Disclaimer- Nope, I don't own Full Metal Panic!

A/N: Written for the Dialogue 500 lj community prompt "My Funny Valentine."

"Ma'am. Sergeant Sousuke Sagara reporting in."

"At ease, Sergeant. I'm sorry to call you here on such short notice."

"No problem at all ma'am. Though Miss Chidori seemed unusually concerned about my leaving on this particular day, and was most displeased when I mentioned that you had recalled me personally… My head still hurts."

"I wonder why."


"… Nothing to be concerned about Sergeant. Actually, for the purposes of this meeting, may I call you Sousuke?"

"With all due respect, I'm afraid I'll have to protest Captain. You are my superior officer."

"… What if I made it an order, Sergeant?"

"Then I'd have to follow the chain of command, and accept your decision."

"Very well then… Sousuke. Also, I am hereby ordering you to call me Tessa. Is that understood?"

"Yes ma- Tessa."

"Good. Now then, Sousuke. I have called you here for a very specific reason. What is the date today?"

"February the fourteenth."

"And what is the significance of this day, Sousuke?"

"There are several significant events related to this day, Mada-Tessa. The Valentine's Day Massacre in Chicago, the liberation of Rostov in Russia, the battle of Kasserine Pass-"

"Sousuke, what holiday is celebrated today?"

"I believe it is Valentine's Day, M-Tessa."

"Astute observation, Sousuke. Do you know the various traditions surrounding this day?"

"Well ma'am, I'm not as familiar with holiday traditions as I am with military related material- I am an AS specialist, if you recall."

"I'm well aware of that, Sousuke. And I told you to call me Tessa."

"My apologies… Tessa. I believe that this is a day when women of different ages give chocolate to males, for reasons I have yet to uncover. It is a highly unusual practice, and one that poses great risk to poisoning or hidden explosives. I have asked Weber to keep an eye out for such things that are given to Miss Chidori, which he finds particularly amusing."

"Allow me to enlighten you, Sousuke. Those women are giving chocolates are not trying to hurt the men- they are trying to show their affection, sometimes romantic, sometimes platonic."

"I don't understand."

"… Normally, the chocolates are a sign of romantic affection, Sousuke… of love."

"L-Love, ma- Tessa?"


"… I see. This is a most unusual tradition."

"Indeed… but it serves a purpose, and one that I intend to take full advantage of."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll show you. Here, take this."

"Erm… ma'am?"

"Tessa. And don't worry, I made it myself. There are no explosives or poisons whatsoever."

"I don't understand."

"It's chocolate, Sousuke."

"But…why are you giving me chocolate?"

"I explained that already. Girls give chocolate to the boys they like. I like you."

"Ah. Well, I suppose a healthy friendship with one's officers is good."

"That's not what I meant… I guess Sergeant Mao was right. I'll do this her way."

"What do you mean?"

"Shut up and kiss me. That's an order."

"Ma'am yes ma'am!"

"… Good work, Sergeant."

"Thank you… Tessa."