira that he was welcome to come over to join him at home some day. Kira smiled and told him he'd try.
Though, sadly enough, the next time the two saw each other was within a battle of guns and blood. Both, shocked, were only able to stare in horror. Though, even that meeting was shortly washed away from them. That was the very day that Kira committed himself to war. Not to kill but to protect. This was how I met him.
In a desert, far into the middle of Africa, we met once again. Since the last time I had seen him was at the place I was staying Hieliopolis where he had helped me escape when I had weakly fallen over in tears during the battle. He had sent me to safety in one of the safe rooms for citizens, leaving me without any idea if he would even live through that day. When I saw him again in that desert, sitting in that tall mobile suit that was capable of killing thousands, I had run up to him and slapped him. Yes, slapped him. "What is it with you! You weren't supposed to join this war! Why? You said…"
He looked back down at me and answered, "What about you? You're here too. I thought you said you wanted this war to end, not to make it worse. Makes it even, eh? That didn't give you any reason to slap me, by the way. And if you'll excuse me, I have other business to attend to."
Before he had stepped out of my sight again, I called out to him. "Kira! Wait!" He turned around and walked over to me. Everyone else left, sensing that they weren't needed. "Why? I thought you told me that you weren't. Of all people, why did you! I didn't want you to get involved with this war… not you. Kira, this isn't just a game. You could get killed out there."
He sighed and answered, "I think I know that much. And Cagalli, I have no choice. The Bluenni needs me. Without me, they'll fall. I'm sorry if you don't agree with my decision. I don't know why you've made yours, but know that I'll be fine, all right? Nothing to worry, I've made it this far." I laughed and punched him playfully in the stomach.
"Sorry, I just thought I might've never been able to see you again. You just left me without a clue, you know? Well then, it's nice to see you're ok and you've made it."
Kira has dark brown hair, and soft purple eyes. I think the war has changed him a lot too. And, ironically enough, we only found out later on that we we're twins. Though, at the time, we weren't all happy and stuff about it. To make it even harsher, I was shocked. Though, later on we accepted it and I actually liked the company of a brother.
Then, there was Lacus. Athrun's fiancé, to be exact. Yes, there's also a story behind that. Though, Athrun betrayed Lacus. Later on it ended being Lacus and Kira together. Lacus and Athrun could never be together again. But Athrun seemed all right. And last but not least, came Athrun and me. It was odd… we all had more than one connection to each other. Kira and Athrun were childhood friends, Lacus and Athrun were together for a stage into an arranged marriage, Athrun and me met through an incident in a battle and Kira was my twin brother.
Though, even though all that was true, we were all like friends though out those tough times in war. Now the war is over. That brings me back to what I was going to start in the beginning.
When I think about it now, it all seems blurry. The day Athrun and me first met...
I wasn't in the best mood ever. All my food had drifted of into the unknown ocean. I stared at it, worried. Oh great. Was my first thought. I swam out of the water, since my aircraft wasn't going to do anything good. I scouted around the Island. It wasn't all that big, it only took about two hours to walk through. I walked forward, not expecting a thing. I paused. Right there in front of me, was a Zaft soldier, the enemy. Could my luck have been any better? I guess there's a reason for all things.
Anyway, here I was standing the top of the hill, unnoticed by the target. My only thought was: gun. I quickly grabbed for the gun and fired. Either I'm not that good at aiming or he just had very good reflexes. I followed him, hiding behind anything I could find, which was mainly just rocks. He was fast, which wasn't exactly good because I had to aim. Luckily he forgot about the sack, which obviously had his weapon. Ha! I thought, no weapons, things are going perfectly. I was shaking with the gun in my hand, but I was confident. I walked over to the sack, keeping an eye on the target. Click. Came a soft sound. It was coming from his direction. I guess I was wrong. I thought to myself. The guy did have weapons.
I didn't care, what was a knife going to do from way over there. I didn't have to worry. Once again, I was wrong. I kicked the bag with the gun out of the way. The soldier took those few seconds and jumped behind the rock, followed by my bullets. I stood there, breathing heavily. The guy was going to pounce on me any second now. He did. Out of nowhere he blocked the gun and put the knife in aim of my throat. I'm ashamed to admit, I lost it. The only thought in my head was, this is the end. I gave out a long shrieking cry that lasted about three seconds. The guy stared at me. "A girl?" There were so many things he could have said to me. So many, and 'A girl?' wasn't one of them.
I wanted to slap the guy, but then he would've hurt me. Instead I answered, "Yes! What is it with you men!" I was getting pissed off with that line; did I really look like a guy to him? Well, after he found out I was a girl; he wasn't planning on killing me anytime soon. But still, now I was all tied up in ropes, just like a prisoner. It was kind of hard to move with my hands and feet all tied up; the first time I tried I ended up falling face planted into the dirt.
"Are you from the earth alliance?" He asked, fiddling around with some things.
"No. I'm not a soldier."
"Then what group did you come from and why are you here?"
"That's none of your business!" He stayed quite for a while. I think he got the idea I didn't want so badly to talk right now while struggling to keep myself upright. Finally I rolled over and was at least able to see now.
"Are you one of the guys who attacked Hieliopolis?" I asked, staring at the fifty foot Gundam. "I...I was there...when it...when it happened...at Hieliopolis, I mean." The soldier just stared at me and went of into his Gundam. What was the guy thinking? I was his prisoner and yet, he left me out in the open. I just ignored it and stayed where I was, rolling onto my back. I had a lot of thoughts in my head right then, it was stressful.
I had lain there for about two hours and it was getting dark. I decided if the guy wasn't going to come and see me, I was going to go over to him instead. He was up in his gundam probably trying to send out messages to the Zaft forces. I sighed and started climbing up a small little hill. It really was small, but right then, even flat ground was too much. I was almost there when whoosh! Back into the water I fell.
"Oh great." The puddle was quite big, considering the condition I was in. And it lead off into the ocean, to make matters even worse. Just as I lay there for about five seconds, it started raining. That was bad. The water started rising, higher and higher. I struggled to breath. After about two seconds the water was over me, I started to panic, was I going to live? I actually thought that. Before I could do anything further. I saw the giant hand of the gundam hover over top of me. I looked to see the soldier coming from around the corner.
"What are you doing down there?" he asked, teasingly. And in a tone as if he were asking a child if she did something wrong.
"What do you think? Now get me out of here." I answered, still in the rather large puddle with my hands tied together at the back.
"You're in no position to give me orders." He stood there, tall, with one hand on his hip.
"What ever now help me up?" He sighed and lifted my head out of the water. So I sat up strait. With his hands on my shoulders, out of nowhere a crab climbed out of my hair and across his arm. Then it slipped off. The soldier couldn't help but laugh.
"What's so funny?" I asked. "It's just a stupid crab."
"I'm sorry," he smiled, putting a hand in front of his face as he chuckled "but this is the first time I've seen one of those." He answered, helping me up.
"Why? Don't you have crabs where you come from?" He didn't answer and left me to do my thing. I jumped off into the rain and let it drop on me.
"What are you doing?" He asked, distant sounding.
"What does it look like? I'm trying to get the sand off me." I lifted my head in enjoyment. "Ahh, this feels so good."
The soldier cut off my ropes and gathered them all up.
"What did you do that for?" I asked, trying to get the blood running in my hands.
"You're not going to cause me any problems with out your gun now are you?" I sighed, he was right.
"Give me your clothes. They need to dry. I'll hang them over the fire." He handed over a soft blanket. I examined it for a while.
"What about you, aren't you going to be cold?" He smiled and answered.
"Thanks, but I'm fine. You'll need it more than I do anyway." I blushed. He was right.
The rest of the night was all a blur. We had a fight about which team was the worse, coordinators or naturals? As it turned out, we were both confused. Both teams had done wrong and there was no changing that. After that we were silent for a while, I remember walking out up to the Gundam and thinking back on the day they destroyed Hieliopolis. I stood there with my blanket wrapped around me for warmth. Won't this war ever end? I stared at the gundam and then back to the pilot. This guy…he's so kind. And yet, he's the enemy. To my surprise, the guy was sleeping.
"Hey," I called over, "No sleeping."
He struggled to keep his eyes open and said, "I'm crossing from the descendent, to the..." Then closed his eyes again. He must've had a hard day. But what was the guy thinking? He was making the gun perfectly in aim. I thought back on all the people who have died because of that machine. Listening to the death cries. As my hand reached over to his gun, they all came back to me. I wanted to cry. When I was just about to reach, the soldier's eyes shot open.
It all happened so fast. I can hardly remember what or how it happened.
I guess I should stop thinking about it. I can look back on it later; I have a lot of time for that.
Lacus walked by in the hall, with her usual cheerful expression, her nice soft pink hair swaying behind her. She hadn't cut it in a while, I wondered why. She looked good though. She didn't say anything as she walked by. What was that for? I thought. Usually Lacus would say something to make me feel better. I guess she didn't see me; I hadn't been out of my room for a year. Well, I did take care of myself and get food. I wondered how I looked. The only thing I had in my room was bathroom. I never bothered to wash my hair more than once a week anymore. I also haven't cut it in a while.
(By the way, the meetings take place on the balcony. That's how I was able to go to my meetings. So basically that means I go out on the balcony and my room. The Balcony is also connected to all the other counsel's people's rooms.)
I ignored it and kept drawing on my little rose. I was working on a soft little pedal swinging off to the side. I never knew that doing art could make you feel so much better. It made me forget all the other things that were going on at the moment.
I stopped for a bit. The rose still only had one peddle on it. There, I thought. I'll draw one pedal every time I feel better. By the time I have all the pedals, there will be a rose.
I put the paper on the table and got up. For my surprise, I had walked out of my room. I wanted to be able to see someone again now that I was out of that room. I put on my hood to cover my horrible hair. There had to be something I could do. I walked across the hallways, bumping into guards and chairmen in the way. Each of them gave me either a salute or a bow. I was too deep in thought to even notice them. But there was one person I couldn't ignore.
Deep down all the many floors was a man dressed in a black cloak. I couldn't see his face because he was turned around and had a hood on. Everyone else here had either white or blue. That was strange. I walked on, still starring at the man, when I bumped into Kira.
"Oh, sorry. Are you ok?" He asked, dusting off his clothes. "Cagalli! It's you! I can't believe you finally went out of your room! I'm sorry, I couldn't recognize you in the clothes."
"I'm fine. I guess I just had a very strange day." Kira gave me a sympathetic look and smiled. "Come. Let's go get something to drink, you look tired." He took me by the shoulder and started walking down the stairs. He didn't really say anything. I tried to ignore it and watched the people around me. "Kira, what's wrong? Everyone's been ignoring me lately, is there something on my face? Am I making you mad?"
Kira looked at me, his eyes blinking. "Ah, no Cagalli. It's not that at all." I crossed my arms. Was he lying? "I guess it's because...we don't want to make you feel any worse. Whenever you see us, you get sad. It makes you think of Athrun, doesn't it?" I didn't know what to say. He was right. But I had to get over it if I wanted to go on with my life.
"I'm getting married," I said, trying to hide my voice.
"That's great! So you're getting over things then?"
I turned to Kira, tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm such a burden to you. I don't want you thinking that I'm such a crybaby. I just want to be able to know that I can still be able to make others happy. I can't do that either!" Kira paused me and gave me a soft, gentle hug.
"It's ok. There's nothing to be afraid of. I'm here. Everything will be all right. I know how it feels to be sad. Don't worry; we're in this together. I'll help you feel better, ok? Think about him, maybe he's happy. He saw that you were safe 'till the very end. I'm sure he didn't want to see you crying like this. I'm sure he would have cried about you as much as you've cried about him." He paused for a second and pushed me away a little, his hands on my shoulder. There were tears in his eyes. "If he knew you were getting married, he would be happy for you. He'd miss you though."
I took his hands off my shoulders. "It's my duty to ORB. It's not my choice." I tried to hold back the tears. "Kira, the guy is ten years older than me and he doesn't even know what the word "love" means! I had no choice but to say yes! With Athrun gone, there's no way I'm going to fall in love again!" I took a breath and softly said, "Help me. Please help me. I know you can't do anything about this but please just tell me it's going to be ok. Tell me that in the end, it's all going to be worth it. That there's a reason for all of this."
Kira's eyes were calm and serious. He tried to say something, but he couldn't. He reached out and held me close to him again. "I'm sorry. I can't help you. This is horrible. I'm so sorry, I didn't know. You poor thing, so much has happened, and now this? I wish I could do something to make you feel better. You were there, always, to be my sister. I want to be able to be your brother. I-"
"I know. It's all right, Kira. You can let go now. I'm fine. It was nice being able to talk to someone." I turned around and walked away. For some reason I felt a lot better. I hadn't let it out in quite a while. I walked into my room and sat down on the bed. When I was just about to fall back and close my eyes the door slowly opened. I took a look at whom it was.
My eyes were wide; my heart was beating, faster and faster. At least now I knew who the guy in black was...
My eyes were wide, my heart was beating, faster and faster. At least now I knew who the guy in black was... Athrun...
"What's the matter?" He asked. I stared at him. So many thoughts were going through my head. He even sounded like him. I stared deep into his dark green eyes. His long blue hair held back in a ponytail. I wanted to cry...then I stopped. Why wasn't he happy, or at least glad I'm all right? I missed him so much, I've cried over and over yet; here he was looking as if nothing happened.
Athrun looked at me as if he was wondering why I was just staring at him. "What's wrong? I'm sorry, am I late? Miss. Lacus asked if I could bring this to room, 1320. Is this right? Maybe I was mistaken...Are you all right? You look pale. If you really don't want me here, you could just say so and I'd leave. Yeah maybe I was wrong, I-" He was silently cut off by my small tears that fell from my face. He looked at me, confused.
"Athrun...remember, it's me, Cagalli..." What's wrong, Athrun? Why are you acting so different? You seem nervous.
As I sat there, starring at nothing really, I herd my answer. "I'm sorry, Miss Cagalli, but I do not recall your name. Miss. Lacus explained to me that I have lost my memory and that I might never get them back... But, I would really like to know how I knew you. If it doesn't bother you that is..." I stood there, my eyes burning with the newly made tears. I sat down and motioned for him to sit down next to me. What was I going to say? I already knew what I wanted to say, "I loved you and you loved me..."
What he said next made my heart miss a beat. "As friends, right? That's wonderful! I've found my first friend! Thank-you, Miss Cagalli, I'm so happy I've found you! What was I like the last time that you saw me?"
"You were different. You were patient, soft, calm, confident, and very romantic." You've changed, Athrun. You aren't my Athrun anymore. You don't even remember me. Why, Athrun, why have you left me? Why don't you even remember me? Why have I been stupid enough to think you'd ever come back?
"You don't like the way I've become? I'm sorry...I'll try to be what you said I was. Give me time, I promise you, I'll remember. Will you be patient enough as to wait for that time? Maybe when I remember, you'll be happy. I don't like the way I am now. You have no idea how it feels not to have a single memory to guide you through times you don't understand." Athrun paused and took out a napkin. He took held of my face with his soft and gentle fingers, wiping off the tears. "Don't be sad. I'm here. I will definitely remember. So far, the memory I'd find the most interesting, is you."
I smiled weakly and nodded. Athrun stood and put the napkin away. "Until then, will you help me make new memories? Maybe then I'll become the confident person you want me to be." I cried. Cried for him. I didn't want to be a burden to him anymore. I've already done enough of that. Maybe his losing his memories was for a good reason. Maybe forgetting that he's killed at least one hundred people, lost many friends and his father as well was more like a blessing than a curse. Maybe his forgetting me was better as well. He needed a friend more than a selfish girlfriend right now. Maybe his new self was for someone else to fall in love with someone that would be there to comfort him, make him happy.
I will make him happy. Even if it hurts me, even if it kills me. I love him enough to make that sacrifice. Did you hear that, my Athrun, I love you... I wrapped my arms around him softly. Holding him for a long time. A friend's hug. Yes, I was his friend. I was going to be his friend, forever. As long as I could still make him happy. That was all that mattered to me. "Don't worry. I'm just happy I had the chance to see you again. I'll help you make memories. Happy memories. Is that ok? Can I make you memories? Are you sure you want memories with me?"
Athrun smiled and sat down next to me again. "Then, I will remember who I am and you will have happy memories with me as well. At least I'll be able to make you new memories with me." I smiled. I actually smiled. This was one of the last places I could find myself smiling. But truth be told, I had a tiny shimmer of hope that my Athrun would come back to me. And I was going to help him.
I stood up and took Athrun's hands. Pulling him up. I walked ahead of him and onto the balcony. It was nighttime and the stars were shining brightly. "I have a story to tell you. And it's not fake, it actually happened to me. Do you want to hear it?" Athrun smiled and shook his head in disappointment.
"Why are you asking, go on with it. Wait a minute…. Is this story going to be one of my long lost memories that I'm supposed to find?" he asked, his hands on his hips. I frowned with a smile. I waited till he finished his glare and started...
(Flash Back) Continuing...
When I was just about to reach, the soldier's eyes shot open. I grabbed the gun and slid off to the other side of the wall. Here I was, in the middle of a huge island, sitting with only my underwear in the freezing cold, holding a gun to the enemy. That's how it was supposed to be. But it was nothing like that. I felt different than I was supposed to feel. I didn't want to shoot, I really didn't.
The soldier looked ready for anything, he had his knife held out in front of him again, no big surprise. "I don't want to shoot you, but that thing, that mobile suit will kill lots of earth people if I let you go!"
"Fine then shoot me. Because I'd be the one pulling the trigger. I'm a Zaft pilot till he bitter end. I will not let you take my machine. And if you try to shoot me, I'm going to have to kill you!" I sat there, the gun in my hands. There were tears in my eyes. I looked at the boy's eyes. They were the eyes of a soldier in his last battle. He was ready for anything...including death.
Finally I made up my mind. I couldn't shoot him; he's been too kind. I closed my eyes and yelled; "To hell with this!" the gun flew right out of my hands. He jumped up right away and threw the gun to the side. Crash! The gunshot flew somewhere I had no idea where. The soldier had fallen down and landed on me. He lifted up his head, frowning.
"What, are you crazy! Throwing a loaded gun!" He shouted, the fire reflecting off his eyes. I lay there on the ground, shaking.
"S-sorry." I was scared. That really scared me. I didn't expect that to happen.
"Unbelievable." He sighed, sitting down next to me. I guess it scared him as well. I was still breathing heavily as I sat up.
"Well...you see...I uh..." I paused. Starring at a darker red area on his Zaft uniform, as if the uniform wasn't dark enough already. There was a cut in his uniform. And the red part was blood. "Did...did I just do that?" I asked, sitting up.
"It's nothing," he answered, standing up and walked over to his pack.
"We should take care of that." I said, turning over to look at him again.
"Don' worry about It." he said, lifting the bag.
"Here, let me help you." I protested. Pulling the bag into my arms, with his other hand still holding the other part.
"I can do it," he said, pulling the bag back to himself.
"Let me." I said, pulling the bag even closer. "C'mon."
"Forget it." he answered, a little more forceful.
"Let me do it, " I said, looking down. "I really want to repay you for everything you've done to help me." I pulled the bag back. "Agh! It's the least I can do for you!" His eyes turned soft with understanding. Then they suddenly widened and he turned around.
"Before that, can you please get dressed?" He was right, I was standing right in front of him with my underwear. I guess I'd have forgotten about it because I was so shocked.
I gasped, falling to my knees. Using the bag as coverage. I swear, my face must've been bright red with embarrassment.
Still turned around, he said, "Your clothes must be dry by now."
After I got changed I went over and started bandaging him. We didn't say much after that.
I stopped leaving dream world and saw that Athrun was still looking at me, blushing. "Wow...that happened to you?"
I smiled playfully and answered, "Your face is bright red. And yes, it did." He quickly turned his face around and said,
"You're the one who should be blushing. It happened to you, not me." I paused. Then smiled again. "Who was that guy? The whole story through you've just been saying, 'guy' or 'soldier' or 'enemy' and never his name."
What was I going to say? I sighed and said, "I'll finish off the story tomorrow then. Don't be late. I hate waiting." Athrun nodded with a smile and left the room. "Wait Athrun!" He paused. "Please, there is one thing that you could do." He smiled
"Hmm, I don't like the sound of this." I walked over to him.
"Do you like pony tails?" He frowned and asked,
"I don't know. Why, you don't like it?"
"Never mind. I'll see you tomorrow then." He nodded and walked out, leaving me with my thoughts. Was this going to be another pedal? I decided to wait and see what happens next until I answered that one. I closed my eyes, falling into the best sleep I'd had in months.
The next morning. I woke up to find that my window was open and my breakfast was waiting for me. This is strange. I thought. What was a maid doing in my room? "Excuse me, um-"
"Good-morning, Miss Cagalli. It's nice to you you're up." she said in a cheerful voice. I sat up and wiped off my morning eyes. "If you're wondering why I'm here, there's a letter for you on your bedside table."
I reached over weakly for the letter. I read the front of it, it said, 'Miss. Cagalli.'
"What?" I opened the top. Inside there was a little rose similar to the one I'd made. There was one peddle on it as well. This rose was different. It was blue. What was this all about?
I opened up the letter and read it. Dear Cagalli, I found your little yellow rose on my way out last night. I thought that I'd make one of my own as well. For every time that I remember something, I'll draw a yellow peddle on your flower. Then every time you feel better you can draw a blue peddle on my flower. Once you're done finishing your flower, give it to me. I'll do the same with my flower. I hope this makes you feel a little better. I'm going to try on getting you to finish my flower. That's another promise I'm going to make. Right now I have two promises I'm going to keep. I hope that at least then you'll be happy. And if you're wondering what the blue peddle was, that was one that you owe me. I want to see that you're happy tonight when I come by. Yesterday was a bad start. I can't wait to see you tonight. Your friend, Athrun.
"Have you found out why?" the maid asked, having waited until I finished reading. I nodded and left the maid smiling. "Good then, so we'll get started then?" I paused.
"What do you mean exactly?" I didn't know what to expect, but after what happened last night, I was ready for anything.
"Getting ready for the date, of course." I wasn't ready. This wasn't on my 'be aware of 'list. That was completely out of the blue, all right.
"WHAT! I thought that-" She stopped me by putting her hand over my face.
"I'm sorry, I thought it was a date. You are going out with a really good looking guy and the last I saw you two, you were laughing along with him while telling him something that happened to you in your past." She smiled, looking at my face. "You're blushing, princess."
I quickly took a deep breath and looked at her again. "No, I'm not going out with him. I'm just being a very good friend. By the way, does Kira know he's here?" The maid shook her head, confused. "I'm going to go down and get him." I shot up and was just about to run out of the room when the maid stopped me.
"My, my, princess, are you going in that?" I nodded,
"Is there something wrong with it?" I looked down inspecting it. "I wore it in front of both Athrun and Kira. They didn't say anything."
"That's because they were being polite. If you're going to be a proper princess, you'll have to act like one. And dress like one as well."
I sighed. "Will, you stop with the whole, 'princess' thing. Get on with it and show me how I have to look like to be a princess."
The maid nodded. "Very well then. Give me a minute, I have to get you the proper out fit." That sounded rather nice. Maybe getting out of these old bags would do me some good anyway. The maid walked off into the wall. I looked at her for a while. Was she a ghost? I thought to myself. I was wrong. She hadn't just walked into a wall; it was a giant room filled was clothes. She walked out with something in her arms. "Here you go, a proper princess dress."
She held out a long, dark green gown. The neck was in a V shape and the sleeves went out the farther down the arm. "No! I hate dresses!"
The maid looked disappointed. "Don't you want to look your best? I'm sure he'd love to see you in a dress, all the men do. And-"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well, haven't you noticed? All those young men keep on coming up to me to ask what things you like. I always tell them that I'm not even your maid. Which I wasn't. Now I am. I think I'm going to have a great deal of more trouble now that I am." I turned around, grabbing the dress.
"Fine, I'll wear the stupid dress. At least then I won't have to keep arguing with you." I said, looking away.
After I finished twisting through the annoying dress, I walked out to show the maid. I looked up to see the maid's eyes wide open. "What, does it look that bad? Jeez, you don't have to stare at me like that." The maid shook her head and ran up to me. Motioning for me to spin while her smile grew. Finally she told me to stop and put a hand on her mouth. "I guess not. What do we do now?"
She sighed and pulled out a table full of make up and jewellery. "You, be quiet. I'll do the rest."
We spent almost all day trying to get my hair to look right. I couldn't believe how long it was. I hadn't looked in the mirror for quite a while now. I guess it was about all the way down my shoulders to the middle of my back. I was beginning to get worried, what was I going to look like in the end?
I was beginning to get worried, what was I going to look like in the end?
Well, I found out soon enough. "There you go, a real princess." She turned my chair around slowly. I closed my eyes. I hated dresses. What was it going to look like? Just when I opened my eyes, I saw the maid smile. "Do you like it?" Truth was, anything would've done after wearing that other pair of clothes for a year.
My hair hung all down, with two locks made out in the front. She also made me put on make-up. Yes, make-up. I hate details. Let's just let the maid explain it... "Wow, I've never seen anything like it! That boy is going to love it!"
I frowned, giving her a glare. "For the thousand's time, It's not a date!" I think she was teasing me. Truth was, I wanted it to be a date. The perfect date with Athrun and me. I never had the chance to have that. I was going to have to end my story tonight. What was I going to say? I decided to leave it until it actually was nighttime. The maid looked at me, I saw her eyes looked to be of pity.
"You like him, don't you?" It was more like an answer than a question. I didn't answer and felt a little tear go out of my eye. I decided that if I stayed here any longer I would cry, and the make-up would run down my face.
What was going on with me! I wanted Athrun to see that I hadn't given up and that I can move on, without him. He needed to have the freedom to make the decision.
I stood up, my hands crossed and the dress swaying behind me. As I was just about to leave the room the maid made me pause, "I hope things will turn out alright. You're a very bright person, I think he likes you." I wanted to smile and believe what she said was true...but no. I just walked on and into the never-ending hallway.
After ten painful minutes, with walking down the longs stairs with high heels, and waiting to see Athrun's face again, I stood face to face with Athrun. His eyes were wide. I swear, I think his mouth would've hung open if he'd allow it. I blushed, his hair was short...did he really care all that much? After about a few seconds of starring, he waved his hand over to someone sitting in one of the dining tables. I looked over, was it Kira?
He pulled her toward us, both of them holding hands. "Miss. Cagalli, I'd like you to meat my new girl friend, Flay Alistair." I froze, trying to keep the smile on my face. This wasn't happening, this wasn't happening. It wasn't true, it couldn't be...why, Athrun? I thought back to what I told myself earlier. I was his friend; I wanted him to be happy. But why, why Flay Alistair? There have been so many bad things happening to me, I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry more than ever right now. I couldn't. I was frozen solid.
Instead, I turned around. I turned around and walked away. Athrun waited for a few seconds then realized where I was going. I heard footsteps behind me. They were coming closer. "Miss. Cagalli, Miss. Cagalli! Wait!" Finally he reached me and grabbed my arm.
"Let go of me!" I cried. I actually cried. The tears flew from my eyes as I yelled at him. Yelled at him for nothing. Yes, he did do something. He left me. "Why! Why are you doing this to me! Athrun, Athrun it hurts. My heart hurts. I don't know what to do. I...I..." I love you, Athrun. I couldn't tell him. I wanted to tell him and then things would go back the way they were...but that was selfish. How was he going to feel if I told him? He might feel guilty. I didn't want to be a burden, no. Not ever. I wish I never met you Athrun...then I would've been happy. Was that true? Did I really want that?
I slowly walked forward, wrapping my arms around his waist. He quickly put his arms around me too. "It's ok, I'm your friend, remember? You'll be fine. I told you I wasn't going to be late. Do you want me to tell Flay to come another night? I'm sure she'll understand." I held onto him tighter.
"I'm scared, I don't know what to do. I'm getting married to a thirty-year-old man. I don't love him." Athrun smiled and said,
"You're a brave girl, you know that? I'm sure you'll be fine. Lacus told me about all the things you've done and survived. I'm sure I've never done all that. You know, you took too many chances. I mean, you even left the whole Archangel waiting for you." Athrun was wrong; he was stronger than I was. If he knew how much he did then he wouldn't even have brought it up? I finally gathered up some courage and let go of him. I forced a little smile and took his hand, walking him onto the balcony. He was silent. Observing his surroundings.
I walked onto the balcony and sat down. It was strangely cold. It was warm holding Athrun. I wished I hadn't let go. "Are we going to finish the story then?" I asked him, smiling. He nodded and sat down next to me. I sighed and started the ending...
(Flash back) Ending...
After I got changed I went over and started bandaging him. We didn't say much after that...
He walked up to his gundam and jumped into the seat. I sat on the ground, looking up at it. The giant machine actually amazed me with how many people it killed. It was just horrible. What's going through the minds of those people? What does this war prove, anyway? Who's the strongest? It looks more like, 'who can kill the most people.' I wish this war would end. But if fighting won't end it, what will? If I even tried to walk into the plants they'd probably shoot me before I even stepped on ground. I smiled. I wonder what it's like to live without war. Not having to see all those people die everyday. Next being scared so much at your every minute of the day. To live in peace, that would be wonderful.
I waited for a while, until finally he jumped out of the suit, looking beat up. "I guess they're coming. There also seems to be your group coming with as well. You're very brave, soldier."
I frowned. "I already told you, I'm not a soldier! So am I going to have to go back to my plane now?" He smiled,
"Yeah, we don't want a battle to start up right now." Finally, he turned around and started walking, I called out to him, "Wait! I forgot to ask your name!"
"Mine's Cagalli!" With that, he turned around and left. I turned around as well and ran off to see Kira…
"The End." I had look away at the part of saying 'Nigal'. It burned inside of me to say 'Athrun'. I wanted to tell him right then. Instead, I just blew it off again. I had only seen him for a day since the accident; I shouldn't push it on him. Besides, I saw Flay. Things were different now. It gave me less of a chance to be with him anyway. Athrun sat back in his chair. I liked his hair short. It made it feel like old times. It also brought out his eyes more, the way his hair outlined his face.
It felt like he was slowly becoming himself again. I guess I shouldn't rush it so much. It's only been one day. I couldn't expect that he'll remember anyway. Athrun blushed. "Um, I think I have to go. I've wasted enough of your time already. Well then, can I see you again tomorrow? This time I'll meet you here instead. And I won't bring Flay. I think she's going to break up with me anyway. She just met me and told me she wanted to be my girlfriend for a day. I felt guilty, so I said yes."
I gave him a little punch on the shoulder. "You Jerk! You had me worried there for a second. That girl isn't exactly your type." Athrun smiled, and sighed, his head leaned back.
"Who are you to chose who I'd like? Don't I at least have a choice?" He was playing with me. I didn't like that; the old Athrun knew that as well.
"Well, yes I do. I know you better than you do, don't I?" He smiled and stood.
"Well, I already told you! I'm going to remember! Don't judge me so quickly, I'm a coordinator, aren't I?" He teased, pulling his coat back on.
"Huh, very funny Athrun. See you tomorrow. Don't be late." Athrun waved back on the way out and left me, once again to think. Agh! The days are getting so confusing! I can never know now if it's a pedal or not. Well, talking with Athrun in the end deserves a pedal. I guess I can draw another one... I got up and gathered up all my coulors. His flower was blue, so I had to make another blue peddle. I liked shading it in. It made me think of Athrun. As soft as a flower. After that, I put it away and finally went to bed; I had a hard day today. I needed the rest to be all happy tomorrow when Athrun comes over.
The next morning, I woke up to a soft little breeze coming from the balcony. Oh no, I left the balcony open last night. I better go close it then. I took off the covers and sat up for a while, trying to get my eyes to lighten up a bit. Stretching my arms, I stood up and walked over. Then I paused. "Good Morning, Miss. Cagalli." Came a nice soft voice. It was Athrun. I guess I didn't leave the door open. He motioned for me to sit down next to him.
"Hey. What are you doing here?" I asked, in a cheerful tone. Trying my best not to sound grumpy. I wasn't exactly a morning person.
"I've come to great you. After last night, I wanted to see you again and talk. It's so exciting talking to you, you never know what's going to happen next." He walked over and joined my by one of the tables. No one was out on the balcony in the morning. They were all tired from doing work until midnight. "Besides, Lacus also wanted me to tell you when I come that she wanted to see you again. Her schedule is so busy; you should see her more often. She likes company. And I'm sure you'd give her all the company she needs."
I smiled and stood next to him, leaning over the railing a bit, letting my hair fall over my shoulders. Athrun smiled and stood next to me. "Why is your hair long?" He asked. What did he mean?
"Why? Don't you like it?" I frowned at him, confused. He smiled and nodded.
"I was just thinking of the way you'd look in short hair. It would suit your personality more." He was right; I did feel different with my hair like this.
"Yeah, I hadn't really thought of cutting it for a while. But Maybe I should. After all, you cut your hair when I said so." Athrun smiled,
"You were right, the pony tail makes me look like an old depressed artist. Even though I don't have any of my old memories, my new memories won't accept them. As in memories, I mean you." I smiled.
"Hey, it's not my fault you listen to me. Besides, you just said you liked it." He looked over,
"Yeah, I do. And, just encase you forgot, you need a hair cut." I punched him on the shoulder.
"We'll see when I want to go back to being myself. At this point, I have to be like a princess. I'm getting married to the brat, remember?" Athrun looked away and sighed.
"Yeah, that brat. It must be hard, giving your life over to help others. It must take a great deal of courage." I sighed and put my hands over my face. Looking out onto the far off land.
"No, I'm just being selfish complaining so much in the process. I'm sorry." I looked over to see Athrun's face. He was looking at me not with pity, but his face was worry. I looked at him and smiled, "I'm alright. There's no need to worry." Athrun looked away and asked,
"Will I...be able to see you again, Miss. Cagalli?" I could barely hear what he said, but I nodded.
"Of course you would. You're my closest friend. You're the first one I'd invite." he smiled and reached over to hug me.
"I'll make sure you're happy, even though you're going to be his wife, I'll be able to be your friend and make you happy while you're there. Don't worry; I'm going to go through this with you. You won't be alone. You don't have to be sorry, you have a reason to be scared." I hugged him back and backed away.
"I'm going over to Lacus. I haven't seen her in a while, is that ok?" he nodded with a yes and so I left the room and onto the hallway again. My hair was getting long; it kept going into my face. The stairs were once again filled with people. All greeting me with 'hello's and salutes. There was more this time because they recognized me as the princess with my dress. This time I greeted them all back with a smile. Finally, when I got to the bottom, I walked out the front door. Lacus was just a short walk away. Her orphanage was quite big, especially because the war had only just ended.
I looked at the birds flying around me. It was nice seeing something outside of my room and not on the balcony. From way up on the balcony it wasn't as nice as actually walking through the grass. I took my shoes off for a bit. Enjoying the soft feel of the soft ground. The sun was shining its first sparks of the day to come. It was nice waking up to find Athrun standing on the balcony. He's matured a bit. I don't know how, I think it was because now he had a chance to grow in a different way. Oh Athrun...
I stopped in front of the door. The place was big. I quickly put my shoes on and rang the doorbell. Cagalli came to the door. "Cagalli! How nice it is to see you again." She made room for me, so I walked in.
"Lacus...you cut your hair!" She smiled and spun around for me so I could see it. She had cut it up to shoulder length. I never knew Lacus could look so could if she cut it. "It's almost all gone! You look wonderful!" Lacus smiled and pushed the button to close the door.
"Kira told me I should try something new. You should've seen the look on his face when he saw me. Are you sure it looks good? I like it. I haven't had my hair cut in a while; it feels very light when I move around. I think your hair looks wonderful as well, Cagalli." I smiled, still trying to get the picture in my head. I couldn't believe how different she looked with her hair like that. She looks older. I'm sure I looked older as well, though.
I walked farther in. Lacus opened the door to the main room, where all the kids kept themselves busy. There were from ages four to eleven in there. Poor children, all who have lost their parents. One of the little girls walked up to me, holding out a little flower. "Wecome! My name is Sawah." She was about four, still trying to get her words right I smiled at her and took the flower.
"I'm sorry, but I'm going to be staying for long." I told her. She smiled and said,
"But you don't have your mommy and daddy eithew! You need a flowew!" Lacus walked over and picked her up.
"Sarah also didn't want to stay here when she first came. She's just insisting you stay for a while." I nodded and put the flower behind my ear.
"While I'm here, I'll wear your little flower, ok? As a reminder to stay a little longer." She smiled and struggled out of Lacus's hands to run off to joins her friends. Lacus put her down and pulled out a chair for me. I sat down as she pulled a chair for herself.
"I'm so happy you and Athrun are friends now. You need a friend. Has he remembered anything yet?" I sighed.
"He's trying his best, the poor guy has to listen to all my boring complaints. I don't want to make things worse for him." Lacus smiled and said,
"Well, I'm happy things are going well. Before he went to see you, he was acting nervous about if he was saying the right thing or if he wasn't forgetting something. You've helped him. Everyday, he can't wait to come see you again. But Cagalli, be careful." I wasn't expecting that, what did she mean? "Don't rush him into his memories just yet, it could hurt him to suddenly remember the war again. Worse, it could kill him. He loves you so much; he's bound to remember you someday. But if it's too soon, he will die. If' it's not, he will still hurt terribly. You'll have to be there for him when it happens. Promise me, you'll take it slowly?"
I nodded. That was a lot of pressure to put on a person. As much as I wanted Athrun to remember, I didn't want it to I hurt him. This just made tings a little more difficult. "Lacus, can I ask you something?" She nodded cheerily. "Can you cut my hair the way it was before? I miss my old hair." She smiled,
"Are you sure? Your hair looks really nice like that." I nodded and said,
"I miss being myself. It would be nice to have it back the way it was." Lacus walked off and went to get the supplies she needed.
When she was finished with my hair, I was happy to see it look back to the way it was. I kept the dress though. Athrun liked that. I walked up to the door, saying bye to all the thousands of haros Lacus had. Lacus waved me off and left me to walk back.
When I finally got back to the door of my room I found that Athrun was still waiting on the balcony. "Oh, I'm sorry Athrun! I didn't know you were waiting for me!" He smiled and turned around. His smile dropped to an amazed look.
"Cagalli, your hair...you actually cut your hair..." I smiled and walked up to him.
"You actually thought I was going to keep my hair long for ever? No, I like my hair like this. Did you see Lacus's hair? It really suits her." Athrun smiled and nodded. We were silent for a while. He was about to say something else, when he froze.
"Athrun? Are you ok?" He wasn't answering; I saw a frightened look on his face. He threw up his arm ands grabbed his head. Slowly kneeling to the ground. He was crying, how much it hurt. He held onto his head, yelling harder and harder. I was scared what was I going to do? He was yelling in agony. I couldn't do anything. Then I heard him start yelling something to himself.
"No! In don't want to forget! I don't! Come back! Come back to me! Ahh!" I ran over to hold him. Lacus had told me about this, she told me to be careful. How could I have been so stupid? Athrun was crying, there were tears in his eyes. "No, I can't! I can't forget! Please! Don't leave me! No! Please, come back!"
I held onto him, crying out his name, he didn't answer, it hurt too much. "Athrun! Listen to me! Forget! Forget it all! I don't want you to remember! I want you to be happy Athrun! Please, forget it all!" I cried on his shoulder. Then I softly spoke right by his ear. I had made up my mind, I loved him too much to make him hurt like this. "Forget me, and live on, Athrun." There was silence. Then Athrun stopped.
"What happened? Who are you?" It was so hard not to cry. I wiped off the tear from his face.
"It's alright, I'm your friend, Megan..."
"It's alright, I'm your friend, Megan..."
If there's even a small chance that I could've broken my heart even further, it was now. I smiled down at Athrun, tears going down my face. He sat up, smiling. "Thank-you, Miss. Megan. I'm sorry to have worried you. I know this must be strange to ask, but I feel like I've lost something. A second ago...I can't remember. Do you know what it is?" I smiled and helped him up.
"No, I'm sorry. I think it was just a nightmare. I came here because I heard you crying in your dreams. You look like you haven't slept in days. I'll leave you to get some rest. You can sleep in my room tonight. Is that ok? I'll go over to Lacus's house." Athrun smiled, still confused.
"I don't mean to push you out of your room or anything. I'm sure Lacus wouldn't mind to have me back. I told her I'd come back after I did something. I can't quite remember what it is though. But, thank-you for offering me. I'll be sure to clean things up in the morning." I nodded, usually I'd smile to make him feel good but I just left, without saying another word.
When I finally made it to Lacus's door, I rang the bell. Lacus ran up to the door. I fell into her arms. "He forgot! I made him forget! He wanted to remember! I couldn't handle it, Lacus! I'm sorry, I just couldn't!" I wept on her shoulder. She hugged made, stroking my back in comfort. I needed it, I was broken. "I'm in love with him! I love him enough to give up my life! I don't want him to love me anymore! I don't want him to die again! I couldn't bear to see him hurt again! I shouldn't have told him who I was! I shouldn't have cut my hair! I should've stayed the way I was, at least then he wouldn't have had to get hurt like that! He was dying! He tried so hard to remember that it was killing him! I'm so scared! Lacus, you don't know how sorry I am!"
Lacus held onto me tightly. For the first time ever, I see tears, tears in the eyes of the pink haired princess. She was sorry for me. I couldn't bear it! "Lacus, please, don't worry! I don't want anyone to cry about me! I don't want to make anyone sad! Please, don't cry for me! Please, Lacus, stop!" Lacus tried to stop; I just made her even sadder.
Kira ran from out of his room, still in his bathrobes. "Cagalli! Lacus! Are you ok!" I looked up from Lacus's shoulder. "Cagalli..."
I fell down to my knees. Lacus turned around, in tears. "Kira, I can't stop her tears! It makes me so sad, I can't stop her crying! I can't stop it! Kira...! She's so sad...I never knew anyone could feel so sad." Kira went over and knelt next to me.
"What's wrong, Cagalli? Are you-" I stopped him, looking up.
"I don't want to hurt anyone anymore! I don't want to be a burden! I made Athrun forget me! I don't want...I'm so selfish! Kira, please, help Lacus, I'm fine. Please, tell me you don't care about me! Tell me that I'm not going to be a burden to you! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Kira wrapped his arms arm me. I tried to push away, but he held tighter.
He spoke in a soft, kind voice. "It's ok, I like caring for my sister. I like it to be able to be there for you and be your brother, remember? Lacus is right, it isn't good for you to be so sad." I hugged him back. I wanted to be comforted, just for one last time. "Now, tell me, why are you so sad?"
"Because my heart has been broken twice in the same place. I can't handle the pain. I feel so guilty now; I've lost my old self. I've lost Athrun, the one person who could have made me back the way I was. I was stupid enough to make him remember too fast. He was hurting, hurting so much, trying to remember me hurt him so much. I felt my heart being pulled from me, seeing how sad he was, trying to find me. He was dying! I knew the only way for him not to die, was to forget me! I told him...told him to forget. All about me. He did. But then I saw his eyes. They were sad! They were lonely! And I couldn't be there to comfort him and fill that space. I had to tell him my name was Megan, and that I was only his friend. I won't be able to hear him say my name...ever again.
"He asked me what was missing, why he felt so lonely. I told him it was all just a nightmare. He didn't smile. I couldn't smile for him. I'm the reason he feels like that in the first place. I don't think he'll ever have the chance to find a wife again. I've also ripped his heart. I'm sorry; I hurt you friend, Kira. Can you ever forgive me?" Kira just held onto me. We were all silent. Lacus was still crying, Kira got up and went over to comfort Lacus. She hugged him. He kissed her and the cheek and told her it was going to be all right.
Lacus offered for me to stay over for the night. I thanked her and the three of us didn't say much after that.
I woke up the next morning, feeling drowned. I didn't want to get up, but I did anyway. I walked down the steps, trying to be quiet. I didn't want to wake anyone. When I finally reached the bottom floor I saw that Kira and Lacus were already awake. They both said good-morning. I didn't answer and sat down with them. Lacus offered me some tea, but I declined. "I guess I'm getting married in four days. I thought to invite you two, if that's alright?" Lacus continued pouring the tea.
"Are you sure? Are you really going to go through with this?" I nodded.
"No one's stopping me. I've lost Athrun. Why not? It doesn't make me feel any worse anyway. Besides, then I will be able to show I'm confident in being a leader. It will be nice to have you too there, so I won't be lonely. But, I don't want to push it on you guys or anything." Lacus smiled and nodded.
"We're coming, we'll be there to keep you company." I smiled, for once. I thought I was going to have to be alone in this wedding. It would be nice to know both Kira and Lacus were going to back me up. Athrun would be happy, I would be proud. Things will go the way I wanted them to go. Yuuna was going to have me as his wife, but I would still go on living my life the way I want and completely ignore him. It was nice hearing people say I had courage. Truth was, it was hard having courage. It wasn't easy.
When I walked up the last stairs to my room, I saw the door open. "Good-morning, Miss. Megan. Did you get your rest?" I flinched. Of all names, why did I choose my dead grandmother's? Now I'm going to have to listen to Athrun talking kindly about a dead person like she was alive. And he'd think he was talking about me. As if things weren't bad enough already. After waiting for four seconds without my answering him, he continued. "Thank-you for lending me your room. It was awfully nice. I think I have to go back to Lacus now. I need to ask her some more questions. Is that all right with you? I'm just leaving you like this."
I wanted to tell him to stay, so he could at least give me a comforting hug of a friend. Any hug of his was wonderful. But instead he walked past me and gave a wave while walking. I just smiled at him and walked into my room. On the bed was the flower, the yellow flower. I walked over slowly to my bed. Starring at it for a while. All I saw was the stem...the pedal had been erased. What did this mean? "Oh no." I said, picking up the flower. The first pedal had signified my name...now he had forgotten it. It all made sense. He had remembered my name and when he finally got a picture of me in his head with one of the memories, he lost all of it, including my name. Does this mean that there's an even smaller chance that he'll remember me?
I sat down on the bed. I also found the blue flower. On it, there was also a pedal gone. On the paper, there was tiny writing. It said, "I'm sorry...I tried..." This didn't make sense...wait. So he remembered the flower? Didn't that me that he remembered the new memories me? When I had told him to forget about me, I meant the old memories of me, never the new ones. The old me was completely out of his memories, yes, but at least he remembered the way I am now.
I cried, cried because I was both sad and happy. Sad, because Athrun was never going to remember the old me and help me be myself. Happy, because Athrun still remembered the way I am now. Will we be able to be together now? No. Not unless Athrun stops me before the wedding. I can't run out of this now. I have no choice. In three days I'm getting married to a man named Yuuna.
As I sat there thinking, I saw a familiar maid outfit walk into the room. "Good morning, my dear Princess. How are you doing today?" I smiled, putting the paper with the rose down.
"Fine, I guess." The maid sighed and nodded.
"I heard about what happened. Miss. Lacus told me all about it. It must be very hard on you." She walked over and sat down on the bed next to me. She was about my age, a little older. She was like the only friend I could talk to right now. She was very kind and generous. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know he forgot you. I kept on pushing you too fast. If I hadn't dressed you up for the meeting, he wouldn't have remembered too soon and everything would've gone alright."
"No, I'm happy you helped me. He still remembers the new me. But, I don't have any chance of him remembering the old me. Now he'll be able to remember me in the beautiful dress you gave me. I should be thanking you. Not blaming you. Besides, now I'm getting married to Yuuna. It's up to Athrun to remember me or not...I'm too scared to hurt him like that again. By the way, I never got the chance to ask your name." She blinked, staring at me.
"I'm sorry, I thought I already told you, it's Angela. So, do you want me to call you Miss. Megan, or Miss Cagalli?" She asked teasingly.
I punched her on the shoulder. "Ow!"
"Well yeah! You deserved it." We both burst out laughing. It felt like medicine. I laughed so long, I thought I couldn't stop. I don't know why, it wasn't all that funny. I was just so happy, now that I found out Athrun didn't forget me, at least, not exactly. We spent the night together. It was fun, Angela told me all bout her and her family. She had a little brother and a little sister about as old as me. She also told me she had decided to become a maid because of all these cute guys she saw around here. Then her tone went down.
"I also lost my boyfriend. You're lucky yours actually came back. He also didn't want to be a part in this war. His father threatened him and so he went. He died on his first try. It's sad; we were planning on getting married. I was his fiancé'..."She paused. I gave her a hug and she cried on my shoulder. It was nice for once not to be the one crying, but to be the one to comfort.
(Two days later, Day before wedding.)
I haven't seen Athrun in a while. I think he's decided to stay at the orphanage and figure things out a bit. I don't really know. All I know is that here I was, standing in the wedding dress, waiting for the women to finish knitting the sides together. My hair looked better short. I keep seeing Yuuna walk into the room. Putting his arms around my waist, to keep me steady. Yeah right. I hate the guy even more now. He even calls me, 'Cagalli love'. I hate that. He barely even knows me, yet, he calls me that. I liked Athrun's way better. Athrun was more 'polite'. Speaking of polite, the guy acts like he doesn't even know what the word, 'polite' means.
Angela couldn't make it; apparently Yuuna didn't want me to be distracted by my friends while he talks to me. I missed Angela; I hadn't seen her since that night. All I thought right then in my head was. Please Athrun, remember...
All I thought right then in my head was 'please Athrun, remember...'
He didn't remember. Here I was, standing in front of the big doors, waiting for the flower girl to throw her last bunch of petals onto the ground. My heart was beating, faster and faster every time she dropped a couple more petals. Then more. I was wearing the very colour I promised myself I wouldn't wear on my wedding. White. Finally when she threw her last petal, I walked forward. I closed my eyes, imagining what my wedding with Athrun would've been like, if I ever had one. People along the sides, me walking down the isle, waiting to reach him. My green dress swaying behind me, all I have my eye caught on is Athrun. I would walk forward, slowly and gently, taking my time.
Finally when I was about to reach him in my mind, my eyes opened. I would never be able to take that last step. He was the one who had to take that step, and he had failed. He was never able to take that step. Opening my eyes brought me back to reality. The light-blue haired beast looked down at my with a foolish grin. I didn't do anything, I just stood there. Starring at him. Biting my lip so I wouldn't cry. The priest spoke. I felt dizzy standing there. He smiled his evil smile. I hated it, I hated him. For once, why didn't someone else have the suffer? For the thousands time, why me! I knew why. Because of me. It was my own entire fault. Two years ago...if I hadn't let him self-destruct his gundam. If I hadn't let him go. If I had held onto his hand and told him I'd go instead, I would've died. He would've been able to move on. He was strong. He would've been able to forget me. It all would've made more sense. But, in the end, we both have to suffer.
"You may now kiss the bride." I hated that part. It hurt. He actually hurt me. I never thought that kissing a guy could hurt so much. When he finally let go, I knew it was over. I didn't even notice I had said, 'I do'. When the priest had asked. He held out his hand. I took it. He gave me a ring. A gold ring. I hated gold. Athrun also knew that. This guy might have known as well. I took the ring I had bought for him. It was silver. The proper colour for a wending ring. I wished I hadn't. But I didn't really care. I put it on his finger and took my hand anyway, not wanting to look him in the eye.
After the wedding, Yuuna had to go to a meeting. He left a maid to lead me to my room. Luckily we weren't going to share a room. That was about the only good part in it. I ran over and onto my bed. Crying. I know, it was getting old. My eyes were burning like crazy. This is the end...it's all over for me. I don't know how I'm going to survive with Yuuna, but I'll have to live. When I finally cried my throat out, I lied down and closed my eyes. Just when I was about to fall asleep, I heard a knock on my door. What now? "Come in." I groaned.
Athrun walked in through the doorway. He was drenched. "Miss. Cagalli. I've found you." He said, and then fell over to the ground.
"Athrun!" I yelled running down to see what happened.
He opened his eyes and smiled. "Please, tell me you're ok? I'm sorry. I told you I was coming to your wedding. I'm sorry that you couldn't trust me with that. The other night, when you cut your hair. I tried to remember you, I really did. Please, once I remember, will you come back to me? Please, I need you. I can't believe I was so stupid. That night, you told me you loved me. I'm sorry I called you just a 'friend'. I didn't mean to make you cry though. Please, when I remember, will you come back to me?" Tears ran down his face. I held onto him.
"Oh Athrun..." He held onto me and cried. I was so happy. I cried on his shoulder. These tears felt different. They made the rip in my heart heal a bit. "Until then, I'll be waiting...I always have. What could another few years hurt?" Athrun shook his head and sat up.
"No. I'm not going to take that long. Cagalli, until then, I'm not going to allow myself see you again. I don't want you to see me and know that I still haven't remembered." I shook my head, sad tears falling out of my face again. I hated these tears.
"No, Athrun! Please, stay? Be my friend?" Athrun gently held my face and gave me a kiss. I never knew a kiss could be so wonderful. After that kiss I had with Yuuna, I never knew it could be even close to being as good as this. Finally we separated and Athrun looked me in the eye. His hand still holding my face. He smiled and got up.
"I look forward to having another one of those with you. Please, show me you can be patient and wait for me?" After I said nothing for a while, and just smiled. He nodded and walked away, out of the room. Leaving me to calm down. I didn't expect that to happen. Not at all. I was so happy, Athrun loved me! He really did love me. I couldn't believe it. But then...he still wasn't with me, I was still married to the idiot and we still weren't together. Things bad never end very fast for me. They always seem to enjoy their stay while they're here. The war was still going on in the minds of the people who survived. I hope it isn't going to get carried away and start again...it already wasted enough of my life.
I walked over to my new bed. Once Athrun remembers me, he's going to free me from this cage. Yes, that would be wonderful.
The next morning, I checked to see if the whole thing was just a nightmare. Then I remembered Athrun kissing me. I guess it was true. I wonder if I should go over to Lacus to see what's happened. She hasn't come to visit me after the wedding. I got dressed and walked out of my room. I had put on the dress that I wore on the day that I was with Kira and we met the 'tiger'. I liked that dress. It actually made me look like a girl. Now I wouldn't have to worry about some random guy asking if I was a girl. I hated that.
I was happy, now I wouldn't have to worry about anything. I did miss Athrun though. He was coming back, but that would take a while. As I walked down the path to Lacus's house. I thought about what I'd tell her about Athrun. Was I going to tell her right away or wait until Athrun actually came back? I didn't know. When I finally came to the door, I rang the bell. The usual. Lacus came and answered the door. her hand was on her mouth. She was upset about something. "What is it?" I asked, worried.
Lacus motioned for me to come in so I followed her. "Kira...Kira is, um...Kira went off to stop that battle that's just started in America. It's quite far from here. So it took a day or two. I...I haven't heard anything from him since. I don't know what to do. I told him to send messages while he was there. Every hour. So I know he's still alive. But, it's been five hours since I've heard from him. I-" She was cut off by the phone. She pressed one of the buttons. "Good-Morning, this is Lacus Clyne here. Yeah, um...no. I...yes. What! No! This, this can't be! Kira! I-" I held her hand and told her to calm down. She looked at me, her eyes were watering. She hung up the phone and held onto my shoulders, her head hung low. "Kira, he...oh my...Cagalli!"
I gave her a hug and she continued. "I can't...! I can't say it! It's too unbearable! Please, Cagalli, I can't! Your brother he..." I held her in my arms. What could be so horrible as to make Lacus act like this?
"Lacus, it's ok. I'm here, it's ok. What about Kira?" She tried wiping her tears off, more came.
"Kira, I love him! I wanted to be able to tell him that! Kira, he...! Kira's gone MIA! Cagalli, do you know what this means? They say he's dead! I wasn't able to tell him I love him! I was planning on telling him when he got back! I love Kira! Cagalli, what am I going to do!" I listened to what Lacus said. She kept going on and on about how much she loved him. I just stood there, trying to understand what was happening. Then when I finally realized what it was. I felt a familiar tingle go down my cheek.
"No...not Kira. It can't be. Not him, no one can defeat Kira! It's impossible! He's the ultimate coordinator!" Lacus nodded, not daring to show me her princess eyes. I backed away to the wall. Until I stopped, falling down to my knees. "My brother...my big brother! Why...why? Why is it always me?" I cried. yes I know, it must be getting boring reading about my selfish tears. But this time, I cried harder than I ever cried. Because of all that had happened t me. I even cried harder than Lacus. Which seemed impossible because Lacus didn't even let herself breathe. This was a horrible moment for us both. And.The doorbell rang. We went to go answer it. We opened the door to find...Kira. Of all people. Lacus ran over and into Kira's arms. He was injured. Right behind him was Athrun. Trying to keep him steady.
"Oh Kira! I love you!" Kira didn't blush; he just held her tighter and answered.
"Finally. I love you too, Lacus." While the two of them enjoyed their fulfillment. Athrun and me starred at each other. He walked up to me and said.
"Tonight. Will you come with me? I need you to help me remember. I guess I wasn't thinking when I said I'd leave you." I answered with a smile and ran into his arms.
"No." Athrun flinched.
"What do you mean? You don't want to be with me?"
"I don't want to hurt you, Athrun. I love you the way you are. Even if you forget the old me, we can still be together, right?" Athrun paused for a moment.
"But then, why?" I nodded, taking a breath.
"Because...because...! I love you Athrun. I love you for who you are. I've always loved you! It doesn't matter about me! Please, I want you to be happy. I don't want to hurt you."
Athrun smiled, "I love you too Cagalli..."
"Because...because...! I love you Athrun. I love you for who you are. I've always loved you! It doesn't matter about me! Please, I want you to be happy. I don't want to hurt you."
Athrun smiled, "I love you too Cagalli..." He slowly made his way up to her. Cagalli, puzzled, just stood there. Finally, he reached her and stopped, gazing into her two beautiful soft brown eyes. He left his hand gently on her cheek, taking away the loose strands of hair. With his other hand, he softly lifted her face to gaze down at her. Slowly, he leaned in to kiss her.
Cagalli, blushing, gave into the sudden tenderness of the kiss. If it was possible to smile while you kissed, Cagalli was smiling. She closed her eyes and felt his hand slide on the back of her head as he pulled her closer for the kiss.
After what felt forever, they parted. This time they both shared a private look. Cagalli felt like taking him and kissing him again, but resisted it and took a breath. Both, realizing what they had just done, blushed. Cagalli laughed, Athrun's laugh joining in melody.
Kira and Lacus stood nearby, arm in arm. Out of nowhere Kira laughed. "Finally! Oh, and Cagalli, You're bright red." Cagalli shyly covered her face. Athrun put an arm around her in comfort.
"Now, now, Kira." He sighed. "You're scaring my girlfriend. Besides, I find it cute on her." Cagalli punched him gently on the shoulder. Athrun laughed faking to be hurt. "So," Athrun said, with sudden authority. "Kira Yomatto, When shall we have this wedding you requested?" Kira stared at him in awe, Lacus only beamed.
"Wedding? How?" Kira stammered.
"Well, Kira, you don't think I'm your friend for nothing? We'll give you a wedding. Cagalli and I. For without you, we would've been completely lost. What do you say, my friend?" Kira stared in awe at Athrun's sudden change of personality.
"Thank you..." was all he managed. Athurn smiled and suddenly noticed something.
"Well then. We have to let the groom and his girl have their privacy, right? Cagalli and me will keep ourselvesd busy while you too have your fun." Athrun winked over at Kira, Kire laughed. Athrun bowed down to Cagalli, offereing her a hand. Cagalli took it and smiled. He led her out the small room and into the open. The veiw was beautiful outside the orphanage. Cagalli sometimes wondered how Lacus was able to afford this place. But she was, after all, the princess coordinator."Well then, Cagalli." Athrun smiled over at her. "Would you lie to go and tell me more of your stories?"
Cagalli let out a laugh and answered. "Well, yeah! After all that, Athrun, how could i say no? Bedsides, i have a feeling you're beginning to forget more of those stories. C'mon, Athrun, and let me tell you some stories." The two walked off into the setting sun, awaiting their new memories to begin.
Everyday I listen,
Hoping to someday find that silent voice.
I've searched far across the ocean,
Upon distant Valleys
I find sadness,
My heart aces.
I think to myself,
Will I find that silent voice?
Will my ears be able to find such soft sound?
As I look out my window each night,
Will you come and look for me?
The days go by,
One by one.
Are you truly gone?
Did you really leave me?
I have grieved so,
I have witnessed the end to the one I love.
I think back now,
Back to the joys of seeing the soft look in your face,
The tenderness of your voice,
The softness of your touch,
But most of all,
That silent voice…
Will I ever look upon your face again?
I'm so selfish,
But you told me I could be.
The day you sacrificed your life,
Why did you do that?
You left me…
My sweet, dear Athrun, you left…?
As I sat there in space,
I cried…cried out your name,
Nothing came out,
All was silent…
Except that one voice,
"Live on Cagalli. Forget me…"
You forced those words,
I saw that tear in your eye,
You perished, and I was not there to comfort you,
To die with you…
Why did you not take me with, my love?
The look on your face before you died, it was sad…
I didn't want the last memory of you to be worry,
Especially out of worry for me.
Two years I've waited,
Waited for your return.
You told me you'd come back,
I'm sorry for the burden I put on you.
I knew you weren't coming back to me…
That voice had a hidden secret inside.
I knew what it was,
Yet, I let you go!
My dear, sweet love, I watched you die!
Do you hate me?
Hate me for not stopping you?
Did you want me to stop you?
For I know your true words.
Deep inside my heart,
That silent voice,
"My love, please do not forget, I love you."
You wanted so much to tell me that…
You wanted me to comfort you and say it's all right
But instead, you chose to protect me…
You wanted me to live on,
Even though it hurt you to think I'd have to forget you,
You chose to protect me.
Yet, I have not forgotten you,
I wanted to remember you until I died,
I wanted to die seeing your soft and gentle face.
I wanted you to be happy,
I wanted you to laugh with me…
I wanted so many things to make you happy!
You never received any!
I did not even have to the chance to tell you how much I loved you!
I so much wanted you to be happy!
I would have died to see you happy one more time!
But…now you are gone,
That silent love,
In those silent words,
I have not forgotten them.
I am strong,
You should be able to trust me.
I will not forget, because I am strong.
So you see, my dear Athrun, you were wrong.
I cannot forget those silent words.
Your silent love.