Hello, readers. I hereby present you with a Parody. It is not to be taken seriously, as it is extremely silly. I hope, however, that you will enjoy it anyway.
Disclaimer: Sadly don't own The Lord of the Rings.Coffee Break
Boromir son of Denethor winced as the arrows pierced his flesh. He couldn't give up now… He had to protect the Halflings. Courageously he took up his sword, slicing the Orc in front of him as he grappled with his impending death.
Boromir's battle cry was harshly interrupted by a creaking, groaning sound, after which the world immediately became darker. Leaves flew by in the wind created by a distant voice in the heavens saying: "I'll come to dinner now, Mum…"
Immediately Aragorn son of Arathorn came striding through the trees, looking very satisfied with himself; something to do with another Orc decapitation. "Right!" Aragorn said cheerfully. "She's put the book down. Coffee break, everyone!"
Tables and chairs appeared out of nowhere, and Boromir fell into one of the chairs opposite the rather large Orc he had just been fighting. Boromir groaned; he was getting too old for this. Life could become so… so… tedious at times, especially when one only featured in one book. Always the same routine, day in, day out, fighting there, being tempted by the One Ring here, dying the same death up to three times a day… It really took it out of a person.
The Orc in the chair opposite turned his attention to Boromir while being served tea by a buxom Gondorian tea lady. Contrary to popular opinion, Orcs were very fond of tea. Boromir was more of a mocha person himself. "Now listen, mate," the Orc began, taking a long slurp of Earl Grey. "About this whole killing thing. It's nothing personal, okay? I actually think that you're quite a nice guy, really."
Boromir acknowledged the Orc's comment with a nod and a sip of mochachino. "No harm done. After all, it's all how The Author wanted it, isn't it?"
The Orc nodded ruefully. "I know. It's a shame, because I'm not really a killing sort of guy."
Boromir sipped his mochachino thoughtfully, visually examining the Gondorian tea lady. He then turned to the Orc. "Hey, didn't you drink green tea until now?"
"I did," the Orc replied, shrugging his shoulders. "Problem is, the Lothlorian Elves got a bit shirty about the whole Nimrodel polluting fiasco, so they monopolised the green tea production. The Hobbits tried to substitute the green tea leaves with grass, but it hasn't been working very well."
"Ah," murmured Boromir. "I see."
He was about to ask just how the Hobbits were substituting green tea leaves with grass when there was an almighty gust of wind and the well known creaking sound resumed.
"Okay, she's opening the book!" the Gondorian tea lady said briskly, shushing Boromir and the Orc off their chairs. "Back to work, everyone!"
Above them, the spectral voice drifted down from the heavens once more. "Yes Mum, I am doing my homework… Oh this? It's a set text for English, I swear…"
Boromir drew his sword and positioned himself in front of the Orc on the battlefield. "So…" he ventured. "How exactly do you kill me again?"
The Orc placed an arrow on his bow. Boromir sighed. It was going to be another long day.