Disclaimers: These characters do not belong to me

Notes: Au, in a small way. Also I have only seen the first five episodes of supernatural.

I watch you as you sleep and there is no visible sign of what we just went though today.

I sometimes regret going to your apartment that day. I regret telling you about dad, but at the same time I know you would want to know. You always hate it when people keep secrets from you. Yet you have no trouble keeping secrets. You never did ask me what made my eyes bleed. I doubt if you really wanted to know. My secret can't be more powerful or painful than your one. It can't be allowed to eclipse what you kept a secret for so long.

I never told you that I died. I was dead for Six months. Six months during which I had a lifetime of peace and warmth in heaven. I met mom. She is so proud of you Sam. She lights up with such an indescribable light when talking about you. She is proud of all of, but I know she didn't expect to see me at just 25. Although I had a lifetime with her it wasn't enough. It never will be. Six months after dying dad found a witch who would bring me back in exchange for us killing a few unwanted ghosts. He agreed and the witch tore me out of heaven. It's been seven months since it happened and I can't forgive him for doing it. I can only understand why.

My secret, the one that made my eyes bleed. I died, went to heaven and was brutally ripped out.

Watching you sleep so peacefully for the first time in months, I realise it a secret you will never know.