A/N: Ok, I wasn't really planning to add another chapter to this, but I just had this idea and needed to type it and post it. Sorry if it doesn't sound too realistic or if it isn't that funny, but I'm trying my best here, so please bear with me!
DESCRIPTION: What would happen if Miroku drank a can or two of the delicious beverage Mountain Dew? Read and find out!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Inuyasha, or Mountain Dew. Thank you, and enjoy the fic!
CHAPTER TWO: If you give a monk a Mountain Dew
Miroku sighed and kicked the dirt with his sandal. He couldn't believe how bored he was. Kagome and Inuyasha had gone on a walk, Shippo went with Kaede to gather medicinal herbs, and Sango was inside, taking a nap after they just battled a large demon.
"You and I are the only ones left, Kirara," he muttered, but even Kirara, who was also drained from the battle, had curled up and gone to sleep. "There must be something this monk can do!"
Suddenly, Kagome's bright yellow backpack caught his eye. "Maybe there's something in here I can do." He began to dig through the bag when his fingers touched something cold and hard. Curious, he grabbed it and lifted it out to examine it. It was a yellow and green can with the words "Mountain Dew" on the side.
"Oh, it's just one of those energy drinks that Kagome always brings. I could really go for one right now. Besides, Mountain Dew must really be made of dew from the mountains, so it can only be good." Not really knowing what else to do, he popped it open and gulped it down. "Wow, this stuff is even better than the energy drink!" After chugging the rest down, he stuck his hand in the back pack once more to find another one. When he did, he immediately opened it and began to drink it.
"Heh heh, this stuff sure is goooooood," he said with a dazed smile. Feeling suddenly quite happy and bouncy, he started laughing. He laughed and laughed for about ten minutes before he finally wondered what he was laughing about. Shrugging, he ran giggling down the hill to the fish pond.
Sango stirred and woke up to the sounds of something being hit against the side of the hut. Wondering what on earth it could be, she got dressed and went outside to investigate.
"HIRAIKOTSU!" Miroku yelled as he threw something against the wall of the hut once more. Sango sweat-dropped and examined the thing he had just thrown. It was a dead fish, and it had just slid down the wall and landed among a bunch of other dead fish. Miroku picked up another fish from the basket he had next to him, grabbed its tail with both hands, raised it over his head then yelled "WIND SCAR!" as he threw it against the house.
"Miroku...what are you doing?" Sango asked in confusion.
"Sango! Waltz with meh!" he yelled, dropping the fish and rushing over to her. He grabbed her hand, put his arm around her waist, and began to dance back and forth with her.
"Uhhh...Miroku?" the demon-slayer questioned.
"Yes, my darling?" Miroku replied in a dreamy voice.
"Not to be rude or anything, but what the hell is wrong with you?" To her surprise, Miroku let go of her and dropped to the ground in a fetal position.
"It's the voices I tell you!" he said with a dramatic sob. "But you don't understand! Nobody does! Nobody ever knows what I suffer through! IGNORANCE! IGNORANCE I TELL YOOOOUUUUU! I'm hungry," he added calmly, getting up out of his fetal position and walking over to the dead fish.
"I think we'd better find Lady Kaede," Sango said quickly, grabbing his arm and steering him away from the dead fish.
"B-b-but...I haven't even told you about the song I made up!" Clearing his throat, he recited "Dead fish go smack! Miroku go boom! Duckies go quack! Sango in room!"
"That wasn't a song, Miroku," Sango pointed out. Miroku just smiled and rocked back and forth on the ground.
"Let's make biscuits!" he said cheerfully.
"...I dunno, Kagome told me about them once." Sango began to think quickly. Something must have happened to Miroku and made him gone all funny. Was it some sort of toxic venom? From the demon they just fought? Something green and shiny caught Sango's eye, and she hurriedly made her way over to it, hoping it might answer her questions. The thing, or half a dozen things rather, turned out to be cans of-
"'Mountain Dew?'" Sango read. She carefully examined one of the empty cans, looking for signs of toxic venom.
Miroku, meanwhile, was playing with the dead fish and making them have a sort of soap opera.
"Oh don't look at me that way, Hitomi, you know how it has to be!" he made one fish say in a deep and manly voice.
"B-but you don't understand, Van, I luuuurrrvvve you!" the other one said in a much higher and girly voice.
"You know that it's better this way."
"Stay with me! Please!"
"Oh Hitomi, I will, I will! I LUUUURRRRVVVVE YOU!"
"I LUUUURRRRVVVVE YOU TOO, VAN!" At this point, he made smacked the fishes together and made them start kissing each other.
"Alas!" said a third fish, this one also with a deep voice. "Hitomi cannot be mine, for she is loved by him!" And with that, he had the third fish climb up on top of a large rock. "Farewell, cruel and heartless world!" He let the fish drop with a smack to the ground and giggled. "THE END!"
"C'mon, Miroku, we need to find Kaede right away!" Sango said in an exasperated voice, dragging the monk in the direction of the forest. When she turned around, however, she shrieked when she saw Miroku. He had taken off his robe and was standing there in naught but his underoos.
"I'm naked!" he exclaimed happily, dancing around in a circle. Sighing, Sango picked up his robe and threw it at his head.
"Get dressed and wait here, I'll be right back!" And with that she dashed off towards the forest, praying that the monk wouldn't do anything more.
"And these roots, Shippo, cure boils and swellings," Kaede explained, showing him a pale colored plant. "As for these-"
"Kaede! Kaede!" Sango called out breathlessly, running down the path towards them.
"Hi there, Sango!" Shippo greeted, putting some roots into a basket.
"What is it, child, is something wrong?" Kaede asked in concern as Sango caught her breath.
"Something-weird-is up-with-Miroku," she panted. "M-making-dead fish-talk to-each-other." Shrugging hopelessly, she gestured for them to follow her. When they were out in the field, Sango pointed to where the sheep were gathered. Miroku stood among them, giggling to himself.
"WIND TUNNEL!" he yelled as he opened up his cursed right hand. The nearest sheep was hoisted into the air and darting towards him. Just as it looked as though it were about to be sucked in completely, Miroku covered his hand and let the sheep drop with a soft thump onto its side, its legs kicking as it tried to stand up. Judging by the dozens of other sheep on their sides, this had been going on for quite a while.
"I think I might know what is wrong with him," Kaede said as they pulled Miroku away from the sheep. "Kagome told me about something called 'caffeine' and says too much of it in one sitting can muddle one's brain and cause what she said is called 'hyperness.'"
"So you think that Mountain Dew stuff had caffeine in it?" Sango asked.
"It must have, that is why he is acting so odd."
"Hey, can I wear your patch?" Miroku asked.
"Damnit...what's wrong with you people?" Nobody was really listening to the monk, so he got no reply. "Why's that lady just standing there? Think she's dead? Maybe she's hungry. Can I bring her some fish later? Haha that little kid just tripped! How come he's not crying? Why's that guy sleeping? Can we go poke him until he wakes up?" Miroku was finally deposited in front of Kaede hut.
"Stay here, Miroku, we're going to bring you a surprise!" Sango said as though she were talking to a child.
"Ooooh! What kind of surprise? Is it purple? Can I eat it? Does it have ears? Is it a bunny rabbit? I like bunnies, they're so cute with their fluffy little tails and billions and billions of little tiny legs..." Miroku was once again ignored as the three entered the hut. Left once again alone, Miroku began to poke the sleeping Kirara.
"The best thing we can do for him is to put him to sleep," Kaede explained, crumbling up some roots and stirring them into the potion she was making. "This sleeping potion should do the trick."
"Miroku's scary when he's hyper," Shippo remarked as he watched Miroku poke the sleeping Kirara from the window.
"Miroku, I have the surprise!" said Sango as she stepped out of the hut. Miroku, who had been eating ants, whipped around.
"Leprachauns!" he exclaimed, taking the cup she handed him and drinking it. Immediately, a tired and dreamy look came over his face and he dropped to the ground, sleeping.
"Finally!" exclaimed Sango with a relieved sigh. They dragged the unconscious monk into the hut where he could sleep peacefully.
"We're back!" Inuyasha announced as he and Kagome entered the hut. They were surprised to see Sango, Kaede, and Shippo all looking quite tired.
"I guess you guys must've had a rough day, what happened?" asked Kagome. "And why are there dead fish next to the house?"
"Wow, Miroku sure is out like a light!" Inuyasha remarked, poking the sleeping monk on the head with his claw.
"Kagome, can you do me a favor?" Sango asked in a tired voice.
"Sure, what is it?"
"Never bring Mountain Dew to the Feudal Era again!"
A/N: Yes, that's it. I'm not sure if it's as funny as the first chapter, or even if it's funny at all, so I'll let you decide. Some of the random things that Miroku said I got from Gir from Invader Zim as well as Foamy the Squirrel, but most of them I made up on my own. I really hope you liked it, so please let me know what you thought of it!