wOOt, special!XD I'm so happy! XD XD Yay! Yay! Banzaaaai! Wohoo, Pocky for everyone! EHum, back to reality, Quena. shakes head I've been working on it all summer (since I was at a place where internet at home is a luxury… :'O sob sob sob…) so I really hope you like it!
Disclaimer: I do not own ANYTHING of the following. I'm just putting words together creating a story out ofstuff I like. But I do own a lot of useless dust and the cutest guy I know is ashamed of being an otaku, poor fellow.
Observe! All the links and emails are not real! I had a good time makin them… XDXD
A little reminder:
Normal: Emails to Alucard
Bold: Answers from Alucard
Italic: Automatic email replies.
Quena: Lean on me, Lean on me, Lean on meeee!
Cruelparasite: Oh, no. You can SING (If you call that singing…) ANYTHING EXCEPT Home Made Kazoku…
Quena: Uhh… okey, how about POOOOP IS DEAAAAD head bang !
Cruelparasite: NO, NO MIYAVI IN MY HOUSE!
Bya-chan: It's not your house. It's you grand ma's.
Quena: I want an ice cream!
Goldfish: Yeah, me too!
Cruelparasite: WTH, where did you come from!
Goldfish: Where did YOU come from!
Bya-chan: I want a vacation…
Quena: Kimi wa Boku no Vanillaaa!
Since the first time I saw you I've always been thinking about you, and how I really have to meet you! You can really pick the right fabric and colour! I admire your patterns! We are truly partners-in-cape! I have made several capes in your size, in all kind of models I can think of. If you have the time, please come over!
PS. You have to teach me how to regenerate clothes! I'm starting to get tired of always having to pack an extra cape… DS.
Dear Thread Magician,
AHAHAHAHAHAA! Nice joke there! Hahahahaa! Almost laughing my guts out, even though I don't have any! Haahahhaahaa! Ha ha….You're kidding, right?
I think you schould get a sword! It kan be tad usefull in fights. I noe this guy ho noes this guy ho makes swords and stuf! Yeah, he is a bit nutty and sometimes kreepy coz he kan blow fire out of his mout and he has a kow that kreeps everybody out, but his swords kiks as!
Hav a nise day!
Dear NUMBUH 7,
I have had a sword but I didn't use it so much, and then a CERTAIN SOMEONE with GLASSES and TICKLY BEARD and WHITE TROUSERS and a WEIRD COAT bought sword-ish things, so if I start using swords now I'd look like a copy cat, and that's not so hot, is it?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
Anderson is tall
Happy to see that you got yourself an email! I don't think those letters reached you, right? Well, I'm writing to you regarding a problem we both share; fan girls. You know how it is to, for an example, lay there on the beach you thought was unknown to humanity and all of a sudden see how thousands of girls comes running towards you, all of the equipped with cameras, pens, autograph books, everything! Brrrrgh…. It can still keep me up at night.
What shall I do! I've tried everything! Masks, identity switches, educating, garlic, kung fu, pretending to be a pervert … Every time I try something new they seem to enjoy it more. PLEASE HELP ME! I think I'll go mad if this stalking continues!
Your white haired buddy
PS. BTW, Thank Pip from me and tell him I'll send him his book as soon as I'm finished with it. I think it'll take a while, I think I have to pass the three students I have now. Books can be read next year too ,. DS.
Hi there K-chan!
Long time since the last time I heard anything from you! I guess it's the damn mail, but it can be that the letters are directly directed to the missy upstairs and she burns up nearly everything that smells suspicious. Hmm... I think I'll have to start checking the mail before it enters the 'room of doom' upstairs.
About the problem you have, let's just say that I'm working on it. I think I've found the fan girls weak point, but I'm not telling you anything about it, at least not yet.
PS. Bernadette says you can keep it. He says the second volume is much better. DS.
You're pretty famous, aren't you? Well, I'm famous too. And my fandom will crush your. Take THAT, No Life King.
/ The Dark Lord
Dear I'm-too-scared-to-face-the-No Life King-IRL,
I see you're one of the few that DOESN'T check the FanListings! I KICK YOUR ASS.
I have a problem. I know a guy who is… well uh… kind of gay. When it comes to sword fighting he's a real legend but when he's not fighting for justice he ... Uhh… cooks, does the laundry and other stuff that WOMEN does! He has also the strangest taste of clothes, and once he wore a ribbon. AND he lives under the same roof as a real beauty and he's NOT attracted to her! I get really nervous around him sometimes… It scares me. Please, I don't want to think that my friend is gay but he, well... IS gay! Not gay gay, but, you know, gay. Not really GAY but still kind of gay even though he isn't gay. Am I using the word gay too much? That's so gay… OMG, am I GAY! ARGH, PLEASE HELP ME!
Dear Bad Guy,
Get a girl. I said the same to an old friend of mine, and he "lived happily ever after"… Well, until he got dumped. But that's irrelevant.
Dear Spawn of Satan,
IM GONNA SMASH TIS GODFORSAKEN HOMEPAGE! YER LITTLE SO CALLED ORGANIZATION WILL BE BANNED FROM TEH INTERNET FOR ALL ETERNITY! SEE YE ON TEH BATTLEFIELD, UGLY!
/Yer beloved arch enemy.
Dear Mr.Too White Trousers,
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! JUST TRY TO CRASH MY SITE! I HAVE NORTON ANTI-PRIEST! SEE YOU AT GENDOU'S, MUTT!
We're a bunch of guys needing help. W're currently sitting at an internet café somewhere (don't ask me where!). The thing is that we're lost! We went out to search for this strange place called Al-Irgnahs, but, hehe, now we're lost. We think we're somewhere around Mont Everest, but we're not sure because everyone speaks Spanish (Mount Everest is in Russia, right?). We REALLY need help! Some kind of map (we had one but my DEAR FRIEND (let's call him G) lost a stupid bet at a bar on the way here) would be great! Just send us something! We appreciate everything!
Dear Lost Boys,
http/ www . google . com . Even monkeys can use it.
This song is dedicated to you!
Alucard, my permanent accessory
Alucard, a party time necessity
Alucard, alternative to feel like yourself
Oh Alucard, I still drink to your health
I love you mare than I did the week before
I discovered Alucard
Forget the café lattes,
Screw the raspberry ice tea
I'm there for you, to comfort you
I love you more than meat
I'll cook for you, I'll clean for you
Like you have never seen
Alucard, I'll bear your child and treat you like you want
You're my man, Integra has to hunt
Would you please forgive me
Coz I do not love my self
You are something else
I love you more than I did the week before
I discovered Alucard
Please do not ignore
My love, you are my all.
I am not like all your fans
This is my message to you. I LOVE YOU!
/Your true love
PS. The song "Alcohol" by Bare Naked Ladies SUCKS! DS.
Dear alucardstruelove hellsingshrine . net,
Themessage could not reach nolifekinghellsing . orgdue to the receiver's Fan Girl FireWall.
Read more at: www .fangirlwall . co . uk
-Norton Anti Fan Girl
Will you bear my child?
You received a Greeting from your dear friend, Alexander, at ChristianGreetings . com!Check out the link to see what you got!
http/ www . christiangreetings . com / lovehate / hate / 066 / sndvirus . html
Ifthe link doesn't work, copy and paste it into the URL box.
Jesus is Everywhere!
I thought I'd send you this message to inform you about my existence! It's important that you know who I am, because I will be king one day! Well, that's pretty much what I wanted to say!
PS. OH YEAH! ONE MORE THING! THERE'S A REALLY FUNNY BUTTON ON THE KEYBOARD! IT SAYS 'CAPS LOCK' ON IT. IT MAKES THE LETTERS LARGE! IT CAN BE KIND OF ADDICTING, THOUGH! I HAVE BEEN USING IT FOR 46 DAYS IN A ROW NOW, HEHEHEHEEE! XDXD DS.
I DO N 'T CARE ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE, WHETHER YOU'RE A KING OR NOT, ONLY IF I HAVE TO KILL YOU, BUT THANKS FOR THE TIP ON CAPS LOCK, IT REALLY IS FUNNY (AND ADDICTING)! BUT I THINK I SHOULD STOP USING IT, POLICE GIRL SAID HUMANS GET HEADACHE OF IT, AND WE DON'T WANT MY SITE TO LOOSE ITS VISITORS, DO WE?
Your 20 G email account is 99 percent full. We will stop all incoming mail until You make more room by deleting at least10percent of Your mails. We suggest emptying the Trashcan. If You do not delete 10 of your mail within 1 hour, Your account will be closed and your email address will be invalid.
- www . hellsingorganization . com
Alucard gasped. He didn't expect this! Police Girl said that it would take really long time before it would be full! He started trembling.
"What! No! I don't wanna delete my emails! What shall I do? What shall I do...?"
He looked terrified at the small numbers at the right bottom of the screen. Almost ten minutes. What should he do! Suddenly, a small candle appeared followed by a small 'ping!'
He ran out off the small dungeon he was using as a computer room (and a secret hideout in case of PMS) and up the stairs to the first floor.
Seras jumped up when she heard her name. She was sitting in the kitchen watching Seinfeld with Walter.
-WAAAH! Oh, it's just you, Master…" she took a deep breath and looked up at him."
-You have to come! It's an emergency!" he said with a really dramatic voice, almost expecting Seras to say "Quick, to the Bat Mobile!"
He grabbed her hand and ran out from the kitchen and down the stairs to the dungeon.
-LOOK, he shouted pointing at the screen.
-Master, that's just gross…, said Seras holding her hand over her mouth, eyes wide open.
-No, it's not gross, what are you talking about? he said looking at the screen. The screensaver was on. "Oops…"
-Oh, hehe… Yeah.
He moved the mouse quickly and the email appeared.
-LOOK! The goddamn email society-thing told me to delete emails!
Seras looked confused at him.
-What's the problem?
-I don't wanna…
-There's nothing you can do about it. If you don't follow what they said, your account will be shut down.
Alucard looked at her and then down, taking a deep breath.
-There's only one thing to do about it…
Seras looked scared at him.
-No… No, not that thing…
Alucard straightened his back, loading the Jackal. His eyes were glowing and he was smiling slightly.
-Yes. KILL THE TRASH!
-No, please Master---!
Well, this is the last chapter of Dear Alucard! Hope you had fun , . Thanx a lot for your reviews! Special thanx to my alter egos Bya-chan and Cruelparasite for forcing me to go to bed instead of continuing to write the story. If it weren't for them I'd be dead right now. And kids, don't forget to brush your teeth before you go to sleep! The tooth priest might come across you! (HAHAHAHAH! Come a-cross! Did you get it? A-cross! You know, cross – priest? XDXDXD Church – Priest – Cross? Cross –? XDXDXD…….. I have to take my pills).
PS. I might write a sequel, but that depends… DS.