Disclaimer: They are not my characters.
I can still remember sending you out of the house with the children while I went after the monster. I knew there was a high chance I wouldn't make it out of the house alive and I accepted that. I embraced it. When I tasered the monster we were both standing in water so the conducted electricity injured me. The moment all of that electricity hit me I could feel an unbelievable amount of pain. No matter how much pain I was in, I knew that I was finally getting the release from the unending hell I was living in.
The doctor told me that I had a major heart attack. Due to the massive amount of damage to my heart I only had a month to live. After that the doctor only talked about the various ways they could help ease my pain. The doctor was only interested in making my last few days comfortable. Well screw comfort it wasn't wanted or needed. I still can't remember if I asked you to save me or let me die. I do know I had a firm acceptance of my death and that scared you. You needed me to survive. I didn't life. I didn't want a never ending hell as my life.
You took me to a faith healer called Le Grange. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to be surrounded by so many people desperate for life when all I wanted was death. You made me feel so guilty for not wanting to live. I wanted to hide away in the back of the church. I didn't want to take the chance that a faith healer could actually heal me. You made sure we got seats at the front of the church. When Le Grange called out my name I told him to pick someone else, but he insisted I was the one who had been chosen to be healed. After some less than gentle prodding from you I went to see Le Grange on stage. When Le Grange place his hands on me I wanted to rip them of, but just one look at you stopped me. Le Grange healed me. He healed me and I was anything but grateful. When we found out Sue Ann was using the reaper for her own needs I knew that my death was meant to happen.
Layla. She was such a kind woman. She accepted her fate. The only reason she went to the faith healer was for her moms benefit. When you destroyed the cross you took away any chance Layla had at being healed. Although we know it would have been my death that healed her, I was only to willing to let the reaper take my life. When we were back at the motel I asked you if we did the right thing. I wanted you to say no. I wanted you to say that the life given back to me was never mine to have. When you arranged that visit with Layla I know that you had the best of intentions. Layla told me she wasn't healed, but sometimes you have to have faith in the miracles that don't happen. I even promise to pray for Layla. Although I made a promise to Layla it will be a pray devoid of any real faith. What kind of god allows you to be ripped out of heaven and sent back to the hell called living.
I know that someone once said get busy living or get busy dying. What happens if you're stuck in between? What happens when death becomes the more attractive option and no matter how much you try you just can't be bothered anymore.