Disclaimer- Full Metal Panic! isn't mine.

A/N: Written for the "In An Elevator" prompt at the Dialogue 500 lj community.

"How are you enjoying your stay in the Tuatha De Danann, Miss Chidori?"

"Oh, it's fascinating to be here, Captain Testarossa."

"You're not under my command, Miss Chidori. You really should just call me Tessa."

"Well, then you can just call me Kaname. Speaking of command... Sousuke, are you going to follow us around through the whole sub?"

"Madam Captain asked me to come along, Miss Chidori."

"Right."

"I hope it's not a problem."

"No, no problem at all Captain."

"You know, you don't have to act so stiff all the time, Sergeant Sagara. I'm still just a sixteen year old girl, like Miss Chi- Kaname."

"You are still my commanding officer... and I believe that if Commander Mardukas saw me at anything but full attention, he'd shoot me out of a torpedo tube."

"Was that a joke, Sousuke?"

"No, Miss Chidori. I'm dead serious."

"Oh, come now. Commander Mardukas isn't that bad, Sergeant."

"Perhaps I am sliding towards exaggeration. My apologies, Madam Captain."

"No problem at all, Sergeant Sagara."

"Problem? Huh. Sousuke's usually always a problem."

"Is he really?"

"Miss Chidori, I must protest. I simply do what I must to ensure your safety."

"By blowing everything up?"

"Better safe than sorry."

"How are high explosives supposed to be safe!"

"You know, Finance has been reporting that you use up an awfully large amount of the budget, Sergeant."

"Hmph. Like that's a surprise."

"I am simply doing my job, Miss Chidori. Using resources is an essential part of war."

"We're not at war, Sousuke!"

"I'm afraid that is questionable, Miss Chidori."

"Perhaps that's enough for now, Sergeant Sagara. We didn't invite Miss Chidori here to discuss morbid thoughts such as war."

"Yes ma'am!"

"... Um... Madam Captain... is there a problem?"

"Why would you ask that, Sergeant Sagara?"

"You are standing awfully close, Captain, and there is certainly more room behind you than there is in my direction..."

"Oh, my apologies. Are you uncomfortable, Sergeant?"

"Well ma'am... no, but this is a rather compromising- Erm... there was no sudden jolt in the Tuatha De Danann, Captain. May I ask why you tripped?"

"Just lost my balance. Thanks for catching me, Sergeant."

"Sousuke! Her breasts is practically against your elbow!"

"I assure you, Miss Chidori, if I could move, I would, but unfortunately I cannot."

"Yeah, yeah, tell it to someone who cares."

"... That hurt Miss Chidori."

"Does it really, Sergeant? Here, let me see."

"No-No ma'am, that's quite alright..."

"Sousuke!"

"Erm... Madam Captain could you please-"

"Hold still, Sergeant. I want to have a look-"

"Jeez! You're practically having sex with the way you two are moving! Get a room!"

"I am certainly doing no such thing, Miss Chidori."

"You look awfully flushed, Sergeant. Are you feeling okay?"

"F-fine captain..."

"I can't take this anymore! Why don't you two just kiss already or something, jeez!"

"What the Hell is this, Sergeant Sagara!"

"Erm... Commander Mardukas..."

"Oh. Hello, Commander Mardukas."

"I'm waiting, Sergeant."

"I can explain, sir!"

"It better be damn good."