1Parody of "If You Give a Moose Muffin" and "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie." No infringement intended.

If You Give a Mouse a Screwdriver

If you give a mouse a screwdriver...

She'll probably want some nuts and bolts to go with it.

So you'll fish around in your father's toolshed to find some.

Once she's got the bolts, she'll realize she doesn't have any wood.

You'll have to go to the lumber yard to get some.

Chances are, she'll want to come along.

She'll get in your car with you, and realize that the seatbelt is too big for her, so she'll decide to fix it.

When you come back an hour later, your car will be equipped with four rodent-sized seats where the cupholders used to be. You'll climb in to go to the lumber yard, but you'll accidently trigger the ejection seat button.

After making sure you'll all right, she'll suggest that maybe you could borrow some lumber from a neighbor. So you do.

You help her bring the two-by-four back to her workshop, where she'll find that the wood is too big for her purposes. She'll probably ask you for a saw.

You bring a saw from the garage and cut the wood for her.

She'll hammer and nail and glue away for several hours until she's finished. Then she'll come out of her workshop and ask for a volunteer to test her new invention.

All chipmunks in the vicinity will mysteriously vanish.

In the absence of any helpful rodents, she'll ask you to test her new invention.

Hesitantly, you'll agree, but before you can, she'll notice that one of the springs on it is loose. She'll decide it's probably a health hazard and she'll want to fix it.

And to do that, she'll ask you for a screwdriver.

If You Give a Chipmunk a Comic Book

If you give a chipmunk a comic book...

He'll want another.

And another, and another.

And when he's read your entire collection of Kablamo Man, he'll want to play Super Hero.

He'll ask you for a cape and mask to make a costume.

You'll get out the Halloween costumes to find them, and he'll notice candy bags and remember he's hungry.

So he'll ask you for something to eat.

You'll take him to the kitchen and make him a peanut butter sandwich, and he'll ask for some milk to go with it.

You'll bring him the milk, and it will remind him of Puffy Wuffies, so he'll ask if you have any.

You'll look through your cupboards and find some, and you'll sit down together to eat.

Eating cereal will remind him of Saturday morning cartoons, so he'll ask if you can watch television.

He'll find a channel playing The Red Badger of Courage, and you'll watch it together.

Chances are, watching cartoons will remind him of Kablamo Man...

So he'll ask you for a comic book.