What's Left of Me

When Elliot and Kathy split, Elliot soon realizes that they have been separated longer than he thought. When his best friend is in danger, Elliot soon realizes that she is his missing piece. EO

What's Left of Me lyrics--- Nick Lachey
Watch my life,
Pass me by,
In the rearview mirror
Pictures frozen in time
Are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes
Yeah...

Cause I want you,
And I feel you,
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place ive never been
Now I'm broken,
And I'm faded,
I'm half the man i thought i would be
But you can have what's left of me

I've been dying inside,
Little by little,
No where to go,
But going out of my mind
In endless circles,
Running from my self until,
You give me a reason for standing still

And I want you,
And I feel you,
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place ive never been
Now I'm broken,
And I'm faded,
I'm half the man i thought i would be
But you can have what's left of me

Im falling faster,
Barely breathing,
Give me something,
To believe in
Tell me It's not all in my head

Take what's left
Of this man
Make me whole
Once again

Cause I want you,
And I feel you,
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place ive never been
Now I'm broken,
And I'm faded,
I'm half the man i thought i would be
But you can have what's left of me

I've been dying inside you see
Im going out of my mind
Out of my mind
I'm just running in circles all the time
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me?
Running in circles all the time
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me?

-----
Elliot was driving down the dark streets of Queens in the midnight hours knowing he will be walking into a big fight. Kathy hates it when he comes home late and leaves early. They don't seem to talk anymore. There doesn't seem to be any emotion anymore. Elliot has the highest respect for her and loves and adores his children, but the job takes him away from his home more than he would like.

Elliot entered his house trying not the wake up his family. Being late this often made him an expert in sneaky entries and unknown exits. When he entered the house, he found Kathy sitting on the couch, alert and waiting for him.

"Where were you?"

"Oh, Kathy! You scared me!"

"Where were you?" she said in a stern voice.

"We are working on a tough case right now. Its taking a lot of energy to wrap this up. Im sorry I am late. What's wrong?"

"Elliot we need to talk."

Elliot sat in the recliner directly across from her. Fighting his heavy eyelids, he knew he had to stay awake. "We need to talk Kathy, What about?"

"Elliot, you need to make a decision. Now I have been patient and I thought that I have been a good wife to you. But we don't talk anymore, Elliot. We don't touch. We aren't emotional anymore. Now, a reason for that is because of your job. In order to save our marriage, you need to choose between us, you and me, or the SVU."

"Kathy, you can't be serious?"

"Elliot, Im tired of not caring where you are and telling the kids that you are at work every night when they want to say goodnight to you or tell you how their day at school was."

"Kathy, they could always call me..."

"Elliot, that is not the point!" She said as she threw up her hands and began to pace in the living room.

"Kathy, Im sorry that there are so many problems with this, but I have to stay."

"WHY ELLIOT! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO STAY?" She asked getting louder and louder.

"Because I love my job. I am making a difference in the dark world of rapists and child abusers every single day. I am making our city just a little safer for our children. With Maureen and Kathleen both out of the house and in college, I worry about them. But when I bust a big case, it eases my mind knowing that that perp will not go after my daughters."

"Elliot! Don't give me this honorable speech again! We both know there is only one reason that you are staying."

"Okay, Kathy, enlighten me! What is the reason besides the reason I just gave you for why I would stay on SVU!"

"The slut you work with, Elliot! I always hear about Olivia either in the news or when you are home. God, Elliot, I even hear you call for her in your sleep! Damn it Elliot! We haven't been happy in a long time. At least I haven't! I know that you only think of that whore!"

Elliot was enraged. "Don't you ever call her that again! You know that we are partners and best friends, and that is it! Why are asking for freakin' trouble?"

"Elliot, I didn't want this. You need to choose between Olivia and me!"

"You know I can't do that."

"Why, Elliot Why? Do you love her!"

Elliot was speechless. He couldn't answer the question. All he could do was stare into his wife's dark unforgiving eyes. He was hurt and she was angry. He couldn't answer the question.

"I knew it... Damn it I knew it," Kathy said taking a deep breath, "Ellliot, I want a divorce."

"What! God Kathy, you are such a drama queen!"

"Elliot, Im not messing around. I don't love you anymore, and its obvious you don't love me. Just get out and sign the papers when you get them."

"Kathy, please, we can work this out, for the kids."

"Elliot, they are the only reason I have stayed with you for about eight years! Don't even question the love I have for my kids! Look, I packed your stuff for a few weeks already and they are in the front closet. Please, just go and get the rest of your stuff later."

"Fine, if this is what you want, fine!" Elliot was angry and began to go upstairs to kiss his kids goodnight when Kathy grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Elliot, you are going to wake them. Common, just leave."

"Not without saying goodbye to my kids, Kathy! I'd have the same courtesy to let you say goodbye to them! At least be civil!"

When Elliot went upstairs, he kissed Dickie's and Lizzie's foreheads. When he was off back down stairs, he heard a noise come from his former bedroom. When he opened the door, he saw a half naked man in his bed. It wasn't just any man, it was his former partner from eight years ago. Elliot, didn't wake the man, but when straight down stairs.

"God, you bitch, were you trying to play me! I saw him!"

With fear in her eyes, she replied, "Who, Dickie?"

"Don't give me that shit! The asshole in your bed! You are here accusing me of having an affair and you are off screwing another guy! You want your divorce, Kathy, FINE! I'll give you your divorce, but by reasons of adultery and you will lose custody of the kids."

"Elliot, they wouldn't give the kids to a man who is never home!"

"They sure would give it to an honorable cop over a lying cheating wife! Bye, Kathy!" With this, he took his stuff and slammed the door.

Elliot threw his stuff in his sedan and drove to the precinct. Replaying the previous scene in his head, he couldn't help but cry. His marriage was over. He spent more than half of his life supporting that family and now it was over... over twenty years. Elliot's hurt was now turning into rage. He couldn't believe how cruel Kathy could be, especially about Olivia. Olivia was his partner and his best friend and she treated her so maliciously. Elliot was now speeding down the streets of New York to the precinct to get some sleep and maybe a good workout.

When Elliot entered the precinct, he saw Olivia sleeping at her desk. Gosh does she ever stop? he thought as he looked at her sleeping face. She looked so calm in her sleep, so gentle, so loving. Elliot brushed her brown hair behind her ears to see the shape of her face. Her skin is soft. And her lips are tender. he thought as he was touching her slowly and gently. Damn she is beautiful. "Oh my God," he said softly as he knelt beside her, "I am in love with her"

"Who?" She said in a half awake state.

In a state of mild panic, he replied, "No one, Liv. Go back to sleep."

"Elliot, will you take me to the crib?" she said in an exhausted tone, "Not to sound like a big damn baby, but my neck is beginning to hurt."

With a chuckle, he replied, "Sure, here..."; He went and carried Olivia into the crib. He enjoyed the smell of her hair and the way she was so comfortable in his arms. As he placed her in the bed, he looked down at her with longing eyes knowing perfectly well that she wouldn't know because she was dead to the world. "Goodnight Olivia. I love you." He slept in the bunk next to her.

----

Olivia woke up the next morning barely remembering what happened the night before. She looked to the bunk next to her to see Elliot's stuff on the bunk, but no Elliot. She got up and walked into the exercise room to find him sweaty and shirtless at the bench press. He looked so focused and in the moment. God, what an amazing body, she thought, Oh my gosh, he's sweating. Oh! Olivia stop! you are acting like a teenager. "Have a hard night last night?" Olivia said trying not to startle him.

"Rough to say the least," he said mid-breath. Elliot got up and went over to the treadmill. "You were out last night after I put you in the bunk," he said starting up the machine.

"Yeah, you know this case is rough. Im really fed up with this one. How can someone rape and molest an eight year old girl?" Olivia got up and sat where Elliot was once exercising.

"You know, I ask that question every single day I come in here. I just think of the people I love and realize that they are my reason for everything."

She looked at him with her chocolate brown eyes as she stared longingly at his magnificent body. "Hey, what are you doing sleeping here? Not that I don't enjoy your company..."; she said as she turned slightly red from embarrassment, "What going on?"

Elliot couldn't even look at her. He focused on raising the speed on the treadmill.

"El, talk to me,"; she called him by his nickname knowing it would immediately calm him down,"El, what is going on with you?"

"Im filing for divorce from Kathy." He said, still not able to look at her.

"Oh God, Elliot Im so sorry. What happened?"

"Well, as she was telling me that she wanted a clean divorce at home last night, I go to my room to find her lover half naked in my bed!" Elliot stopped the treadmill and angrily walked to the bench press once again.

"Elliot, you will get custody of your kids. We have friends in high places that will guarantee that. Don't you worry."

"How could this have happened. I know why... we fell out of love years ago. I was just a freakin idiot not to realize that she was screwing around!"

"Elliot, you are not to blame here!" she said as she grabbed his flexing arm after a set. "Kathy was a fool to think she could ever have anyone as handsome, loving, devoted or as sexy as you." Olivia looked into his deep blue eyes not to find brokenness, but healing. She looked down to see his hand intertwined with her. She wanted this, but knew he was too vulnerable right now. "Elliot, I am here for you always. Never ever doubt that. For now, you and the kids can stay at my place. I have two spare rooms. You in one and Dickie and Lizzie in the other. Maureen and Kathleen are free to stay whenever they would like. Elliot...," she looked up and moved his face so his eyes were looking directly at her, "You guys will be fine. Im here for all of you."

"Thanks Liv," he said. He loved the way he felt when he touched her. She was so warm and loving and didn't even have coffee yet that morning. He knew he loved her. It was just how to tell her that was difficult.

"Now you better hit the showers, " she said snapping his workout towel at him playfully, "your shift starts in half an hour. Hurry! Hurry!"

"All right! All right! Pushy woman...' he said with a laugh. As he walked into the showers, Olivia secretly wished she was there with him. But she knew she'd have to put out those thoughts to finish this case.

----
"Okay, Olivia did you hear from Casey the verdict?"

Olivia couldn';t talk. She was pacing up a storm and made her way into the roof. Elliot noticed this sudden disappearing act. He ran up the stairs and noticed the door to the roof slam. When he opened it, he found Olivia on her knees sobbing with her head in her hands. He knelt beside her and let her cry.

"Liv, what is wrong?" he asked slowly touching and petting her hair.

"He... was found... not guilty." She said in muffled tear filled voice.

"Olivia, this is most definitely not your fault. Hey look at me," he said taking her head in this hands, "you did everything right. We cannot win all the time. Now he must have had some sort of consequence."

"He's on probation for three years and has a police guard with him for three months."

"See, he is going to be trapped on the outside." He said with a reassuring smile. All she could do was cry into his chest.

"Elliot, I promised her that she would find justice. That little girl is going to live in fear of men and of the good in the world. I told her that she was going to be okay, and look what happens? Huh? He gets off! What good is my word, El? What good is it?"

"Liv, you are one of the most honorable people I have ever known. Your word is as good as gold. Trust me, you are fine. Shhh... no more tears. No more tears."

Olivia felt so safe in his arms. She could stay in his strong arms forever, but she knew she had to get back to work. "Thank you El, for calming me down."

"Hey its our lunch break, do you mind if you pick me up something, Liv?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"Bacon cheddar burger with everything on it if you can. Are you sure you don't want me to go with you? I can if you want."

"No, El its okay. You have to finish up some paperwork and I need some alone time. I'll remember your burger. I'll be back soon."

"Okay, hey and Liv."

"Yeah."

"Im here...always," he said with a smile remembering their talk this morning.

"Elliot Stabler, thank you for worrying about me. But Im just going to get a couple sandwiches. I'll be right back. Go take a nap." She said and left the precinct.

Elliot went to the crib and layed his head down on his favorite pillow. He looked in his suitcase for a spare blanket when he found a silly picture of him and Olivia dancing to the radio in the precinct. He smiled and layed his head down thinking of that memory... dreaming of Olivia.

----
When he woke up, it was a few hours later. He stood up and found everyone stirring. He walked into the squad room to see people on phones and Munch running around ranting on his many theories. He walked to Olivia's desk and realized she wasn't there. Where could she be? he thought, Why didn't she wake me up when she brought back the sandwiches?" "Hey everybody," he yelled, "Where is Olivia?" Everyone stopped and looked at him with broken eyes. Fin walked away and Munch went after him. "Im serious," he said as his temper was being tested, "Will anyone tell me where Olivia is?" No one answered. They acted as if he wasn't there. "Damn it, Im not going to ask again! Where the hell is Olivia!" he said slamming his fist through his desk.

"ELLIOT!" Cragen yelled as he entered the tension-filled room. "Elliot, step into my office... now!"

"Whats going on Cap?"

"Elliot, I don't know how to say this... ummm... just watch this." Cragen turned around and turned on the TV. Olivia came on the screen. She was at a cafe picking up the lunch that she ordered. A man came behind her and chloroformed her. She fell unconscious to the floor and the man came to the screen.

"Detective Stabler... I have the one thing you want most. You do what I say when I say it. For now, I have her. I will contact you. You will not know how to get in contact with me. For now, I will have your precious Olivia. Goodbye, for now, Detective and I will hear from you soon." The tape went blank.

"How the hell did this happen?" Elliot said in a rage.

"You saw the tape," Cragen said trying to calm his young angry detective down.

"Why did I let her go alone? God, how could I do something that stupid?"

"Elliot, you did fine. And we will find her, Elliot. Trust me, we will find her."

Holding in his guilt and anger, he stormed out of the office and went to the crib. He laid in the bed she slept in just hours before trying to memorize her smell and remember her touch. He laid there, thinking of the events that had happened in the past day. He and Kathy were getting divorced, he realized his love for Olivia and now she was kidnaped! Elliot laid in the bed shocked hoping the next phone call he received would be Olivia.

An hour passed and Olivia was no where to be found. Elliot went back to her apartment and noticed a Welcome banner on her apartment entry way. He knew she was there before the attack. How she ever found time for little things like this he would never understand, but he was touched by the gesture. He walked in and saw the guest room doors opened. There were two twin beds in one (for Dickie and Lizzie) and the other room had a king-sized bed and a TV. He quietly entered her room, her sanctuary, her place of safety. It wasn't his first time in her bedroom, but now it seemed to have more meaning. He went to her closet and saw her clothes all lined up in an unorganized fashion. Her bathroom consisted of a couple disposable razors, her shower supplies, tampons and her toothbrush and toothpaste. With every touch, Elliot saw Olivia. He couldn't wait to find her and hold her and have her be a part of his life... his world. He went to her bed and found an open box. He looked in to see many pictures of them throughout the years and a few letters addressed to him. He opened one which read:

Elliot, my darling: I saw you today and knew that you were the one for me. I have known that I have loved you for a long time. Though I know that we can never be, it is nice for me to think we can. I can imagine kissing you. I can imagine making love to you. I can feel your strong arms holding me in the unbearably cold winter nights. I am finally writing and speaking with my heart... but the tragedy is that you will never read this letter. You will never know how much I love and need you. I want you to be happy with your family. If I am unfortunately dead and you are reading this letter, know that I have always loved you and that I will be in your heart, if you want me there or not. I love you Elliot Stabler. Now I must look from afar.

Goodbye my love, Liv

Tears were streaming down his face as he read this letter proclaiming her love to him. Knowing that she felt the same was what made the loss of her more heart wrenching. He laid on her soft memory foam bed looking at simple pictures of them together as he longed to find her. He now had a stronger motivation to find her... he knew that their love was felt on both sides. He laid there and let his heart take him into a dream... a dream of her.

----

Ring! Ring!

"4:35... damn it! I got to pick up the kids! ugh. Whose calling?" Elliot looked down and saw KATHLEEN'S name appear on the screen.

"Hello?"

"Dad, where are you? Dickie just called me wanting a ride. Is everything okay?"

"Honey, will you bring Dickie and Lizzie to Olivia's apartment? We are going to stay here for a while."

"Daddy, what's wrong? You sound upset?"

He didn't know if the upset was because of his divorce or Olivia. "Honey, just bring them here, I'll explain when you get here. Okay. I love you. Gotta go."

Shortly after they arrived, Lizzie and Dickie sat in the living room. All three children were sitting waiting as their dad was pacing in front of them.

"Kids, I have some bad news... umm...You mother and I..."

"Are getting a divorce." Dickie and Lizzie said in unison.

"How did you know?"

"We heard you last night. We were hoping you would take us with you when we found out there was a guy in mommy's bed, but you had already left." Dickie said.

"Im sorry kids. But the good thing is that Olivia is letting to let us stay here."

"Livia said we could stay! Yippee!" Lizzie said with a jump.

"Look, she got a room for you and Dickie! Why don't you guys check it out while I talk to your sister."

While they were off checking out their new room, Kathleen and Elliot stared at each other with no words of question or comfort.

"Honey, are you okay?"

"Daddy, I knew this was coming a long time ago. Im just glad that you have a place to stay. I always knew that you loved Olivia. I just never believed that you guys slept together."

"Kathleen, we have never slept together. Your mom cheated on me. That is why I am leaving."

"But you are in love with Olivia, right?"

"What do you want me to say, Kathleen!"

"I want you... to say yes."

"Yes!"

";Dad, I love Olivia. Sometimes I wish she was my mom. Mom and Maureen had a rough patch before she left for Europe and then when I dated Zach, mom told me to move out. When things got a little too serious, I broke up with Zach, but I never forgave mom and I bought an apartment right after I graduated."

"So you never stayed at the dorms?"

"Dad, those were my friends dorms that you looked at. Im sorry. Mom told me that you would hate me if I told you," she said as tears were pouring down her face.

"Honey, its okay. I love you so much. Never doubt that. Im so sorry."

"Daddy, when is Olivia going to get here?"

"Kathleen, thats what I need to talk to you about." Elliot was taking deep breaths as he looked into his daughter's eyes. "Honey, Olivia's been kidnapped."

"Oh, God Daddy, Im so sorry."

"I am a little freaked out right now, and I don't know why,"; he was shaking as he let his head hang back on the couch.

"I know why," Kathleen said as she scooted in next to her dad. "You love her, daddy. That is okay. You should feel this way. Do you have any leads?"

"No, but I am trying."

"There is no doubt in my mind. Why don't I stay here for a couple days and you head to the precinct to get any updates. I don't have classes until next week, so I can be here with Dickie and Lizzie getting their rooms ready."

"Since when have you been so mature?" He said with a smile.

"Since the day I graduated and I saw you and Olivia in the back smiling at me."

"I love you honey."

"I love you too."

"You know, you'd make a great cop."

";I'll think about it. Why don't you go to the precinct and find out whats up. We are just a phone call away."

";Okay. I love you baby doll."

"Love you daddy."

Elliot left the loving apartment with more desire than ever to find Olivia. She was needed more than he ever knew and now it was his responsibility to find her and bring her back home.

----
Elliot walked in the precinct with one purpose in mind... to find Olivia. As he entered the squad room doors, Munch and Fin met him with a package. He wasn't being careful, knowing that Olivia's life hung in the balance, and that she was his only priority. He opened the box and found a single red rose, a candy bar wrapper and a video tape. With nervousness running through his system, Elliot pushed play and let the video start.

It started with Olivia hanging upside down from a chandelier. She was bruised and bloody and, at that time, unconscious. The man came back to the video with a smirk on his face.

"Hello Detective. You must be running around like a chicken with its head cut off looking for your lovely Olivia. Oh yes, Detective. She is very lovely..." He said this as he moved his hands from her face through her hair. Elliot cringed at the sight of her being tortured. "Oh, lets hope she sleeps so you don't have to see her beaten... well, maybe I should just wake her up" The man took a cup of water and threw it at her face to wake her up. She begged him to stop over and over again, but he found joy in her pain. Olivia knew that if she even spoke Elliot's name that he would kill him. All Olivia could do at this point was stay strong and fight, no matter how weak her body was.

"Oh, Detective, she hasn't eaten for a while," he said as he took out a candy bar. "Maybe she would like some." As he went to feed the candy to her, she spit in his face and he hit her coldly and knocked her out. "Damn bitch! Never do that again! No food for you!" The sight of that worthless excuse of a being touching Olivia made him sick, but seeing him strike her made him want to kill him.

"Stabler, Stabler... what to say to Detective Elliot Stabler... oh I know, maybe I should have my way with Olivia and have you watch... no, I'll leave you wondering what I am doing to her and when... you should just stop looking for me Detective. The harder you search, the more Olivia looks simply irresistible. Good bye for now Elliot. Oh yeah, she loves you very very much! Bye bye!" This ended the tape.

Elliot stood up and threw a table across the room. His heart was racing and his need to kill was strong. Cragen saw red flags the moment he knew that Olivia was abducted, but he never expected this. "Elliot, if you don't stop, I am taking your ass off this case!"

ÒYou can't do that Captain! Olivia... look its Olivia!" He said as his voice grew weaker.

"One more chance, Stabler. One more chance. Now you need to gather yourself and help analyze the tape so we can maybe find a location. Can you do that for us?"

"Elliot..."

"Captain... I said No Problem."

Elliot went and called Kathleen to give her the okay to order up some food for her and the kids. When he came back into the squad room, Munch, Fin and a CSU officer were analyzing the tape. Elliot got strangely defensive and was eying the people in the room making sure they were searching the scene, not Olivia. Gosh I miss her touch, I wish she would have known that I love her. I can't wait until she is back in my arms.

"I guess we have a stupid perp," Fin said with a grin.

"What does that mean?" Elliot said with a slight sound of hope.

"I mean look at the location."

";Yeah, I see a basement," Munch said in a sarcastic tone.

"Guys, listen to the area around it."

In the video, you heard a bell and footsteps. There was a paper to-go cup on the floor from the cafe Olivia was abducted. These factors added up to find her exact location.

"Olivia is still at the cafe!" Elliot said standing up.

"But where?" John asked, "We have literally searched for hours."

"In Narcotics, dealers would hold their drugs in small discrete places where the average person wouldn't even notice," Fin directed, "Maybe there is a place in the cafe that CSU didn't check out."

With a sense of hope and faith, Elliot stood up and grabbed his jacket and walked out the door. "Im going to find Olivia," he said, "Captain, can a team come with me to remove the customers so we can have full control of the situation?"

"Elliot, you and your team will go now. Fin, Munch and I will be there shortly with proper forms for arrest for kidnapping and attempted-murder. We aren't going to let him walk. I promise you that."

Elliot took the team with him to the little cafe and studied the interior. He was ready to invade the foundation. He was ready to save Olivia from her tortured ordeal.

----
Elliot stormed into the cafe with no mercy. "Police! Get out! Everyone evacuate the building. NOW!"

There was a worker there with a look of fear and obliviousness in his eyes. "Dude, whats the problem, man?"

"This is a search. Now have you seen this woman?" he said holding the man by the collar in one hand and the picture of Olivia in the other.

"Yeah, bro, she was here this morning. I had to take my break and I think Barry took her order."

"Whose Barry?"

"Barry... dang I always forget his last name. He takes my shift in the afternoons, but he was surprisingly early."

"Did he say why?"

"He said he was meeting someone here. Donna hadn't shown up yet and I really needed a break, so I told Barry to take over for a few minutes. Why, did he do something to that woman?"

"What would make you ask that?"

";Well, when I came back, both of them were gone, which I found odd because it takes forever to make our sandwiches. I needed to go for a family emergency after that, so I put our Employee Break sign up to let customers know we would be in service shortly. Dude, when I came back, the sign was still hanging. Im sorry man, I hope you find her."

"Would you mind if I took a look around this shop, maybe we will find something?"

"Sure thing. Take as long as you need."

Elliot had the officers look everywhere around the area. Other stores... rooms in the store. As Elliot was about to update Cragen, he looked to the walk in refrigerator. "Hey, kid. Does anyone go in here?"

"Yes, Detective, but you need a key. I just got mine last week."

"Let me see that." Elliot opened the freezing ice box and saw a door on the floor. The open door led to stairs and darkness. Elliot pulled out his gun and walked down the endless staircase to the dark room. When he reached the basement level, he saw a small light in the corner. The light was by the ground which showed Elliot a door. When he opened the door, he found Olivia hanging from the chandelier and the same SOB aiming the gun at her. Without thinking, Olivia cried, "Elliot, look out!" With this, the man shot Olivia in the leg. Elliot screamed and began to run to her when the gun was at his head. The store worker Elliot interrogated earlier came down to the room in shock.

"Barry, What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Jerry, just leave. Detective Stabler and I have some business to take care of."

"Barry, man, let the woman go. She's bleeding a lot man."

"If I let Olivia go, then Elliot can leave, but he needs to be here. Damn it he needs to suffer like the way he and his bitch have made me suffer."

He began to pace moving the gun carelessly around the room. He was panicking. Elliot slowly moved to Olivia's side and carefully undid the tight ropes around her feet. Barry was moving a lot and didn't see the cup on the ground. He tripped and shot himself in the stomach, dying instantly. Jerry went to another police officer noticing Elliot was busy.

"Olivia, wake up for me, please. Please wake up for me."

"Elliot, am I dying?"

"No, honey, you got shot in the leg, but im going to save you. Don't worry, Im going to save you."

"He didn't..." sniffle"... rape me El."

"It's okay, baby, its okay."

"He told me if... I even spoke your name... that... he would kill you."

"I wasn't going to give up on you, Liv. I love you too much to let that happen."

Olivia smiled and a tear fell down her face... one tear. She fell unconscious in Elliot's arms.

"No, Liv! No! Don't die on me! I love you! I love you! Someone please help me!"

"Elliot, its okay," Cragen said with a hand on his shoulder. "Let the paramedics deal with her. We'll ride over."

"Captain, Im staying with her." Elliot said with a stern voice.

"El..."

"No, that woman is my world! I am going with her."

"Okay. We'll meet you there."

----
Seven hours, twenty-eight minutes and thirty-four seconds. Now Thirty-five. It has been that long since Elliot had seen Olivia. When they got off the ambulance, they rushed her for emergency surgery to get the bullet out, stop the bleeding and fix her up. All Elliot could do was wait. Wait in a small waiting room after reading all the boring magazines about heart failure and diabetes. The kids had stopped by for a couple hours, but they had school the next day so they needed to go home. The SVU team met with Elliot and Munch, Fin and Cragen stayed until they received any news about Olivia.

Elliot was pacing like a mad man by hour three. He decided to not to talk after hour five. He text messaged Kathleen at hour six and asked for some time off to his boss at hour seven. Finally fed up with his lack of information, Elliot stood up and went to the other end of the room looking into the surgery room hoping for some news. Without such luck, Elliot went back to his chair and finally sat and waited.

After a half and hour of waiting, the head surgeon came out asking for Elliot, since his was next of kin. Elliot went to the doctor with a dire need for answers.

"What is it doc? How is Olivia?"

"Calm down, Mr. Stabler. Olivia will be fine. We needed to remove her spleen in surgery and we removed the bullet from her leg. She had a lot of damage, but mainly cuts and bruises. She will be fine."

"Can I see her?" he pleaded.

"Yes, but I recommend one at a time until tomorrow. The first twenty-four hours are a pivotal time after surgery."

"Okay, doc," Cragen said motioning Munch and Fin to leave with him. "Elliot, we will be back tomorrow. Tell her we miss her."

" I will. Thanks."

As they left Elliot began to walk to her room when the doctor stopped him. "Mr. Stabler, there is something that you should know."

"What doc?"

"At one point in surgery, we lost her for about fifty-four seconds. When she gets up she will be complaining of chest pain, but thats the reason."

"Oh my God," he said, "when do you think she will be up?"

"Any time now, sir. Just be careful with her. With that type of scare, anything can set her back."

"Okay doctor, thank you. Now what room is she in?"

"Room 127."

----
ElliotÕs heart was pounding. He needed her and he was so close to losing her. He was on the verge of tears when he entered her room. She was sleeping. There were bruises and cuts on her face and neck and her leg was elevated, but she still looked beautiful in his eyes. One tear, he cried one tear. He pulled up a chair next to her and stared at her. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for her and she needed to wake up to know that. Elliot took her hand in his and began to pray.

"God. thank you for bringing her back to me. In so many ways, she is my world and my balance. I don't know if she knows how much I love her, but when she wakes up, im going to tell her. God, please just heal her. I love her so much. Please, I came so close to losing her and it shook everything I knew and believed. God, I am begging you... please heal my Olivia, my love, God I love her..."

"A-men..."

Elliot looked up to see her eyes slightly open due to the black eyes and a smile. All he could do was look at her with amazement and touch her hands. He knew at that moment that he needed her for the rest of his life. She and the kids had been his reason for everything he did for years and he is now accepting that fact.

"Hello, beautiful," he said flirtatiously.

"Don't say that, El," she said in a moaning tone, "My chest feels like it is going to explode."

"Liv..." he said as his head was shaking, " Liv, they needed to shock you during surgery. I came that close to losing you..." With this, he broke down and sobbed. Both of them felt the harsh reality and in that were crying together in that moment. After a few moments, Elliot gathered his thoughts and looked up at her. "Olivia Benson, there has been something that I have needed to tell you."

"What Mr. Stabler," she replied in a sarcastic tone.

"I love you."

Tears fell from her eyes at an uncontrollable rate and she whispered, "I love you, too."

Elliot stood over her and kissed her lightly on the lips because she had some bruising on her lips. Even after her ordeal, they still felt so soft. Elliot took her hands and sat back down. "Olivia, you should get some rest."

"Stay with me," she looked to him.

"I wouldn't imagine myself anywhere else."

He smiled at her and touched her face as she fell asleep. Before she fell asleep, she said to him, with eyes closed, "Elliot Stabler, Im in love with you."

He kissed her hand and looked up at her, "Im in love with you too." They both went to sleep peacefully.

----
One Week Later

The kids were completely settled at Olivia's apartment. The twins had no idea of what happened to Olivia while she was gone that day. Kathleen told them simply that a criminal assaulted her and that was the reason for the many bruises. Maureen was comfortable with her father's new living arrangement and Kathleen came over almost every night to help Olivia make dinner. With her on the mend, Elliot was getting tired of finding left over chinese food and cold pizza in the refrigerator. One evening, Kathleen and Olivia stayed at the apartment while Elliot took the twins to a movie and pizza. Kathleen and Olivia sat on the couch and watched the movie "Runaway Bride."

"I just don't understand!"

"What Liv?"

"How can she pick Richard Gere over the hot coach!"

"Olivia, I think thats the point of the movie," Kathleen said with a smile.

"Well, Im sorry. He may have been unorthodox, but common! That is kind of unrealistic!"

"Olivia, you crack me up!" Kathleen said getting up to stir the cheddar cheese soup. Olivia noticed something different about Kathleen these past couple days. Something unexpected. She was warm and caring and just there. Olivia loved all of Elliot's children, but hers and Kathleen's relationship was changing into something more than friendship.

"Baby, is everything okay?"

"Liv, I need to ask you something."

"Okay honey, anything you need. Im all ears." Olivia sat at the kitchen bar looking at this young woman steaming up some broccoli for the soup.

"Olivia. For the better part of my life, I have learned to depend on you and understand that you were there for me."

"Yes..."

"And you took care of my father and my brother and sister after Kathy cheated on daddy,"

"Yeah honey... what are you trying to ask me?"

"Olivia, I have loved you like a mother for a long time. You know that mom and I had problems before, and I always turned to you. Mo-- Kathy would always tell me that no one could ever love someone like me..." Kathleen began to cry. &"... Liv, I remember last christmas you gave me a simple pair of earrings and a card that had your new cell phone number in it. In the card you told me that you loved me and my brother and sisters. It meant so much to me at that time..."

At that point, Olivia was over in the kitchen just holding the young adult in her arms. "Shhh... baby its okay. Im not going anywhere."

"Olivia..."

"Yeah Kathleen."

"Can I... Can I..."

"Can you what babe?"

"Can I call you mom?"

Olivia was shocked. This came out of no where. She just held her tighter and calmed her down. "Yeah, baby. You can call me mom."

----
A couple hours later, Elliot and the twins came back to the apartment to find Olivia and Kathleen chatting and laughing on the couch by the TV. Elliot's world was perfect right now. He was with the woman he loved most and he had his kids. It was late in the evening hours when he and the twins got home, but they had bunches of energy.

"Livia! Livia! Tell Dickie not to pull my hair!"

"Shut up you baby! I didn't touch her hair!"

"Kids, KIDS! Come here a minute please."

The twins walked over to Olivia and she took Lizzie's head in her hands. She had been crying. Olivia took her two of her fingers, kissed them and placed them on Lizzie's head in the general vicinity of where the pain was. "Does it feel better now sweetie?"

"Yeah Livia! It does. Thank you!" She and her brother ran off giggling and she looked up to see her boyfriend messing with his second-oldest daughter in the kitchen.

"Mom! Mom! Help me! Please!"

Olivia could only laugh and she kissed Elliot in his tickle spot by his neck and he turned around and started messing with Olivia's hair. Their lips soon met and they were making out in the kitchen not noticing that Kathleen went in to check on the twins. She came in and saw Lizzie crying on the bed next to Dickie.

"Hey guys! I think im going to leave... Elizabeth Stabler! Whats wrong baby sister?"

"Kathleen... is it bad that I want Olivia to be my real mommy?"

"No guys. Its not. I just asked her that today. She said we could call her by whatever name makes us comfortable. Olivia, Livia... mom."

"You're calling her mom!" Dickie asked.

"Yeah Dickie I am. She has been more of a mother to me and I love her so much. Its not that I don't think of Kathy, but Olivia Benson has been my mom or has acted like it. Do you understand?" There was more than she was letting on. When Olivia was kidnapped, Kathleen had always regretted not telling Olivia that she was like a mother to her. When she came back to the apartment, something had changed in her. Something had changed that would never be the same with any of the Stabler children.

"Kathleen..."

"Yes Dickie."

"Can we call her mommy too?"

"I don't think she'll have a problem with that." She hugged the twins and began to leave the apartment. She walked in the living room to find her dad and Olivia sitting on the couch just talking. She never saw that with her parents. They were either fighting about her and Maureen or fighting about his job. It was nice to see her father so relaxed and happy. It had been a long time since then.

"Okay, I have my first day back at class tomorrow so I better run."

"What do you have babe?" Olivia asked getting up to get some more soup.

"Statistics and Chemistry."

"Ouch!" Elliot said sarcastically. "You'll do fine, honey."

I don't know with my homework load if Im going to be able to come over tomorrow, so we'll play it by ear okay?"

"Yeah honey, don't worry about a thing!" Olivia said coming around the kitchen. "We'll be here. Or at least I will. I have one more week of healing before I get to go back."

"Well I better run. Love you dad... Love you mom."

"Love you too honey," Elliot said not realizing what his daughter just said. When she said this, the reality of her statement hit him and he looked over at his partner/roommate/girlfriend/best friend on the couch next to him and he just smiled. "Did she just call you what I think she called you?"

"Yeah, El she did." Olivia couldn't help but smile. "We were talking about that today. It touched me so much that she would ask that. I love your family so much."

"And they love you," Elliot said with a kiss. The kiss soon deepened and he was kissing down her neck on top of her on her old leather couch.

"I can't believe I have lived with you for a little over a week and we haven't slept together!" she said as he kissed on her tickle spot in the back of her neck.

"Well, we'll just have to make up for lost time..." Elliot said in between kisses.

"Not right now, El..."

"Why not!" Elliot said sitting up as she was straddling him.

"Because," she said straightening out her shirt, ";the kids are right in the next room."

"You know how to lock a door, don't you?" Elliot said playfully.

"Elliot Stabler! I want our first time together to be romantic and old-fashioned. Something gentle and sweet and no chance of interruptions."

"Okay, you win, but you are making this really REALLY hard for me Ms. Benson."

"I know," she said smiling. "...but nothing is stopping us from making out on the couch." Olivia kissed behind Elliot's ears slowly kissing his strong neck and shoulders.

"...mmmm Liv, you better stop for right now."

"Remind me why?" Olivia asked as she pressed against his lips.

"Two twins who are watching us from a slightly opened door...:"

Lizzie crawled from the doorway into the living room with a disappointed look on her face. "Dad! We were going to sneak up on you..."

&"Seeing that you were kind of busy!" Dickie said with a smile.

"Guys, its about 10:30 and you have school tomorrow. Why don't you go to bed.";

"Okay, dad. Love you." Dickie said.

"Love you mom!"; The twins said in unison as they rushed into their room and shut the door.

"I think I could get used to this." Olivia said with a smile as she laid in Elliot's arms on the couch. Within minutes they both fell asleep.

----
Olivia was walking down a dark ally way. She was on stake out and had a SWAT bullet proof jacket on. She knew how to follow a perp without making noise. With her gun in her hands she turns the corner with caution and sees a hooded figure standing in front of her. Olivia had the advantage with the gun and the hooded figure had a knife.

"Put the knife down!"

The hooded figure looked at her with unwelcoming eyes. Olivia saw Elliot coming behind the hooded figure ready to shoot if she was going to pull any crap. Elliot's gun was ready.

"I said put the knife down!"

The hooded figure smirked and quickly turned and stabbed Elliot in the stomach. Blood came from his side and he fell to his knees. Olivia cried and ran to him.

"ELLIOT! ELLIOT! ELLIOT! NO! NOT YOU! ELLIOT!"

"Liv Im right here! Shhhh... its okay baby." Elliot said rubbing her shoulders.

Olivia realized she was on her couch sleeping next to the love of her life. All she could do was hold him and cry. "Okay... are you okay?" she asked shaking as if she was about ready to break down right in front of him. She touched his side where in her dream he had been stabbed and layed her head on his chest crying.

"Liv, everything is okay. Im here. You are here. The twins are sound asleep. Everything is okay."

"Really? Okay. Let me just look at you. Let me touch your face." She took her hand and brushed it across his face. Her hands soon led him to his strong shoulders which could have held the world. Her hands stopped at his chest when she leaned in and kissed him softly. The kiss soon deepened and he carried her into her bedroom.

----
The door was locked and the room was dark. Only a few candles were lit and they were silent in each others presence. They knelt next to each other on the bed Their eyes were on each other and their hearts were only in this moment. She went and kissed him The room was right. Their love was right. They stopped and looked at each other still kneeling on the bed. She kissed him and lifted his shirt over his head studying his body that she had wanted for so long. She crawled in front of him and kissed him softly all over his upper torso. There was love, only love. He stopped her by putting one finger on her lips. He looked at her and slowly took off the oversized t-shirt she was wearing. Beneath it was a simple lace bra and beauty. He leaned in and kissed her body gently. He kissed her body softly and blew very softly on her bruises. Her bra was off within moments and they were kissing slowly and easy never wanting this moment to end. The passion was undeniable and their love was raw and real. As Elliot went for her pajama bottoms, Olivia stopped him.

"Elliot."

"What beautiful?" She loved it when he called her that. It was real. Everything he did made her weak.

"El, this is my first time..."

"Really?" He said as he kissed behind her neck. "If you want, I can stop."

"No, thats not it. Elliot, I have never been this intimate with anyone. And you feel so good. I just want to know that you won't regret this tomorrow morning."

"Olivia. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone, including my ex-wife. You know all the little secrets in me and yet you still love me more than anyone else. Trust me Liv, I will be here with you. For the rest of our lives I hope."

She smiled and he kissed her Nothing was stopping this moment. The intensity was more than anything she had ever experienced. They had made love. Their bodies were sweaty and naked and she loved every second of it. He was so gentle with her. She felt wanted. She felt needed. She felt loved. When they were finished, she scooted toward him and fell asleep in his arms. She had the best sleep she had ever had. She was safe. She was loved.

----

AN: Should I continue? Let me know what you guys think!