She speaks the language of the locked up passions of my soul.
The deception I feed everyone is of no real potency to anyone who takes more than a passing glance. My front has no true sustenance just as it holds no truth in it. And of all the people this ethereal mask of manifested ego and psyche was supposed to fool, the one who it was most created for was the one who first saw thru it.
Hell, she knew I loved her before I even considered it. Which is odd considering how ambiguous she remains about it most of the time.
And I'm not speaking of ambiguous in the sense of my other Titan roommates and their little romantic scuffles.
She's not ambiguous as a misguided soul is to a tortured one. Nor is she as elusive as a shining star is to the vainly soaring songbird. No she is a different kind of evasive.
And despite my elaborate yet faulty faux face of indifference I chase after her in what simply has to be the epitome of a man who does not know what he wants! O, awkwardness is me and mine.
Like the words my throat and tongue refuse to any-longer form my actions and body, which have always flown like pure water thru a bend, are acted as to appear as calm and indifferent as ever when she is around.
However, as nervous crushing teens often stutter their flirts and words, my own body and demeanor stutters. Can you say, ultimate embarrassment? Despite the fact that most of the other Titans either don't notice or act like they don't.
But I digress, whenever I'm around her I am nothing like myself, but yet I only am myself when I am with her!
I try and act the opposite of what I feel, what I feel then I almost never do feel, and the fact that I fail at acting falsely normal is more odd.
Yet even despite this she makes me feel whole, she makes me feel warm despite her cold demeanor.
She is elusive, ambiguous, evasive, and she knows it. And she wouldn't have it any other way.
Her words and body language suggest nothing about her feelings for me or mine for her to anyone, not even myself. But in light of this she blatantly makes it known to me, and it is the absolute definition of infuriation! And she knows it! I guess it's what turns her on, or something.
After I slip off the stuttering mask just for a little bit and test the waters of taking our friendship a little further, she makes sure the water is always too damn cold. However, just after that she always ends with a sly glance, a small wink, or even just a mischievous twinkle in her eyes when no other but I can see that says, 'I know you want me, and I think it's cute. But that doesn't mean you can have me.'
And I want to tear my hair out and yell mute rantings at the mystic beauty. But I can't. I love her, she loves me, and we both know it, but neither will admit it. And if any of the other Titans have noticed, they must have convinced themselves that their minds were playing tricks on them and forgotten about it. And no one can blame them, sometimes I still think that I've lost my mind.
But then I realize, the reason I'm so unlike myself is that she is entrancing, she is mesmerizing, and for some reason I'm fighting that. Maybe if I go with it she'll even warm the waters up for me.
But, either way, this enchanting young lady has cast her dark blue thrall over me and I'm hopelessly caught in her web of hard-to-get.
But I no longer care. Just keep baiting me, Mistress of Magic, and this mute blonde lamb will follow you anywhere. I'll love you and hold you up and together with all the strength of the walls I'm named for and no shouting soldiers would tear me down!
Just keeping being, girl, because you're hypnotizing me.
And I'm lovin' every minute of it.