This fanfiction has been edited and 'touched-up' over the years. It contains yaoi elements, shounen-ai, and VegeBul. It's a whole big mix of things. Some chapters contain adult themes, such as rape and sexual assault. This fanfiction also contains violence, abuse, child abuse, and bad language. It is rated M.
All characters are fictional and are not based off any real, existing person. This story was completed in 2008. The recent edits have marked this fanfiction "updated" for 2015, however no new chapters have been added.
Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or Vegeta or any of the characters. It all belongs to Akira Toriyama and Toei animation.
She sat in the kitchen and just watched as he stared out the window. His eyes were clouded and an expression of deep concentration rested on his dark features. The usually arrogant, courageous eyes were now gazing into the cloudy sky with confusion and something else. As Bulma squinted closer she could see sadness and frustration, too. Sighing, the blue-haired scientist looked down at her coffee and breakfast pastry sitting before her. Vegeta sat in the connected living room, sitting on the couched windowsill that faced the backyard.
Ever since the battled against Buu, Vegeta seemed a little off. It wasn't as bad as it had been after the fight against Cell, but it was still unnerving. After Cell he had been thoroughly depressed, training never, hardly speaking, and moping about at all times. Now it was just staring. Bulma would always see him sitting and staring, a look of pure concentration and stress on his scowling features. Even his sleep habits had changed. His nightmares had become more prevalent and disturbing. Bulma knew this when he would awake gasping, sweating, and shaking. Also, there was talking and moaning as the nights drew on.
Bulma knew that the saiyajin prince went through a lot during the battle against Buu. She heard the stories of his and Goku's adventures and fights against the pink monster and was amazed at her lover's persistent help against the villain. She even heard it straight from the prince himself one night after the battle that he admitted how much stronger Goku was than him and how he admired his long-time rival. Being so overwhelmed and happy at the news of Vegeta's new attitude and change, she had overlooked the fact that this new way of life, adjusting to life on earth for good, was not going as easy for him as she thought.
Glancing up again, Bulma saw the dark eyes blink and gaze downward at the soft, wet grass. Something was bothering him and she wanted to know exactly what it was. After downing her now warm coffee and scarfing down her pastry she moved to the living room and flopped on the nearby couch with an audible sigh. After no reaction from the quiet saiyajin, she sighed louder. There was a minute or two of silence and then Vegeta cleared his throat.
"What is it, woman?"
Bulma put her arms behind her head and smiled. She loved it when she got him to talk.
"What's wrong, Vegeta?"
Surprisingly, he didn't bark out an automatic "Nothing!" or storm from the room. He merely turned to face her and pulled his knees up like a small child. The blue-haired beauty smiled again at his adorableness and waited for a response.
"Just thinking," he replied softly.
He saw her eyebrows pull together as she pondered this and then she sat up.
"It's been about a month since the fight against Buu," she stated. "You seemed happier, more relaxed, and even able to enjoy the company of others, but on top of all that, you now seem so distant and disturbed. What's on your mind?"
He frowned and glanced away. "Just…thinking."
Her impatience getting the better of her, she stood and made her way over to him. Sitting on the small lattice that faced the inside of the living room she shoved her way into the space next to him. A while back, he probably would have pushed her away or whined about her "fat ass" being in the way all the time, but he scooted over and allowed more room. It almost seemed as if he needed to talk to her, but couldn't let it out. Bulma hid a smile as she realized he probably needed to get into a fight to say what was on his mind. If that's what was needed, then so be it. She always enjoyed fights with him. It was arguments that basically pulled them together in the first place.
"It's more than just thinking, Vegeta. I can see it written all over your face. Ever since you fought Buu and got all soft and cute you can't hide your emotions anymore!"
Vegeta growled low in his throat as his ditzy, yet genius lover grinned like an idiot. Cute and soft should never have been used in one sentence about him ever.
"So what if I have been a bit…distant lately? After going through such a change after this whole Buu thing, I think I deserve a chance to think my life over," he replied stiffly.
Bulma blinked and looked to the floor. He wasn't acting angry or annoyed, just cold and robotic.
"Well, if you need to talk to someone, I'm always here."
With much disappointment, Vegeta merely nodded and looked away. Bulma patted his knee and stood. Walking from the room, Bulma turned and saw the small fighter staring at the window again. She bit her bottom lip and exited the room.
Vegeta brought a hand up to his temple and stared out into the sad, gray sky. It had been about a month since the fight against Buu. The first few days after the whole incident felt like a dream to him. He felt like he was floating on cloud nine. Hearing the other idiot earthlings laugh and have fun was actually tolerable. He looked forward to seeing Bulma and his feisty son, Trunks. He even felt good about finally admitting that Kakerotto was number one. Helping crush Buu, helping save the earth, fusing with his archrival, hugging his son, giving up his life, all of it. All of it felt wonderful and he had felt alive for once in his life. He felt….relaxed.
But even after all these feeling of great joy entered him, there then came some questions, mainly from Bulma, about his change to Majin. Why did you do it? What were you thinking? How do you feel now? After answering them his mind took a different turn.
He had explained his feelings then. It was seven years of thinking Kakerotto was dead and never to return and then he did….just like that! Surprisingly, he had felt more excited to see the foolish saiyajin more than to just fight him. He realized that he had actually missed the dimwit. And then when they were down in Babidi's ship, he felt the tiny cricket wizard forcing his way into his mind. He saw images of Bulma, Trunks, and the other earthlings laughing and being cheerful and felt anger. He saw himself becoming weaker as he felt love and care for his family. Babidi sent these images into his head of them weakening him and betraying him, and he gave in. He allowed himself to become stronger to defeat Goku. To defeat Kakerotto, the one who made him suffer and took away all his dreams.
Vegeta had actually felt nervous about explaining this to them, to the earthlings, but they accepted it. They accepted him. If Piccolo and 18 and all the other fighters were forgiven, why not him? But after having to explain his motives and misunderstandings and mistakes, he began to question himself. And after he questioned himself, it moved onto more. Something began to answer. Voices…not even his own; yet similar and familiar replied. And it wasn't the first time it had happened. Many years back on Frieza's planet, he went through bouts of these questions and answers, these angels and devils on his shoulder. Even as he first fought Kakerotto on earth and arrived on Namek, these haunting voices occasionally showed up.
He had grown accustomed to the hissing sneers, desperate pleas, and cruel taunts within his mind, and didn't even notice that they disappeared after being killed by Frieza. Only on rare occasions did they return to argue with him when he was truly stressed or on the verge of breaking, but they were quieter then and the "conversations" did not last long. Then after Cell, they grew louder to the point of him completely snapping before they died again. In fact, three or four years before the whole Buu incident they left completely, or so he thought. The whole time as Majin, fighting Kakerotto and killing hundreds at the World Tournament the voices screamed, foamed, and roared at him. Insane. That is the best way to describe it. He felt completely and utterly insane and fought only on instinct. But then, after he self destructed and opened up, they stopped again…and hadn't returned until recently.
Bulma wanted him to talk to her, to tell her what was wrong. But she was human. And what would a human do if she were told that her lover was arguing with several…no hundreds of voices in his head? The asylum of course. That was a human's answer for everything, and it didn't even matter that Bulma loved him. He'd seen "A Beautiful Mind" and knew well enough that he would find himself in a straightjacket before he could say Saiyajin. Of course an asylum or straightjacket could never hold him, but it was still the thought that counted.
So, here he sat for weeks trying to ignore the strange hissing voices in his head. It exhausted him to no end and he wished that it would just stop. Why they returned now he couldn't figure out. It didn't seem that stress was a matter, but perhaps he was bothered deep down and didn't know why. Sure, he had just undergone a huge change, so maybe that was it. But he didn't feel too stressed over it. He had felt happy. Happy. That word had been unfamiliar to him growing up. So, maybe that was it.
Pressing his palms against his eyes he groaned and slouched. Maybe he just wasn't meant to be happy. Maybe he was just naturally angry. Maybe he was just crazy. His black eyes lifted and he stared across the lawn.
'Crazy?' A hissing, growling voice questioned. This one was familiar. This was a voice that had always stuck with him since he could remember. It was cruel, dark, and crazed, definitely not one of his favorites. 'Do not lower yourself to think that. You are the saiyajin prince, not some lunatic. Don't ever forget that, you fool.'
'Get Goku, please, get Goku. Please! PLEASE!'
Vegeta pressed his hands against his ears, but that would never block out these screeching voices. The last one he almost hated more than the first. It was a child, and it was always crying or screaming. Whenever he heard it, he wanted to curl up and die to end the overwhelming terror it brought with it. Vegeta wanted to do something, anything to get his mind off these voices. That usually worked actually. Training, fighting, getting beaten, anything other than sitting and listening to these phantoms made him forget them. Standing abruptly he flew to his room and grabbed his usual blue training gear and hopped to the window while still pulling on his white boot.
Hurling the windows open, Vegeta launched himself into the muggy, yet cool air. It certainly was a dreary day. The sky was a monotone gray, and the trees were bare. It was nearing the end of fall, yet still had a humid warmth in the air followed by cool winds. It was a Sunday morning and all the churchgoers were heading back home. Other than that, the world seemed quiet and dull, even for the busy West City.
Arriving quite quickly at Goku's house the small warrior knocked quickly at the little wooden door. Tapping a gold tipped boot impatiently Vegeta crossed his arms and waited. He was about to knock again, but the door flew open and the large, bearded face of the Ox-King greeted him. The large man laughed and Vegeta's eyes narrowed.
"Hello there, Vegeta!" The giant's voice boomed. "Here for Goku I presume."
The arrogant saiyajin merely nodded and looked away.
'Aw, let's go crying to perfect Kakerotto, you little pussy. Why don't you just get on your knees and suck-'
"Hey, 'Geta!" A cheery voice pulled him from the haunting voice.
Vegeta's head snapped up and he was greeted by a tall, smiling saiyajin tying his blue sash around his waist. The prince's eyebrow twitched, but inwardly he felt glad to be in the same presence of the stronger fighter.
"Here for a spar?"
'Or maybe more?' The hissing phantom mused. 'Hoping to get some action, hm? You loved the hot attention you got from Frieza; maybe Kakerotto can be better in the sack. Maybe you want his large, stiff, di-'
"Why else would I be here, Kakerotto? Tea and crumpets?"
Goku laughed and stepped out into the dim daytime. The forested area surrounding Goku's small house was much foggier than Vegeta's domain. A creeping chill swept through him but he shook it off.
'Please tell him what's wrong!' The child screamed. 'Please, don't let them hurt me! Please…PLEASE!'
"So, where to?" Vegeta asked nonchalantly.
Goku shrugged and turned. Pointing behind him he said, "Well, we tore that area up pretty bad last week. I say we go a little past that. There are some awesome cliffs and waterfalls that could be fun."
Vegeta merely grunted a response of approval and the two were flying. Vegeta stayed behind Goku and allowed his mind to wander as he stared at the red bottom of the younger saiyajin's blue boots. Listening to the arguing, taunting voices passed the time and soon they found themselves standing on top of a long flat cliff.
Goku stared at the older man and crouched low into a fighting stance. His eyebrows lowered in confusion as Vegeta merely looked past him, his eyes clouded as if he wasn't seeing the younger fighter before him. He wasn't even in a fighting stance, just standing, lost in thought.
"Vegeta?" Goku relaxed and bit and stood. "Vegeta, what is it?"
Still, there was no response, just a concentrated expression.
The spiky-haired saiyajin jerked his head and shook it, bringing himself back to reality. He felt a flash of annoyance at the concerned look on his ally's face but quickly blamed himself for the reaction. He let the voices get to him again after he told himself to just ignore them.
"Are you ok?"
"Of course, Kakerotto," Vegeta snapped. He too crouched into a fighting position and forced a smirk. Relief swept through him as Goku simply smiled and followed suit. Before he knew it, Goku launched from the ground and sped towards him.
The two fighters were in the air in a flash, exchanging kicks and punches. The whole time the voices passed through Vegeta's head. It wasn't usual that they stayed while he concentrated on fighting. Sweat appeared on his brow and he wiped off a drip before it hit his eye. Hurling forward a fist, Vegeta's gloved hand caught Goku in the chin and sent him careening towards the ground below.
'Why not destroy him now, when he's not ready?' An arrogant, smooth voice whispered.
'Because I'm not like that,' Vegeta replied, glad to hear his own voice for once. Goku landed hard and regained his composure, brushing dirt off his orange gi. He looked up and grinned at Vegeta.
"Whoa, somebody is ready to fight." Goku clenched his hands and began to power up. "Well, so am I!"
Vegeta's eyes widened as a flash of gold streaked at him. A large, hard fist plowed into Vegeta's cheek and he flew back several feet. Raising his own power up, the usual upraised, black hair shimmered gold and the cold, dark eyes shined in a brilliant green. The two super-saiyajins stared each other down, both with similar, anxious smirks.
'Look at him staring at you like an equal. He's lower than you, weaker than you, stupider than you. Take him by surprise and kill him. Kill him now!'
Drawing forward suddenly, Vegeta stopped himself, his green eyes wider. Had he just obeyed the voice in his head? Before he could figure out the ways of his mind, Goku was before him again. The sky lit up gold as the two grand forces collided. In a frenzy of fists and kicks the saiayjins exerted more power. Bringing his two fists together, Vegeta slammed them into the top of Goku's head. With a pained cry, the larger fighter spiraled downward again.
'HIT HIM! DO IT NOW!'
With a squinted eye, Goku gasped as an extremely powerful beam flew at him. Barely dodging, the orange clad fighter threw himself away from the purple energy, but as it collided with the ground, the force exploded and sent him sailing through the forest nearby. Lying on the ground wheezing, Goku stared at the treetops and tried to figure out what just happened.
Vegeta had just launched a finishing attack at him. He was fighting rougher than usual. He was brought back to the faded expression that the prince had held when they first arrived to this area. Something was on the arrogant fighter's mind. Perhaps sparring with him wasn't too great an idea.
"Kakerotto?" A worried voice called down.
Goku's green eyes widened as Vegeta's form appeared above the trees. His gloved hands parted the leaves and an anxious face peered down at the fallen, scratched saiyajin. Goku sat up painfully, wincing at the aches in his joints and then stood. His orange clothes were ripped and he was quite dirty. Looking up, Goku let a small, sideways smirk appear on his face.
"Man, you're ready to fight today."
A strange expression Goku rarely saw settled on the prince's features. He looked almost…guilty…and scared.
"Yeah…I, uh, just got into it a bit. Um…sorry."
Goku's eyes widened at the sheepish fighter. Vegeta rarely apologized or seemed upset by his own actions. It probably was just a mistake and Goku smiled. The spar would continue then.
"No problem, 'Geta. Ready to go again?"
Before Vegeta could open his mouth he was body slammed by the heavier warrior and the two were sent sliding into the orange-brown dirt near the edge of the large cliff. Vegeta had still been distracted by his lack of control and wasn't ready for the attacks. Trying to concentrate on defending himself wasn't easy since the voices were now screaming louder than ever. Along with the hisses and taunts, he felt his anger strangely rising with them. His building rage was being sent toward his opponent, but he couldn't see an opening to attack.
The prince found himself nearing the edge of the steep cliff and tried to bring up his power more. Throwing some punches back, Vegeta was able to reflect some flying fists and force Goku back.
'That mother fucker!' A shrill, crazed voice screeched. 'Kill him! Kill him! You almost had him once before, shoot his ass dead now!'
'No!' A young, childish voice screamed. 'Goku! It's Goku. He's our friend! He loves us!'
'You pussy! You little shit! Look as he sneers at you! Kill him, kill him! He's not stronger than you…NEVER WAS!'
With an outraged roar, the emotions bursting from this one voice took hold of Vegeta. He seemed to lose himself as a strange unfamiliar force overtook him. His energy spiked and suddenly blast after blast of yellow energy shot from his gloved hands. With a surprised yelp Goku leapt back and tried to avoid the barrage of yellow blasts, but Vegeta rushed forward and gripped his orange collar.
Goku gasped at the enraged expression on his ally's face. A familiar, wild fury had taken hold of his eyes and Goku was drawn in. Something was definitely wrong as Vegeta's teeth clenched, his face drawn into an expression of pure hatred, his pupils dilated with rage. The pure look of anger and loathing on his face distracted him from the sudden burst of energy that threw him backward.
Vegeta was all over him like a starved animal ravaging his food. Goku screamed out as the hard fists plowed into his skin and face, bruising muscle and breaking skin. Feeling a sense of panic at Vegeta's actions, he raised his energy even higher, blasting the crazed prince away from him. Feeling his facial bones change and his hair suddenly shoot out past his knees, he launched at his opponent.
How this spar had gotten so out of control, Goku didn't know, but he would have to end it before either one of them got hurt. Without even reacting with surprise or fear, Vegeta flew headfirst toward the much more powerful saiyajin. The golden energies exploded and as the yellow light dimmed, there was a sound of gunfire and a pained yell, and Vegeta flew toward the ground. Goku hovered forward as the tattered prince landed painfully on the ground, blood running from his arms and face.
But even as Goku watched the injured saiyajin, the expression on his face had grown even more intense. Snarling and shaking in rage, the creature that had possessed Vegeta pulled himself up into a sitting position. The glazed, cruel eyes rose up and met Goku, and again, he was struck by how familiar the stare was. But he couldn't ponder for long, as the blue-clad warrior blasted from the rocks and attacked again. Goku easily dodged but made no attempts to stop his struggling friend.
"Vegeta! Why are you doing this? Calm down!"
But nothing seemed to penetrate Vegeta's clouded mind. A frenzy of voices invaded his brain and one familiar, hissing voice had control. The Vegeta that had showed up to the battlefield was not at the surface now.
Even in his super-saiyajin three form, Goku was beginning to grow tired from the relentless attacks. Shoving Vegeta back only caused him to become more out of control. Suddenly bringing his arms out, a static sound of electricity formed quickly before Vegeta. An energy ball grew larger and larger and Goku realized that he was forming a Final Flash, larger than the one he had ever used on Cell.
"Vegeta, stop! You'll destroy the whole planet!"
But over the building electricity Goku could hear a mad cackle. It was a laugh Goku had not heard since the first time he had ever fought Vegeta. In a panicked move, Goku instant transmissioned behind Vegeta. With a gasp and too slow of a turn around, Goku's powerful hands slammed into the back of Vegeta's head. The blue energy instantly vanished in a blinding light and the torn fighter was thrown into the corner ridge of the cliff, which promptly broke off on impact and sent the injured prince hurtling down the cliff.
Goku blinked as the bright light lessened and he looked around for Vegeta. Seeing him nowhere a sense of dread overcame him and he lowered his power down to normal. Stretching out his senses he gasped as he felt a dwindling power fading fast at the bottom of the huge cliff. Blasting off immediately from the ground he flew down the rocky cavern and saw a small form lying in the rubble below. With a deep intake of breath Goku landed next to the bleeding form and winced at the blood pouring from the back of his head.
Vegeta's form was still and his bruised and bleeding face stared at the cloudy, dull sky. His usually sharp black eyes were now grayed and almost lifeless. His blue training uniform was ripped and he was bleeding in many areas. Goku squeezed his eyes shut and gripped Vegeta's torn, gloved hand.
"Please don't die on me. I didn't mean to…I didn't…."
Goku looked down at the bloodstained rock and felt a slight pressure against his hand. Looking up quickly, he saw the clouded gray eyes turn to him. Vegeta's eyebrows lowered. They lowered so low that Goku thought the prince was about to cry. With a shuddering breath Vegeta gasped and his eyelids began to slide close.
"Sshhh," Goku said and wiped some blood from Vegeta's eyebrow. The prince didn't look away or change expression. All the previous anger was gone and now he just looked….scared.
His dark eyelids slid closed and his hand fell from Goku's grip. The larger saiyajin gasped and leaned forward. With much relief he saw his friend breathing, though, raggedly, and he carefully gathered the small man in his arms. Being cautious with his injured head, Vegeta lay in Goku's powerful arms, his blood running down Goku's limbs. The larger fighter looked at the blood stained rocks and he clenched his teeth.
Something was terribly wrong with Vegeta and he knew it, too. Whatever was happening, Goku couldn't stand to see the powerful prince in such a state. He needed help and fast.
"Don't worry, Vegeta," he said down to the unconscious saiyajin in his arms. "We'll find out what's happening to you. You're not alone."
And with that, the tall man holding the smaller flickered and disappeared, leaving behind the blood stained rocks from their battle.
*'Big Reminder! This story was written almost 10 years ago...when the writer was much younger and...well...still learning how to write. '