Disclaimer: I do not own Loveless. I wish I did.
Warning: If you have not heard of "Loveless", which I don't see why you haven't seeing as how you are reading this fic, I believe it is only fair that I should warn you that this is yaoi, strictly boy on boy. If you are not mature enough to respect that, please do not read this fiction.
"I love you…"
The man named Soubi pondered those words as he walked away from the person he had blessed those words with. Ritsuka had scowled with a small blush on his face before telling him to go home. Soubi had put on a pleasant smile before leaning down to steal a kiss on that flushed cheek, and then turned around and walked away.
But now the smile faded and changed into a serious expression that had been his trademark look more often than not in these last three months. Right after Ritsuka had asked him the question that seemed to have changed everything between them.
The snow was falling gently, creating a chill that not even the warmth of another could vanquish.
"…Soubi? If…if Seimei came back to life…if he ordered you to kill me. What would you do?"
Truly shocked and taken aback, Soubi said the first thing that came to mind. "Seimei is dead."
"That's why I said "if!" Ritsuka's eyes drilled into his, rendering him motionless. "Answer me, Soubi! You'd kill me, right?"
Knowing that this was important, and knowing Ritsuka only deserved and honest answer, he solemnly replied, "…probably…"
When he had given that answer and visibly saw Ritsuka's heart break he had sucked in a breath at the soul wrenching pain in his own chest. It became worse when he saw Ritsuka begin to flee, to go and be alone again and push him away like he always did. He was determined not to let it happen again, and he had promptly grabbed the boy, holding him as tightly as he could. He had given an honest response, but his next words were just as true as the ones before.
"If such a day comes…I'll die first."
He had meant that with every fiber of his being, and nothing had felt sweeter than when Ritsuka's small hands had clutched at his back, seemingly afraid to let go.
Since that night, things were different between the Fighter and Sacrifice. Ritsuka had seemed to open up more and initiate physical contact between them. The first time Ritsuka had grabbed his hand before Soubi had a chance to grab his, it was all he could do to keep talking normally. The young cat boy seemed to share his feelings more and whenever Soubi said, "I love you," he no longer yelled at him for saying things he didn't mean.
Soubi turned to look back at his Sacrifice and sighed when the boy was nowhere in sight. Maybe that was the problem. Soubi's feelings had only grown stronger for his Sacrifice, but it wasn't enough.
He longed to hear an "I love you" in return.
Ritsuka watched the broad back of his Fighter as he walked and did not look away for several moments. He sighed in exasperation as he realized he was staring like some lovesick fool. He turned on his heel in frustration and stormed in the opposite direction.
It had been increasingly difficult these days to not throw himself into Soubi's arms and beg him to stay just a little longer. He knew the Fighter wouldn't reject him. If anything, he would welcome Ritsuka with open arms and a kiss.
He flushed again at the thought.
It's not that he didn't WANT to do that, and he would have by now…only one thing held him back.
Soubi was Seimei's.
No matter how many times he tried to find a way around that, it still remained. And, if there was the possibility that Seimei was alive, he and Soubi could never be.
No matter how many "I love you's," Soubi said.
Ritsuka suspected that Soubi was becoming hurt by the lack of response Ritsuka returned. Every time, his smiles dimmed a little more and his eyes grew torn.
Ritsuka balled up his fists against his eyes. He was at a loss of what to do. Soubi could never be his, but neither could he give the Fighter up. Not when his heart raced every time his cell phone went off in the hopes that it was Soubi. Not when he left his window open every night, hoping for a moonlight visit. Not when every time his mother threw another piece of porcelain at him and he was injured, his first instinct was to go to the blue eyed Fighters house for some kind of comfort. Not whenever Soubi managed to get past his barriers and steal a kiss or put his arm around his waist, and Ritsuka became more addicted to it each time.
No, he was beginning to expect that he could never give Soubi up. But neither could he advance the relationship, no matter how much he loved….yes, he loved his Fighter. It took him a long time to get past his inner demons and away from the demons around him to admit it, but he loved Soubi.
It was a shame that Soubi would never find out.
A scream from a woman that was no longer there.
Glass shatters into a million tiny fragments, glittering in the soft light.
A trickle of blood.
An emotionless face.
That is what Soubi opened his door to. Ritsuka, standing in the slight drizzle that had started earlier that evening, blood on his cheek, and hollow eyes. It tore at him.
Silently, he stood aside as the boy entered and made his way over to the bed in the corner, sitting softly on the edge with his head in his hands. Utterly defeated.
Words would not help at this time. Soubi didn't know what to say anyway. Moving quickly and efficiently, he gathered up a clean towel and a first aid kit, coming to kneel before Ritsuka to dry him off and clean his wounds.
Careful hands wiped away the water and blood from the motionless boy. Ritsuka watched with half hooded eyes as his fighter took care of him. Almost in a detached way, he watched the bandage come to his cheek and felt the way Soubi's long fingers gently smoothed the covering onto his skin.
"Mother," he started to explain feebly and watched in fascination as Soubi tensed.
"Don't," he said harshly, and took a deep breath. Softer now, "Don't mention her. Not tonight." He took his hands and gently cradled Ritsuka's head, placing his forehead against his Sacrifice's. "She does not exist here. Only you and I do."
Gentle fingers again smoothed the bandage across the torn cheek, and Ritsuka felt warm lips at the corner of his mouth, kissing away the pain for the young boy. Unbidden, tears formed at the corners of his eyes, trickling down his face and being lovingly kissed away by the man before him. "Soubi," he choked out again.
"Shhhh," Soubi murmured softly, and drew Ritsuka closer to him.
There in that room, with Soubi kneeling in front of Ritsuka in the cradle of his body, and Ritsuka hovering over the adult, the silence lasted all of a moment before it was broken by a few words.
"I love you."
However, when Soubi drew away, there was a look of shock on his face, not love.
Ritsuka was the one who had said the words.
An almost frightened look appeared on the boy's face, and it was clear that he hadn't meant to say the words aloud. As soon as Soubi saw that, he lunged forward and attached his lips to his Sacrifice, to the skin that was closest to him.
"Say it again, Ritsuka," Soubi murmured against his neck.
Feeling his Fighter's hot breath against his sensitized nerves sent a shudder down his back, but he tried to resist. "Soubi, I didn't mean…ah!"
He jumped as he felt the rough sensation of Soubi's tongue gliding down his neck to his collarbone and lost all train of thought.
"Say it, Ritsuka," Soubi whispered again.
Ritsuka resisted a whimper and gripped his hands around Soubi's shirt, determined not to say a word. However, a moment later he gave a long cry when Soubi set his teeth to his neck.
"Say it!" Soubi demanded, biting gently once more and then softly kissing away the slight sting. He was going to hear those words again…he NEEDED to hear those words again, to cherish in his dreams, to get him through the day. He needed those words to live.
Still, Soubi relentlessly continued on in his pursuit, driving the boy mad with little kisses and nips all up and down the cord in his neck. Soubi could feel the Ritsuka's heart race against his lips and realized that he could get drunk on only that alone. Toning it down and kissing the boy's collarbone sensuously, he pulled out his last resort.
The boy stilled above him, and he knew it was from shock. Soubi had never said please in that tone of voice, had never begged for something.
Ritsuka shuddered once more at the thought of having that kind of power over the adult. He swallowed hard, reigning in his thoughts once more. He knew it wasn't smart to say it, but how could he resist Soubi like this?
"I love you, Soubi."
It was a soft admission, and Ritsuka closed his eyes at the feeling of the Fighter trembling. What was said was said, what was done was done. There was nothing to take it back now. Things had not gone the way he had planned. There was still the problem of Seimei and all of the other barriers they had to break down, but for now…for now, this was all they needed. To know love, to feel love. That was worth more than anything.
And Ritsuka couldn't help but smile when he heard the familiar words ring true once more.
"I love you, Ritsuka."
That was the greatest absolution anyone could receive.
(Okay, everyone congratulate me. This is my first fic for "Loveless". In fact, this is my first fic of anything besides Inuyasha. This idea just came into my mind. It's short, it's sweet, it's certainly not my best piece of work, but I like it. I hope you did too, and as always, please review and let me know what you think. Even if you read this years after it's publication. …as you could tell, I'm a little addicted to reviews. Bai bai!