Disclaimer- Don't own Naruto.

A/N: Written for the "Drunken Confessions" prompt at Dialogue 500 community.

"You know what you are Sasuke?"


"A bastard."

"... Why did I come with you to go drinking again?"

"Because you're afraid I'll end up passed out somewhere and murdered by enemy ninja?"

"And that would be a bad thing?"

"Fuck you."

"No thanks."

"And stop nursing your drink, you Goddamn pussy. Drink like a man!"

"Just because I'm not drinking like it's the last five minutes I have to live, doesn't mean I'm a pussy."

"Eh, shut up. Barkeep! Hit me again!"

"God... I really hate you sometimes."

"The feelings mutual, trust me."

"... Are you drunk? Or just being more annoying than normal?"

"... I believe it may be the first."


"Need! More! Liquor!"

"... Maybe you've had enough, Naruto."

"Fuck you, Sasuke. Barkeep! More!"

"... you do realize Sakura and/or the Godaime is going to kill you in the morning."

"Psh... Sakura-chan and the old hag won't ever know."

"What if I tell them?"

"Then I'll stick a Rasengan up your nose."

"I doubt you could make a seal at this point."

"You wanna bet, bastard?"

"No. Not really. I like this bar. It's fairly quiet and doesn't have a crowd most of the time. Therefore, I'd rather not see it annihilated."

"You liking something? That's a surprise."

"I'll have you know I also like tomatoes and rice balls."

"Hmph. Figures you'd like balls."

"How many times do I have to tell people! I'm not gay!"

"Right. Because not dating any girls when they're practically throwing themselves at you is the definition of a heterosexual male."

"... Have I told you I hate you?"

"Yeah. Shut up and drink your booze."

"... You know... this stuff is pretty good."

"Hell yeah it is. Barkeep! Another round for me and the bastard over here!"

"Hey... who's paying?"

"I'll leave it on old Tsunade's tab."

"She's gonna murder you. You have to know that."

"Meh. I'll deal with it when that comes."

"And you made jounin. Dear God, this village's future is going to be short if you ever become Hokage."



"Fuck. You."

"... Oi Naruto... why did you bring me out here with you?"

"Because... because yer always lurking in that apartment of yers, and that really pisses me off!"

"I do not lurk."

"Yeah ya do. Besides... aren't we friends? Ya said so yerself, remember?"

"Naruto. I was trying to murder you in order to help murder my brother."

"Sasuke. Itachi's a fucking scary motherfucker. Frankly, if I was in your shoes, I'd do the same thing."


"Yer older brother scares the fucking shit out of me. So yeah, really."

"... What did you mean, me lurking in my apartment pisses you off?"

"I told ya. We're friends. I had to beat some sense into ya to get ya to come back here, but I figure I could just take ya out to keep ya here."

"... Thanks."

"No problem. Now come on. I can't walk straight, and it's a long walk back to my apartment."

"... Mine's closer."

"... Thanks."

"Just don't snore."