Author's Note: I hate to make Ron the brunt of the joke but I couldn't help myself. His personality just fits the part. Draco has switched sides and Voldemort has been defeated. The group is at a five year class reunion.
Summary: O/H One-shot! Ron has been away for a while but how much could things have possibly changed? Look out Ron; you've got a shock or two waiting for you...
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!
The great hall looked wonderful and was decked out in all the house banners. But something that looked even better was a young lady with brown curly hair and chocolate eyes. She was wearing a short black halter dress with black stiletto heals. Hermione had just finished a conversation with Neville Longbottom and Professor Sprout when her old Charms Professor addressed her.
"Hermione Granger, how did you fare for your self?" Professor Flitwick smiled and looked up at one of his all time favorite students. Hermione smiled down at him.
"Just fine Professor Flitwick." He nodded and began speaking animatedly.
"I know all about your career. I use your text books in my class. They are splendid! My students absolutely love the way you make Charms easy to understand. Would you mind visiting my class? Some of my students are simply dying to meet you." Hermione pulled a small muggle daytime keeper out of her purse and checked her schedule.
"Of course Professor. Is two weeks from now good? I'm free then." He clapped his hands in excitement.
"That would be excellent. Oh the other teachers will be so jealous! Many of them use your texts in their classes as well. Madame Hooch told me that you've even written a guide to Quidditch. And here we all thought you hated the sport!" Hermione grinned. Back in school it had been a well known fact that she hated flying and anything to do with Quidditch.
"I did, but then someone helped me see that Quidditch is extremely fun. I can even ride a broom and play as a decent chaser now." The professor smiled knowingly and then began to look around the room.
"Your husband taught you, I presume?" the charms professor looked over to his right, and was slightly disappointed as he saw a tuft of ginger hair float through the crowd towards them. Ronald Weasley parted through the crowd.
"Nah… she's been all over the place these past five years. She doesn't have time to settle down." Ron leaned over to give Hermione a traditional Weasley hug. Professor Flitwick waved at her and went to talk with Dean Thomas. Hermione glared at Ron.
"Ronald how would you know? You've been in Romania with Charlie since graduation and you don't write to me." Ron shrugged his shoulders and grinned sheepishly.
"I get paid well to be a dragon keeper, thank you very much and you know I'm rubbish at writing bloody letters. Besides if anything big had happened I would have heard it from Ginny. Not to mention Harry is still around so he could have told me too. And if you were married he would know." Hermione sighed and saw Harry approaching out of the corner of her eye.
"He does know." Hermione said as Harry gave Ron a half hug.
"Hey Ron, I haven't seen you since… wow, since Christmas Eve. Hey Mione…" Harry gave Hermione a hug and lifted her off the ground, while giving her a kiss on the cheek. As he set her back on the ground she said,
"Yeah, well I haven't seen him in two years!" Ron held his hands up in defense.
"It's not my fault you weren't in town for Christmas Eve last year." Ron turned to Harry. "Mate, is Herms married?" Harry looked at Ron as if he'd fallen off the face of the earth.
"Merlin Ron, don't you read the tabloids or the Daily Profit even?" Ron's nose wrinkled in response.
"No! Are you daft? That's such a girly habit!" Harry just rolled his eyes.
"Well, if you wrote to Mione or read the tabloids you would know the answer to your initial question." Harry wrapped an arm around Hermione's shoulders. "Mione, are you coming to the party this week?" Hermione smiled up at him.
"Of course! Do I ever miss Friday night parties at the Potter residence?" Ron started at them for a second before he started to pout.
"You two meet up every week? I only get to see Harry at Christmas!" Hermione gave him a look that clearly said 'grow up you overgrown prat'.
"Well Ronald, that's what you get for moving away." Ron narrowed his eyes at her.
"But you travel all around the world! How do you manage getting to parties at Harry's house every Friday night?" She waved at someone who looked a great deal like Susan Bones, and then answered him as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
"It's called the International Floo Network or apparating, Ronald. I use both of them on a regular basis." He eyed her for a moment before he gave her a very suspicious look.
"Hang on, you're an author…" Harry seemed to be getting a great laugh from Ron's clueless ness.
"Yes Ron, she writes books, specifically text books, and even more specifically easy to read, student loved text books that I wish I had when I was in school. What's your point?" Ron sighed exasperatedly.
"My point is that she should be in one place. She should be locked in a house in the country with a million cats, an old muggle typewriter, and parchment all over the place." Hermione snorted in response, which was very unlike the old Hermione Ron knew.
"Sorry but that is just not my style, Ronald. I may be a bookworm at heart but I am certainly not anti-social… far from it in fact. As for the cats, well Crookshanks is still the only feline in my life." The trio ducked down as they saw Peeves fly over the top of them. As soon as Professor McGonagall rushed by, they new it was safe again.
"That bloody monster is still alive?" Ron saw Harry glare at him. Why Harry was glaring at him, he didn't know.
"Yes he is. He goes almost everywhere with me. He has been all over the world and absolutely loves the travel. I think he might even have a few girlfriends. There is one is Tokyo, Paris, Prague, and New York." Harry chuckled.
"You forgot to mention Nina, the cat that lives in London. He's a pimp, I tell ya Ron. I love that cat." Ron's eyes widened and he pulled back slightly.
"You never used to like Crookshanks. Who are you and what have you done with Harry?" Harry shook hands with Madame Hooch as she passed by. When Harry looked back at Ron he shrugged his shoulders.
"I never really had an opinion on Crooks. Then Mione went to Moscow for a book signing and since Crooks hates the cold he stayed with me. We got along quite well." Hermione leaned in and said,
"So well, in fact, that he begged me to let Crooks stay for an extra two weeks. Now I let Crooks go to Harry's when ever he wants, which is rather often." Ron wrinkled his nose again.
"Harry, mate, that's pathetic." Harry responded while he was waving to someone across the room.
"He's a cool cat Ron and he's a good judge of character." Ron raised one of his red eyebrows.
"Sure he is. Now back to the bloody point. Harry, is Hermione dating anyone?" Harry and Hermione were only half listen to him, seeing as they were both still greeting all of their old class mates.
"No." Glad that Harry was actually paying any attention to him, Ron continued on.
"Is she seeing anyone?" Ron noticed Lavender Brown run up to give Hermione a hug and Seamus shake Harry's hand. Harry responded absentmindedly.
"No." Ron grinned positive that for the first time he would be right and Hermione would be wrong.
"Is she engaged?" Harry turned towards him.
"No." Now Hermione had turned towards him as well. Ron let a huge smile cover his face.
"Ha! See, that settles it then. Herms is not married. I am right for the first bloody time ever!" Just as he started doing a victory dance, Ron heard a familiar snicker come from behind him.
"Weasel, you're an idiot. Of course she's not engaged or dating if she's already married. Hey Harry. Mione, babe, you look stunning." Hermione hugged the platinum blonde and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Thanks Drake, I try." Ron pointed his finger at the Slytherin and stuttered for a few seconds. Then he turned to Harry who was sipping at some wine casually.
"Your friends with HIM!" Harry just sipped at his wine again.
"Yes Ron. So Drake, you coming to the party?" Draco gave Harry his traditional smirk and grabbed a glass of wine from Harry for himself and some pumpkin juice for Hermione.
"Do I ever miss?" Hermione liked her arms with Draco's and she tanked him for the juice.
"Bloody hell! You're all insane! That's the only rational explanation. Hang on… Herms you didn't marry Malfoy, did you?" the other three waved at some random Ravenclaw. Hermione smiled up a Draco.
"No, we're just very good friends. You've missed a lot Ron. Drake publishes my books. He owns his own publishing company now." Draco smiled back down at Hermione as she took a sip of her drink.
"By the way, Mione, Crooks showed up at my manor a while ago so I flooed him over to your place." Ron could not believe his ears.
"You like that fur ball too? And since when do cats use the floo? And why was Crookshanks over at your dump any way Malfoy?" Draco raised one of his blonde eyebrows at him.
"Because I happen to like the fur ball and he likes me. Our manors are not so close but Crooks is part kneezle so when ever he wants to see me he just floos over." Ron rubbed his temples.
"I can't believe I'm hearing this! Herms, you have a manor? You never liked flashy things!" Hermione had just finished her juice and Harry held another one out to her.
"I don't like flashy things but I didn't have much of a choice when it came to this. It's my husbands and since he doesn't have any siblings, when his parents died, he inherited it." Ron accepted that he was wrong and decided to find out who the mystery man was.
"So he's a pureblood?" Hermione nodded and Harry decided to add to the conversation.
"You should see the place Ron. It's got a full sized Quidditch pitch in the back. Drake, Blaise Zabini, Millicent Bullestrode, and I go over there and play all the time. Blaise is a keeper and Mione and Millie are chasers. We don't use bludgers so there are no beaters." Ron was trying to piece the clues together but wasn't having any luck.
"So you have a husband and he has an interest in quidditch… Marcus Flint?" Hermione, Draco, and Harry all choked on their drinks. Hermione was the first to recover.
"No you dolt! Why would I marry Flint?"
"Weasel, Flint has been in Azkaban since the end of the war." Harry nodded in confirmation. Ron was not going to give up that easily.
"Blaise Zabini?" at this other three began to chuckle. When Ron started to look really confused, not like he wasn't already, Harry explained.
"No. The poor bloke is completely nutters for her though. He was going to ask her out but he knew Drake would have killed him." Ron nodded and then a truly sick thought crossed his mind.
"If its Crabbe or Goyle I'll be sick." Hermione threw her hand that did not have her cup in it up in the air. Harry looked as if he was about to keel over. Draco, on the other hand, looked completely offended.
"Weasel, can I strangle you? Do you really think I would let either on of those dunderheads any where near Mione, let alone look twice at her?" Ron kept thinking. He was going to take a few random shots at this guy's identity and then he was giving up.
"Neville?" Harry waved to Neville, who happened to be near by with a familiar young lady attached to his arm.
"Nope. He married Hannah Abbot around three years ago, Ron." So much for that one. Unfortunately that was his best guess.
"He's a half blood, Ronald…"
"He's a muggle born, Weasel-bee!" Ron was truly tired of guessing at this point and Hermione seemed to be ignoring him as much as possible now.
"Well then who is it?" Harry grinned and waved at someone who was near the door.
"Who is the biggest quidditch nutter we have ever had the pleasure of knowing… and who is the best damn international keeper ever known to wizard kind?" Ron followed Harry's eyes to a man approaching them. Oliver Wood wrapped his arms around Hermione's waist and kissed her lips when she turned her head.
"Hello beautiful. Sorry I'm late. Hey Draco…Ron. Harry that was such an exaggeration." Harry, who seemed to be the drink supplier, handed a glass of wine to Oliver.
"Mate, just because I can't prove it doesn't mean it isn't true." Ron was gapping at the couple with his mouth hanging wide open. When he though he had gained his composure he tried to speak but he could barley make a coherent sentence.
"You wouldn't… couldn't… I mean… when… how did you meet… the second time?" Hermione was obviously laughing at him, as was every one else. Oliver decided to be kind and fill him in.
"My last year playing for Puddlemere United was four years ago. Harry joined the team my last year there and he dragged Mione to his first game. I saw her in the stands after the game and we talked for a few minutes and then I invited her to the after party being held at my house. We hung out for a bit-" Oliver was cut off by Harry.
"That's an understatement. He followed her around like a love sick puppy. They didn't move more than five feet from each other the whole night." Oliver rolled his eyes.
"Yes, I'm a love sick fool. Well, right before the party ended I asked her out and then the rest is fairly obvious." Draco turned to Ron.
"Weasel, you missed one of the most publicized weddings ever. How you managed to not find out about it I'll never know. Harry's, if he ever settles down, will be bigger but the international quidditch star and the world renowned war heroine and author getting hitched was a big thing. They were on the cover of the Daily Profit for a good long while." Hermione blushed.
"We tried to keep it low key but Rita Skeeter, who some how got her job back, is a very sneaky woman. But this time she was forced to keep her story straight." When Hermione started to give a slightly evil smirk Ron raised both of his hinds in front of him.
"I don't want to know… I can't believe you married Wood. Wood of all the quidditch nutters!" Hermione sniffed lightly and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.
"Well, I did. And since I have you all here Oliver and I have some big news. You might want to put your wine down boys…" Draco and Harry did as they were told. Draco looked from Hermione to Oliver and then back to Hermione before his face broke out in a huge smile.
"Are you about to say what I think you're going to say?" Oliver's smile matched Draco's and Ron got even more confused as Harry began to smile as well.
"Maybe… lads, Mione's gonna have a baby! I'm gonna be a dad!" a thud was heard but the sound was quickly forgotten as Harry and Draco both started dancing around like idiots.
"Yes! I knew it!" Harry stood on a chair while Draco grabbed Hermione and gave her the biggest bear hug of her life.
"Brilliant! Everyone, Drake and I are going to be uncles!" The great hall erupted in cheering and Professor Flitwick could be seen next to a teary eyed Minerva McGonagall, clapping enthusiastically. Harry turned back to Hermione.
"So how far along, Mione? And do I get to be Godfather?"
"You and Drake are going to be sharing that responsibility since I don't want to have to choose. I'm about a month along, so we have eight more to go. That's plenty of time for you and Drake to buy as much baby clothes as you want. Ron, can you be in town around eight months from now? Ron?" Hermione looked around and saw Draco prodding Ron, who was lying on the floor, in the side.
"Mione, I think Weasel was so shocked that he fainted." Hermione sighed.
"He never was one for change. I guess it was too much good news in one day." Harry looked a little skeptical.
"Do you think we should call Madame Pomfrey over? Maybe we should wake him up." Draco shrugged.
"Nah, Weasel will wake up when he's ready." Hermione and Oliver nodded in agreement. Hermione suddenly got very excited.
"Oh! I was thinking of names and I just have this feeling he's a boy. I was thinking of Remus Mitchell or even Sirius Orion… after two men I looked up to like older brothers or even father figures…" Oliver laughed and kissed the top of Hermione's head.
"Love, don't you think it's a little early to be thinking about names?"
"Well, I think its best if I'm prepared… who knows, I just might have twins and then we'll need both names." The group of friends started laughing. Little did they know that Hermione was practically predicting the future.
End Comments: I needed this light piece put up before I put up my next one which is a little heavier and not very funny at all. In any case I hope you like it! Don't review unless you are possessed by a muse to do so and excuse my spelling mistakes. Merci!