Ok, so in the last chapter, Rebecca stole Chris' gun and combat knife leaving him with stupidity as his only defense.With the amount of stupidity Chris can generate he should be able to kill a tyrant with very little effort.


Wesker is the topic of our chapter this evening. Seeing as how the authoress is a Rabid Fan Girl, it surprises me he wasn't the main topic of all the chapters.

One must have variety…

Yea right…you couldn't figure out how to do it could you?

I don't know what you are talking about…(cough)…(cough)…

I'm right! You couldn't figure out how to make Wesker the primary character for the whole fic. Oh yea baby, who's your Daddy!

Should I perhaps re-inform you of all the things I adore about my cute little Albie? I assure you the list is at least two hours longer than last time.

So we find Wesker still in the Mansion's Library, playing Devil May Cry and sniffing hair gel…

Much better…

Wesker leapt to his feet and proceeded to jump up and down like a moron.

"Oh yea! Take that Mundus…WHO'S YOUR DADDY!"

While Wesker was dancing around like a fan girl at a game convention, he failed to notice that he had in fact not completed the game. If he had hung around for just a few more seconds he would have seen that he had only killed Mundus once and that he still had to run through the castle and fight Mundus in the sewers a second time. Of course it was now too late as Dante's heath gauge ran out and Wesker was all out of yellow orbs.

But as aforementioned, Wesker did not notice all this. So after dancing around for another ten minutes he finally got himself together and took a hit of hair gel. Another ten minutes later, which he spent staring glassy eyed at the static on the TV set, he finally left the library. Of course he left the library screaming something about being attacked by the Demonic Muppets…repeat…Demonic Muppets…but that is beside the point.

Anyway…sometime later…

Wesker grinned evilly and reached for the door handle. He twisted it several times and the large steel door would not budge. His face contorted in rage as he spun around and saw that the exceptionally cool looking Stone-and-Metal Object, hereafter referred to as the Umbrella Plate Thingy, was missing. Wesker let out a long bellow of rage and slammed his fist into the steel door, not a really bright idea.


Wesker whimpered for a few more minutes, massaging his broken and mangled hand. Finally he took yet another hit of hair gel, he seems to do that a lot, and gathered his thoughts.

Twenty minutes later he tried the door again, discovered it was still locked, that the Umbrella Plate Thingy was still missing, let out yet another bellow of rage, and once more slammed his injured fist into the steel door.


Several miles away, deep below Raccoon City, Dr. Birkin looked up…wondering who the hell was screaming.

Back at the door, Wesker cradled his now shattered right hand and took several deep breaths. His evil and analytical mind slowly slogged through his hair gel haze to try and figure out what to do. Finally he figured out a plan of action.

"I'm out of Doritos."

He glanced into his empty Doritos bag and headed off to the kitchen, the issue of the door apparently forgotten in favor of his need for munchies.

He arrived in the kitchen after expertly avoiding both Chris and Jill. Not that it really took much effort with Chris chasing after a couple Cerberus, who looked frightened beyond words and were whimpering a great deal, and Jill indulging in some homicidal tendencies by repeatedly banging a poor zombie's head into a wall before setting him on fire and moving on to her next victim.

Just as Wesker was pulling a large bag of Doritos out of a cabinet, Barry fell down the stairs and landed at his feet.

"Captain!" Barry jumped to his feet, grabbing Wesker's injured right hand and squeezing it. "Jill and I thought you got eaten by one of those walking dead people, when we couldn't find you in the lobby!"


"I know, we were really worried. Well Jill didn't actually seem too worried, in fact she looked kind of happy about it." Barry grinned even further, still gripping Wesker's shattered hand. "Are you ok? You look paler than usual."

Wesker jerked his hand out of Barry's, tears streaming down his cheeks. Right at that moment he was prepared to kill Barry with extreme prejudice. Unfortunately his right hand was not usable and he was holding the Doritos in his left hand, which meant that in order to grab his gun he would have to drop the Doritos…something he was apparently unwilling to do. I have no idea why.

Instead he figured he might be able to make use of the drooling idiot that was standing in front of him…well...uh…drooling.

"Barry we have to get out of the mansion, but the back door is locked." He huddled closer to Barry, looking around before whispering in his ear. "I have a special top-secret-classified-for-your-eyes-only mission for you."


"We need to find an Umbrella Plate Thingy. It's a shiny object…"

"Shiny Object! WHERE!" Barry's eyes darted all over the kitchen. "WHERE SHINY OBJECT?"

"Well you have to find it Barry…find that shiny object!" Wesker pointed toward the kitchen door. "Go on boy, find the shiny object!"

Barry took off like Licker on crack, bounding up the steps and out the door. Wesker grinned widely and headed back up to the Library with his bag of Doritos, thinking that he might be able to play Chaos Legion with just one good hand…

Ah so poor little Wesker is injured, Barry is chasing shiny objects, Chris is chasing Cerberus, Jill is killing zombies with extreme prejudice, and Rebecca is still in hiding.

What is going to happen next I wonder?